There's something oddly comforting about having the self-control not to curse my blonde-haired cousin for the current torture she was putting me through.
Judging by the way she froze, I figured I'd said that part out loud-
"...I am just braiding your hair- How is that torture!?"
"Principally mostly." I snorted, relaxing the slightest bit as the older girl, presumably rolling her eyes at me, continued twisting my hair like I was some doll.
I had the slightest hint of feeling that she was still bitter about how her 'romance' story with a flamingo had ended in, well I'd say tears, but honestly, it was mostly paper getting ripped.
...Maybe the better term for Malfoy would've been a peacock? Peacock without balls? Did peacocks have balls? Questions for later.
"...I don't even want to know," Narcissa sighed, letting go of my hair as she proceeded to grab my head and turn it to the side, her gaze examining her handy work with pride. "Looks goo-"
I immediately disrupted the monstrosity with a bit of magic, my hair blowing up like a balloon before it settled back into its usual form.
The sudden, vastly, irritated twitches on the blonde's face were why I'd actually agreed to the stupid thing in the first place.
Thankfully, whatever reaction she might've had which for some reason seemed to turn for the worse by the second was promptly taken away by a chuckling Andromeda. The even older girl currently going through parchments of paper, her quill doodling into one of them every now and then. Her break seemingly over, the younger blonde promptly scoffed at me and relocated towards the older girl's side as they fell into their rather recent routine.
Wedding plans.
Dumbledore had been amiable enough to let us use the classroom- Mostly because we hadn't actually asked.
With a sigh, I calmly moved over to the elder cousin's other side and settled my back against the wall, a newspaper article levitating before me while I rummaged through my pocket for a seal connected to the Hogwarts kitchen.
It took about five minutes of eating random stolen food before the girls deigned to include me in their discussion.
"Sirius, we want-"
"Cissy wants." Andy corrected with a hint of amusement.
"-to host it in a palace." Narcissa didn't skip a beat.
I turned my gaze towards them and stared.
"You did practically call me a-" Andy went along with the ludicrous idea, a no doubt rehearsed excuse planned.
"Sure." I cut her off, figuring she probably could've convinced me anyway. "Do you want to rent one out, or obliviate the royal family and use their palace?"
The amusement vanished from both of their faces.
"Former's easier, latter's cheaper," I added on, a non-commital shrug echoing out.
"Sirius, I am not starting my marriage with a capital crime." Andy deadpanned.
"You're marrying a mudblood Andy," I snorted. "We've gone past capital- Pretty sure we're at nuclear right now."
Neither of them knew what that meant.
"I thought you said money wasn't a factor?" Andy recovered rather quickly as she questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"It isn't, doesn't mean I am not gonna try and find a loophole to save money." A single beat passed. "This is my inheritance we're talking about."
The two, after quickly losing a staring contest with me, settled for staring at each other for a moment before voicing the same question at the same time.
It was honestly freaky.
"How would you have saved any money if we had it on the moon?"
"I dunno, summoned the moon here?" I shrugged.
"..." Narcissa just gawked at me for that one, her mouth opening and closing for a second as she processed the words.
"I am pretty sure that would've caused a travesty of some kind..." Andy remarked with a frown.
"Probably. Wouldn't have affected usthough so, no harm no foul."
"...That's not how that works." Narcissa immediately remarked. "How could you possibly justify-" The girl stopped, shook her head, and repeated herself like a blonde parrot. "That's not how that works!" And immediately held the bridge of her nose in annoyance.
"Funny, that's what Dumbledore probably thought after he read yesterday's Daily Prophet."
And boy had shit gone sideways for him.
Personally speaking, I hadn't intended any of the fallout, but I sure as hell was taking credit for it.
"...That's not the same- For one, you cheated with your bullocks power to see into the future," Narcissa remarked. "For two, you can't just summon the freakin' moon!"
You know, maybe I really was rubbing off on 'em wrong- That was the completely wrong sentence to go for- I wasn't exactly been serious about it, though the more I thought about it, the more I kind of wanted to maybe try-
Something whacked me on the head.
Something disintegrated for its blasphemy.
"Sirius!" Andy remarked alarmed as she started fretting about as she grabbed me by the shoulder and started shaking me the slightest bit. "That was a family heirloom!"
