Chapter Forty-Six: Questions, and their Answers
"What is the point of life?" She asked. "If it is never truly your own?"
"You know, that is a question I've wondered myself." I said. "When I first showed up, I felt out of place, like this wasn't a place where I belonged. Like I didn't have a purpose. So, I threw myself into tasks that ensured my survival, making sure to push those kinds of thoughts away because it wasn't essential for that moment, and whatever was in front of me needed my sole attention."
Natasha nodded at that.
"Then, I finally reached a place where I knew where I was. But there was a problem. I had survived, but I had left everything I ever thought I knew about myself behind. It was almost like I had become someone unrecognizable from the me that I once knew." I breathed deeply for a second. "While I looked similar on the outside, what was inside and who I was had become entirely different." I looked Natasha in the eye. "My life didn't feel like my own anymore. I was someone else trying to live out this Lie that I felt like I was." I paused. "My wife is gone, my children are long gone. I can't even find records of them and so it's like they never even existed."
"It wasn't until I was facing down Archibald that it truly clicked for me." I said. "My life wasn't me just faking it, it wasn't about what Hanse, or Ian wanted. It was about my choices. The ones I made for me, and the legacy I was choosing to leave behind. I am Colonel Mark Hull of the Marksman, I took a ragtag bunch of mostly wounded veterans and turned them into one of the premier fighting forces in the Inner Sphere. I accomplished all of this, because my life is my own. Because I choose where I lay my life down, and where I lay my burdens. I am ultimately responsible for only my choices. And that is liberating."
I paused, I had been talking for a while and needed some water before I finished.
"You Natasha, have a choice before you." I said earnestly. " You can choose to be free, or a slave." I paused. "It's easy to be a slave. You're not responsible for what you do, and your master takes care of everything, including what you're supposed to think, along with what you say and do." I smiled wide. "Freedom, Freedom is hard. It takes dedication to remain free. It involves waking up every morning and choosing to take responsibility for what you do, whether wrong or right. And it also involves choice. Because you have to always choose to be free, versus being bound as a slave."
I stopped for a second, "Natasha, I may never know what your point is in life. Only you get to decide what your life is." I felt the pain start to kick in again and the beginning of losing consciousness and fighting it I got in one last phrase. "But whatever you choose, I'll have your back."
Kentares IV Draconis March, Federated Suns May 20th, 3011
"You know," Ian Davion said as he walked into my hospital room. "The triumphant return is supposed to have fireworks, not explosions."
"If you weren't my liege lord right now, and I weren't virtually strapped down to this bed, I'd kick you." I replied to the troll that had graced me with his presence.
"With what feet?" He gestured to the redhead who had fallen asleep and ended up with her head on my legs.
"Hush you." I said to the First Prince. "Why are you here?" I asked. "I thought you were trapped on New Avalon."
"Yvonne let me go as long as I promised to only visit you." Ian said smugly.
"Lucky me." I muttered underneath my breath. "So, what world are we allowed to take from the Confederation?" I asked bluntly, knowing that my troops were out for blood.
"We can't afford an offensive right now." Ian shook his head. "While I'd love to be able to point you at a target and say go, I just can't." He sighed. "You did too much in too little time, and it takes time to consolidate the gains."
"My people aren't going to be very happy with that." I told Ian point blank. "We lost some of our dependents Ian." I felt myself get angry. "If we were the ELH you'd have already let us raze the Confederation to the ground."
"But you're not the Eridani Light Horse." Ian pointed out. "I can't spare anyone to help you, if you hit the Capellans you are on your own Mark."
"Ian, if I don't hit them somewhere, I'm going to lose the unit. They'll mutiny and go on their own." I sighed. "And they'd be right in doing so, don't give orders that you know will not be followed." I said. "They need closure Ian, so just point us at a world you want raided and we'll do it for you."
"I don't have one for you to raid Mark." Ian said. "But I won't stand in your way if you do go hit them."
"Alright then." I pulled out a stack of papers that I had Sheppard prepare earlier when I heard Ian was coming to check up on me. "I need people Ian." I said as I passed the papers to him. "I need people who can manage industry and companies." I said as I pointed to the profits Sharpshooter Manufacturing was generating. "I also need people who know how to administer a Ducal Estate." I said, giving Ian a small glare at this. "I wasn't a noble before this, and now I have to figure all of this out." I lowered my voice a little bit as the woman stirred. "I'll pay you back, but I've got planning to do now."
"Sure, "Planning" " Ian grinned really wide at Natasha who was slowly waking up. "Is that what they call it these days?" He laughed as I threw a wadded up sheet of paper at him.
"Hey Nat?" I asked, making sure she had really woken up. "Can you go grab Peterson and Sheppard for me?"
"Sure." She stretched, emphasizing certain assets and smirking at my blush. "I can go grab them for you."
"Okay people." I said as authoritatively as I could from my hospital bed. "I have a plan, I think it's a pretty damn good plan." I looked at Peterson. "And I'm sure that we can get at least some small revenge along the way."
"Remember the Lothar's Fusiliers?" I asked, looking around to make sure. " Well, We're taking them off of the map." I stated. "Sheppard, your regiment is staying here. We're not leaving our dependents alone again." I looked everyone in the eye. "We're going to Epsilon Eridani, where the last two battalions of the regiment are." I looked at Peterson. "I know it's not Sian or Liao, but it's what we can realistically accomplish."
"I'll make it enough." Thomas said with a dark look in his eyes…