Lilia Greyrat - K410.
Beautiful. That was the only word I could use to describe the couple in front of me. No matter where they were, no matter what was happening, they always found a way to express their love...Did I envy it? I wasn't quite so sure myself... No, that was a lie. I did envy them... I envied Zenith.
Every single day she'd receive enough love and pleasure to last a lifetime, and every single day I'd be forced to listen to her, while I was stuck with only myself... No matter how good a servant I was, and make no mistake, I prided myself in my competence, It was impossible for me to resist... For how much longer could I do it? 1 year? 2 years? 5?... I was just trying me best, I really was.
Looking at them through the window then, dusting off the table, I saw a life I could've had, and it hurt. No matter how much I suppressed it, the pain was there.
"I want it. I want that happiness.", was everything I could think about as I dazed off. Thankfully, I was snapped out of it by little Tanya.
"Lilia, you look lost, are you tired? Are you okay" - She paused for a moment. - "You're aware it's perfectly okay to rest, or even take a day or two off, no? If anyone protests, I will be the one to defend you."
Ah Tanya... She was an odd child. When she was first born, I was scared of her. Not creeped out, not unsettled. Scared, I was scared of her.
From the moment she first opened her eyes, she had that tired, almost bored look on her face, almost as if she wasn't impressed by anything around her, as if she understood, as if life had nothing moe to offer her, as if she knew the true value of it. I knew that look, I knew it well. It was the look of a seasoned soldier, a killer.
No baby should look like that... In fact, no child should. But there she was, and as time passed, it became more and more obvious that she was anything but normal. She could easily understand commands, actual, complex commands by the 6 months, and within a year, she could actually communicate, and communicate well.
I was reluctant to interact with her at first, but she made an effort to talk to me every opportunity she had, and so I was forced to engage.
She was charming. Much too intelligent for a toddler, but it was undeniable her charisma was there... Over time, I became soft around her. I liked the girl, I truly did. She was smart, kind, patient, observant, and diligent. Caring for her quickly became one of my favorite parts of the day. Carrying her around, talking about silly or serious topics alike, all the while receiving praise for my efficiency, were all activities I greatly enjoyed.
Tanya was a blessing in my life... Even still, I wanted more.
"Hm? Oh I'm sorry Tanya. I just had something on my mind... Nothing important, I assure you." - I said, continuing to do my job.
"You can't lie to me. I'm young, not stupid." - Tanya approached, tugging my skirt while looking directly into my eyes. - "You're too competent, too focused to let anything minor distract you, so it must be something important. Tell me."
Yep. Too intelligent for a toddler.
"Hm... I was just envious of someone, nothing important though. Just how they cared for their lawn... It was... No, it still is beautiful. While my own lawn would probably look mediocre by comparison." - I looked towards the window once more, both Zenith and Paul playfully flirting and kissing while tending to their respective duties. A faint smile crossed my face, but it didn't last long.
Looking back at little Tanya, I saw her eyes narrow, and a frown appeared on her face... I knew that expression... I was about to get scolded.
"You're not at all subtle, you know that?"
"I've been known to be rather blunt, yes." - I answered in a silly manner, allowing myself to sit down in preparation for the inevitable conversation we were about to have.
"I was gonna tell you to sit down, good. Anyways... Why do you envy my parents?"
"They have a kind of happiness I don't, and after so long... I want it too."
"So... You want to get married too? Is that it? You want to have a partner?"
"Maybe." - I answered while looking away for a moment... What did I want? Was it just pleasure? An emotional connection? Both?
"You don't even know what you want, do you? That's unlike you, Lilia. Figure out what you want first."
"Hm... Let's say I do. What then?"
"You take action in accordance to your desires, in a controlled, rational way, of course."
"And what if they're outside my realm of possibility?"
"Are they?" - Tanya asked while tilting her head.
"Maybe. What if I lose everything by acting in accordance to them?"
"Would you rather live the rest of your life lost, then? It's better to do what you want than to never do it and regret it later."
A brief silence followed as I pondered her words... Hm. What she says has merit, but how would I even go about taking actions, assuming I even figure out what I want in the first place?
