FACING THE PROBLEM
"When something troubles you it's hard to think properly. You will rather choose to forget it and hide it, and sometimes avoid it. But what if you can't hide it? No matter what you do, it will still be noticed and the only solution you have is to face it."
~ ❇~
I don't know what to do after seeing the result of the pregnancy test I took. I locked myself inside the restroom and I'm glad that the doctor did not ask me to come out. I really needed the time to calm down—to give this a much thought. But I don't think I'll be calming down any moment now, not when I found out that the result is positive.
After a moment of daze, shock and even horror...I forced myself to open up the door and faced everyone outside. I can't lock myself in there for the rest of day...because honestly, I can't solve anything by doing that.
"You need to have a proper checkup Ms. Lee," the doctor said when I showed her the result of the PT.
I did not answer her but I nodded. That's the only thing I think I can do especially that I really don't want to talk about this right now. The shock is still lingering in me and if we talk about it…I might breakdown.
"You also need to tell your parents and…the baby's father." I looked up at her when she said that. I furrowed my forehead as I fisted my hand.
It's Tuff! This is his entire fault!
I felt silent as I felt the doctor's gaze on me. I don't want them to see me looking like this…I don't want anyone seeing me in my worse. Thinking about all of these is making me weaker.
"Just rest for now," she added. She may have noticed that I don't want to talk about this right now. "You can stay here until 5 PM if you want. And if you need anything, you can always ask Nurse Jessica."
"Err…thank you but I think I'll just go back to class," I said. I am really restless and I really don't know what to do, but I don't want to stay here either. I really want to get out especially when staying here makes me really uncomfortable. They know what's happening and that's why I'm restless. It's better if we didn't find out about my condition. I could not even look at the doctor directly because I am really ashamed of myself.
"Okay," she replied. I even saw her look at Nurse Jessica and they both looked worried about me. So I didn't waste any more time…I bid my farewell and went straight to our class.
Honestly, I didn't want to go back to class because Tuff's there, but I had nowhere else to go. I can't stay in the clinic anymore and going home is not an option either. If I go home…I don't know what to say to my parents especially if they asked me why I'm home so early. I'm not yet ready to tell them the truth. I have no choice at all.
"An!" Sydney called the moment I entered our classroom. She quickly approached me and helped me sit down. It's really obvious that she's worried; I can see it all over her face.
"Thank you Syd…" I said and she just nodded at me.
I looked around. Everyone's noisy again─talking non-stop with their seatmates and doing stuffs like playing with their phones. Maybe our professor just dismissed our class so everyone's a mess again. I didn't realize that I stayed in the clinic for a while and already missed our class.
I sat comfortably in my seat and placed my head on the arm chair to rest for a bit. Sydney sat next to me and that made me bite my lip. I really wanted to cry─to let out all of my frustrations, but I'm really too weak to do that.
I slowly rubbed my stomach and tried to feel the thing inside it. Is it really there? Is there really a life in here? I can't believe that I'm going to be a mom at this age─this early. I have lots of things I want to do, but becoming a mom is not one of those.
"Hey An, are you still not feeling well?" asked Sydney as she started rubbing my back. I kind of like what she's doing. It calms me down.
I raised my head and looked at her. "I'm okay Syd. I'm just tired," I lied. Yes, I'm tired but it is not the only thing I'm feeling right now. Who is going to be okay when you suddenly find out that you are pregnant? And in an early age and not yet married? It's just crazy to think that something like this is such a good thing to have.
"Are you sure?" she assured. I took a deep breath before I nodded. I lowered my head again to the arm of my chair so I could rest a little.
All day long I was really quiet. I tried to listen to our class discussion but no matter what I do…I don't seem to comprehend anything. Even in our breaks…I just stayed at one side and didn't talk at all. I also avoided Tuff because every time I see him…all that I can think of is crying. Right now, I just don't want to see him─I just don't want to be around him. I'm really thankful that my friends didn't even ask me what's really happening, because if they found out…I wouldn't know what to do.
When I got home I went straight to my room. I locked myself in there and only went down when it's dinnertime. I didn't talk much even we had our dinner. My mom even asked me if I'm okay, and again I lied and said I was just tired. I spent the day without telling my parents. I was really scared of how they would react if I told them the truth. I don't even know what to say to them, I don't know how to start my confession.
The next day, Saturday. I woke up early and told my mom that I would be going out. I loitered around and entertained myself all day long to avoid being stressed out. I did this to distract myself for the meantime since I have already decided that I would tell my family the truth. I could not take this any further. I don't want to keep it any longer. If I keep this alone, I would definitely breakdown.
I got home at 5:30 where I was sure that dad was already home. I got dressed and went downstairs to the living room. I grabbed hold of the hems of my shirt and slowly approached my mom who was watching TV.
"Mom, Dad, Daniel," I called softly. They turned their gaze on me and looked at me seriously. "I'm sorry," I said.
"Anrie?" I see daddy's worried face. As well as mommy and my older brother who were really wondering to what I'm doing.
Tears were beginning to fall in my eyes. I really can't hide anymore what I'm feeling right now. I'm scared right now and at the same time I'm nervous. How can I tell them the truth?
My mom got up and approached me.
"Sweetheart?" she called me out. My mom held my hands, so I looked at her. I don't know how they would feel if they knew the truth and I was afraid of what might happen.
