I open my eyes and look around to realize that I'm in the darkness. I move my legs to find that I can walk on and through it but I have no idea what I'm walking to or from. Eventually I see a dim light, I figure I have nothing to lose and keep walking towards it. As the light gets brighter and the darkness begins to fade I notice I can see images.
At first they're blurry and I can't quite make them out but the longer I walk the clearer the images get until I can fully make them out, It's me. It's my whole life on display in front of me. Every memory I can remember and some I had long forgotten about are playing out like scenes of a movie. I relive some moments like my first kiss and the first time I got my period, it super embarrassing to watch as the woman I thought was my mother make a big deal about it.
It's weird but kind of enjoyable to see all my memories on display like this but it's also bittersweet. The memories including my mom are based on lies but are also some of my favorites like my tenth birthday when she rented a bounce castle and had it brought to my school for class birthday party. I chuckle remembering how Jennifer Atkins was so jealous that my party was better than hers.
The further I walk the younger I get in these memories, I keep going until I'm passed my first memory. I stop once I no longer recognize anything in the memories and watch, curious to see what happened during my early formative years.
The scene in front of me has my mom and some guy I don't recognize with me in a car. I'm in the backseat but I don't think they'er paying much attention to me. At some point I started walking forward towards it but I didn't even realize it until I hit an invisible barrier. I was even more startled once I could hear the memory not just see it. I guess there have been barriers there the whole time and I just didn't know it. I pay closer attention when the memory starts over to what is said between them hoping to get some kind of information that might exonerate the woman that raised me.
"Was there a problem getting her out of the castle?" The man asked with a low gravely, scratchy voice.
"No everything went according to plan, they didn't bat an eye at her with her "nanny" outside." I didn't realize how much I missed this voice until I heard it. My heart is torn into pieces with all the emotions I feel directed at the owner of the voice.
"She'll make a great source for me and it fits in perfectly with your plan. How soon can we bind her and funnel her magic to me? I n-need some soon before I start getting the shakes again." She pleads pitifully.
"Patience." He growls then snaps a finger and I watch as a swirl of deep red magic begins to trail from me to her. I can't see her face but her body visibly relaxes as my magic hits her and she sighs.
I back away not wanting to see or hear anymore of it, disgusted with her and this man. How can this woman raise me for years making me think she loved me. Who plays on the emotions of an innocent child like that? I jump and whirl around in surprise when I hear Rodricks deep voice boom out behind me, I guess I backed up not wanting to watch the previous disturbing scene continue.
"Victoria my little princess." He sings out in joy with a huge smile on his face. It looks like I'm on the same level as him so I guess he's holding me. "Promise me you'll never get older, daddy doesn't think he can handle you dating and getting married." My past little self giggles and throws her arms around his neck.
"Daddy Imma be queen like mommy I gots to have a king!" I exclaim. He sighs and pouts with a sad look on his face.
"But what about me then? What will I do?" I chuckle as he cover his eyes with one hand and pretends to cry. Little me gives him a kiss on the cheek and pulls at his hand.
"You can stay here in the castle and tell the-the-the chec to make me cheese a roni." He smiles at my answer and chuckles at my choice of words. "It's chef baby and that sounds like fun time."
The memory starts over and I feel a drop of water me, I look up trying to find the source but I don't see anything. I bring my hand up to my face when I feel some more wetness there and realize that I'm crying. I'm crying for the childhood I lost out on, I just know that Rodrick and Vivienne were amazing parents. I mourn for the life I could have, should have, had and I'm jealous that my siblings got to experience it without me. Everything has just hit me like a ton of bricks and I realize that my life is forever changed now.
Amongst all the feelings in me something begins to stir, it's a mixture of pride and something I can't quite place. It swells until my tears stop and I lift my head remembering that I while I might have missed out on a great childhood, I'm here now.
Not only am I here now but I'm a princess. While it still feels foreign to say I have to admit I feel proud that I'm a princess and that Rodrick and Vivienne-
No wait. Dad and mom. Yeah dad and mom, it kinda rolls off the tongue. I don't think I'm ready to call them that to their faces yet but thinking it feels right. I compose myself and begin to walk towards the light again determined to find out what's on the other side.
After a few more minutes and early memories I come to a clear glass door. On the other side is a small child, one that I recognize very well.
It's me.
She looks at me almost as if she's studying the person she'll become then places a tiny hand against the door. I kneel down and place my hand up to hers and feel a warm sensation in the palm of my hand.
"Finally! It took you long enough to get here, now hurry up and use your magic to get me out of here." She snaps her little fingers and it takes me a second to realize she's really talking to me.
"Um I don't have any magic and sweetheart you really shouldn't talk to people like that." I try my best to be nice to my past self even though I know there's no way I acted like this as a child. She smacks her forehead with her other hand and shakes her head.
"So I'm old and stupid? Please don't let me be weak too." She exclaims. I'm taken aback by the way she's speaking to me cause I am most definitely not old, stupid, or weak.
"Little girl who are you talking to cause I'm only twenty two and I am most definitely not stupid."
"Then why can't you use your magic to get us out of here huh?" She quickly fires back and all I want to do is grab her and give her a good shake. I just know that this demon is not me as a child because I was a pleasant little angel.
"Can't even think of what to say back to a five year old, I'm a real disappointment." She shakes her head and I'm so mad now that all I can think about is getting rid of this door between us. I open my mouth to say something but the sound of cracking glass makes me freeze. The spot where our hands meet has started cracking under my palm. I was so frustrated with my past self that I didn't even notice the warm sensation spreading from my hand, up my arm and throughout my body.
Is this what it feels like to feel the magic within your body? The demon child cracks a wide smile upon seeing the glass start to crack. "Took you long enough. Now keep going, we've got this." She encourages and I nod and try to focus. What was it that grandmother said? I need to feel the magic coursing through me and command it.
I take a deep breath and focus on that warm sensation moving throughout my body, from my toes to the top of my head. Once I feel familiar enough with the feeling I try to focus it at the palm of my hand. I begin to think about what I want to happen to the glass and imagine it shattering in my hand. At first nothing happens but I refuse to get discouraged and I try again.
This time I'm met with the sound of the cracks in the glass deepening and my younger self cheering me on.
"YES! That's it we got this, we can do it." Her encouragements spur me on even further and I give one more surge of magic, then a deep red color pulses from my hand and ripples across the door. The warmth in my hand dies down a bit as the the glass begins to crack every which way before shattering all together.