"What if I figure out supressing my desires in the best way to act given the circumstances?"
"Well, are you certain you could supress them without them eventually blowing up in your face?"
Good point... I doubted it. I was strong, but not strong enough to suppress my desires for too long.
"Hm... What if my issue involves disrupting the lives of people close to me?"
"Then talk to them. At worst, you will be forced to distance yourself, but that'd happen anyways if you disrupted their lives by unleashing your supressed desires." - She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. - "It is better to talk it out than to live with the consequences of your actions... That's why I think you should talk with Zenith. Paul too, but his opinion doesn't matter as much."
I chuckled at her comment regarding her father... Such dry humour. Tanya was truly wonderful.
"I see. That makes sense... Say, If I were to be kicked out, would we still talk?"
"Oh yeah, absolutely. God knows I need all the adult company I can have. My parents hardly count, so that only leave you, and Roxy. I'd probably argue for you to stay if anythinhg, I like you."
I laughed at her implication that both her parents were children... Well it was true really, they were quite silly people.
Ah Tanya... What a blessing you are. Thank you. Truly, thank you. I shall keep everything you said in mind.
"Are you sure you're three, by the way?"
"Pretty sure yeah. You know, I had to grow up fast to take care of those two." - She pointed at the outside of the house, which drew yet another chuckle from me.
We talked for some time after, but eventually, I had to return to my duties, and Tanya had to study. It was fun though, and it was truly insightful... It made me realize something.
That maybe, just maybe, I could be happy too... All I needed to do was talk, huh?
59
Citatel of Roa - K410.
Visiting Roa proved itself to be a wonderful time investment. For one, searching for books was a breeze, and the sheer variety was honestly pretty refreshing after so long stuck with only a handful. Even Roxy proved herself easily swayed when seeing some of the books for sale. Her initial resistance to being gifted anything at all quickly disappeared.
Paul was sulky throughout the entire visit, and rightfully so, it was his waller that was getting violated after all, I'd be sulky too.
Despite feeling bad for him though, my desire for more knowledge heavily outweighed any pity I felt, and so, squeezing him dry was the plan. I needed to know the currency, and out budget to do that properly though, so I resorted to Zenith's knowledge, who explained how currency worked for the most part, and what I could be expected to spend on this visit.
It was a rather simple system. 1 gold coin was equivalent to 10 silver coins, which were equivalent to 100 large copper coins, and those were worth around 1000 regular copper coins. A quick interrogation regarding the prices of everyday stuff told me the lowest form of currency would be worth 100 yen in my original world, and I could easily extrapolate that to gauge how much stuff was worth... And holy moly, was the stuff I wanted expensive.
Books could easily range from one to several gold pieces depending on their contents, and Paul would be buying more than one... No wonder he was cranky. Even still, as long as it didn't affect our living conditions too much, I was still quite content in making his wallet bleed.
After several hours of roaming around, comparing prices and evaluating subject matters worthy of Paul's my money, I eventually settled on two different books. One of them was a massive magic encyclopedia which would likely satisfy my curiosity regarding more generalized disciplines of magic. The second was a niche work, focused entirely on magic circuits, magic objects, etc. With both of these, I could further expand my horizons, and possibly start work on my computation orb of sorts.
Roxy ended up picking a less generalized compilation of spells, which would allow her to reach greater heights in magic. Naturally, I'd be hijacking that book whenever the opportunity presented itself.
All in all, quite a bit was spent, but I reckoned Paul would be quite satisfied with the forced investment he made... Or not. 15 golden coins was still a lot, I doubt he'll just overlook that price just because myself and Roxy became way better at magic.
...
He's the type of person to voice his frustrations constantly, so I'll never hear the end of it... Bloody hell.
Aside from books, Zenith also bought some new clothes for me. At first she wanted the super girlish types, but I protested, and we eventually hit a compromise, being feminine clothes with practical function behind them. I honestly quite liked the clothes picked for me, they had a certain 20th century charm behind them, and it reminded me of my previous lives to some degree... Well, it didn't matter much, as I'd grow out of them within the year most likely.
Even still, it was nice to have them for now, especially since, we'd be making a temporary stop to visit family... Nobility, really.
