--### **Hokage Tower – 7:00 AM**
Hiruzen stared at the smoldering crater where Naruto's apartment used to be. A single golden chain rose from the ashes, flipping him off.
"Hatake," he said, massaging his temples. "You're his guardian now."
Kakashi didn't look up from *Icha Icha*. "Will there be hazard pay?"
"No."
"Fire insurance?"
"The village *is* his fire insurance."
Kakashi sighed. "Do I get to say no?"
Hiruzen lit his pipe. "You've survived two jinchūriki, a Sharingan, and Might Guy. Consider this… retirement therapy."
---
### **Kakashi's Apartment – 7:30 AM**
The door creaked open. Naruto stood in the hallway, chains coiled into a makeshift hammock holding his charred teddy bear.
"Nice hovel," he said, toeing a moldy pizza box. "Does the roach colony pay rent, or are they freeloaders?"
Kakashi side-eyed the bear. "You keep pets?"
"Nah. Mr. Fluffles is a war criminal. He's seen things." Naruto lobbed the bear onto Kakashi's couch. It burst into harmless flames. "Relax—he's *flammable*."
"...Welcome home."
---
### **Domestic Terrorism**
Naruto treated chores like a pyromaniac at a gas station.
**Laundry Day**
Kakashi returned to find his flak jackets hanging crisply over a *blue-fire clothesline*.
"You scorched my hitai-ate," Kakashi said, poking the smoldering metal.
Naruto shrugged. "Now it matches your personality."
**Dinner**
Kakashi served miso soup. Naruto stared at it like it had insulted his ancestors.
"I don't eat *green*," he said, vaporizing the seaweed with a fingertip.
"That's nutrient theft."
"That's evolution."
**Bedtime**
Kakashi woke to the smell of burning wood. Naruto sat cross-legged on the ceiling, chains braiding themselves into a flaming hammock.
"You know gravity exists, right?" Kakashi mumbled.
"Gravity's a *coward*," Naruto said, tossing a flaming popcorn kernel into his mouth. "Also, your snoring's tragic. Fix it."
---
### **Mindscape – **
Kurama watched Naruto juggle miniature fireballs shaped like the Hokage Council.
*"You're wasting time,"* the fox grumbled.
Naruto lobbed a Danzo-fireball into Kurama's open mouth. *"You're wasting oxygen. Eat a politician."*
*"Tastes like paranoia and bad decisions,"* Kurama spat, but his tail wagged.
—————
**Market Mayhem – Chaos as a Side Hustle**
The marketplace froze as Naruto strutted past, chains coiled into a makeshift shopping basket.
**Old Woman** (whispering): "Demon…"
**Naruto** (pausing, flames flickering in his eyes): "*Tch.* Demons wish they were this stylish."
He stopped at a dango stall, slapping down a coin engulfed in harmless blue fire.
**Vendor** (panicked): "I—I don't serve *your kind*!"
**Naruto** (leaning in, voice soft and dangerous): "Tell you what—give me the dango, or I'll redesign your stall. *Free of charge.*"
The vendor handed over three sticks. Naruto left a flaming coin that melted into glass art—a middle finger.
**Kakashi** (materializing beside him): "Extortion's a crime."
**Naruto** (mouth full): "Nah. It's *performance art*. He'll sell that glass for triple tomorrow."
---
**
A melon suddenly exploded behind Kakashi, splattering his vest with pulp.
**Naruto** (grinning from a rooftop): "Tag. You're it."
Kakashi sighed, snapping *Icha Icha* shut. "You're paying for that."
**Naruto's chains lashed out**, melting a fish stall's ice into steam. Kakashi blurred, grabbing a radish to deflect a fire-coated tomato.
**Kakashi** (dodging): "Using groceries as weapons? Low-effort."
**Naruto** (incinerating a cabbage mid-throw): "Call it *recycling*."
The market descended into chaos:
- A carrot burst into a firework, scattering ANBU.
- Kakashi "accidentally" knocked over a tofu cart, freezing it with a hidden water jutsu.
- Naruto turned a bucket of eels into flaming projectiles.
