Edward Elric doesn't allow himself to think his life sucks, because even if everyone else thinks so, he might fall apart if he does.
He's got too much at stake to let himself do that.
So, his life doesn't suck.
Not even after mom died, not even after the human transmutation that went wrong, not even after his pride had resulted in the loss of his brother's body, not even after automail surgery, not even after selling himself out to become a State Alchemist at age twelve.
Not even after discovering what had become of Nina and Alexander a few hours earlier.
Although, he thinks bitterly, it might suck a little bit right now.
He's standing in front of that wretched Gate, the figureless body that haunts his sleepless nights waving his own arm at him in a mockery of a friendly gesture.
"This has to be another nightmare," he reasons aloud. "I haven't done anything to warrant seeing your ugly ass again."
"My, my," Truth responds, placing Ed's hand against where a chest should be, (where a heart should be), "That's not very nice. The polite response is 'It's nice to see you again.' Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?"
Truth's grin spreads impossibly wide. Their teeth, blunt and human, somehow seem more menacing than the bared canines of any predator.
Ed hisses at the pointed comment. "As if anyone would be pleased to see you."
Truth fakes hurt again, their mouth turning into a pout. "It's not a nightmare, you know. You're seeing the real deal!"
"Even in my dreams you're trying to fuck with me," Ed snarls, fists clenched at his side. "I'd never come back here, no matter what happened. I swore it."
And god, hadn't he wished, even prayed to the idea of a god that he had abandoned years before, that he could do something to help Nina, to undo the sickening transmutation that had robbed her of her dignity as a human being and turned her into nothing more than an experiment in the eyes of alchemists, who marveled at "its" ability to learn language.
He bites back the urge to vomit and cry at the same time.
"Who's to say you had a choice in the matter?" Truth asks innocently and Ed pales considerably.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, YOU BASTARD?"
"Now, now, there's no need to get upset," Truth chides, as if Ed were a little kid throwing a tantrum over not being allowed to eat ice cream before dinner. "I haven't done anything…"
Truth examines the fingers on their stolen hand, on Ed's hand, and picks at a hangnail.
"Yet."
Ed is already moving, his right arm pulled back, ready to use his fist to break the teeth of the entity's perpetual grin. Everything happens in the span of two breaths.
Inhale: his left hand grabs Truth's (his) shoulder and throws him to the ground, clambering over him.
Exhale: his automail arm swings down to hit where Truth's face would be if they had one. The force of the blow has Truth's head slamming to the side.
Inhale: both of his hands wrap around Truth's neck.
Exhale: "If you think I'm going to let you do any more damage than you already have, you have another thing coming, you son of a bitch."
Truth laughs then, loud and amused, and Ed tightens his hold around their neck.
"I applaud the effort, and the drama of it all, but you know better than I that this will do little to stop me, little alchemist." They emphasize the name and Ed knows a threat when he sees (or hears) one.
"Don't," Ed says, voice laced with all of his hatred, his anger that never stops simmering under his skin.
"Don't what, little alchemist? You don't even know why I've brought you here and you're already making demands. Seems you haven't learned much in the last four years..."
"Stop it!" Ed shouts.
"Or what, little alchemist? There's nothing you can do to me here that will matter in the end. Try to kill me? I'll break every bone in your body and return your mangled corpse to good old Alphonse. I do wonder what his scream will sound like, I haven't heard it in so long. I wonder if he'll make an appearance here afterwards, he doesn't have much left to offer, after all."
There's a look of twisted amusement at the thought.
"Stop," Ed croaks. He lets go of the bastard's neck as if burned, but he's still on his knees on top of them. His left hand is shaking and he hopes that Truth hasn't noticed, but he knows they have.
His throat is dry and his tongue feels foreign in his own mouth. He swallows, not that it helps.
"Leave Al out of this."
"Don't worry your pretty little head," Truth smiles sweetly. Ed feels like he's swallowed an entire bottle of cough syrup. "We're not here to have a discussion about Alphonse anyhow."