Citadel of Roa - K410.
The Greyrat estate was a grand old thing. It didn't take a genius to realize whoever owned the place was incredibily rich, and that, paired with abundance of servants, reminded me a lot of the upper ranks within the empire, and I absolutely despised that.
It didn't surprise me most maids were beastfolk though, of course Paul's family would be a bunch of catgirl lovers... Classic, truly.
Me, Roxy, and the rest were all seated on a particularly luxurious yet rustic room, all waiting to be greeted by someone named Philip, Paul's cousin. And it didn't take long for him to arrive.
"Hello there, Paul." - The man said, his presence almost null, unfelt in the room. He had sly eyes though, and from the moment I laid eyes on him, I didn't trust the guy. I am appreciative of a good actor, but he was too good, and it unnerved me.
Roxy likely felt the same way, given her discomfort... But Zenith was fine, so maybe he wasn't so bad after all? Zenith was kind, she was forgiving, but she was an excellent judge of character from what I could gather, and her emotional, as well as social intelligence was off the charts by my parameters. Trusting someone who my mom trusted might not have been a bad idea... Though, I couldn't fully let my guard down. He just looked too suspicious for that.
My parents greeted the man, exchanged some pleasantries, and his gaze quickly fell onto me.
"And the little one who's been eyeing me would be Tanya, No?" - He rubbed his chin for a moment, showing his eyes for a moment before smiling even wider than before. - "She's got a fierce gaze, doesn't she? Scary."
"Damn right she does! I hardly believe she's a 3 year old myself sometimes... And I'm her father!"
"Well, She probably got it from Zenith... Your wife is a scary woman, Paul."
"Hah... I know that better than anyone, Philip."
Zenith giggled as they spoke, and after a couple seconds of their back and forth, Paul finally sat down to address everyone in the room.
"It is a pleasure to have you all again. And it is a special pleasure to meet my niece, as well as her fabled master." - Offering a hand to Roxy, he waited for her to take it, and that took several seconds as the girl hesitated, but ultimately gave in.
"Do feel free to stay here for the week. I hear some heavy rain might befall Fittoa, and the roads will get quite rough. I will have servants guide each of you to your rooms." - He then went on to explain a few other boring things, such as common manners, what to and not to touch around the house, and generally quite mundane topics. - "With that all out of the way, Paul, shall we discuss some more private matters elsewhere?"
"Yeah yeah... I'll be right back, okay honey?" - He said, giving Zenith a brief kiss before departing.
Like he said, servants ended up showing us to our rooms, and we were alone for the first time since leaving Buena Village... Ah how I missed the silence.
It lasted all of 2 hours before my door was kicked open by a red hair... Philip's daughter, Eris Boreas Greayrat,
"Hey! Do you wanna play?! My dad said good things about you!" - She said while marching through my room, getting closer and closer with no regard for personal space, or privacy for that matter.
"No, I would not. Later, perhaps?"
"Why not?! Let's play now! I'm bored!"
"And I'm tired. Would you give me some time to rest, and then we can play?"
"But I want to now! Please???"
"No, I'm sorry. We will play later."
"You sound like an adult! What is this?!" - She stomped on the floor repeatedly, and I could do nothing but sigh at the sight of it... Too spoiled. Way too spoiled, what the fuck are you doing Philip? you're suspicious, and you're a terrible dad as well?!
"Hmph! Then I'll just stay here until you play with me!"
"is there any way for you to leave?"
"You'll have to kick me out yourself! And you're tiny, so you have no chance!"
...
Alright brat, you asked for it.
[Intermediate level spell: Sonic boom]
In an instant, Eris was flung out of the room, but the wind was gentle enough not to hurt her in any way. Before she could get up, the door had been closed shut already.
That should get the message through to her-
I couldn't even finish that thought before Eris opened the door again, a sparkle in her eyes as she looked at me in awe.
"Again again! I want that again! What was that?!"
"Magic, now get out."
"You'll have to do the same thing to get me out!"
I did so without hesitation, and just like the first time, I shut the door using wind magic... Only for her to burst in once more.