**Fishmonger** (weeping): "MY STOCK!"
**Naruto** (tossing him a flaming gold coin): "Upgrade to sushi."
Kakashi's Sharingan whirled, analyzing:
- *Flames reshape mid-air—no hand seals.*
- *Chakra control: Jonin-level, maybe higher.*
- *Lazy stance… but reflexes like a cornered fox.*
**Kakashi feigned a stumble**, slamming a palm toward Naruto's chest. The boy's chains *melted* into smoke, reappearing as a flaming swing set.
**Naruto** (swinging lazily): "C'mon, old man. Keep *up*."
**Kakashi** (deadpan): "Says the brat using my tax money as kindling."
---
### **Aftermath –**
Hiruzen stared at the damage scroll. "Six stalls incinerated. Twelve frozen. One vendor retired to open a glassblowing studio."
**Kakashi** (bandaging a minor burn): "He's creative."
**Hiruzen** (massaging his temples): "His power level?"
**Kakashi**: "Jonin-tier raw power. Zero discipline. Also, he *hates* cucumbers."
---
##**
The commotion led them to a secluded path where three civilian teens cornered Hinata.
**Hinata** (teary-eyed): "P-Please… I didn't—"
**Bully 1** (mocking): "Freak eyes! Your clan's just glorified security cameras!"
Naruto leaned against a tree, chains idly braiding themselves into a hammock.
**Kakashi** (pretending to read *Icha Icha*): "Not gonna play hero?"
**Naruto** (yawning): "Heroes die screaming. I'm more of a… *spectator sport* guy."
Then—childish voice spoke up threatening the bully's.
**Hanabi** (6 years old, voice icy): "Touch her again, and I'll seal your tongue to your spleen."
The bullies froze. So did Naruto.
*'Since when did brats glow like* **that**?'*
He continued staring at her, she had long black hair a cute face and beautiful lavender eyes.
His Kagura Mind Eye flared. Hanabi's chakra wasn't the soft blue of Hyuga gentility—it was a blizzard trapped in a diamond, sharp and ancient.
**Bully 1** (sneering): "What's a shrimp like you gonna do?"
Hanabi's palm struck his chest.
**CRACK-SSSSS.**
Ice spiderwebbed across his shirt. His breath crystallized mid-air. For a heartbeat, Hanabi's hair bleached white, eyes freezing into **crystalline violet**—a flicker of divinity.
**it disappeared as quickly as it came. Hanabi blinked, lavender irises wide and innocent.
**Hanabi** (sweetly): "Oops."
Naruto's flames *itched*.
**Kakashi** (murmuring): "Hyuga prodigy?"
**Naruto** (grinning): "Nah. She's a *snowglobe* with a temper."
Hanabi turned, Byakugan locking onto Naruto. Her gaze lingered on his chains.
**Hanabi**: "You're the one who smells like burnt marshmallows."
**Naruto** (mock bowing): "Guilty. Wanna roast some bullies together?"
She tossed him a senbon—iced into a snowflake that refused to melt.
**Hanabi**: "Next time you melt the Hokage's eyebrows, invite me." She said with a mischievous smile.
As she left, Naruto's flames danced in recognition: it seemed that the Pheonix had met who ever that is inside hanabi.
---
Kurama's growl shook the mindscape.
**Kurama**: *"That brat's chakra reeks of* **her**.*"*
**Naruto** (twirling the ice senbon): *"Her who?"*
**Kurama**: *"Furina. The Frost Sovereign. A goddess who froze her own heart to escape the Ōtsutsuki. Legends say her tears became glaciers… and her laughter, avalanches."*
Naruto's fire conjured an ice statue—Hanabi crowned in frost, eyes hollow as a blizzard.
**Naruto**: *"So Snowflake's a popsicle goddess?"*
**Kurama**: *"A *concept* wearing skin. And concepts don't die—they* **hibernate**.*"*
The statue melted, revealing Hanabi's mischievous smile.
**Naruto** (grinning): *"Perfect. I've always wanted a* **snow day**.*"*
---
That night, Naruto replaced Kakashi's *Icha Icha* with a blank book titled *101 Ways to Die Alone*.
**Kakashi retaliated by swapping Naruto's ramen with vegetable broth.**
**Naruto** (staring at the bowl): "…This is a war crime."
**Kakashi** (smiling): "Eat your greens, *little prince*."
The next morning, Kakashi's apartment smelled suspiciously of burnt kale.
---
.