The tension in Ed's body eases a bit, and he shoves Truth away from him as he gets back up and puts some distance between them. He shoves his hands into his pockets to remind himself to show some restraint.
"Then get on with it. I don't want to be here any longer than necessary."
Truth also stands up, brushing off their knees and hands as they do so. They tilt their head to the side and somehow Ed can feel their nonexistent eyes travel over his body; it makes his skin crawl.
"I've heard your prayers and have been entertaining the possibility of fulfilling your request."
"What?" Ed says, exasperated. "I'd never fucking ask you for anything, let alone pray for it. Just tell me what you want, you cryptic asshole, I don't have the energy for your riddles."
"Earlier, do you remember? You begged for a solution to poor little Nina's predicament."
It's like his blood freezes at the words. Ed shivers, feeling something cold trace down his spine.
His voice is hoarse. "You've got to be shitting me."
"Not at all, not at all! How could I ignore the cries of a lost lamb from my flock," Truth says, faking concern. "It's not every day I hear a prayer from one who has wandered away for so long."
"You heard that. You heard my pray- my thoughts?"
"Of course," Truth practically purrs. "And who am I to deny a prodigal son, returned home at last?"
"You're not God," Ed says immediately, but the words are hollow.
Truth shrugs. "Gods and the religions devoted to them are created through the power of human imagination. What you think you know of a god, or God with a capital G, or any omnipotent being, doesn't demand that such beings are actually like that. It's simply their belief in them that deludes humans into thinking so."
Truth watches him and says in an admiring voice: "Did you know that there is nothing quite as resilient, yet fragile, as faith?"
They laugh afterwards, a little too loud, a little too hysterical.
Ed's mouth opens and closes several times as he tries to respond to this world-changing revelation. "You have to be fucking with me again. You're telling me, you, you sick messed-up fuck, whatever you are, are, are the God that, that those people who go to church worship and pray to? That supposedly benevolent and loving God is you?"
Ed drops down to sit on the endless whiteness that surrounds them and scrubs his face with his left hand. "My mother used to pray every night, and, and, and once a week, she'd drag me and Al to that little chapel in town to attend service. She said that God is always listening, that They cared even if no one else did. Said that God is love and all that crap. I thought the whole thing was bullshit, especially after – you know." Ed gestures at the space around them, at the Gate, at himself. "Because what kind of a God lets any of this happen. Where is this, this, where is this love that people talk about when they talk about God."
He falls silent for a while and Truth doesn't respond. When he speaks again, it's resigned. "To think you were the fucking bastard in charge all along."
"I'm not exactly the same as the gods you humans have made up," Truth speaks up now. "In that I'm not responsible for most of the shenanigans that mankind gets up to. I don't let anything happen. Sure, I know what's going on and I see everything past, present, and future, but war, weapons, murder, etc., that's all on you and the rest of humanity."
Taking in the alchemist's glower, Truth continues in a matter-of-fact tone. "Why, I couldn't have made any of that up if I tried! Everything horrific that's come into existence is a direct result of the freedom to choose. Every awful decision a human being has ever made has only continued to perpetuate the perversion of the ultimate Truth: one is all, all is one. The way humans treat each other, so cruel, so self-serving – it's baffling how much the 'one' has come to dominate the 'all' in their eyes. Suffering, it would seem, is a punishment self-inflicted and well-deserved." If Truth had a face, their eyebrow would be raised.
Ed shuts up at that and thinks about his own choices.
His thoughts go immediately to his attempted resurrection of his mother.
He deliberately chose to ignore Teacher's warning and commit the ultimate trespass. And what had that done, other than throw his entire life into turmoil? Wasn't that the root of not only his suffering, but his brother's? Al's current state, his lack of limbs, his job as the military's bitch…
My life doesn't suck, my life doesn't suck, he repeats the mantra in an attempt to keep himself together. My life doesn't suck, my life… fucking sucks balls and it's my own god-damn fault.
