After that Harry spent a few days in bed, Carlisle came to him at least twice a day to check how he was healing and to give him medication however during those days he only exchanged a few words with him. Esme also came to him, brought his meals, and made sure he ate the proper portions or just sat in the room when Harry really didn't want to be alone. Harry was sure for several years that the Cullens hated him and yet his parents continued to act as if nothing had ever happened. Usually, he did not feel that most of the time he was alone because he slept a lot, at least he tried, although there were times when the silence was too overwhelming and he lay, alone, feeling as if he were drowning, crying until he fell asleep from exhaustion. in those moments he was too scared to call anyone, the only thing left in his mind was their hate toward him. However, when the mother found him in this state, she began his endless comforting, and the whole situation became incomprehensible again.
Some days were better, others were worse. This day did not start well, Harry had one of the worst nightmares he had ever had, he woke up in the middle of the night and a scream stuck in his throat which was dry as if he had been screaming for hours. He didn't sleep later, not because he wasn't sleepy, but because he couldn't, every time he closed his eyes he saw a dreamlike mix of strange memories some of his parts of Voldemort other strange bits he had never seen before, it was very disturbing. He saw the deaths of loved ones and those he knew as memories and those who lived only as nightmares. In their dreams they blamed him for what happened to them and no matter what Harry did, they didn't stop. The only moments when a family member was with him, but he felt that they should not waste their time on him and that's why he didn't ask for company often. After one of the rather brutal nightmares involving Cullen's Harry, he made a decision, that as soon as he was able, he would leave. He didn't want to bring more misery on the Cullens and that was the only thing he was good at. He held back the tears as long as he could, knowing that in the morning Carlisle would come and notice his swollen eyes, despite his father's understanding, he knew the questions would eventually begin. So a rainy morning greeted him and with it, his silent father, quickly checked his stitches, gave him some pills, and a glass of water, and left. Tears were weighing down Harry's eyes more and more, he waited a few minutes to make sure Carlisle left for work and the rest for school then let the tears flow.
In the last few days, the pain meds had worked wonders, no bruise, abrasion or wound had hurt, yet he felt a dull ache somewhere from within, as if something inside his bones was shifting. The pain was pulsating, once lightly felt and once unbearable, from the toes to the top of the head and no medication helped. Harry curled up in a ball and his tears dripped from his us onto the pillow, a wave of pain pierced him and he shuddered. He wasn't paying attention to the world around him he didn't notice when his mom walked into the room.
"My poor child" she sighed and set the cup of tea she had brought him down on the nearest table "What happened" she asked coming closer
Harry didn't know how to answer her, he just sighed loudly then shivers ran through his entire body.
„Harry, honey, what's going on?" His mother grabbed his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. „Maybe I should call Carlisle"
„No, there's no need for that, I'm fine" He replied seeing the truly concerned look on her face.
„Oh, don't lie to your mother, I can clearly see that something is wrong" She said, sitting next to him on the bed
„It's really not that bad, I don't want to interrupt… him at work. I'll hold on until he comes back" his statement was interrupted halfway by a wave of shivers and he moved closer to the woman to hug her
She looked at him still with visible concern"
„I will stay with you, ok" Esme said, returning his embrace
Harry could feel the coldness of her body but it didn't bother him, all that mattered was that she was there. he felt like a little boy again and he knew that he should be an adult and responsible.
A lot has been on his shoulders in recent years. When Carlisle returned home he was concerned about Harry's condition, but none of his tests found anything that could have caused his symptoms. A few days ago they gave up using potions completely because they seemed to have no effect, they switched completely to muggle medicines for fear of side reactions when mixing them. Contrary to previous thinking that wizards and Muggle medicines do not mix well, these seemed to work on Harry as they should.
