This was spiraling too fast for me to keep up. One second, Camille had decided I was her personal pillow, and now—
Diana and Lillian were debating who would lay on my lap.
MY LAP.
I stared at them, completely at a loss for words.
Diana, ever the picture of amusement, sipped her tea like she had all the time in the world, a glint of mischief flickering in her emerald eyes.
Lillian, however, was eerily calm. Too calm.
She had set her cup down deliberately, her gaze unreadable—but there was something sharp in it. Not quite irritation, but something… calculating.
A challenge.
I swallowed hard.
Before I could think of an escape plan, Diana leaned forward, propping her chin on her palm. "Well, Sera? You've been awfully quiet. Surely, you have a preference?"
I blanched. "WHAT—NO. I HAVE NO PREFERENCE. BECAUSE THIS ISN'T HAPPENING."
Claire, who had just recovered from her earlier fit of laughter, immediately lost it again, nearly tipping over her chair. Tessa's spoon clattered against her plate as she rubbed her temples like she was physically holding herself back from commenting.
Lillian, still silent, exhaled softly before speaking in a smooth, effortless tone.
"Don't be ridiculous."
For a brief, fleeting moment, relief flooded me.
Finally, someone sensible was going to put an end to this madness—
Until she added,
"If anyone should test Sera's lap, it should be me."
The entire table fell into dead silence.
I nearly choked on my own breath.
Claire slammed her hands onto the table. "WHAT?!"
Diana, clearly delighted, placed a hand over her heart. "Oh, my, Lillian. I didn't think you had it in you."
Camille? Completely unfazed.
Tessa looked like she wanted to leave this plane of existence.
And me?
I was seconds away from an existential crisis.
I pointed at Lillian, then at Diana, then back at Lillian. "WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!"
Diana chuckled. "Oh, Sera. You're so fun when you're flustered."
"I AM NOT FLUSTERED—"
Camille, who had been completely silent this whole time, finally spoke.
"The conversation is pointless."
Diana turned to her, arching an eyebrow. "Oh? And why is that?"
Camille, still leaning comfortably against my shoulder, looked directly at Diana, then at Lillian.
"Because she's already mine."
I forgot how to breathe.
The entire café seemed to go still.
Even Claire—**who had been seconds away from passing out from laughter—**froze.
Diana blinked.
Tessa dropped her spoon.
Lillian's gaze snapped to Camille, sharp and unreadable.
And me?
I ascended to another plane of existence.
I turned to Camille so fast that I nearly knocked her off of me. "I'M WHAT NOW?!"
Camille, completely unaffected, simply took another slow bite of her pastry.
"You heard me," she said lightly.
I did not. I refused to process that.
Diana, intrigued now, leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand. "How bold of you, Camille. I didn't think you were the type."
Camille shrugged. "I don't say unnecessary things."
Tessa let out a deep, exhausted sigh. "This is the most chaotic thing I've ever witnessed."
Claire—silent for the first time in her life—just stared at Camille, then at me, then back at Camille.
And then—
She screamed.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH—"
I clamped my hands over my ears. "CLAIRE, WHY—"
"I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. CAMILLE, YOU'RE SO SMOOTH, I CAN'T—"
"PLEASE STOP."
Diana was grinning so hard I thought she was going to combust. "Oh, Sera, your expression is just… exquisite."
Lillian, however, had not moved.
She simply stared at Camille, her expression calm, but unreadable.
And Camille?
She met her gaze head-on.
No teasing. No smugness. Just quiet certainty.
And suddenly—it wasn't a joke anymore.
I felt the shift.
The air between them, between all of us.
Like something had just been decided, but I didn't know what.
Like a silent challenge had just been issued.
And I?
I was at the center of it.
I gripped my teacup so hard I thought it might crack.
I was going to die here.
This was spiraling too fast for me to keep up. One second, Camille had decided I was her personal pillow, and now—
Diana and Lillian were debating who would lay on my lap.
MY LAP.
I stared at them, completely at a loss for words.
Diana, ever the picture of amusement, sipped her tea like she had all the time in the world, a glint of mischief flickering in her emerald eyes.
Lillian, however, was eerily calm. Too calm.
She had set her cup down deliberately, her gaze unreadable—but there was something sharp in it. Not quite irritation, but something… calculating.
A challenge.
I swallowed hard.
Before I could think of an escape plan, Diana leaned forward, propping her chin on her palm. "Well, Sera? You've been awfully quiet. Surely, you have a preference?"
I blanched. "WHAT—NO. I HAVE NO PREFERENCE. BECAUSE THIS ISN'T HAPPENING."
Claire, who had just recovered from her earlier fit of laughter, immediately lost it again, nearly tipping over her chair. Tessa's spoon clattered against her plate as she rubbed her temples like she was physically holding herself back from commenting.
Lillian, still silent, exhaled softly before speaking in a smooth, effortless tone.
"Don't be ridiculous."
For a brief, fleeting moment, relief flooded me.
Finally, someone sensible was going to put an end to this madness—
Until she added,
"If anyone should test Sera's lap, it should be me."
The entire table fell into dead silence.
I nearly choked on my own breath.
Claire slammed her hands onto the table. "WHAT?!"
Diana, clearly delighted, placed a hand over her heart. "Oh, my, Lillian. I didn't think you had it in you."
Camille? Completely unfazed.
Tessa looked like she wanted to leave this plane of existence.
And me?
I was seconds away from an existential crisis.
I pointed at Lillian, then at Diana, then back at Lillian. "WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!"
