I idly covered myself in charm, after charm, after charm.
Now, I don't want to sound like a know-it-all. But I fucking called it. Well, I didn't actually call anything- As I figured even James, adventure-hog he was, probably wanted to enjoy his first Halloween in the castle. A part of me did as well, but hey, beggars who've seen this story play out can't be choosers.
Halloween was a staple for bullshit after all, and a part of me was rather glad it paid off. Mostly because it would've been sad if nothing had actually happened and I'd wound up spending my entire night waiting in the astronomy tower for nothing.
Still, even I hadn't expected to find six fucking dragons flying in the sky.
Truth be told, the first giveaway was the fact out of all the professors, the only ones that hadn't shown up were the only ones that I trusted to deal with any trollish problems.
Letting out a sigh, I promptly opened my ludicrous bag of contingency plans, and accio'd a magical camera, and a piece of binary-infused paper out, my gaze briefly taking in the dragon's slowly descending towards the castle- And with a huff, I promptly raised an arm, and let loose a giant red ball of magic- It was meant to be a bastard version of a Redcutor- It turned out to be, thanks to my haphazardly stupid magic, a literal castle buster.
I idly watched as the explosion covered up the sky before me- Only for my eyes to narrow as I watched each dragon, in sync, fly back up at the first sign of it.
...There was a rider?
Dragons were smart creatures, yes, but they; one, shouldn't have been able to detect any magic coming, and two- Shouldn't have cared much either, given their rediculous hide.
Sure, it might make them swoop out of the way, out a sense of caution- Hell, some might dive through it, but... What they just pulled was a little too controlled...
I let out a sigh.
If I had to guess? Voldemort.
It was always fucking Voldemort.
Though even I hadn't expected him to show up to the castle, personally, two decades and seven books early- Which... Suggests it wasn't-
I promptly ducked out of the way of the sudden green fucking light that crashed into the spot beside me, and quickly put the wall between me and the outside view.
Yep. Fucking Voldemort.
No one else was okay with just murdering kids like that.
Speeding up in my efforts, I promptly accio'd five more binary'd papers, two of them identical.
Judging by the green light, it came from-
The sudden sound of the dragon roars briefly put my thoughts aside as I quickly got to work.
I had a feeling the fucker was about to start spewing fire as well.
Slapping the two identical papers to my feet, meant to help give me an oomph with every step on the ground, and a literal air push in the air- Yes, I bootstrapped airwalk, sue me, Oda.
I then slapped the seal meant to make my body lightweight and promptly hid the other two papers into my pocket.
Picking up the magical camera, I quickly stuffed the dragon-deterrent paper I'd taken out it with into the slit on the side.
It looked by all accounts as a simple disposable camera from... I am not sure when they came out actually, only with a giant slit on the side that literally ate up paper.
I made it myself.
Kreacher hadn't been impressed- The dull fucker.
Where was I..? Right, it ate up magicalpaper.
Taking in a deep breath, I quickly twisted on my feet, my body far lighter than expected, and took in the view of the dragons circling and breathing fire down on the courtyard from a good hundred feet into the air- Which meant the fire, having traveled so far down, and not as potent in quality at that, barely singed the charmed ground.
I had a feeling Volde had a problem with Quidditch, given that was where the stadium was presumably held.
Either way, he was clearly trying to draw attention from the castle, and probably scare it into submission.
The fucking diva.
Quickly putting the camera up to my eye, the aforementioned paper already eaten and fully calibrated into it-
I started taking a picture of each dragon, the results appearing before me in the form of magical moving pictures, floating around me.
When the last photo turned up blank, I idly tagged it into my head as the one the crazy fucker was probably flying, as any wizards caught in the frame, even behind an object, automatically disqualified over seventy percent of its features.
With a minor squeal of delight, free-falling was always a joy, one that seemed to earn the attention of the dragons, I promptly jumped out of the Astronomy tower and blasted off with waaaay too much power with my feet- Probably fracturing one of them based on the pain that shot up my left leg.