-I—I—I-
After a few more days in bed, Harry was allowed to get up anywhere other than to go to the bathroom. Without stitches, he had greater freedom of movement but still still not allowed to strain himself too much. He was given a knee brace so as not to worsen the injury, it was a bit uncomfortable but it helped with stability. This time, for the first time since his arrival, his mother took him to the kitchen for breakfast, he looked around the house, admiring the decorations. He had already spent a week and a half there and during that time he only saw the room where he slept and the bathroom. He was slightly surprised by his photo hanging on the wall along with other family photos. Why would they want to see it every day and be reminded of him? he sat down on a chair in the kitchen, gently straightening his damaged leg under the table, food was already waiting for him on the table. He ate a little and then took a break when his hands started shaking so badly that he couldn't bring the food from the plate to his mouth without knocking almost everything back onto the plate. He saw her eyes staring at him pitifully, his stomach felt dizzy and he knew he wouldn't eat more now.
"You've grown up a lot in the last few years" Esme said "Last time you were home you were a little boy not much taller than Alice, bouncing back and forth with your older brothers and now, you're their age"
„They're a lot older than me" Harry said expressionlessly
She, wanted to change the subject of the conversation to relax the atmosphere a bit „How's Hogwarts going? shouldn't the school year still last?" Ever since he went to this magical school he always loved talking about it, that's why she was surprised when Harry only got more tense. Trying to save the situation, she tried to quickly come up with a topic to change the conversation, but Harry was faster with his answer.
„ Actually... I don't go to Hogwarts anymore, not for a year or so" As he said this he looked down at your plate
„O... ohh... it's okay, you don't have to go to Hogwarts if you don't want to. You can go to school in Forks with the rest of your siblings, it would be good to have you close all year round" As she said this, she saw the boy's frown
There is currently a war of thoughts going on in Harry's head, he knew he had to tell her that he wouldn't stay here as soon as possible, there was no reason to delay the inevitable. He raised his eyes and looked at her again and dared
"As soon as I'm able, I'll leave, I won't cause any more problems" Harry said without blinking. He saw the sudden change on her face, she took on that parental expression as if she was about to lecture him
"My dear boy you're underage, you showed up here barely alive and you really think I'm going to let you go, you're not going anywhere" she said in a motherly tone
"But" Harry began, but his mother interrupted him
"Why do you even think you are causing a problem, we are your family there will always be room for you here" she continued in the same tone
"They hate me" he whispered softly
"Honey, they don't hate you at all. Do you really think that because of your stupid letter, we will throw away the years we spent together? Believe me, they love you more than life" she said, her tone getting softer with each word
Harry gasped in disbelief at his mother's words. What was she talking about?
They sat in silence for a moment before Esme spoke again "Can you come with me for a moment" She waited for his answer before getting up
He shook his head in agreement, and then they both left the kitchen and headed towards the stairs. When they reached them, they looked at each other knowingly and the espe gently secured Harry while going upstairs. Harry didn't think that such a simple action could ever tire him so much, but when he stopped on the top he had to take a break. After confirming that Harry could go on, Esme led him further down the hall, pointing out which door was to whose room, before stopping at one they didn't say anything about. She pointed at it with her hand, waiting for him to open it. He hesitated for a moment, but when he saw the smile on her face, he reached for the doorknob with greater confidence. When the door opened completely before him he froze in place, it was a different house, in a different state. but there stood his room, looking untouched, the same as the day he left home before his fourth year of school. The walls were the same blue color, his glow-in-the-dark stars were plastered in the same constellations on the ceiling as in his old room. His Quidditch team posters hung on the walls and everything seemed to be in the same place he had left it. his family, after moving, recreated his room the same as it was before, he felt as if he had left home for school just a few days ago, not a few years. But they didn't want to see him why would they do such a thing? After a long moment of silence, Harry looked at Esme and she seemed to see the things going on in his head and spoke first.
