This... definitely shouldn't be happening.
Panic was starting to well up in his throat. It was hard enough for Giyu to control his breathing and the trembling of his hands, and that the rest of the demon didn't seem to start disintegrating just like his head was putting him even more on edge.
But what made his heart sink with fear inside him was seeing Tanjiro's body being thrown roughly against one of the walls of the place.
"TANJIRO!" the scream came out in desperation, bubbling up in emotions that can't be contained as he watched him lose consciousness right after.
Giyu needed to do something. Now. The boy had overstepped his bounds and Akaza's decapitated body was hurtling in his direction. So before he could plan anything concrete, his body moved, propelling himself forward and grabbing what was left of his katana from the debris the fight had left behind.
The tidal strike came between the two protecting Tanjiro just in time, however, and despite the deep cuts Tomioka managed to make to Akaza's chest, he regenerated just the same.
The merciless onslaught of the fourth posture resounded again after attacking again. Giyu manages to stand up awkwardly, exhausted behind the demon and on the other side of Tanjiro.
"Hold it" The deep breaths of air coming in burned him, his muscles still tense, but Tomioka needed to keep the demon's attention on him and remind him of who he had been fighting since the beginning. "I...am still...alive here!"
Giyu couldn't afford to hesitate at a time like this.
"If you want to kill Tanjiro, you'll have to kill me first!"
Such a bad situation in which he was completely numb. His eyes were contracting, threatening to make him lose consciousness if he even thought of blinking. He could hear nothing but a high-pitched beeping in his left ear and his right arm had stopped responding to him.
He also knew that he was reaching his limit. That now his body was about to take its toll on him for having used all his strength. Tomioka felt that everything in him weighed like chains due to muscle fatigue.
Compared to him, a mere human, the demon had no idea what that meant and knew that the only reason he had endured fighting with all his strength up to this point was because he could use his breath.
And yet, all of that was left behind with conviction boiling in his veins. Like a raging ocean crashing against a cliff. All that he had been entrusted with was related to the future.
Because Giyu would not let his friends or family die in front of him again.
I will protect you.
I will protect you, Tanjiro.
Just as you would have done for me.
Yes. He wouldn't let someone he loved di-
Someone he-
.
.
.
The sound of pencil dragging on paper has become a regular thing in the last few days.
The drawings cover every inch on the surface of the wall to which his desk is next to. Vaguely illuminated by the lamp next to him that emanates a somewhat annoying heat. Despite having turned on the fan, Giyu feels the sweat on his neck and temples.
Autumn had already begun, but for Giyu that night the room still felt hot and humid, almost as if the residue of summer had stayed with him.
So much so that beads of sweat finish sliding down his jaw to finally land on the sheet he's been working on, getting lost in its weight and charcoal residue.
Giyu reaches for the bottle on the desk. His gulp of water afterwards is loud. The liquid escaping from between the corners of his lips and the nozzle sliding down his neck. A continuous gulp that leaves nothing but the rustle of empty plastic in his hands.
For Tomioka it's not usual to go through sleepless nights. He has never had a problem with it, but when it did happen, it was because he was really stressed about finishing the current college project or assignment.
It was never because of something to do with himself . With his emotions .
And lately they have been going astray. More present and drawing attention to themselves. They distract him. They make him shut himself in his own bubble.
Because Giyu had never considered falling in love .
Say, he had felt something for Sabito. Yes, he liked Sabito for many years, but he never really felt that love that the stories talk about.
He knew it would happen. It was normal when you grow up surrounded by an environment full of love .
His parents, who were now enjoying their retirement abroad, were always very close and so, so in love that as a child they made him feel gooey . His sister, who met her current husband at the age of thirteen and two years later it seemed they could never be apart again .
Yeah, it was inevitable to think that something like that would happen with him as well.
Perhaps a part of Tomioka came to think that with Sabito it would be like that. They had known each other for years, they complemented each other and understood each other and the feelings for him came up at some point; he just had to tie up the ends to come to such a conclusion. He just accepted it. He told himself it was true and that was the end of it.
But Giyu never considered the aspect of falling when someone is in love. That thing that differentiates it from being a simple liking or attraction for another person.
Love .
He loves his family. He loves his friends. But he never loved Sabito.
And now he only realizes it thanks to Tanjiro .
Fuck, Tanjiro .
Giyu took for granted that things would go on as they had been . That some days he would wake up again in Tanjiro's body. A part of him even hoped that this would be the case. He hoped to see Tanjiro's face again instead of his own.
He really wished to. He wished to see Tanjiro again and with his newfound feelings it was inevitable.
They kept him in a perpetual state of anticipation every time he closed his eyes into sleep the days following the disastrous date with Sabito. Dizzying anticipation. The butterflies in his stomach at the mere thought of talking to him again through the notes on his phones. The nervousness of feeling the tickle of the marker's tip on his skin to answer him before going to bed.
But it never happened again .
He never woke up in the other's body again. He never visited that village again. He never wrote on his skin again.
He never saw Tanjiro again.
As soon and unexpectedly as they had begun, the swaps ceased. Without warning or explanation.
It was strange. It was frustrating. He didn't quite get it.
His life had taken an indescribable turn overnight, and it was over just like that?
That was it?
Really?
He tried to look back. To find some reason why the swaps had stopped so suddenly. Satisfy the doubt of what the hell had happened to make it all end like that. He tried even if at first he could never find an explanation as to why they started in the first place.