"Why did you tell me this? You want me to suffer? Is this the equivalent exchange happening here, I receive knowledge I didn't even ask for and am punished in exchange?" Ed tries to say it angrily, but it just comes out sounding miserable. He drops his head to stare at his legs spread out in front of him and says quietly, "There are good people in the world. People who genuinely care just as much about the 'all' as they do the 'one'. They don't deserve to suffer, to be punished, especially not at the hands of a god like you."
"I assure you, I am not going out of my way to antagonize the so-called 'good people' of the world." Truth uses air quotes here. "I am simply informing you that I am not the god that people would like me to be. Kind, caring, loving, ha!" Truth scoffs. "Those are merely the attributes people would like me to have, because they are inherently selfish. They want me to be kind, to be caring, to be loving, because it would mean that they could pretend they are not self-centered for constantly asking, begging for things from a higher power."
"Why'd you bother with my pray- request then?" Ed snaps. He refuses to think of it as a prayer, not if it's being heard by this fucker.
"We certainly have gotten off-track from our original discussion, due to your preoccupation with my supposed role, shall we call it, in the universe. If you're quite ready to move on, I'm happy to inform you of why you've been brought here."
The Fullmetal Alchemist fumes silently. "Get on with it," he says through clenched teeth.
"Charming, aren't you?" Truth snickers.
"Shut the fuck up, bastard!"
"Alright, alright. Like I said before, I listened to your rather desperate prayer a few hours ago regarding one Nina Tucker." Truth puts a finger from Ed's stolen hand against their chin, as if in thought. "And I've made an executive decision to answer it." A pause for dramatic effect. "I will allow you to transmute Nina Tucker back into her original form."
Silence fills the empty expanse. Ed widens his eyes, stunned. Then his brow furrows, and the corners of his mouth turn down into a grimace.
"What's the price?"
Truth lets out a sound of delight. "Perhaps you have learned a thing or two in the last four years!"
"What. Is. The. Price."
"Weeell, I have a little predicament of my own that I'd like you to fix in return."
Ed narrows his eyes. "What kind of predicament?"
"I'll let you in on another secret: I'm not just the higher power in charge of your reality, I'm the higher power in charge of all of them," Truth smirks.
"What, what the hell are you saying?!" Ed splutters.
Truth spread their arms wide and throws their head back. "You're not alone, Edward Elric. Your universe is not alone! Every conceivable, alternate reality, every parallel universe – you name it – exists. Every single one converges at a single point, and that point is me."
Ed is at a loss for words and Truth takes advantage of it to continue.
"Anyhow, one of these particular realities is posing a problem to the natural order of things." For the first time, Truth frowns; that gets Ed's attention. "There is a certain individual, who is attempting to… cheat me with their actions."
Ed crinkles his nose in confusion. "What does that even mean?"
"Perhaps I should explain. In this particular reality, unlike your own, there is only one Gate and not everyone is allowed access to the abilities afforded by it. Those who are capable of using the Gate are not aware of its existence. However, the shared Gate for these particular individuals is always open –"
"What the fuck!" Ed jolts up from where he had been sitting.
"– a bit. Only a fraction, but it's enough to give them access to an incredible range of abilities that function quite differently from the alchemy of your reality."
"What's the fee, then? If the door is always open, the toll must be fucking insane!"
Truth starts to grin again. "That's the catch. Each member of that entire society pays for their knowledge after the fact. Namely, once they die."
All of the blood drains from Ed's face. "What happens to them when they die?"
"Their souls are transmuted into the Gate."
Truth watches Ed turn unnaturally white with glee. "The singular Gate in that reality is composed of millions of souls, who feel themselves disintegrate into nothing as others continue to access the Gate. Marvelous, isn't it?"
Ed's on his hands and knees, emptying the contents of his stomach as Truth howls with laughter. Once there's nothing left to vomit, he's still on all fours, dry-heaving.