I idly cast the bone-healing spell- By that I mean I flooded my leg with magic with the intent to heal it, and practically glided my way down towards the literal hotspot.
And if I hadn't gotten the attention of what I presumed were bemused dragons, and a gobsmacked wannabe Dark Lord beforehand, I definitely did now!
I'd had to duck out of the way of free-falling fire breaths every half a second, fracturing and haphazardly repairing my abused feet.
Landing on the ground, with an oomph- One that had me quite literally sprawled down on my back, though no pain was felt thankfully.
Being light as a feather was a lifehack, and I frankly didn't know why no one else bothered to come up with it!
Having gathered the attention of the circus freak furthest up in the air, I promptly looked up and gave him a two-finger salute as the five non-blankparchments quickly spread out on the ground before me. And, with a quick activation, I watched as each of the five parchments suddenly blared out a literal pillar of light, one that criss-crossed through the air in varying directions as each of them rapidly latched onto the dragon's in their picture.
And as quickly as the light appeared, I watched as each light rapidly dragged down the roaring dragons into said parchment, the moving pictures on each of them growing far more realistic, as the papers started heating up, the paper itself tearing up at the edges as they frayed from the magical creatures imprisoned inside.
It wouldn't be long before each one was set free- Which was why there was a second component to the seal.
I couldn't help the grin on my face as I promptly watched a pillar of fire erupt from each paper- The fire practically scorching in temperature given my close vicinity as it rushed out and pierced into the sky, the lone dragon leftover haphazardly flying around in a panic.
Now, I had no doubt the daft fucker flying on top was probably screeching bloody murder- Alas, I also had no intentions of hearing him, which is why I'd silenced anything fifty feet away.
If he wanted to chat, he was going to have to do it the more reasonable way.
Now, any sane person would ask why pillars of fire were necessary? Simple. Breathing fire was taxing to a dragon. Which was why the best method to dealing with them, was to make them run out of energy- Via breathing it out in uncontrolled amounts, albeit directed towards the sky.
Now before anyone gets on my case about the ramifications of five giant fire-breathing lizards crying their hearts out into the sky, doing unreversible damage to the environment- And, you know, the rapidly generated thunder clouds.
I only have one thing to say to you.
It involves another binary'd parchment, which is why I promptly took one of the two in my pocket out, and set it right in the middle of the burning shrine of paper, a simple blue-ish light echoing out of it into the sky.
No, it wasn't to 'fix' said ramifications- It was to magically empower and speed the thunder clouds along.
I stiffened the slightest as I watched the lone dragon in the sky start skydiving towards me, my hand immediately maneuvering the blank parchment still floating beside me, before I rapidly stuck it to the ground and activated it, watching as it did the same as the others, only instead of pulling the dragon inside, it simply wrapped itself around it, while it's almost transparent view suddenly turned more physical- I willed it into the shape of a staircase, the drain on my magic turning me the slightest bit drowsy, something I quickly shook off.
And without a missed beat, I promptly started running upwards on it.
Might as well meet the fucker halfway right?
It was only right!
The closer I got the more haphazard the dragon's movements, in an attempt to untangle itself, became.
It was about halfway through before the giant lizard pinpointed me with a look, and started breathing fire down the length of my hard work.
With a sigh, I promptly jumped off to the side and quite literally fucked up my feet with several kicks upwards to close the remaining distance as, albeit having to rapidly change directions given the Dragon's fucking fire chasing me- Not to mention the pillars that surrounded us-
It wasn't long before I'd eclipsed it in height- Which given it was stuck in the air, wasn't much of an accomplishment.
What was an accomplishment, was the utterly baffled and livid expression on one Tom Marvollo Riddle.
Needless to say, I gave off one last kick and promptly landed right before the gobsmacked Slytherin.