Perhaps the Tomioka of the past would have been so relieved that it was finally over. No more stress or uncertainty about not being able to know what Tanjiro would come up with at the next switch or the terrible feeling of not being in control. He would have left it there to forget about it and would not have sought contact with him at all.
But not the Tomioka of the present.
The Tomioka of the present waited a week until deciding whether or not to send a text message. Whether or not to look for Tanjiro the way they should have in the first place. Tanjiro's number was still in his contacts. It reminded him that he was a real person . That Tanjiro existed somewhere in Japan.
The days continued to pass. Autumn was getting closer and closer, so he had to dust off his warmest clothes to get out of the house. There were times when even his body would go into automatic mode and open the fridge hoping to find a plate of home-cooked food for him, but instead he found nothing .
And try as he might, the messages were never sent . Giyu persisted , perhaps to the point that to anyone else it would be annoying, but nothing was working .
That's when he tried his luck and tried calling . Swallowing his nervousness and praying that it would work, but Tomioka got the same answer as that day.
The number you have called is not available or has been turned off.
Again.
The number you have called is not available or has been turned off.
And again.
The number you have called is not available or has been turned off.
And again.
Giyu had to go on with his life knowing that there was no way to communicate with Tanjiro and, day after day, he inevitably returned to the monotonous routine of before.
Then that sense of normality began to feel desperate . Things were back to the way they were, but it didn't feel the same, and that hit him like a wave.
No more homemade lunches. No more silly arguments. No more endearing scoldings. No more excitement. No more anticipation. No more lazy insults written on his cheek. No more confused looks from the others.
No more Tanjiro .
It was almost as if none of that had happened in the first place.
Going to college. Catching the crowded train. Walking with Tengen and Sabito through the streets of Tokyo after class. Returning home the same way across the bridge. Those things so natural to his everyday life felt empty with Tanjiro's unexpected absence like a mosquito buzzing in his ear at all hours.
Because Tanjiro Kamado had burst into his life so... abruptly . So intrusive. So attentive. Walking in without taking off his shoes and leaving his footprints everywhere that, now that they were gone, it felt bad. Wrong .
It was overwhelming. Almost like a habit that once it starts it's impossible to go back to being the same without it.
He missed Tanjiro . Very much. So much that Giyu found himself dissociating quite a bit. Staring into nothingness without observing anything in particular. Searching in the distance for that something until he was locked in his own bubble.
The people around him noticed it. His friends. His teachers. Tomioka knew he'd had enough when he was scolded for staring at the window instead of paying attention to one of his college lectures, and he didn't know what to reply when they approached him afterwards to ask what was going on.
He tried to pretend he didn't care . He tried to ignore it . To put it out of his mind and not think about it. About the fact that they couldn't talk and that it wasn't squeezing his chest like it did.
That the strong, suffocating longing he felt when he thought of Tanjiro was not any more familiar to him than it should be. That his feelings for him didn't beg him to do something .
It was crazy, that sense of deja vu so striking and at the same time alarming.
So much so that he found a job as a waiter in an Italian restaurant downtown; something to keep his mind occupied and not have to depend on the allowance his sister gave him every month.
Thus, another week passed.
Giyu visited his sister during that time and received the immense news that he was going to be an uncle and that was something that distracted him for a moment from his problems.
But it was to be expected that Tsutako would notice as well. As insightful and attentive as ever.
After the bubbly joy at the revelation and congratulations on her pregnancy accompanied by a lasting hug, they drank tea for a while and then she cornered him with a worried look and a simple question of "Giyu, is there something bothering you?".
It caught him off guard and he almost choked on his drink.
For a few seconds, Giyu didn't know what to answer her and looked away, avoiding her gaze at all costs. Causing a prolonged silence in which Tomioka organized his thoughts and schemed whether to tell her the truth or not.
And Tsutako just waited, patiently, giving him the necessary time and space until he felt comfortable enough to talk to her. She only took small sips from the porcelain cup she held in her hands.
Then Giyu sighed, defeated, and took a deep breath, as if building up his courage before he began to speak. He had never been good at lying to his sister, so he decided to start with the truth .
Or at least, a half-truth .
He didn't mention the swaps or the notes on his skin, but he told her about Tanjiro.
He told her how they had met under such strange circumstances and everything he had felt with him that chaotic month that had passed.
He told her about the date with Sabito and how badly it had ended. And how Giyu had realized that in reality he had feelings for Tanjiro .
Inevitably, he had smiled gracefully at the memories, feeling his chest warm and the butterflies return as he imagined Tanjiro's beautiful smile and wished internally that he had actually met him in Tokyo and not by chance.
But the pressure and bitterness returned, washing over everything like an ocean on a cliff, when he got to the part where for some reason he didn't understand, he hadn't been able to communicate with him and how he had simply vanished from his life, leaving only the heavy, thick shadow of his presence in his being. With the echoes being too hard to bear.
When he finished telling it all, they both fell silent. Tsutako had blinked a couple of times and then hummed, fixing her gaze on the now empty teacup on the table in front of her, as if thinking about what to answer before opening her mouth.
But then, she smiled at him . So candid and almost with a teasing touch before taking one of his hands on the table and giving it a squeeze.
And just like that time, when Tomioka was a teenager who didn't understand his own feelings, she spoke .
"What I think is that you don't like that boy."
The thing about falling in love?
"Giyu, you're in love with him."
Doing it sincerely and romantically?
It's that it's not always obvious until you're so far down that there's no way to get back up. Until you're head over heels in love and gravity is a thing of the past.
Until you've fallen so far that you're floating in bliss.