Diana chuckled. "Oh, Sera. You're so fun when you're flustered."
"I AM NOT FLUSTERED—"
Camille, who had been completely silent this whole time, finally spoke.
"The conversation is pointless."
Diana turned to her, arching an eyebrow. "Oh? And why is that?"
Camille, still leaning comfortably against my shoulder, looked directly at Diana, then at Lillian.
"Because she's already mine."
I forgot how to breathe.
The entire café seemed to go still.
Even Claire—**who had been seconds away from passing out from laughter—**froze.
Diana blinked.
Tessa dropped her spoon.
Lillian's gaze snapped to Camille, sharp and unreadable.
And me?
I ascended to another plane of existence.
I turned to Camille so fast that I nearly knocked her off of me. "I'M WHAT NOW?!"
Camille, completely unaffected, simply took another slow bite of her pastry.
"You heard me," she said lightly.
I did not. I refused to process that.
Diana, intrigued now, leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand. "How bold of you, Camille. I didn't think you were the type."
Camille shrugged. "I don't say unnecessary things."
Tessa let out a deep, exhausted sigh. "This is the most chaotic thing I've ever witnessed."
Claire—silent for the first time in her life—just stared at Camille, then at me, then back at Camille.
And then—
She screamed.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH—"
I clamped my hands over my ears. "CLAIRE, WHY—"
"I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. CAMILLE, YOU'RE SO SMOOTH, I CAN'T—"
"PLEASE STOP."
Diana was grinning so hard I thought she was going to combust. "Oh, Sera, your expression is just… exquisite."
Lillian, however, had not moved.
She simply stared at Camille, her expression calm, but unreadable.
And Camille?
She met her gaze head-on.
No teasing. No smugness. Just quiet certainty.
And suddenly—it wasn't a joke anymore.
I felt the shift.
The air between them, between all of us.
Like something had just been decided, but I didn't know what.
Like a silent challenge had just been issued.
And I?
I was at the center of it.
I gripped my teacup so hard I thought it might crack.
I wasn't surviving this.
No magic, no swordsmanship, no divine intervention could save me from whatever this was.
Lillian just declared she was taking me to the next academy ball. Camille agreed. Claire was screaming. Diana was positively glowing.
And the worst part?
This was still about my lap.
MY LAP.
Diana, looking far too entertained, tapped a finger against the rim of her teacup. "Well, this is quite the predicament, isn't it?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't answer.
Because I was seconds away from my soul leaving my body.
Claire, practically bouncing in her seat, grinned wildly. "Oh my gods, Sera's lap is officially prime real estate."
Tessa exhaled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Do we really have to keep discussing this?"
"Yes, Tessa, we do," Diana said smoothly, then leaned toward me with a sly smirk. "After all, we can't let Camille hoard all the prime seating, now can we?"
Camille, unbothered, took another bite of her pastry. "I'm not hoarding. I was simply here first."
Lillian, calm as ever, took a measured sip of her tea. "That doesn't mean you get to claim exclusive rights."
"That's exactly what it means," Camille replied without hesitation.
I made a strangled noise. "NO, IT DOESN'T. BECAUSE I HAVE A SAY IN THIS—"
Diana placed a hand over her heart, feigning deep contemplation. "So tragic. I should've moved faster. Perhaps if I had, I would be the one using Sera's lap right now."
"ABSOLUTELY NOT."
Claire, absolutely losing it, gasped dramatically. "Wait, wait—what if we take turns?"
I froze.
Diana's eyes lit up.
Lillian's grip on her teacup tightened ever so slightly.
Camille finally looked up from her food. "No."
Claire grinned. "Yes."
"NO."
Diana tapped a finger against her cheek, clearly considering it. "Hmm. I wouldn't be opposed. It seems fair, doesn't it? I take Sera's lap one day, then Lillian, then Camille—"
Lillian tilted her head. "I'm not sharing."
Camille simply said, "Same."
I nearly fainted.
Diana let out a dramatic sigh. "Oh, how possessive you both are. I quite like it."
"IT'S NOT ABOUT LIKING ANYTHING. IT'S ABOUT BASIC HUMAN DECENCY."
Claire was absolutely crying with laughter. "Oh, gods, Sera, you're really struggling, huh?"
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M WINNING?"
Tessa, who had completely given up, rubbed her temples again. "I don't even know what's happening anymore."
Diana, still delighted, rested her chin on her palm. "Well, there's only one way to settle this, isn't there?"
I stiffened. "No. No, there isn't."
Diana ignored me completely and smiled at Camille and Lillian. "Since neither of you are willing to share, I suppose that means we'll just have to fight for it."
Silence.
A very, very tense silence.
Camille set down her fork.
Lillian tilted her head ever so slightly.
And I?
I felt my soul physically leaving my body.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT."
Claire, at this point, was half-dead from laughter. "Wait, wait, wait—you guys are actually serious?"
Camille and Lillian both looked at each other.
Then—at the same time—they nodded.
I nearly fainted.
Diana beamed. "Wonderful. A duel, then?"
Lillian placed her teacup down. "It won't take long."
Camille stood up. "Agreed."
"I AM GOING TO DIE."
Claire slammed her hands on the table. "YES. YES. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE."
Tessa just buried her face in her hands. "I need new friends."
Diana, looking absolutely elated, turned to me with a smile that was way too pleased. "Don't worry, dear Sera. You won't have to choose after all."
I grabbed the table for support.
I was going to pass out.
My lap was literally going to start a war.