„I told you that the letter you sent didn't change anything, There's really nothing you can do to make us stop loving you" Hearing this made Harry's stomach tighten
„Can I see this letter?" Esme's smile stiffened slightly, but she shook her head in confirmation
„I'll bring it over in a moment" She said before turning around and leaving the room
In anticipation of the return of Esme, Harry looked around for a moment after the room, There were things on the desk with which he appeared at home, his watch- port key, his broken wand, two sickles, and a piece of paper, a letter. Maybe it was stupid to be sentimental but he couldn't get rid of the last letter from his family, he carried him like a talisman. Other things he noticed were his old things about the existence he had forgotten during the few years. He saw several old textbooks from his first years at Hogwarts, a broomstick servicing kid, he looked at the other side of the room where his bed stood with the sheets he knew so well. A familiar material protruded from under the bed, at the same time, which was so out of place. He tilted his head slightly when his thoughts were accelerating, he was about to take a step towards it when Esme came back to the room, knocking him out of the cluster.
„It's here" She told him, handing him a perfectly bent sheet of paper
„Thank you" He said, taking a card from her, then spread it and began to read
After reading the first two sentences, he visibly stiff, he felt his mother's piercing eyes on him. He glanced at her for a second and read the contents of the letter further. This letter made Cullens understand that Harry never wants to see them again, the same as the letter that he received from them on Christmas. He thought for a moment, but only one answer seemed likely.
„This old…" Harry started through gritted teeth but didn't finish, making a sharp turn towards the desk
He staggered slightly before walking towards his desk with a limp,
„What happened" he heard his mother's concerned tone behind him
he picked up the letter he had been carrying with him for a long time, this one, unlike the other one, was crumpled, dirty, and stained with blood. He looked at it to make sure he wasn't imagining it and gave both of them to Esme. The woman looked at them carefully and sighed loudly.
„Why… How… We didn't…" Harry interrupted her, knowing what she was going to say
„Me neither" He sat down on the chair at the desk because his knee was starting to hurt really bad from standing „The wizards didn't really like the fact that I lived with vampires. The letters were written by Dumbledore, at least I think so, only he could benefit from it"
„Your principle? Why would he…" The woman had not finished yet again when a loud noise interrupted their conversation
They both turned towards the window into which an owl had just flown in, the bird shook off the impact, jumped several times, and then knocked on the glass with its beak, asking to be let in. Harry was about to get up with the chair, but Esme got up faster and quickly walked to the window, letting the owl inside. Esme stretched out her hand towards the bird to untie the letter from its leg, but the bird jumped away from her, panting, and flew towards Harry, sticking her leg towards him. Harry quickly untied the letter from the leg of the owl, which flew over to sit on one of the shelves, as far away from the vampire as possible, but it didn't fly out of the house, which meant it was waiting for an answer.
He looked at the letter and then at his mother, and she saw his anxiety and did not want to open the letter "Poor thing, it must be tired, it must have traveled a long way" she said, moving towards the door "I'll see if we have anything for it to eat" she added when she was already in the door
Harry was grateful that his mother understood him so well even without words. He himself didn't want to open the letter, he looked at it for a while inactively until the owl hooted to hurry him up. No matter how much he rested in the last few days, his hands were shaking all the time, sometimes more, sometimes less, but they were shaking. So with trembling hands, he opened the letter, unfolded it, and was greeted by Hermione's so familiar handwriting.
Dear Harry
I hope that, unlike the previous letters, this one will find you and find you in good health, since the last time we saw each other you didn't look too good. I don't know where you are but I hope you are okay, the whole magical world is looking for you, everyone is worried, and the front page of the daily prophet is occupied by the news of your disappearance. I understand that you may need time after recent events, but your disappearance without a word has greatly concerned us all.
Then, on the bridge, Ron didn't want to say it, you know? He is in pain and does not think logically, he shouted the first thing he could thought of, that after saying what he thought would make him feel better. Now he regrets it, you know how he is, please don't be angry with him for long.