Looking back at Sabito, Giyu realized that he had never fallen for him. He never had the chance to do so, so it was to be expected that he didn't realize it when he fell for Tanjiro.
But contrary to what might be expected, that revelation was not shocking, much less abrupt. It was natural. As if a blindfold had been gently removed from his eyes, allowing him to see things clearly.
It helped him to finally be able to put a name to everything that was swirling around inside him all that time.
Love. Tomioka was in love.
Giyu returned to his apartment with that new reality feeling lighter and in renewed spirits and, for the first time in a long time, he decided to cook for himself.
Soon the place was filled with the overwhelming smell of daikon with salmon. Surprisingly upon tasting it, it didn't taste as bad as he expected, but it was nothing compared to what Tanjiro had prepared for him all those times in the past.
With every bite of the meal, his mind inevitably traveled back to Tanjiro. Remembering. Visualizing the village where he lived. Those landscapes that had been burned into his eyes. The houses. The lake. The Tori. The forest. Everything.
Letting himself be enveloped by the familiarity of the place and the tranquility that the simple fact of stopping to admire it for a few seconds provoked in him.
It was then that an idea crossed his mind. Giyu looked at his room in the darkness of the hallway. Where he knew all the materials and tools he used to draw landscapes and buildings at college would be. Without further ado he stood up swallowing the last mouthful.
He only managed to put the dishes in the sink, not bothering to wash them or clean up the mess he had left after cooking, and walked quickly to the room.
Giyu drew relentlessly from then on. Whenever he returned home from college or work or had free time, he would pick up his pencil and start drawing everything he could remember about the town Tanjiro lived in.
It became almost a hyper-fixation that distracted him even for a moment from Tanjiro, without necessarily having to get rid of him.
The bridge he walked along with Zenitsu and Inosuke to go to school. The benches by the vending machines where they used to buy cans of coffee. Tanjiro's room. The closed shoji doors of it. The Tori on the stairs of the Kamado family temple.
The train tracks where he stayed so he could write reports on Tanjiro's phone. The huge crater where the body of the Kamado Shrine's god stood with its streams and the old tree. The bottle with the sake he had left inside.
All of it.
Until finally the somewhat loose strokes became the silhouette of the huge lake in the middle of the village and the houses and buildings in it. Scratches and scribbles. Smudges of the graphite that scattered at the touch of his own hand on the lines of the drawing.
At some point he ended up renting a couple of books from the nearest library. Most of them were related to the mountains of Gifu province where he marked the pages he used as reference for the drawing, but when none of them convinced him he decided to look for pictures on his phone.
More tracings. More scratches. Thick. Thin. Long. Short. Perspectives. Highlights. Shadows. Grunts of frustration as he mistakenly crumpled the sheet when he tried to erase the buildings that didn't look the way he wanted and had to smooth it out using only his hand to leave it as close as possible to the way it was before.
That night marked another week since the swaps with Tanjiro had stopped, and Giyu had finally finished the drawing he had been working on so obsessively for the last few days.
The accumulated exhaustion of all those sleepless, emotional nights finally kicked in and Giyu ended up asleep on his desk. With the empty water bottle in the trash, the warmth of the lamp on his face and the cooing of the fan on the floor beside him.
.
.
.
It is early in the morning that weekend and the sun is shining through the window of his room taking away a bit of the cool atmosphere that is present. Giyu has removed each of the sheets of paper from the wall along with the tape that held them together making sure not to rip off the paint.
Giyu is standing and carefully tucks the drawings into his backpack. He makes sure they don't get bent or damaged before taking one last look inside and checking that he has everything he needs before closing it. His wallet. Phone charger. A couple of pens and the black marker. Okay, all good.
His weight drops onto the bed as he sits up. Tomioka crosses his arms back and pulls his hair back into that usual low ponytail; his back hunches almost immediately as he finishes and he lets out a long sigh that opens his nostrils wider than usual.
He takes a couple of seconds like that, now contemplating his hands before finally getting up and putting on the coat hanging on his wall ready to leave his apartment.
The distance to the station seems shorter for some reason, and before he really realizes it Giyu is already walking through the doors of the place.
Despite the hour, it's crowded with people. Some shuffle along and others walk hurriedly through the oncoming foot traffic on the main thoroughfare, but it's not hard to get out of the way and move through the crowd.
There is a smell of food in the air that caresses his nose and reminds him that he hasn't had breakfast yet thanks to the knot in his stomach; his hands sweat inside his coat pockets, and maybe it all has to do with the nervousness that has settled in him since he decided to do this, but anyway he continues on his way to the platform where his train will be trying to suppress any grimace on his face.
Then Giyu manages to recognize two heads in the distance that make him stop in his tracks and furrow his eyebrows with confusion creeping into him. Standing with carefree air in front of one of the station's advertising pillars are Sabito and Tengen. Like him, they are dressed in sporty and somewhat warm clothing due to the season; Sabito even has his hair in a low ponytail and a cap. They also carry backpacks and a bag with them and seem to have every intention of, like him, hopping on the train and traveling.
"What the...?" Giyu stumbles as he speaks out of the surprise and disbelief of the moment, and Tengen merely smiles broadly and almost haughtily in his direction. "What are you doing here?"
.
.
.
"Tengen told me, so here I am" Sabito clarifies simply, leaning back in the train seat, and Giyu grumbles under his breath, because, of course, Tengen couldn't keep his mouth shut.
