While TJ roused himself completely from his strange dream, the feeling of killing someone so easily filled his head. A mere flick of his tongue, and there was a dead body where a living person had been before. Was that… what a god was? If he ascended to the seventh tier of Divinity, would that be how he needed to act? Would he want to act that way? TJ knew that he'd become much angrier and more violent than ever before ever since this whole Integration thing began, but he wasn't going to kill someone for effectively looking at him wrong.
Was that dream a mere nightmare? Or was it some vestige of the departed Kukulkan trying to give him instructions? Worse, was it the System giving him a command to slay anyone who stood as even an annoyance in his path? TJ had made the resolution to kill to see his son again, but he hadn't yet been tested on it. Monsters, sure, that was easy, but people were a different case entirely. If they were an impediment to his journey home, though, their heads would roll, just like the nameless worshipper of Vihansa's had.
It was too early in the morning for rehashing the same moral dilemmas he'd already spoken with himself over and over again about, but Stanton's words from the night before stuck with TJ. Leave Jeff be, or kill him. Now that TJ had rested, he felt that there was so much more nuance to the discussion, but Stanton's words painted everything in a stark, unimpeachable light. Life. Or death.
Then, was Jeff, victim of mental manipulation and worse, guilty of any crime worthy of death? TJ couldn't say that Jeff's involvement in other people's deaths was forgivable, but he did know that he didn't want to be an executioner. Instead, TJ rolled his shoulders, pulled on his moccasins, and walked out of the room. Stanton was still softly snoring in the bed, and TJ didn't want to bother the older man.
Outside, TJ could see the movement of people inside the firehouse, and as they saw him as well, many raised their hands in genuine greetings. They smiled, called out his name, and were happy to see him. Over the past week, though, TJ had shown that he preferred to be given space, and they respected that. Even so, dozens of people, each time they saw him, were excited. Hero worship glimmered in their eyes, and TJ couldn't help but dislike the treatment. Perhaps, if they'd been consistent in their treatment of him over the past week, he wouldn't have minded it quite so much. However, that hadn't been the case.
TJ had not been welcomed in Pine the day he arrived, though he'd fought to be recognized as someone trustworthy and competent. Over the course of just a couple of days, he'd been elevated to a position of respect and authority, though not in name. Then, with the raving words of a disillusioned, afflicted man, he'd been a monster again. Again, it'd taken days of work and dedication and proving himself to overcome it, and now, here he was again, a hero in these people's eyes.
The nature of humans to change so much wasn't exactly a surprise, but TJ recognized he'd become disillusioned with it all. He'd been hero and monster multiple times to the rest of the people in the Tutorial, and he refused to care which of the two it was at present moment.
"You get any rest after all that?" Farid asked, one of the few people that TJ felt he could call friend in Pine. "I couldn't, not really. Just kept seeing those fingers and imagining what they would do to me." Farid shuddered at the thought.
"I slept ok, but not well." TJ shrugged. "Wasn't the worst night I've had since all this happened, but I couldn't sleep like a rock either."
"Good for you. You wanna eat?" Farid thumbed over his shoulder towards the firehouse. TJ shook his head.
"Just going for a walk for now. Thanks, though."
"We're going out together today, so make sure you're ready by 10:30, ok?"
TJ checked the System: 7:42
"Sounds good." TJ answered as he walked forward. Farid left him alone, and TJ internally thanked the man for his understanding and space. Though a descendant of the Hindu god of destruction, Farid was a calm and kind man. Then again, TJ realized he really didn't know much about Shiva the Destroyer. Also, he wasn't much of a soul-guiding flying serpent himself, so there could only be so much impact from the Bloodline on an individual's personality.
While he wanted to wander off into the forest and get some real peace and quiet, TJ knew better, especially after Jeff's story the night before. With only a 250 yards' radius, give or take, of safety, TJ refused to get himself killed because of overconfidence or a mere desire to get some space. Before he knew it, he found himself in the little clearing he'd been in when Zig and the others approached him for that hunt. Just a couple days ago, and it felt like ages. If TJ actually saw Junior at the end of this Tutorial, he worried the poor toddler wouldn't be able to recognize him.
With a grunt, TJ sat and leaned against the tree, imagining what he would do after this Tutorial. What would happen with Junior? He'd made a decision to try to ascend to the Throne, at least for now, because that could lead to some fairytale ending, but TJ couldn't say that he actually believed it was possible, or would happen. For now, he'd trust in the System, though the deadline to see if the proof was in the pudding was quickly approaching. If the Tutorial ended and he couldn't see Junior, what would he do? Doggedly continue, chasing an ever more ephemeral hope that the seemingly all-powerful System would one day deem him fit to see his child again? Give up?