Next month they plan to finish rebuilding the castle and next year we can repeat a year to finish our education. Obviously, this is for the willing but I'm hoping you'll show up, me, Ronald and a few other friends of ours are going so it would be nice to see you there too.
I hope you're all right and in one piece, please reply, everyone is worried. We all miss you
PS
You better reply to this letter because I promise I will find you no matter where you hide
With love
Your friend, Harmony Granger
Harry stared at the letter reading it over and over, the whole magical world was looking for him and worried about him, too bad it was only now that he was gone, not that he blamed them. Even the daily prophet has sought him out, he's been on the front page more than once with titles suggesting he's dangerous, a liar, a lunatic, or all of them at once, and they changed their mind when he started to believe it. Just defeating an evil wizard is enough to make everyone worry about you, everyone wanted to praise him for it, and he wanted to forget about it. He knew Ron was explosive, but he was the one looking him in the eye at that moment and he was the one who saw that hatred, he knew it wasn't a momentary lapse or unintentional words. Ron really hated him and he didn't think that would change anytime soon. Harry didn't change his attitude towards his friend, he wasn't angry with him, in fact, he understood his hatred. Hermione wouldn't be Hermione if she didn't say anything about school, Harry smiled slightly when he got to that part, unfortunately, he couldn't grant her wish. He wasn't going to go back to Hogwarts, not because he didn't want to or had no desire to learn, he just couldn't stand it. He would have to spend another year in a place of such terrible suffering, not only his but mostly others caused by him. He missed them too but he knew it would be better if he didn't come back and they wouldn't suffer more because of him. If I could turn back time I would, I didn't want to be Harry Potter, I didn't want the magical world to rely on him. Unfortunately, he couldn't do that and now the only option seemed to be to stay away from those he had hurt enough, from those who could care for him. He didn't want to go back, he couldn't go back. He wasn't ready for confrontation and he doubted he ever would be. Certainly not before the end of him, or at least, that's what he thought.
Harry found blank sheets of paper and a pen on his desk, he wanted to write a reply but really didn't know what to write. He didn't want Hermione to waste her time looking for him and he knew she would and would eventually succeed in finding him. He put the pen to the paper and lifted it up again, every time he thought of what to write, before he managed to start he concluded that this was not it, nothing seemed appropriate to write. he finally gave up on long messages, he just had to let her know that he was alive and that he was not in danger.
I'm alive
I'm not ready
I'm sorry
Harry
When he was folding the letter, Esme came back to the room with some treats, she pushed them as close to the bird as possible, and the owl devoured them as quickly as she could and moved away from the vampire again. When the bird finished eating, Harry handed him the letter, the bird hooted and quickly flew out of the previously opened window.
„Was it from your friends?" Esme broke the silence
„From Hermione" He replied, still looking at the place where the bird had just disappeared, and the room fell silent again
Harry felt his mother's eyes on him, she looked at him with curiosity and pity. She wanted to ask him so many questions and find answers to many issues that bothered her, but she didn't want to pressure him. Esme preferred to wait for Harry to open up on his own rather than force him to sit down and talk about something he wasn't comfortable with. She knew her boy, she knew he would do it sooner or later, was sure of it. He thought differently, his mother knew the old Harry, not the one who was currently sitting in front of her, this Harry didn't know himself, he didn't know who he was. He got lost some time ago and wasn't sure of anything anymore, everything had changed in him since their last meeting.
„Could I stay where I have been for the last few days instead of in this room?" He asked, focusing his eyes on his mother
„Of course, no rush, only when you are ready" She said in a warm and supportive voice, but Harry could see the uneasiness rising in her „Shall we go back?" she added after a moment
Harry didn't answer, he just nodded in agreement. His mother waited for him to get up and at his pace, they moved towards the stairs, when they had almost reached them a voice rang out in the house.
„I'm home" Harry felt a lump of ice in his stomach at the sound of his brother's voice