Chapter 107 The Weight of Unanswered Calls
Zuo Qinghuan stepped off the plane and into an unfamiliar world. The foreign language swirling around her triggered a sudden wave of panic. Had she made the right decision coming to this country? Lost in thought, she stood amidst the bustling crowd, watching people hurry past, feeling utterly adrift.
"Are you Zuo Qinghuan?" The familiar sound of Mandarin cut through the noise, and she instinctively turned towards the voice.
"I'm Kitano Aoba. My father sent me to pick you up." The voice was as soothing as a mountain spring, her Mandarin flawless, and her smile serene and elegant. Something about Kitano Aoba's demeanor sparked a sense of familiarity in Zuo Qinghuan, so much so that for a fleeting moment, Aoba's image seemed to merge with that of a young Qin Wanshu. Though Zuo Qinghuan had never seen Qin Wanshu as a girl, she suddenly felt certain this was how she must have looked. The thought of Qin Wanshu brought a pang of melancholy. Was she doing well, so far away?
"Are you Zuo Qinghuan?" the girl asked again when Zuo Qinghuan didn't respond. Her father had told her this was her mother's other daughter, and that she should treat her like an older sister. Ever since hearing about her, Aoba had eagerly awaited her arrival. Somehow, in this sea of people, she had called out to her, sensing this was the person she had been waiting for.
Zuo Qinghuan finally nodded. "I am Zuo Qinghuan."
Kitano Aoba responded with a warm, inviting smile. She possessed an innate kindness, though different from Qin Wanshu's. Qin Wanshu's warmth always had a certain radiance.
"Please take care of me from now on," Aoba said. She felt an inexplicable closeness to Zuo Qinghuan, not just because of their instant connection, but also because she was sent by her mother. She had so much she wanted to ask her about her.
"Please take care of me too," Zuo Qinghuan replied with a nod. Normally reserved around strangers, she found herself strangely at ease with this girl named Kitano Aoba, perhaps because her presence faintly reminded her of Qin Wanshu.
On her first night in Japan, Zuo Qinghuan's longing for Qin Wanshu grew uncontrollably, like tangled vines choking her heart. She picked up her phone, her fingers trembling slightly as she dialed Qin Wanshu's number. A nervous, fearful anticipation, like a convict awaiting sentencing, washed over her.
The call rang and rang, but there was no answer. Refusing to give up, she kept dialing until tears finally spilled down her cheeks. She knew Qin Wanshu was angry with her; that was why she wouldn't pick up.
On the other end, Qin Wanshu lay in bed, listening to the relentless ringing of her phone. She knew it had to be Zuo Qinghuan calling back. She had always been able to predict her thoughts, except for this one time when she hadn't foreseen the resolve behind her departure. Logically, she understood that everything Zuo Qinghuan had done was out of love for her. But emotionally, she couldn't bring herself to accept or forgive it.
Qin Wanshu didn't want to answer, yet she found herself waiting for the ringing to continue. Closing her eyes, she felt utterly exhausted, but sleep remained elusive. She had once believed her feelings weren't that deep, only to realize, too late, that they had taken root without her noticing. And now, when she finally understood, that person was no longer by her side. The thought sent another dull ache spreading through her chest.
Zuo Qinghuan couldn't stop crying, her tears flowing freely. So this was what loving someone did to you: it made you weak, afraid. She was terrified that Qin Wanshu, in her anger, might cast her aside. If that happened, would anything she had done still matter?
As dawn broke, the ringing finally stopped, as if worn out. The silence made Qin Wanshu feel as though a piece of her heart had been carved away. No matter how angry she was, her heart still stirred with every unanswered ring.
Zuo Qinghuan's phone had rung all night, and Qin Wanshu had listened with closed eyes all night. For both of them, it had been an agonizing night. By morning, Zuo Qinghuan's eyes were red and swollen from crying. She was now certain that Qin Wanshu had decided not to answer. She resolved to buy a ticket back as soon as day broke. But just as she rose from the bed, she sank back down in defeat. What would going back even mean now? She had already wounded Qin Wanshu's heart. If she returned, things could never be the same. There was no turning back, and even if Qin Wanshu didn't look down on her for it, she would look down on herself.
Even on the brink of despair, she couldn't bring herself to give up. She dialed Qin Wanshu's number one more time.
When the ringing started again, Qin Wanshu's heart clenched slightly. After a long hesitation, just before the call would have disconnected, she answered.
Zuo Qinghuan's heart leapt, both joyful and uneasy. Neither spoke at first. After a long silence, Qin Wanshu finally broke it.
"What is it?" Her voice was icy, sending another sharp pang through Zuo Qinghuan's chest.
"I miss you." So much it's driving me insane.
Qin Wanshu could hear the thick, tearful quality in Zuo Qinghuan's voice. Had she been crying? The thought softened her heart for just a moment, but it quickly hardened with anger. If she missed her this much, why had she left?
"Since you chose to leave, then follow through with your decision." If she had flown out of her sky, then she should soar as high as she could. Qin Wanshu wanted to see just how far Zuo Qinghuan could go. Had her own selfishness been holding her back?
"Will you... not want me anymore?" Zuo Qinghuan asked the question she feared most.
"I don't know. I don't know if the Zuo Qinghuan three years from now will still be someone I love. I don't know what state my heart will be in by then." Time was the one thing Qin Wanshu could never control.
Zuo Qinghuan fell silent.
"Qin Wanshu, I want to take this gamble. I'm betting that you'll still love me three years from now." She spoke with absolute conviction. If she truly lost Qin Wanshu, then she would sever all ties to love for the rest of her life.
This time, it was Qin Wanshu's turn to go quiet. After a long pause, she let out a soft laugh.
"Grow well. Don't call me again; you won't reach me. You have your path to walk, and I have mine. Maybe in three years, I'll be amazed by how you've changed. Or maybe, by then, you'll just be a once-familiar stranger. Let things take their course." Qin Wanshu without Zuo Qinghuan would still be Qin Wanshu. She had decided she wouldn't deliberately wait for her, nor would she deliberately try to forget her. Three years would be a test for their feelings. Whether they blossomed into something more beautiful or withered with time, she would let fate decide.
Zuo Qinghuan knew Qin Wanshu meant every word; she had always been a woman of her convictions. She also understood that cutting contact for three years was Qin Wanshu's punishment for her, and yet, it was the lightest one possible. Three years from now, she believed Qin Wanshu would still love her. After all, she was a woman who loved only once in a lifetime. If not her, then it would be no one else.
After hanging up, Zuo Qinghuan realized the sky had already brightened. She pulled back the curtains, and the rising sun from the east was so dazzling it made her squint. Today was a new day. Three years would pass quickly.