At which point, completely interrupting him, I quickly grabbed hold of my feet and screeched bloody murder at the pain that I felt.
Perhaps putting in too much magic- Given the shivers I was left with, I healed my legs back up and jumped up to my feet, my hands on my hips.
Tom Riddle, for some reason, just kept on staring at me.
"...So." I idly slapped the last binary'd parchment onto the back of the still stuck dragon- The action earning a bewildered expression from the man in question. "How's your day been?" I grinned at him as I stood back up, my gaze briefly looking up towards the thunder clouds practically ready while the parchment, for a brief moment, let loose a few static charges.
"..." Tom Riddle blinked once, before his gaze narrowed. "Dumbledore?" He questioned, hopeful.
I snorted in response.
"Fuck no." I deadpanned. "I am Santa Clause." The grin showed up back on my face. "And you've been a very naughty boy."
Needless to say, he promptly shot off a spell at me.
One I dodged- And when the smell of ozone filled our surroundings, a fact the fucker seemed to notice given the way his eyes rapidly switched towards the parchment and then back to me- I immediately jumped off the back of the dragon. Tom Riddle, having wasted a single beat, elected to follow- Just in time for the massive Thunder Strike to hit the back of the dragon, its explosive after-effect earning a very loud curse from the fucker, while at the same time literally pushing him into me.
A silent Accio later, one that had said paper rapidly called back to me, I found myself freefalling with a murderous Dark Lord grasping hold of my shirt.
Needless to say, my continuing laughter seemed to piss him off even more.
I watched as he raised his wand towards my face, the- Well, I'd say tell-tale sign but I doubted the fucker knew another spell.
His expression visibly twitched, halting him momentarily.
Needless to say, I caught my break as the even more pissed-off dragon promptly let loose a massive bellow of fire towards the two of us, even as it staggered in the air.
Between killing me, and burning to a crisp, or killing me later and not burning to a crisp, Tom Riddle made a critical error and snarled as turned his gaze around behind him, his wand pointing backward, to presumably block the fire.
Needless to say, I took that as my chance and promptly stuck the thunder-charged electroshock seal onto his chest.
I was very disappointed to find out that the Dark Lord didn't in fact scream like a girl.
Still, the effect it had on him was... Well, I'd tell you, but honestly, I am pretty sure I blacked out moments after the Dark Lord spasmed, his body turning slack as his grip loosened enough to let go of me before his survival instincts kicked in as he apparated away.
Thankfully, I came to only a few moments later, courtesy of the fifteen fire-proof charms I'd stuck onto myself.
I groaned as I rose up, my eyes blinking a few times as I took in my surroundings- The five dragons around me, having broken free from their imprisonment, we're all idly sleeping away as they presumably got their energy back- Their lights frankly out given none of them had taken a bite out of me.
The sixth one was nowhere in sight- In the air, which I presumed meant it fucked right off after taking a magically empowered natural thunderbolt to the metaphorical chin-
My gaze froze.
I blinked a few times.
I blinked a few more times as I reached a tentative hand out, grasping hold of it, my laughter slowly and surely coming out, disbelief filling my expression and thoughts.
"The plot is dead..." I whispered. "Long live the plot..."
Of course, that was the moment a grim-faced Albus Dumbledore decided to phoenix himself and a very tired McGonogall into the courtyard.
Needless to say, they were as gobsmacked as I was at what they saw, compared to what they expected.
Well, Dumbledore was.
Minerva was flabbergasted at the sight of the sleeping dragons.
Dumbledore either didn't notice or didn't really care.
Which was fair.
He was staring at my hand.
He was staring at the 13½" long, crafted from yew, and affixed with a phoenix feather core, wand.
The daft fucker had dropped it.
I promptly pocketed the wand and stood up before patting my robes of any non-existant dust.
"So, I just met Tom Riddle- Bit of a dick I have to say- His dragons weren't too charming either." I paused. "How was your day?"