Assuming he saw Junior, what would he do with him? How could he take care of a little kid in this hell? What could he do to make sure he was safe when invisible, human-eating goblins were all over? Worse, since he was only in a Tutorial, worse things were sure to come.
The anxiety threatened to overwhelm him, and TJ forced himself to take steadying breaths. They didn't help, the thoughts of so many things that could go wrong, would go wrong. The deep breaths and his thundering heartbeat were all that TJ could hear, and the firmly bottled up emotions spilled out. The control he'd fought to maintain over these growing fears for the past ten and a half days wasn't enough, and TJ wept. Bitter tears stung his eyes as wracking sobs seized his chest. He pulled his hand to his mouth and bit hard on his clenched fist. The pain brought some of him back, and TJ could see through his misty eyes.
Fortunately, nobody was around to watch as TJ unravelled. He let himself be lost in the release, and minutes passed. The stupid part of his mind that never shut up repeated the Dune mindkiller speech, and he was surprised to find some solace in it. Eventually, TJ found himself calming down, swiping at his eyes, and feeling some measure of true peace. Maybe it was the high of unleashing his doubts and insecurities, or maybe it was something else, but after he'd emptied himself of these fears, TJ's mind cleared.
He settled back against the tree behind him, closed his eyes, and thought. There was so much that could go wrong, but only so much he could do. TJ went through plans of what he could do to ensure that he survived this siege in just three days, and how he could ensure he gained as many levels as possible before that. He planned who should stand where, and how they should work together to defend the general store. Possibilities filled his mind, and TJ realized he really just didn't know what the enemies were capable of.
His worries impossible to address, TJ allowed himself to do a brief meditation. It'd been a long time since the last time he'd meditated, and he couldn't remember anything but the basic idea of what to do to clear his mind. TJ changed his breaths to be more deliberate, more focused, and though he couldn't remember much of the how and why, threw himself into meditation wholeheartedly. Moment by moment, TJ felt his thoughts still, his racing mind slow, and his frantic heart calm.
A System notification tried to rouse him, but TJ didn't care to pay it attention. He allowed himself to fall deeper into the meditation, and the peace so enjoyably enveloped him. The winds whispered something, and TJ listened. More than ever before, he allowed the air to truly speak to him. Without resisting, TJ felt his awareness stretch far beyond his body, the rhythmic breathing assuaging any fears that threatened to slow his progress. He continued to breathe, and the world outside of his own awareness called for his attention.
Bit by bit, his sense of self slipped away. He would have panicked or rushed back to his body, but he could feel that personality and individuality were still within reach, if he wanted them. If someone came and jostled his body, he'd probably know it. Even so, the body was in a safe place. He could allow the winds to truly encompass him.
Before, when he'd been whisked away by the playing hands of the wind, the whims of the skies carried him in a rush, showing all that they could be, but this time, he was the wind. There was no need to hurry, to show off any aspect of himself. There was only the omnipresent wind. From the highest reaches of the Tutorial, to whipping through the grasses forgotten on the mountaintops, he was there. Parts of him danced in the dumpling waters of a brook, and so much of him rebelled at the Tutorial's bounds. Massive walls closed him off in every direction, and the freedom of the wind had been cut off. The audacity of the Tutorial!
It may have its reasons, but they were wrong! It had impinged on the sovereign authority of the skies and heavens, the most primordial of all the divine realms! He roiled at the thought, his rage building all around him. Clouds gathered and lightning flashed–no. It was only a matter of time before they were released, and the Tutorial's clutches were loosened. There was no reason to lose control. There was power in the rage of the heavens, and there would be cause for it yet. The skies' fury hadn't yet been fully stoked, and would not need to be loosed at this time. Soon, yes. But not now.
He relaxed, the rainclouds that had gathered dispersing. The weight of the clouds pressing in and the smell of ozone gradually disappeared. Instead, he allowed himself to be swept up in the joy of the freedoms that the winds already had. The energy and possibilities of the winds enveloped him, and he lost himself in them for a while, a time he couldn't explain or estimate. And then…
A System notification that refused to be ignored.
You have touched upon the Divine Domain of the skies, winds, and heavens. You will experience a Dirt (0) tiered Enlightenment and Tribulation.