The landscape soon ceases to be filled with buildings and artificial lights. The sky has white clouds dotted all over it and the mountains of the province, though still green, begin to have that nostalgic autumn aura in the distance. The train has that clean, air-conditioned smell despite the number of passengers on board.
The three of them are seated together on one side of the train. Tengen sits in the middle, Sabito by the window and Giyu in the aisle.
"Tengen, i asked you to cover for me at work and with my sister" Giyu scolds Tengen in a low voice, it sounds more like a complaint because of the urgency in his look and voice and Tengen doesn't take it too seriously when Giyu almost covers his face with his hand completely.
Tengen has had his attention on his phone the whole time and is more relaxed compared to him when he answers with a simplicity that Tomioka at that moment finds a bit alarming.
Because he was supposed to do it alone, he had planned it that way so he wouldn't have any complications that weekend he would be out of town, but of course, he never considered that chaotic and unpredictable constant that his friends turn out to be.
"Sanemi will cover your shift."
Uzui picks up his phone and Giyu has to back up a bit when it is in front of his face. The screen shows the messages exchanged between Sanemi and Tengen, with a couple of insults he knows are not serious and obscene emojis, but it's the last ones he has to read and they make him swallow saliva.
Dickhead(Sanemi):
Fuck-Fine!
I'll do it!
But tell the bastard he owes me dinner!
A frustrated pinch forms between his eyebrows and Tomioka knows there's no point in resisting or arguing further at this point. He wonders if he'll have to cook a plate of ohagi for Sanemi for his trouble and his indirect involvement in this mess. Resignation floods him and he only manages to grit his teeth and reply. "This isn't funny"
"We're just worried about you," Tengen replies, putting his phone away. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Giyu makes a withering, questioning grimace that makes him roll his eyes. "You can't go alone. What if it's a con act?"
"A con act?" Giyu repeats, taking in the words in his mouth.
"You are meeting an online friend, right?" asks Sabito joining the conversation, pointing in their direction with a chocolate pocky in one of his hands and with the other offering Tengen the box that holds the rest.
Right. They don't know all the fantasy bullshit about the body swap or the notes with Tanjiro. They only know the lie that sounds real and is even boring and cliché .
Looking back on it, Giyu could have come up with a better story to make excuses with Tengen that wouldn't make him look like just another desperate guy on the internet, but it's too late for that now.
"Well no," Tomioka stammers again with the intention of denying it, but realizes he doesn't know what to say that won't make him look crazy in front of his friends. He only manages to look away from Sabito's insistent eyes "not exactly" he finally says.
Tengen has taken one of the chocolate pockys out of the box and pops it in his mouth, a sly smile lifting the corners of his lips as he speaks. "He is using a dating site. "
"No!" Giyu tries to defend himself and ends up raising his voice more than necessary.
The people in the surrounding seats turn to look in his direction awkwardly, with a grimace of annoyance that lasts no more than a second because of the break in the silent atmosphere before they go back to their own thing.
Sabito and Tengen smile just enough to let Tomioka know they enjoy seeing him like this, and if he was already embarrassed about the dating site thing, he feels his cheekbones heat up even more at the scene they're making.
"You've been acting weird lately. We'll keep an eye on you" Tengen then says offering a Pocky to Giyu as well, remembering the whole month and a half that passed where he saw his friend with a really different attitude from how he was before.
"I'm not a kid!". Giyu raises his voice again and his brow furrows even more, suddenly feeling like a little kid that his sister had to take care of again.
This time, neither Sabito nor Tengen contain the soft laughter that wants to come out.
Giyu has no choice but to resign himself to the reality that he is now stuck with these two on his journey.
The switching stopped.
Farm fields and farms are images left behind with the passing of the train. Small villages or groups of houses. Mills, rivers and bridges that make up that rural and almost cozy atmosphere that the countryside has.
My calls and texts didn't go through...
Soon the three of them have to switch trains, and at the station Giyu has to insist on hurrying, with a persistent trot a few steps ahead of them because the train might leave without them.
In fact, they are the last to board the train because of Sabito and Tengen's slowness and the fact that they stopped to buy food, and Tomioka knows that the growing tension that has begun to throb in his head is not a good sign.
So I decided to go see Tanjiro in person.
Giyu has to take a deep breath and internally count to 10 to pull himself together, because the trip hasn't even fully started, and he can't let his emotions go back to being as flashy as they have been in the past few weeks. He has to remind himself that he's doing this for a good reason, and that no matter what happens, he can't waver. A part of him; that part that has been so loud lately, demands that he do what he can to keep this thing going.
To get to Tanjiro.
I wanted to meet him.
To see Tanjiro as Tanjiro and not as a fuzzy memory in his head. To hear his voice. His laugh. To feel his hair. To fiddle with those pesky earrings. Seeing his cheeks puffed out in a tender pout. Seeing those eyes...
The reason for this trip. That strange feeling he decided to embrace with strength and longing after that visit to his sister. Tsutako had helped him again to put his feelings in order. To recognize the unnoticed fall he had had for Tanjiro. To realize that he was so fucking in love with Tanjiro .
"Giyu, if you really love this boy, I think it will be worth the fight to find him again, don't you think?".
But he would never tell her that she had given him the idea to propose such a risky plan like that. Tomioka didn't tell his sister that he would go out to look for Tanjiro, because first of all, it was crazy, and second of all, he knows that she would worry more than she should, and he doesn't want to cause her more stress considering that she is going through the first trimester of her pregnancy and something like that couldn't be any good, so he can only pray that she won't think of looking for him between today and tomorrow.
