I stared at my haunted reflection as I thoroughly washed and brushed my teeth with the extra toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink. I spit out the minty foam as my stomach protests when I accidentally swallow some and gargle my mouth clean. I take a deep breath and splash cold water to mask my inner turmoil. With a few rolls of my shoulder, I paint a slight awkward look on my face and a tensed posture.
I slowly push the door, wincing at the creak of the hinges, and walk in as the two brothers apparently freeze mid-scene in whatever they were doing, and they both stare at me. My hand reaches back and closes the door behind me.
"I'm sorry for interrupting, you guys can continue if you want...?" I trail off as I slowly approach my bed.
"Nah man, it's getting late anyway, and you should be tired." Anthony recovers first and he leaves after nodding at Chris.
Chris sits on his bed with a huff and eyes still staring. "We were practicing that scene I mentioned earlier." I nod at his words, but it seems a lightbulb goes off on his head as he tentatively smiles at me. "Oh yeah, I offered it earlier, but do you maybe wanna look at it?" He mentions as he starts to offer me his script.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
I clench my fist behind my back, waiting for the pain to stave off the incoming panic building in my throat. I shake my head lightly back and forth and lightly swallow.
"No, it's okay, I'm kinda really tired right now and I'm not that interested in acting and all that stuff." I try to keep my voice light and slouch more to appear more tired.
Thankfully, it looked like Chris didn't mind the rejection and nodded at me with a smile as he also got ready for bed. He turned off the light, plunging our room into darkness, and said goodnight as I heard him shuffle into his bed. I also call out a hesitant goodnight even as I stare at the ceiling in silence.
I already knew I wasn't going to get any sleep. I never do in new homes, just in case something happens, and it's the constant paranoia in me that refuses to let down my guard, no matter how nice the Millers seemed. Additionally, the scripts and the brothers' acting were bringing up too many unwanted memories, and I knew in my heart that if I slept right now, all I would dream about would be her.
I thought everything that reminded me about her would be purged, but it's just my rotten luck that I got stuck with a family of aspiring actors and a director. I needed to get my mind off of her, but all I could think of was Chris's acting.
I felt myself free-fall into a familiar headspace, which I knew rationally wasn't good, but it was better than whatever my head would eventually come up with. I started analyzing.
Chris was an okay actor, as far as child actors go. He probably had been an extra on TV shows, and his biggest projects have probably been your standard Macy's or JCPenney's commercials. Nothing that gave him real or well substantial experience. However, he most definitely has been trained in some sort. Probably an acting coach or maybe even an academy, the Millers look rich enough for that. His tone inflections and body language could use some work. They can look so fake and unnatural at times, but it's not bad. He has a good teacher.
He seems to struggle with overly emotional scenes when it comes to emotions he doesn't understand. I only heard a little but I just know when he had that seemed to be about a shitty dad and son he was awkward as hell. I absently tap my fingers against my arm. It makes sense, though Mr. Miller seems like a good dad. Hard to channel that good old teenage aganst about shitty parents when you're blessed with loving ones. It's hard to create emotions out of thin air without anything to pull even remotely from, at least when you're still an amateur. I emphasize amateur, not young. Some people are just born to be actors, no matter their age or experience. They can become and breathe, and live whatever character they're given. That's not to say some child actors are prodigies when they're young, but they take a downward spiral when they get older, and they can't break through that barrier after aging out of their skill.
The acting world is cruel. So yeah, Chris is not bad, but not great. However... If we are talking about great, then Anthony is great. I could only watch him briefly, very briefly. So, this is a preliminary evalution although I hope I don't have to see him act again in front of me again, ever.
I caught a glimpse of his whisper acting with those hunched shoulders and that haunted but almost crazed look in his eyes. I could practically taste the desperation coming off of him and damn those voice inflections. I swirl figure eights on my wrist this time. That's probably why I had to throw up, I reflect on. Chris was bearable because he was meh. But Anthony has her skill. I couldn't stand it. I feel my eyes flutter and close against my will. Shit.
I think of red lips and nails digging into white. My last thought is I hope I don't scream when I wake up tomorrow, that won't be a pretty conversation.