"Again!"
Fuck. There goes my peace.
Citadel of Roa - K410.
My stay at the Greyrat estate was painful. The reason? A kid named Eris.
Ever since our first encounter, she wouldn't leave me alone for even a second, asking me if I could do something, asking if I knew how a certain spell worked, asking if I was stronger than person A, asking if I was weaker than person B, all the while playing with me hair and dolling me up as if I was an actual manequim! Damn you, Eris! My peace and quiet were gone, and for what?
I thought of deflecting her attention to Roxy, who was by all means the prettier one of the two of us, and also the better magician, but subjecting Roxy to that hell was not something I could bring myself to do... Too precious.
After 3 days of it though, I was quite sick of the constant pestering and my pleas for Philip to do something being ignored, and so, I decided to call for the only person Eris apparently listened to, and have a chat with them both.
Sauros Boreas Greyrat. To say the man had an imposing presence would be an understatement. He had an air of roughness and authority from him, he was like Eris in a sense, but not spoiled... No, that wouldn't be the right way to describe it. Eris waited for others to bend themselves to her will, Sauros made them bend.
Seeing him in person for the first time was certainly a bit of whiplash, given how different his son was, but either way, I maintened my composure as he demanded an explanation for calling both himself and Eris there.
"I believe your granddaughter is acting improperly. I do not mind being friends with her, however, she won't leave me alone for even a second of the day, and I believe that is a huge breach of privacy."
"But-" - Eris tried to protest, but was immediately stopped by her grandfather, who simply gave her a look to shut her up.
"ERIS! YOU SHOULDN'T FORCE ANYTHING ONTO YOUR FRIENDS! IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM WANT TO STAY WITH YOU ALL DAY BY YOUR OWN EFFORT, THEN THAT'S ON YOU!" - He paused for a moment, catching his breath after screaming all that. - "RESPECT HER AS YOUR EQUAL! I AM TRULY SORRY ABOUT MY GRANDDAUGTHER!"
...
Well that went better than expected. My only complaint was the fact my ears were now bleeding, damn the guy was loud!
"It's okay, I simply point it out because others may not be as tolerant of it. I believe Eris to be a wonderful young lady, full of ambition and curiosity, however, she is too straight forward at times, and that may work against her.
Eris remained silent as I spoke, looking down in shame.
"With that out of the way... Shall we play later, Eris?"
Her eyes lit up instantly, and she simply nodded without saying anything.
"WELL SAID YOUNG ONE! ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE 3?!?!"
"Yes, I get that a lot..."
We ended up talking for a lot longer. He tested my intelligence, increasing the difficulty up to the the point asked me nigh impossible questions about territory management... For a 3 year old that is. I wasn't a 3 year old in spirit, and so, I ended up passing his little tests.
Later on, I ended up playing with Eris, and having a deeper conversation about relationships in general with her. She was quite pouty at first, but after several minutes of explaining basic concepts such as courtesy and consent, she gave in, and eventually vowed to be better.
What a silly day that was.
Buena Village - K410.
After one and a half week in the Greyrat estate, we finally returned home.
The peace and quiet provided by our house was certainly something I had missed, and I knew for a fact Roxy felt the same way.
Greeting Lilia again was also quite nice, though it was puzzling seeing her act so normally after the conversation we had not too long ago... Was she waiting for the right time? Probably, who knew?
More important than all of that was my magic progress, and oh progress was being made! Without Eris around, I could fully focus on studying using the new books I had acquired, and with Roxy's excellent dialectic and pedagogical prowess, it became incredibly easy to absorb new information and integrate into my magic.
Within a couple of months, I had reached advanced level in all elements, and Roxy herself had also improved massively, being able to cast some intermediate level with no incantations, though, she still had a lot of room to improve, as her method was hardly reliable just yet. With it came improvements in the casting of higher level spells even with incantations, as controlling her mana became easier and easier.
Magic circles were also becoming easier to grasp, given I had an entire book detailing how they worked. Admittedly, I wasn't able to get anything even remotely complex working for now, but any amount of progress was good if I wanted to create a suitable core for my computation orb.