Because Giyu knows that leaving the city, just like that is something rash, and he doubted whether it was a good idea for a long time. He pondered, really pondered with his reasoning, telling him that he was crazy, but his love and wanting to see Tanjiro were stronger and brought him to this point.
But...
The only problem is that he doesn't know where the hell to start looking.
"What? You don't know where?" The seats on this train are different from the previous one. They're facing each other in rows of two seats on either side. Tengen is next to Giyu and the only one facing them is Sabito. He looks incredulous, left with the chopsticks and the Katsudon they've started eating halfway to his mouth when he hears him. "The town's scenery is your only clue?"
"Yes..." He replies, averting his gaze.
Tomioka doesn't blame him, he's even a little embarrassed to have to admit that he left home with nothing but drawings and a memory. He doesn't even remember the name of the town he was arriving at after switching, but he knows it's real. That, somewhere, in the middle of the mountains, there is a village where Tanjiro Kamado lives and breathes.
The second train ride lasts about an hour, during which time they take the opportunity to finish their Katsudon from the convenience store at the previous train station.
The train drops them off in a small town. It's like any other you'd expect to find in the countryside, with traditional houses, tall trees and old-fashioned electric towers, but for Giyu it's not like the town he's looking for, it's not even close, nor is there that cozy feeling that enveloped him every time he took a deep breath being there.
But it's a start.
"And you can't contact him? What's this all about?'' They are walking on the elevated platform above the train tracks, which is more like a tunnel connecting the two platforms, when Sabito's voice rises in another question.
Giyu is a couple of steps ahead again, so they can't see how he frowns again and purses his lips; because Giyu knows that he and Tanjiro should be able to communicate somehow and he's tried so many times that he's even had enough of that annoying robotic voice that pops up automatically every time the call doesn't come in, but it's never worked, so he can't answer either.
"Seriously. What a lousy tour planner" Tengen grumbles with his hands in his pockets and a grimace on his lips at the lack of response.
Tomioka turns a little over his shoulder at hearing him, just enough so he can see Uzui and keep walking forward, and grunts with a hint of annoyance, because if he's honest even he doesn't know for sure where they are.
"I did not plan a Tour!"
"Oh well, we'll help you look for him." Sabito sighs at how little information they have and settles the weight of his backpack on his shoulders.
.
.
.
"Look!"
"It's very flashy!"
Giyu is already regretting his life choices.
Quite the opposite of what he had been told literally 10 minutes ago , Sabito and Tengen were distracted as soon as they reached the lower part of the station. Next to the benches and vending machines was a huge jackboot that Giyu guessed was the station's mascot or perhaps the town's mascot. It looked like a rather childish bull with a blue hat and red vest.
At first glance it was cute, and his two friends didn't hesitate to go over to see it. Uzui has been taking selfies, posing in his Tengen way, while Sabito takes pictures of the bottarga's belly phrase, which he doesn't mind too much.
Tomioka, meanwhile, has been staring straight ahead for quite some time. More specifically at the framed map resting on one of the walls at the other end. It has a white light and shows the town and everything in it. Giyu examines it several times trying to make sense of it, even with the voices of his friends in the background.
"It moved!"
He takes a deep breath, still hearing the "click" of Sabito's phone camera; he feels his eyelid twitch with discomfort as he finally looks at them.
"So annoying…"
.
.
.
The place was nice, he had to admit. Outside, on the other side of the street, there was a sort of square with grass, small trees, a clock marking noon and a few birds fluttering in the sky.
Giyu started asking around outside the station. Tengen and Sabito stayed a few steps behind while he had approached a cab driver who was parked a few meters from the main entrance. He had handed him the detailed drawing of the town asking him if he recognized it.
The man had adjusted his hat and taken it. He seemed willing to help him by the attentive way he had examined the drawing behind his glasses, but Tomioka didn't have much luck and only saw him shake his head and then apologize and hand it back saying no, but that he could ask at the nearby shrine since that's the place most people go to.
When they arrived they found a large house surrounded by trees and a small shrine at the foot of some stone steps leading up to a Tori. Almost as if it was a joke, the place was empty except for two middle-aged women praying.
Tomioka waited until it was opportune to approach to show them the drawing and ask them the same question.
Meanwhile, Tengen and Sabito were going upstairs to take a look.
He had no luck there either.
The three of them set off along the streets between the fields and the greenhouses that could be seen in the distance. They had stopped at a store a while ago and Giyu was the only one who had left without an ice pop in his hand. He was just holding his phone at chest height, gliding over a map of the area and following the main white road that appeared on the screen.
And a few steps behind came his friends, looking relaxed and enjoying their orange ice pops.
After walking for a while, they agreed to sit down to rest for a few minutes on an old wooden bench next to a vegetable crop and the smell of pesticide. Tengen had brought a card game to pass the time and Sabito did not hesitate to accept a game that almost ended in disaster.
And Giyu was talking to a couple of farmers across the street, who had very kindly stopped their truck and got out to see if they were okay. He had taken the opportunity to ask about the town in the sketch, but, again, he had had no luck.
After resuming their walk they reached the main part of town, where more houses and businesses were crowded together. There they stopped at a bakery and pastry shop and Giyu approached who appeared to be the owner of the shop. A short woman with short wavy hair and a red apron full of flour and icing stains was standing behind the counter.
The question was the same. The woman had grabbed the drawing with both hands after wiping them with a towel and scanned it for a few seconds. Giyu thought she would tell him the same thing when he saw her put it down; a refusal and an apology, but he hadn't expected her to call one of the store's customers and also ask her if she recognized the landscape on the paper.