My dad and older brother got up and they came to me. "Anrie, what happened to you?" asked Dad with full of authority. He really knows me. He knew something had happened to me that is why I'm like this.
The pain I now feel is even worse. Why did this even happen? I didn't want them to lose trust in me, but it happened and I couldn't do anything with it.
"An?" Daniel called.
I looked at the three of them. The tears in my eyes did not stop from falling. I want to back out but I really need to tell them, because whatever I do I cannot hide it from them. When time comes, they will definitely realize that...
"I'm pregnant," I confessed.
I started weeping because I can't control it anymore. They stopped for a moment until I heard a rough sound from my side. I looked up and saw my older brother facing the wall; he had just punched the wall with his bare hand. He faced me and he definitely looked angry. I stooped to avoid his eyes. Mommy started crying and daddy—
"ANRIE!"
He yelled at me. I trembled in fear of what daddy could do to me. It was the first time he had yelled at me. He's very strict but he never laid a hand on me. I thought he was going to hurt me especially that he's really angry now but I was surprised to see what he did, because instead of scolding me and hurting me, he embraced me.
"My daughter," he said as he cried. He hugged me as tight as he can, causing me to cry on his chest.
"Daddy ... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to happen," I said between my sobs. He let me go and looked at my teary eyes.
"Who shamelessly did this to you?"
I froze. It's easy to answer daddy's question but I can't answer it. I don't want to worry about him anymore especially because he said that I should forget everything that happened between us that night. Now give me a reason why I should approach him? Why I should bother telling about my condition? I don't want him to be a part of my life anymore and to my baby's life. I don't need him. I and my baby can live without him.
I looked at daddy and then shook my head. There's no reason for me to tell them, they don't need to know who he is. Dad immediately furrowed his forehead and looked at me with worries in his eyes.
"Anrie, it can't be fixed unless you tell us who he is." He said it calmly but I could still sense his authority through his every word. I understand why he wants to know who got me pregnant but I still don't want to tell them. I really do not want to!
"Dad, I don't like him. I don't want him for my life and I don't want him for my baby," I begged him.
"Then what? Do you want to be in disgrace? Tell me Anrie?" my brother asked, annoyed, so I turned to him. I immediately lowered my gaze to his now bleeding hand. I know it hurts but he's maintaining his angry face. He's really angry.
Again, I lowered my head. I don't want them to get angry with me but I really don't want to give Tuff's identity to them. I don't need him, I really don't. I know I can pass this without him.
"We will raise Anrie's baby. We can do it even without the father." I was shocked at what my mom said. I immediately looked up at her and saw her smiling face.
"Mom!" / "Hon!" My brother and dad complained at the same time but mom ignored them, instead she came up to me and took my hand.
I looked at the two men in front of me. Both had their foreheads wrinkled, apparently they didn't like what my mom say. I lowered my head as I give this another thought. Although I don't want to be alone in this pregnancy, but I don't Tuff to be their either. Being with Tuff is the last thing that I would do right now. Honestly, I don't know what to do after this. I don't how will I manage but I'm sure that I can handle this alone…without his help.
Mom wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at my dad. Her gaze is full of emotion, it's like she's asking dad to reconsider his decision. After a minute of thinking this through, dad heave a sigh and then looked at me.
"I'm not really fine with what your mom said but if Anrie really doesn't like being with the guy then we won't push her anymore," he paused and faced my brother. "Dan, we will be the daddy of Anrie's baby," he said as he pulled me into a hug. My older brother was still in shocked to what dad said but he calmed down too. He could do nothing but smile at us and accept the truth.
"You're the gramps dad, let me be the daddy instead," he joked with his serious look. He came closer to me and hugged me. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Don't forget that no matter what happens, I'm always here for you." I smiled at my brother's words. I hugged him tightly and lean on his chest.
"Thank you. Thank you for not being angry," I tearfully said but still have this relief smile in my face. My brother pulled out from my hug and that's when mom and dad got closer to us.
"We're angry Anrie especially that our plans for you are ruined. But we will never let this affect your future. Yes, you got pregnant but this doesn't mean that your life will be ruined forever. We can do nothing with your pregnancy but we will definitely help you in facing the challenges you may encounter. It's your child and you are our daughter. Who can you lean on right now? Just us, your family."
"Dad ..."
"Everything is going to change, yours and ours. People will make fun of us and disgrace us. But you are our daughter; it is not right if we are the ones who let you down. No matter what happens, we are here for you. We are here to support you, always…" he added. Mom and Daniel agreed too.
"Yes. We are Lee after all!" Daniel cheered and that's why I can't stop smiling now.
I know things were going wrong and I didn't really want it to be like this. But they still won't let me down so I'm happy now. Although it still hurts to feel that from now on I have a great responsibility to carry on, I will try my best to be strong. I will not live for myself starting now because there's one new life that is relying on me now.
I thought I was going to deal with it alone but I'm wrong because my family is with me. They won't leave me.
I caressed my stomach and I smiled genuinely. You came to me unexpectedly but I promise I will never neglect you. You're not just a responsibility because you are my angel now. I will protect you no matter what.
I looked at my parents who were still talking. They're talking about the days ahead and about my pregnancy. I smiled as I caressed my stomach again.
Lord, thank you so much for this family that I have that will never leave me no matter what problems I am facing. And thank you for this wonderful blessing you have given me. I will definitely treasure him.
~🌸~