Roxy was able to help somewhat, but her area of expertise was elsewhere... Even still, she was a brilliant mind, much smarter than myself at least, so I was sure her contributions were speeding up my progress.
It was nice...
Buena Village - K411.
"Tanya... What would you think of having 2 moms?" - Zenith asked while looking down at her 4 year old. They were both in the garden, enjoying their time together while taking care of the garden.
"Oh? Did Lilia finally talk to you and Paul?"
"Wha- How do you know that?"
"I was the one who suggested talking in the first place. You may be able to deduce my standing on the matter from that."
"When did you talk to her, dear?!"
"Around a year ago I'm pretty sure. You know, I'm surprised she waited for so long... She was already desiring you and Paul back then, and neither of you helped by being particularly loud."
Zenith was confused. She could understand lusting over Paul, but herself as well?! Way back then?! Well... Lilia did want to become part of their relationship as a whole, so it made sense, but even still.
"Wait how do you know we uh... You know, you're a smart kid. You should be asleep at those hours, no?"
"I should but someone likes to keeo me awake with her late night noises."
...
"Uhm... That's besides the point! Back to the topic! What would you think about Lilia joining our relationship? She'd be your mom too!"
"I support it. About time I had a parent that actually behaved like an adult."
...
"That was mean..." - Zenith sulked with looking down.
"Alright, enough banter. I will be plain: I support it, but I won't blame you if you decide to fire Lilia. She was prepared for this outcome as well, though she hoped for the best. It is your decision to make, Mother. Paul certainly will remain neutral, and will be okay with any outcome... I know you are a devout follower of the milis faith, so you should think about this issue carefully, as it will cross some religious principles... As much as I hate religion. I also respect you." - I paused for a moment before continuing. - "So... Don't rush things, okay?"
...
"Yes little Tanya, of course." - . . . - "Are you sure you're a toddler?"
For fuck's sake, how many times have I been asked this?!
"Yes mother, I am quite sure. Stop asking me that, please."
Several weeks passed after that conversation, and it became clear Lilia was now a part of the family, Zenith made sure to tell me that... And well, the new addition of a new voice during late night activities just consolidated that. Ah Lilia... I was glad she was getting what she wanted, I just wished she wouldn't be so noisy about it.
Sleeping became more difficult, and whenever I tried to escape by visiting Roxy, she'd be busy as well. Great. Just great.
Needless to say, I focused on my studies to pass the time. Roxy had started teaching me some demon language a while back, so learning up from her books wasn't a terrible way to pass the time.
Buena Village - K412.
Finally, I got to master all of my elements. I was officially a saint class mage in all areas, save for healing magic. I was quite excited at first, realizing I was at the same level as Roxy, but that excitement quickly disappeared once I realized she had Become a King class water mage a just a couple weeks prior to me mastering the elements... Oh well, It was still amazing progress by all metrics. According to Roxy, saint class mages in any element were few and far between, and there I was, a saint class in all of them.
Magic circuitry was also coming along nicely. I had finally developed something like a rough prototype for one of the computation orb's elements: Input reading. It was crude, for now, being able to only register very broad external stimuli, but it was progress nonetheless. Hopefully, with time, I'd be able to transform that simple magic circle into several smaller, more specialized and more efficient modules which can be individually expanded upon, so in the end I can join them all together into one nice compact package later on.
Naturally, Roxy also was a huge part in it, being the one to suggest certain methods in which mana could be used to detect certain things, and also the one to optimize the initial design despite her lackluster knowledge.
Have I ever said she was a blessing? Well, have it again. She was truly a blessing. Whenever she wasn't helping around the house and village, she was helping me. I hated the very idea of religion and all it's pointless concepts, but if there was anyone who'd classify as a saint, Roxy would be it.
I was not the only one to think that either, both Zenith and Lilia were incredibly fond of her, and despite her demon heritage, the entire village greeted her warmly and with the respect she deserved.
My birthday also came. I was now officially 5, and the proud owner of 2 news books, courtesy of both Paul and Zenith, A luxurious brooch commissioned by Lilia Just for me, which I was quite grateful for. It would make for a good base for a computation orb later on, and it also reminded me of my type 97... It was nice.