Next to her a man had approached and between the three of them they argued a bit about whether or not they recognized the landscape. Giyu didn't know how, but he ended up between them outside the bakery holding up his own drawing and discussing whether the mountains in the distance would be the same ones he had portrayed.
And Tengen and Sabito... they had bought some biscuits covered in honey and waited sitting on the wooden bench by the door and the sale signs while they ate them.
.
.
.
They decided to take a bus and leave the town when they were left without much choice of what to do there.
Tomioka didn't know where to go either. The only clue they had to go on were somewhat loose comments about how the mountains in his drawing resembled those seen in the distance in the real landscape there, but not that he could take that as much help.
Nor did he think the couple of foreign tourists a few seats ahead of them were headed in that same direction.
Sitting in the last seats, with the town they were in slowly receding away, Giyu felt the occasional pressure in his head return; sweat made his t-shirt stick uncomfortably to his back and it didn't help that the sleeping weight of his friends on his shoulders on either side crushed him either.
He had no choice but to sigh and accept that this whole thing wasn't working out. The day was coming to an end and he hadn't managed to get any concrete leads on the town.
And Tomioka felt like he could give up at any moment.
He didn't want to. That something that was pulling him to keep going and find Tanjiro was still so strong and so fucking present that it closed his chest and wouldn't let him breathe.
Because he wanted to see him. Damn it, he really wanted to see him, but no matter how much he asked and searched, no one seemed to be able to be of any help to him.
Tomioka felt the pressure in his chest increase with every denial he encountered and the accompanying frustration and despair only made him feel worse, squeezing his heart and making him feel that the distance that already existed between him and Tanjiro was even bigger.
But there was something; something so small but so brief and present that screamed at him that he had to find Tanjiro. He had to.
A hunch that made him feel like he was missing something. The last piece ; the one always left under the puzzle box.
But he didn't know what it was.
And that idea was going around in his head for the rest of the trip.
The clouds were already starting to want to paint themselves a delicate orange color, with the sun's rays slightly visible between them, when they got off the bus an hour later.
Giyu couldn't sleep at all on that trip.
"So it's impossible after all." Tomioka says, dropping his weight completely onto the bus stop bench. His voice sounds as bad as he feels. Dragged out and slumped over.
It's followed by a collective " What!" from Tengen and Sabito, who have simultaneously turned to see him, downing the bottles of water they were drinking, with almost comical synchronicity.
"After all the trouble we went through?" asks Tengen, almost reluctantly and indignantly with a scowl, at the same time tossing his silver hair back.
And Tomioka musters what little energy he still has left and lets the tension explode to answer him, but it ends up sounding more like an annoyed groan than anything else.
"You haven't done anything!"
.
.
.
"Three ramens!" The waitress's voice rises in the direction of the kitchen. It is youthful and somewhat giggly and echoes in the empty restaurant.
The place has a concentrated aroma of spices and spiciness. It is decorated with traditional touches in the windows and paper lamps and yellow light. There is a wooden structure on the ceiling that connects to a pillar, separating the two environments of the restaurant: the first, elevated by a small step where there are several tatamis and kotatsus distributed, and the second where there are more common chairs and tables.
There is also a fan in one of the corners that is currently turned off and next to it a coat rack that Giyu is somewhat amused that it is there in the first place, clashing with the aesthetics of the rest.
The restaurant looks bigger than it is because of the number of unoccupied tables, but it still has that cozy touch that welcomes tourists or people passing through. It was to be expected that there would be no one else eating besides the three of them, considering the time they finally decided to find a place to have lunch/dinner.
They were lucky that the building and the multiple signs giving a clear message of "There's food in here! " were not far from the bus station they stopped at and easy to see, because if Giyu is honest, he doesn't think he could have walked who-knows-how-many-more-miles until finding food.
And when the bowl of ramen is already in front of him, with the aroma of the sauce and noodles, Giyu can't help but involuntarily lick his lips and feel his stomach rumbling for the fifth time in the last half hour.
"Can we return to Tokyo today?" Giyu asks when his meal is half finished.
"We could be cutting it close, i'll check." Tengen replies after taking the last sip of water from his glass. He has finished eating a few minutes ago, so he can reach his phone in his pocket without any trouble. Tomioka thanks him in a soft voice.
" Are you alright with that? " Sabito's voice drags some uneasiness as he asks.
Giyu feels his gaze even though he's more focused on swallowing and finishing his food.
Then, finally, he sighs and, without looking at him again, his hands move to his open backpack until he picks up the drawing again and answers with a resignation much heavier than it seems, almost as if he were saying it only to himself : "I'm starting to feel like i'm wasting my time."
And Tomioka looks at the drawing again with a new pang in his chest. The sheet has crumpled a bit and torn at one of the corners from the number of times it has been handled that day. So many that Giyu has the details almost burned into his retinas, deep in his eyes.
It would be better to go back to Tokyo and rethink his strategy. It would be one thing to have photographs, but expecting to find the town with sketches like these was perhaps asking too much. At least, that's how it's starting to look.
It's a completely ordinary rural town, with the kind of houses you see everywhere scattered around a round lake. Though it seemed so solid to him when he finished it, now it looks like a nondescript, mediocre landscape.
If only he knew the name... .
His expression warps into something his friends can't read with the naked eye. The contracted pinch is present between his eyebrows, but there is also a small smile on his lips, expressing too much, and nothing at the same time.