"That's fucking sick," Ed manages to say at last. "You're fucking sick."
"One is all, all is one," Truth replies, before looking at him with a smirk. "If you think that's sick, you'd be loath to find out what other things go on in this great Unknown."
They laugh again and Ed shivers from where he is on the ground.
"I refuse to have anything to do with this absolute fucking nightmare of a reality, if it even exists. I fucking won't do anything for you no matter what you offer me, if it involves a Gate made of human souls, bastard!"
"Oh, don't be such a goody-goody. It's not like it's painful," Truth says, pouting. "They certainly feel it happening, but if anything, it feels like forgetting. It's like…" They try to come up with an apt analogy. "It's like getting on a train, and the further you go, the less you remember, until eventually, your soul ceases to exist. Easier than falling asleep."
"I don't care! You're telling me that these people use a Gate that is made from the souls of other people like them and they don't even know the price of the knowledge they have access to!"
"Do they need to know the price? They're dead when their souls are repurposed, after all. They never even find out about the Gate; it could simply be thought of as their version of the afterlife. What would you rather, that they find out about the Gate after performing a crime against nature, like, let's say, human transmutation? Or that they pay the fee upfront, like you? Like Alphonse? Would that be better? You would prefer these people be subjected to pain during their lifetimes for the sake of their abilities, which is the foundation of their secret society, rather than entering a painless circle of life upon dying?"
Ed stares at his hands.
Would it be better? These people may not know what they're getting into with the Gate, but if Truth is, well, telling the truth, at least their toll is painless. And if they really are dependent on the Gate's powers, it would be horrific for every single person to have to experience what Ed and Al have to gain such abilities.
"No," he admits quietly. "That wouldn't be better."
"Precisely my point. It's equivalent exchange in the end. And while you may be acting like a petulant child now, don't forget," Truth reminds him, "This little favor would be for Nina's sake."
He squeezes his right hand into a fist, before taking a deep breath and letting it splay out on the ground in front of him. He pushes himself up and stands on his shaking legs.
"You didn't even explain what the favor would be."
"You're right! We got a little distracted again, didn't we?" Truth talks to him like he's a child and he despises them for it.
"As I said before, there is a certain individual who is attempting to cheat me. He is doing so unknowingly, because he is trying to cheat death and he isn't aware of what the afterlife entails, but he is cheating me nonetheless."
Truth runs their tongue over their teeth. "This little favor would require you to ensure that this individual ends up where he belongs."
Ed's eyebrows shoot up. "You're asking me to kill someone for you?"
"It's exactly as I said: make certain that this individual ends up where he needs to be, and I will allow you to return Nina Tucker to her original state."
"And you would consider this to be an equivalent exchange somehow, no catch?"
"I mean, there's a bit of a catch."
"I fucking knew it, it was too good to be true, you –"
Truth cuts him off. "I am assuming you don't want to return to your reality years after you've left, yes?"
"Of course not! I can't just up and leave Al, I haven't even gotten his body back!"
They snap and point at him. "And there's the catch. It's a matter of time! If you want me to return you to this exact moment, exactly as you are, I'll need a little more than just one soul."
"I won't kill innocents for you, if that's what you're getting at."
"No, no, no, this second part won't involve any killing at all. You see, there are three objects I need you to retrieve for me."
Truth draws a line on the ground. "The Elder Wand."
They draw a circle on top of it. "The Resurrection Stone."
And finally, a triangle circumscribing the entire thing. "The Invisibility Cloak."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'wand'?"
"Yes, wand! Oh, did I forget to mention that the people who have access to the Gate's abilities refer to said abilities as magic?" They say it innocently.
"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me."
"I did say they had abilities quite different from those afforded to you by alchemy."
"Yeah, I got that, I just can't believe you forgot to mention that they call their alchemy magic!"
"Technically? It's not alchemy, because it doesn't follow equivalent exchange the way alchemy does."
