"Do you have any recommendations?" Sasuke eagerly asked Ren, who gave him a long look, but then a wicked idea entered his mind and made him inwardly grin like a loon.
Sage, forgive him, for he is about to sin.
But it was for the greater good of his continued entertainment, so it is all good.
"You have around seven months until graduation." He told Sasuke gravely, with a very serious expression to show him he is giving his question the due attention. "So, I think one of the most important areas you can focus on is physical training. A ninja needs a strong and fit body no matter what other ninja art you concentrate on later."
And frankly? It was not as if he intended to mislead the boy. His advice was spot-on. There was a reason why he focused on physical conditioning so much when he started training his girls. Or why he made the gravity seals.
Physical training was the cornerstone of everything.
But...
"If you want a good and dedicated teacher when it comes to taijutsu-" Ren looked the boy straight in the eyes to convey the importance of what he was about to say. "You MUST approach Maito Gai, Konoha's Sublime Green Beast!"
He just barely managed to keep his serious expression from breaking into a grin.
"But it won't be easy, young Uchiha. For Gai is the strongest taijutsu user in the village."
As he said that, Ren waited for the upcoming cringe, but Sasuke didn't react at all, outside of badly hidden awe in his expression. Ren understood that the boy had never seen or rather didn't recognize who Gai was.
Hook.
Now he only needs to do some damage control so Sasuke doesn't run screaming for his mommy when he sees Gai's Gainess for the first time.
In Ren's previous life, they had Giga Chad. Here, they had Giga Gai. And nobody could prove that it was Ren who subtly introduced that meme to Konoha. But still, not many people could keep their composure in front of Gai.
"Granted," Ren said and scrunched his face as if he was admitting something embarrassing. "The man is very eccentric. But everything Gai does has a reason! His clothes? They are the best practical attire for training!"
Honestly? He wasn't even joking here. It may be the biggest fashion reject in the village, but everything Gai said about his spandex was true.
How did he know?
... Don't ask him, please.
"His attitude? It trains mental fortitude!" In other people. Living through it on a regular basis will make you mentally strong, whether you want it or not.
Not a lie, just a bit of misdirection. But Ren was a ninja.
No, he didn't feel bad. Who knows? Interacting with Gai was probably the best way to cure Sasuke's trauma.
By replacing it with a different sort of trauma.
"Hell, even his hairstyle has a purpose!" Its purpose is to make you look silly, but hey, it is still a purpose!
Itachi would no doubt underestimate Sasuke if the boy showed up to fight him with spandex and a bowl-cut hairstyle. He would probably just give up on life and succumb to his illness right there and then.
"He sounds cool." Sasuke, for the first time since they met, smiled. It was a small thing, but a smile nevertheless. Oh, sweet summer child.
Line.
"YES!" Ren exclaimed before realizing he had gotten a bit too passionate and calmed himself down. "Ahem. When you meet him for the first time, you will find him silly. I just want you to not judge the book by its cover."
There. That should make Sasuke take Gai seriously instead of dismissing him as a weirdo. But that was not enough to make him don the spandex and get a new hairdo.
So, for the finishing line, Ren decided to get heavy-handed.
"Besides, if there is anybody in the village who can teach you how to fight Sharingan and actually win with pure taijutsu, it is Gai." Ren said before pausing a bit to let his message sink in. A moment later, when Sasuke's eyes widened, Ren continued with the most tantalizing part of his sales pitch. "And if there is anybody who has a good shot at defeating your brother, it is also Gai."
Ren realized he might have underestimated the boy's mental issues because, hearing him, Sasuke almost started hyperventilating. His eyes widened, and he showed an unnatural hunger while his body was tense, as if ready for a fight.
Sinker.
Unlike his canon counterpart, this Sasuke was oddly calm and far less angsty. He had two more years to come to terms with things, so that probably helped. But right now, looking at his unhinged expression, Ren realized the boy was always just a dick hair away from triggering a full-blown mental freakout.
It only hardened his resolve to get the boy some of that sweet Giga Gai therapy.
He is going to have the duckbutt run in spandex with a bowl-cut hairstyle in no time.
Ren's eyes sparkled. Go forth, Sasuke, and become the next crimson fiery beast of Konoha! For YOUUUUTH!!!!
"But Sasuke, it won't be easy to become Gai's student." Ren properly cautioned the Uchiha boy. "The man is busy. He even got his own genin team recently. You will probably need to approach him slowly. Ask him for tips for physical training and on proper diet. Then, properly follow them and show up next month for more. Or you can ask to join him for his morning training. The worst that can happen is being rejected, but you should not give up."
People in his previous world thought that Gai would accept anybody to train with him. But it wasn't that easy. He wouldn't train everybody who asked for it.
He would first put them through a hell of a physical workout to see if they were worthy of his time, and most people quit right there and then. Those that last past that? They quit a week later because of Gai's antics.
There was a reason why not many people approached him for training despite him being the foremost expert on taijutsu in Konoha.
Ren decided to convey that to Sasuke, "The man cherishes determination and hard work to an insane degree. You should be prepared for hell if yo-"
"I'll do it. No matter what." Sasuke proclaimed with burning determination filling his gaze, and Ren inwardly cringed because it reminded him of the scene from the anime where Rock Lee had passionate fire in his eyes.
"Good." He said with a small twitch of his left eye. "Maybe you should request a spar with his pupil, Rock Lee. The boy was dead last in his graduating class a few months ago. It should show you the effects of Gai's training."
Was that too petty?