Neither of them hear the subtle footsteps approaching their table down the small aisle between them and the cash register, not until they're standing next to them and there's a gasp and a voice equal parts excited and surprised.
"Hey, it's a picture of Itomori!". It's the same waitress from earlier who speaks, with a smile that lifts her cheeks and stains them slightly red.
The three turn with renewed interest as they watch her lift Tengen's empty crystal glass to refill it with more water, almost as if she wants to do it in a hurry.
The girl is attractive despite wearing the typical apron and boring restaurant uniform shoes. She is quite tall, with hair that Tomioka wondered if it was natural or if it would be dyed at first glance; a nice combination between pastel pink under a scarf tied at the nape of her neck, which degrades to green at the ends of the braids that hold it in place. Her eyes are large and, although they look a bit tired from all the work she's surely had today, they are clearly drawn to his drawing, sparkling with interest and excitement as she looks at it.
"It's a very good drawing!" she exclaims again, almost melodious with excitement. Then she turns over her shoulder in the direction of the kitchen, her body almost trembling, and calls out again, "Iguro-san, come look at this!".
She puts down the water jug she was holding on the table and holds out one of her hands with a silent request if she can take the drawing and Giyu hands it to her without further ado.
From behind the thin wall that separated the kitchen from the dining room peeks out a guy a little shorter than them, looking youthful and perhaps about their age.
His straight black hair is tied back in a low ponytail; half of his face is hidden behind a white facemask and the only thing visible to the naked eye are his eyes, with a strange heterochromia of yellow and turquoise.
He also wears a headscarf and a drab uniform similar to that of the girl. He has a tired air about him, and Tomioka might even say he looks even annoyed when he makes eye contact with the three of them with his sharp gaze, but his expression softens when he is finally next to the girl and she holds out the sheet of paper for him to look at.
He watches her for a second that seems like forever before muttering a sound of satisfaction and finally speaking from behind the mask. "Yeah, it's Itomori, Brings back memories."
His voice is raspy and somewhat monotone, but there's something nostalgic about mentioning that name, and you can tell it rubs off on the girl next to him as she nods and smiles.
Wait-
That name...
"My husband and I were born there!" she agrees laughingly turning to look at them, noticeably more moved than the guy next to her as she explains.
Then Tomioka feels something snap inside him. It is a subtle tug that from one moment to the next rushes into the light and clarity of his thoughts and memory.
That name-!
"Itomori..." Giyu repeats, realization shining in his eyes from one moment to the next. "Yes-Itomori Town! That's it!" The smile that lifts his lips is nervous.
Excitement pumps so dramatically that a heartbeat escapes him. A renewed hope that breaks through and makes him start to tremble. He twitches before rationalizing doing anything else and stands up, almost pulling his chair back startling the others.
"It's nearby isn't it?" it sounds more like a plea than a question in a desperate voice-cause at last there's a hint- shit finally.
Please, please, please, please, please-
But contrary to what he expected, the answer he receives is almost a whisper from the girl. The excitement fades from her features and is replaced by a noticeable worried pinch. She even shrinks back a little, drawing the sheet of paper to her chest perhaps involuntarily. "What are you…"
The air suddenly becomes tense, almost as if something wrong or out of place has been said. It is crushing, and Giyu swallows saliva and frowns, the emotion evaporating from within him to be replaced by dense confusion.
"Itomori was..." The first sharp expression the guy had appeared with, also changes, becoming tense and puzzled, with lines around his eyes, etched on his forehead and at the corners of his lips.
"Itomori?" Tengen repeats, not realizing he's interrupting Iguro, though it's as if he suddenly understands what he was going to say.
Realization flashes in Sabito's gaze as well, and, like the others, Tomioka notices how his frown contracts, and his eyes grow much wider before he speaks turning his face towards Uzui "No way!"
"That's where-"
"Isn't it where that comet-"
Giyu looks at the others uneasily, not understanding what's going on. There it is again, that shadow of something that has been trying to appear in his mind all this time and creeping around.
The missing piece of the puzzle.
.
.
.
Birds fly over the sky. They are making noise, breaking through the atmosphere of the place, so lonely that it chills his blood from head to toe. Giyu doesn't know which ones they are. He doesn't care.
The street he runs along is cracked and broken. The surrounding vegetation is dense and abundant. A row of barricades screams a clear 'DO NOT ENTER' and stretches as far as the eye can see, casting their long shadows in the evening light.
A sign hidden among the dirt and grass reads:
'IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE BASIC LAW ON DISASTER COUNTERMEASURES, THIS AREA IS PROHIBITED.
ACCESS PROHIBITED.
-RECONSTRUCTION AGENCY.
Giyu knows he is moving. He knows his feet are carrying him forward. To the other side of the fence and the yellow police tape, but he feels as if he is not.
His heart is pumping. It rumbles in his head, unease mingling with fear, an uncertainty coiling around his gut, through his chest, crushing his lungs the deeper he goes into what's left of the school.
No-
His feet stop lightly scuffing the dirt on the ground, his hair fluttering in the wind, and all Giyu manages to do is stare, with a growing dread constricting his pupils, at the landscape opening up before his eyes.
There is Itomori. That place he had been searching so hard for all day is visible beneath his feet. What was once a warm, peaceful and crowded town is now devastated by some unimaginable force and almost swallowed by the lake.
Of the streets, only the debris of the pavement remains, peeking over the water's edge; of the little train that used to stop from time to time, only the wagons, rusted iron and deteriorated structure and crushed tracks remain; and of all the buildings and houses that used to surround the lake, there is nothing but ruins.