"It's family ash now," I deadpanned in response as I shrugged off her hands. "We can bury it along with our grandfather's ashes if you'd like."
Andy stopped shaking me as a baffled expression took over her face.
"Grandfather isn't dead."
"Not outside," I snorted in response. "Pretty sure I killed whatever was left inside of him with my little debacle a few days ago."
"Little debacle," Narcissa deadpanned while Andy effectively took her wand out and started ignoring me, her panicked reparos not doing a thing to restore... Whatever the hell I'd disintegrated into nothingness. "Dumbledore lost his position as chief warlock because of you."
"So?" Besides, he technically retired from the position.
"So!?" The blonde remarked, gobsmacked. "Do you have any idea how many wizards and witches have been trying to pull that off?"
"Not really," I shrugged back, turning my attention back towards the seal stillstealing from the Hogwart's kitchen. "Personally speaking, it was just a regular Tuesday for me," I let out a sigh as I watched the different, rather bland, food pop up before me. "If Dumbles hadn't tried to interfere with my plans of making Defence great again, he'd still have his job and I'd still not be giving a single fuck." I wiggled my eyebrows at the blonde staring at me with a... Rather an unreadable expression if I was honest.
"...You really didn't do it as a power play?" Narcissa questioned, somewhat seriously as she stared at me. "You just did it 'cos he didn't want to let you teach?"
...Huh... Was... Was I the Voldemort in this scenario?? Lashing out because I couldn't teach kids how to kill better- Err, defend with intent to kill..? No that doesn't sound good either- Whatever.
Bigger problem. Been compared to Voldemort because- Nope. I was wrong. I definitely wasn't the Voldemort in this scenario.
He failed his interview after all.
I clearly didn't.
"I guess." I shrugged. "I am not really one for the whole 'climbing up the ladder' and all." I shuddered at the thought. Once you get to the top, the only way left is down. And it's a usually hell of a flight.
And I've had enough flights to last several lifetimes.
It took me a moment to realize that while Narcissa seemed completely engrossed in what I was saying, intentional or otherwise, Andy couldn't care less- The girl's concentration seemed fixated on what looked like half of a... Mirror?
"...Why not?" The blonde questioned quietly. "Scared you can't stay at the top?" Oddly enough, there was neither a hint of sarcasm nor mocking in her tone.
For a fourteen... Or was it fifteen? Year old, she had a very serious face.
"Nah, personally I think I'd rather just break the ladder." I grinned. "See where the pieces fall, you know?"
There was a very eery glint going through the girl's eyes at my words, one that lasted for a moment before it disappeared into a huff.
"'Sides, I keep throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, and all I'll find in the end is a very stinky wall." I joked.
Neither of them laughed.
Narcissa because she had no sense of humor, and Andy because she was too busy still trying to fix daddy's mirror or some shit.
...I can at least fix one of those things. With that in mind, I calmly used a wandless reparo and watched as the mirror came back to pristine, literally shining, condition.
It took Andy two seconds flat before she grumbled about me taking so long before doing that, while Narcissa settled into a rather... hurt expression? Or was it more lack of focus?
After a moment of thought on the blonde's sudden weird turn, I idly turned my attention back to the seal still producing food and calmly changed it to get only desserts. One of which grabbed hold of Andy's attention, as she immediately reached for it- And promptly started staring at me with a tad hint of hurt as she watched me grab it and gulp it down without a missed beat.
There was, after all, a price for my goodwill!
Narcissa blinked a few times having watched that happen. "That was rude."She sniffed. "She's the bride you know, you really-"
"One, she isn't getting married until afterHogwarts," I snorted, ignoring the huff that came out of the older cousin. "Two," I let an innocent smile take over my face. "She ain't my bride." Andy rolled her eyes at me, while Narcissa chose not to... React at all?
Odd.
Had the blonde symptoms finally reached critical mass and destroyed the rest of her brain?
Andy barely held in the urge to react to what I figured were more words escaping my brain.
"Three, and frankly the most important part- She has anymore pastries and she ain't fitting into her wedding dre-"
Andy smacked me upside the head with her hand for that one.
I calmly summoned another of the same sweet and ate it in front of her again.