That's what Sasuke gets for making him cringe.
Of course, Lee was the dead last because in everything other than taijutsu, he flunked. He only passed because Gai wanted to mentor him personally. But from what Ren knew, Lee had been training under Gai ever since he was like twelve.
If Sasuke does request that spar, then may he rest in pieces because this Lee was already on the cups of entering his Shippuden arc while the rest of his peers were still pre-graduation chumps.
It was as if the green-clad boy was trying to show everybody what a real main character should look like.
But Sasuke couldn't read the schadenfreude in Ren's body language. He was too inexperienced for that. So, the boy just firmly nodded, adorably thinking that Ren had his well-being at heart when he gave that advice.
Well, having a rival would certainly help Sasuke.
With his mental issues and odd mix of inferiority and superiority complex? Having a rival who he deems beneath him but also who is constantly surpassing his performance wouldn't be good for the boy.
But having a rival who is stronger than him, and now he needs to put in the effort to surpass? Ren thought that would lit the fire under the boy's ass and make his determination skyrocket.
It was the exact thing Sasuke needed.
Alas, with a bit of disgruntlement, Ren had to admit that his plan might not work. Sasuke might still chicken out of Gai's training. The path of Giga Gai was not for everybody.
So, giving the boy some alternatives would be prudent.
"Or you can also approach Kurenai Yuhi. She is the foremost expert on genjutsu in the village." Ren said, and Sasuke didn't look extremely interested in that prospect.
Genjutsu was probably not one of the boy's interests, but Ren only smiled. "Your brother," And there was that burning hatred rearing its ugly head again as Sasuke almost snarled, "is specialized in speed and genjutsu. He can do different things, but these two are his bread and butter."
Realizing that Ren was actually giving him proper tips about his brother's fighting style, Sasuke stilled and listened with rapt attention, as if he was a man who was being offered his first bite of sustenance after a month of going hungry.
"That's an extremely deadly combination. If you want to beat him, you will need to be very good at identifying and dismissing Genjutsu, otherwise, you will just lose by default. And you will have to be fast enough to be able to react to his speed."
"That's why you recommended taijutsu and genjutsu specialists to me." Sasuke concluded with a grateful nod, looking as if he suddenly gained an epiphany.
Frankly? No. Ren recommended Kurenai to Sasuke because the woman deserved something good to happen to her.
Ever since Ren's first mission to the Land of Waves, where he convinced her to kill Gato, her career has been spiraling down. She was still jonin. Any notion of demoting her was shot down by the Hokage. But she now had a massive black mark on her records.
Training the last Uchiha in genjutsu could help her a lot with recouping the lost respect.
Ren was doing this mostly for Kurenai rather than Sasuke. Then again, it was not like one of them had to be a loser in this deal. It will help them both.
People in Ren's previous life loved to mock Kurenai for using genjutsu against Itachi. But these basement dwellers were not very bright. Kurenai was a genjutsu mistress. Genjutsu was her main skill.
'Oh my gawd! She used genjutsu against ITACHI! She stooopid! Unga bunga!' Ren mockingly thought as he remembered these people. 'Seriously, what was she supposed to do, you nitwit? Drop her clothes and try to seduce him and the fish face? Yeah, that would work so much better for her. Sure.'
Throwing genjutsu at somebody like Itachi might look foolish. But it was Kurenai's best skill. It was her best bet at survival in that fight. She was average at taijutsu, ninjutsu, and weaponry skills. Itachi was better at all of these than her.
So, Kurenai's options were pretty much only to roll over and die like all the basement dwellers who liked to mock her would do or try to hit him with her best attack, hoping it would stall him enough for reinforcements to arrive.
And sure, it didn't work very well. Itachi was a master at genjutsu, and on top of that, he had Sharingan. He was the equivalent of a pro gamer with cheat codes.
And there was no 'report' button in real life.
The fact that Kurenai managed to stall him for a while with her genjutsu and came out of that fight without injury was already a massive win for her. She was a B-rank ninja. An entry-level jonin. And Itachi was on the higher end of S-rank.
Nobody can doubt her prowess in genjutsu after that. Even if she had lost.
"The last thing I can recommend to you is to try your hand at swordsmanship." Ren told Sasuke, blatantly using his foreknowledge to nudge the boy in the right direction. "Even if you do become Gai's student and he makes you into a deadly taijutsu master, you will be ten times deadlier with a weapon in hand as long as you know how to use it well."
This was one thing that irked him about Gai. The man would have been unstopable with a rod made of chakra metal. But he simply refused to use a weapon.
It was stupid beyond belief.
It showed that a person might be the expert on something but still be a damn retard when it comes to actually using it effectively.
"And while Konoha is not known for its sword users, there are still quite a few skilled people in our village when it comes to wielding a blade."
That, at least, seemed to pique the boy's interest more than genjutsu.
Sure, it wouldn't be remotely similar to having a swordmaster like Orochimaru personally tutoring him, but Ren believed that Sasuke could still become extremely good at sword-wielding. And if he properly listened to his previous advice and worked on his lightning release, he might even eventually recreate his canon skill set.
After all, the boy was definitely still getting Kakashi as his jonin instructor. And with that, most likely, Chidori would be his in time.
Ren hoped the Uchiha would see the glory of spandex and a bowl haircut by then.
He did his best to make the boy see the light of Youth. The rest... was on Gai to show him the path to salvation. The path to becoming a Gige Gai! In the name of Spring, Youth, and Hard Work.
Amen!