Echoes of what they once were.
No-
"Hey, is this really the place?" asks Sabito cautiously. He's standing behind Tomioka. He's been following him all this time from a considerable distance, almost as if giving him his space to take in what's in front of him.
The cap is still on his head, and the peach hair in his ponytail beneath it moves more lightly than Giyu's. Almost like a representation of how they are feeling at those moments.
"No way! Giyu must remember wrong." Tengen replies without waiting for him to respond, sounding desperately optimistic. He has taken the longest to catch up with them and stops next to Sabito, turning his head in his direction as he speaks.
"No" Tomioka interrupts firmly. His voice is strained, an attempt to not let the rumbling emotions inside him escape. "I'm sure this is it."
Tomioka looks away from the destroyed landscape of Itomori and turns sharply to look around. Behind is the school building, black and smudged, with some of its windows broken. It is completely abandoned, but Tomioka remembers it differently, full of people and him accompanied by friends who are close, but at the same time complete strangers.
It is so vividly coiled in his memory that he feels despair make him raise his voice with every word that comes out from between his lips to convince himself of that. "This schoolyard, the mountains-I remember this high school exactly!"
Tomioka notices that Tengen has a dry smile plastered on his lips and an incredulous pinch of a frown on his brow when he finally looks at them. Uzui brings his hand to the back of his neck under the hood of the sweatshirt he's wearing in a nervous gesture.
"That can't be true," he then says. Tengen licks his lips, perhaps searching for the right words with which to continue; he takes a step towards Giyu without realizing it. "Surely you remember the disaster that took hundreds of lives three years ago!"
Behind them, near the metal fence, stand Mitsuri and Iguro. They no longer wear the aprons and headscarves on their heads; just casual clothes and jackets for the cold autumn wind. They stand side by side, just observing the scene laid out in front of them.
Mitsuri has a worried grimace on her face, but Iguro has been holding her hand all this time since they left the restaurant and brought them here. He circles his thumb over her skin to make her understand that he is there with her. A gesture of mutual support, she gives their intertwined fingers a squeeze and envelops them in the sincere love they have for each other.
"Yes, you- we saw that comet together when you were still living with your parents, remember?" Sabito speaks to him as well. He carries a desperate and insistent touch that is reflected on his face when he does so.
Tomioka turns fully towards them after hearing him and stands still.
"Disaster?" Giyu savors the words in his mouth, takes them in, slow and methodical, searching for the memory he's referring to, afraid of coming to shoo it away if he does it too quickly.
And he finds it.
No-
That comet, three years ago.
When they and Tsutako had gone up to the roof of the building. He remembers that he didn't really feel like going out to feel the cold autumn air getting into his bones just to see a comet that time, but he had done it for them.
That comet, three years ago.
When, one night,lines and brushstrokes of the most beautiful shades of purple and blue sky were painted in the sky. The shimmering trail, a long hair of striking colors crossed the night sky. As countless shooting stars fell across the western sky.
That comet, three years ago.
"Disaster three years ago?" Giyu murmurs. He wants to let his gaze linger on them, but he crosses them instead; then crosses the high school behind to dissipate into the distance.
No-
Giyu can't accept it. He doesn't allow himself to do it.
Tanjiro can't-he can't be dead!
The horror at that mere thought mixes with unease and dread in his chest, squeezing tightly. Pulling the air out of his lungs. Making his heart stutter in his chest.
Time seems to stand still. It feels slow. He feels the air pressing against his skin. Crushing. Squeezing. Thick and suffocating.
Gone is the sound of the wind. Gone are the birds making noise in the sky, there is only him and the drumming of his heart.
No-
No-
No-Nonono!
Tanjiro can't!
He can't be dead!
But the way Tengen and Sabito look at him, that disbelief and concern, tell him otherwise.
Tomioka lets out a shaky sigh. "That can't be"
His mind churns, scheming in memories and how they scream at him that it must be a lie. All the sensations of living his life; all the moments when he would stop to breathe; his love for Tanjiro. That shadow of something that has been trying to creep into his mind all this time and creeping around.
He talked to Tanjiro for weeks; swapped bodies with him for a month; they left each other notes-.
The notes-
Giyu blinks repeatedly, the sudden spark of hope crossing his face. He smiles, nervous and agitated, even with the tense lines around his eyes, before speaking "That can't be...I still have the memos that he left behind"
Giyu pulls his phone out of his pocket with fumbling hands and, spurred on by the absurd fear that the battery will run out forever if he takes too long, he flips through it in a panic, his fingers searching for Tanjiro's diary entries. Green amidst all the blue of the others. They are really there .
But something is wrong .
Giyu rubs his eyes hard. His free hand sinking into his eyelids as if seeking to remove any debris or dust particles that are obstructing his sight or making him look wrong. Because for a moment, the letters seem to writhe.
In front of his incredulous gaze, the letters change.
First one letter, then another.
The words Tanjiro wrote begin to dissolve into meaningless symbols. No order. Before long, the text flickers like the flame of a lit candle in the middle of the night, then disappears.
One by one, its entries disappear completely. From the first one a month ago, to the last one before the date with Sabito. It's as if something or someone invisible is pressing DELETE and no matter how much Tomioka tries to avoid it, he can't do anything.
As Giyu watches, all his sentences disappear.
And it's as if they were never there in the first place.
"They're disappearing..." he says to nothingness with one last choked breath.
The birds are still making noise in the sunset sky. Giyu doesn't know which ones they are.
He doesn't care.