And of course, Roxy's present was a pair of mana disruption gloves. In principle, they were mainly used to dispell any mana the user touched, however, that was only true if the user had the intent to do so, and didn't infuse their own mana into the gloves. Given my affinity for fine tuning mana costs and efficiency, it was quite the useful gift.
All in all, I was very content with the gifts received... Unfortunately however, Roxy would be moving away soon to pursue her own goals. She had hit a wall, and now that she knew she could surpass her limits, she wanted to be the very best she could in her area of expertise... Without her, things would certainly become more difficult, and my own progress would slow down considerably... An idea came to mind though.
"Roxy. May I accompany you in your travels?"
The entire room went silent for a moment before the blue haired girl spoke up.
"No little Tanya... It's too dangerous. You may be exceptional, but you are still ultimately a 5 year old."
"I agree with Roxy. You may be a precocious Kiddo, but you're still just that, a kiddo." - Paul also made his opinion clear, and both Lilia and Zenith silently agreed.
Tsk.
"Hm... Then, if traveling with you is not an option, how do you suggest I further expand on my potential? The reason I suggested it in the first place was because my progress would be considerably slowed down without you around. I need competent minds to foster me."
"Hm..." - She thought for a moment, but wasn't the one to speak up first.
"Don't you think you're rushing things bit?" - Lilia spoke, a hint of worry in her voice.
"Yeah kid. You're probably the youngest saint class mage in history, and you're a saint class mage in 4 different elements! You're already pretty amazing. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to prove yourself to someone? To us? Because believe me, we're impressed alright." - Paul said while crossing his arms, his voice a mix of sarcarm and concern.
"Yes. I am trying to impress someone." - I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in for a moment before continuing. - "I am trying to impress myself, and currently, I am not super impressed. You might think this will lead to obssession, however, I am not stupid. I know my limits very well, and I am well aware of who or what I am. That is something I will never lose track of."
It wasn't the whole truth. There was a bit of it in there, but honestly, I just wanted to be prepared... I never knew when or how I might die, and I wasn't keen on dying a third time. Besides, learning more and more would set me up for various careers later on, it was a win win for me.
"Even still... Tanya..." - Zenith was at a loss for words, and so was Roxy, Paul, and Lilia.
"I see. I still wouldn't be able to travel with you, however, If that is the case, then how about going to the Ranoa magic academy? There, you will have all the resources and competent minds you want to grow as a magician!" - Roxy said, smiling faintly while looking at me.
"Hm... Not a bad idea. How does that sound to everyone?"
Zenith and Lilia simply gave their thumbs up with weak little smiles on their faces, and Paul nodded, thinking for a moment and then speaking up as well.
"That would have to wait though, and there are a few things to keep in mind: 1. You will be bullied, probably, 2. The faculties there were not made for children, so you'll struggle, 3. you'll be all alone, and will have to take care of yourself... I know you're pretty good at that, but still."
"Alright, all of those sound pretty easy to deal with. If I have to wait, then, for how long?"
"Hm... What do you think Lilia?" - Both Paul and Zenith spoke up at the same time, almost as if their minds were one by now.
"I have no doubt Tanya would be able to easily handle herself even if she departed tomorrow, however, I believe giving her the chance to first explore would be beneficial. Outside of Roa, she has never left the village for any reason, and she hasn't experienced the formal setting of schools just yet. It may not be for her, and she may prefer to direct her efforts elsewhere. To know what she wants though, she needs experience." - She took a deep breath before continuing. - "For that reason, I believe she should be given 5 years to weigh her options carefully, and if she truly wishes to be taught in Ranoa academy, she can very well choose then."
Wise words, Lilia, wise words... I quite liked her line of thought, and was fully on board with it.
"Hm... That could work." - Both me and Roxy spoke this time... Hah, hivemind, huh?
"Alright then, it's decided. Kiddo, start thinking about the future since you like to do that so much. We'll start exploring the world soon, alright?" - Paul spoke up, and I agreed silently.
I was still upset I'd lose out on Roxy, but oh well... I'm sure we'd keep in contact, I made her promise me, after all.