"How can that be possible?! If they're using a Gate, they have to use equivalent exchange."
"Because of the source. The souls that create the Gate compensate for any amount that exceeds what would be considered equivalent."
Ed presses a hand against his mouth and gags a little as he thinks about that particular tidbit of information. He isn't about to fight Truth over the status quo of another reality, but even while knowing the utilization of human souls isn't painful for the souls in question, the "circle of life", as Truth called it, unsettles him deeply.
But that brings up another point: "Wait. Then how the hell will I get anything done against people who can use magic that doesn't follow equivalent exchange!" Ed yells. "You are setting me up, aren't you?"
"Don't worry about that, I have actually thought everything out, you know."
"Then start talking," Ed snaps.
"As I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted, the three items I described to you are ancient magic-made artifacts that were intended to give a person power over death, and in that sense, power over me. The wizards say that whoever possesses all of the Hallows will become Master of Death and I can't have that, can I?"
"You sure fucking can't," Ed mutters.
"So, return to me the Hallows, and I will return you without consequences to the moment you wake, the day after you found out what has happened to the Tucker girl. Give me the soul of Tom Marvolo Riddle, and I will allow you to undo her transmutation."
A pause and then a grin.
"And I'm willing to grant you access to a slightly open Gate as well."
"Why the fuck would you do that?" Ed asked suspiciously. "What do you want in return?"
"I'm actually not asking anything more in return. It's already an equivalent exchange."
"How?"
"I'm sending you away for an unspecified amount of time to complete a task for me, separated from your family and friends and every trivial human thing you care about, unable to make any progress in your endeavors to get your and your brother's bodies back," Truth shrugs. "I think it's only equivalent I provide you the means to level the playing field."
"When you put it like that, I feel like I'm definitely giving more than I'm getting," Ed says grouchily, crossing his arms and glaring at Truth.
"Come now, when I say level the playing field, I really mean level the playing field. You'll be receiving quite a bit of my help in this brave, new world."
"What kind of help?" He's skeptical, but if there is a possibility to help Nina without violating any natural and alchemical laws and without any repercussions, he'd jump at the chance to do so, though he doesn't want to say that to Truth. Although, it probably doesn't matter because Ed is an open book no matter how much he tries.
"Well, well, well, isn't someone a little eager," Truth says, to which Ed grits his teeth. They smirk at the sight and continue.
"I'd be providing you with a seamless introduction into the wizarding world, so that your sudden existence doesn't raise any questions and you aren't hauled off for questioning. As I said, I'm even willing to give you the ability to perform magic." Truth wiggles their fingers and Ed drags his hand over his face at the sight of the jazz hands. "I'll give you a wand, appropriate supplies including currency, and some crucial information regarding any and all necessary everyday knowledge, Riddle's current state, and the location of the Hallows. Oh! I'll also be providing you with fluency in the local language – Amestris doesn't exist over there, and neither does its language."
They count off just how many things they'd be providing as they mention them, using their stolen fingers to do so.
Well, isn't that just fucking peachy, Ed thinks to himself. Amestris doesn't even exist in this insane world where there are "wizards" and "wands" and "magic"…
He scowls. "It sounds like you already know how you want this to go down, so you're just looking for some loser to do your dirty work."
"That's exactly right. And would you look at that, I've found my loser!"
Ed restrains himself from lashing out and opts for flipping Truth off instead.
"Who the fuck said I'm even agreeing to this at all, asshole?"
"You are, aren't you?"
Truth and Ed are now seated in front of the Gate. Truth has Ed's arm propped up on their knee, Ed's leg bent in front of him. Ed sits cross-legged across from them, flesh arm resting on his automail leg and automail fist pressed against the ground. He runs his real hand through his hair.
"I'm considering it," he admits reluctantly.
Truth claps their hands together with fake excitement. "I knew you would."
"Doesn't mean I'll be your bitch, though – I do things my fucking way or I don't do them at all."
There's a smile that would have been considered genuine on any other person.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
* * * * *
Ed wasn't sure how long he had spent arguing and negotiating the details of Truth's arrangement after that, but he had counted at least seven times he had to stop himself from trying to strangle the smug asshole, so he's guessing it's been at least two to three hours.
It was a necessary evil: he wanted to be absolutely certain that Truth hadn't included any loopholes or underhanded means of fucking him over.
"Does anyone know where I am right now?"
"The moment you were brought here is also the moment to which you will return. No one will know you've been away."
"What are you going to do if I don't agree to do this?"
"Nothing really. It just means you will wake up the next morning and live every day of your life knowing that little Nina Tucker will endure and suffer as a chimera even though you had the ability to save her from such a fate, little alchemist."
(That was the fourth time Ed almost lost it.)
"If I'm in a world with a different Gate set-up, will I still be able to use alchemy?"
"Yes, your particular Gate will be fully capable of functioning as it originally was intended to, as well as enable you to use magic, once open. Fun fact: the witches and wizards of this world also have alchemy, but it's an outdated magic."
"What happens if I don't get everything done? Like I get you this Riddle guy's soul, but I only find one of these three hollow things."
"Hallows. And it's simple: you don't accomplish my tasks, you don't come back. You'll be stuck there until you die. And should you try meet me in this scenario through a violation of alchemy, I'll be taking much more than a limb."
"Last question: what if I die in this alternate reality?" he had asked.
"Your soul will be absorbed by the singular Gate in that reality," Truth said plainly. "And you'd cease to exist in this one. Memories of you and proof of your existence will fade and the fabric of the universe will weave itself over the holes left behind."
He gulped. "Would Al…," he trailed off, afraid to say it aloud.
"Alphonse would've never been someone's younger brother. He'd think he were an only child."
Ed could feel the start of a migraine then, which was completely aggravated by the pure whiteness of his surroundings. He had pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and did his best to think rationally.
This had the potential to be a disaster. Great potential, in fact. If he failed, everyone and everything he vowed to protect wouldn't know he had existed and all of the oaths he'd sworn and the promises he'd made would mean nothing.
It's selfish, he thinks. I'm selfish. They wouldn't know what happened, they wouldn't know who I was. It would be painless for them. But it would kill me.
But he thinks of Truth's provocation, of Nina transformed, robbed of her freedom to choose. Could he really live with himself if he foregoes the opportunity to save her from a lifetime of misery?
Edward Elric is intelligent, he is cunning and brave. But at the very heart of his being, Edward Elric is loyal to a fault. He is fiercely protective and cares so much it hurts him worse than any wound he's ever received. And he already knows, sitting in front of Truth, that if he has a chance to fix what has been done to an innocent little girl, he'll take it. No matter what it costs him in return.
He's been mumbling the periodic table of elements in an effort to soothe himself once he came to this realization. He reaches Indium, atomic number 49, atomic mass 114.82 amu, before Truth jolts him from his thoughts.
"So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?"
Truth is all smiles and Ed can tell that they already know he'll do it. Maybe they even knew before he himself realized it.
"It's a deal," he says quietly. He's resolved, but he's not happy about it.
Every inch of Truth's non-being radiates a manic exuberance at his words. They stride forward to where Ed's still sitting and extend their right hand, Ed's right hand.
He's forced to touch it with his automail.
(He usually only ever offers his left hand when he's been in this situation.)
He hates that everything Truth does is calculated, controlled, and intended to make him deeply uncomfortably, to ensure he remember his sins. (As if he's ever forgotten.)
In that moment, he thinks of his mother, who prayed to this entity and named him God, who told him God forgives and God loves.
If this is forgiveness, if this is love, Ed wonders as Truth pulls him up so he's standing, his automail port throbbing without reason. Just how cruel is hatred?
They shake hands.
And then he wakes up.
!