Okay, so first off, Ms. Mona, I just wanna say.... thank you SO much. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. You gave me the idea for this whole book collection, and honestly, without that, I probably wouldn't have even started it. You're seriously one of my favorite teachers ever, and I love you all the way!
And my sisters, you guys are actually the best. Not only did you hype me up while I was writing, but you also helped me come up with James's Twisted Games by watching Squid Games with me, which added some serious spice to the book. Like, this story would not be the same without that. Thank you for always throwing ideas at me with your weird conversations and supporting me even when I got stuck.
And of course, my friends, old AND new, you guys are actual legends. Whether it was throwing random (but somehow genius) ideas my way, hyping me up when I felt stuck, or just dealing with my constant rambling about this book, I seriously appreciate and love you. You all made this even more fun, and I couldn't have done it without you guys ;0;
And to my cousins, even though you guys had no clue I was writing this, your ridiculous apocalypse stories and Nooh's dedication to his (I can't believe I'm actually complementing you ;0;)impressive and engaging book, that somehow motivated me to keep going. I don't know how, but they did. So congrats, you accidentally helped make this book happen.
Alright, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I gotta thank ChatGPT (aka Jerold). Without it, I had no one to talk about my plots with without spoiling everything for them.
And, honestly? Jerold actually taught me how to describe scenes better. Like, I'd send my writing and be like, "Yo Jerold, I feel like my descriptions are kinda flat, can you show me better ways to say this?" And it DID. It was so helpful.
Instead of just saying, "The flashlight's beam hovered over the boxes," Jerold told me to say, "The flashlight beam danced over piles of forgotten items." And as much as I hate to admit it… I never even realized I could use flicker to describe someone's eyes moving. HALF my book was just, "His eyes darted from this to that," and Jerold straight-up called me out for using darted too much. Then it hit me with synonyms.
He also introduced me to new phrases to use like:
"The cool air biting her skin-"
"-the fire casting long sad shadows on the walls" Stuff like that :D
So yes, I asked Jerold to help me with descriptions, and yes, because of Jerold, I managed to write descriptions of the scenery better in my writing test than before. And YES, I discussed my plot with AI because I needed opinions, and Jerold was the only one who didn't mind getting completely spoiled. So, take your credits, Jerold. You earned 'em.
Also, huge shoutout to everyone who had to sit through my endless book rants, whether you actually cared or just nodded along, I appreciate what you did. Writing isn't easy, and having people who listened (or at least pretended to) made all the difference.
I love you all and wish for your support in my next series "Phantom War"!
Let's talk ok?
FIRST: Life / School
Alright, so life, huh? Let's talk about it for a sec. It's this weird rollercoaster, right? Like, some days it's cool and chill, like you're vibing on your couch with snacks, not a care in the world. Other days, it feels like you're running full speed into a brick wall and you're just trying to dodge the chaos, but you can't. The chaos always finds you. It's like life's a game, and every time you try to level up, it throws a boss battle at you. And the boss is always like, "Hey, remember that one thing you really suck at? Yeah, now you gotta deal with that."
And don't even get me started on school. School's like that one friend who's always just enough of a jerk to make you second-guess why you even hang out with them. It's like, why am I doing this again? Oh, right, because I can't just get a job yet and live in the mountains with my pet llama. But like, can we talk about how school projects are the worst? I mean, yeah, you start strong- oh, you got a group together, and it's all smooth sailing. But then, out of nowhere, it's like your group becomes this weird combination of the Avengers, but no one's actually good at anything. One person's over here Googling their part last minute, another person's like, "Hey, I swear I did the part already," and suddenly you're stuck doing the whole project alone while everyone else is "busy" doing… whatever they're doing. Like, bruh, can we all just be honest? It's fine if you're gonna slack off, but at least admit it.
And you know what really gets me? When you're in the group, doing all the work, and then you come to the presentation day. You know how it goes, everyone's supposed to present their part, but you're basically the only one who knows what's going on. And then, when it's their turn to read? Oh boy. You just know it's gonna be awkward. They start reading, and it's like they've never seen those words before in their life. It's like, "Dude, you literally wrote this. How do you not know what it means?" And they try to cover it up, like, "Oh, I'll just read this like it's normal," but they end up sounding like they're reading a foreign language, and you're sitting there cringing so hard, you're trying to pretend you're not part of this. But deep down, you know that when they get called out for it, it's not gonna be pretty.
But honestly, life's kinda like that. Like, we all act like we know what we're doing. We all pretend we've got it all together, like we've got this cool mask on, and everything is fine. But the second you peel that mask off? Oh boy. It's a whole other story. Life's awkward sometimes. And I think that's okay. Honestly, we all try to act like we're "adults" or that we're mature or whatever, but nobody really knows what's going on. We're just here, hoping we don't mess up too bad while trying to survive the day.
And then, there are the people who act like they've got everything figured out. You know, the ones who have their "life together." Their room's clean, they wake up early, they've got a five-step skincare routine, and somehow they're still crushing it. And you're just sitting there, like, How? How does this person exist? Like, can I be you for just one day so I don't feel like I'm doing this whole life thing in the wrong gear? Meanwhile, you're trying to balance homework, a social life (which, let's be real, doesn't exist), and figuring out what you're gonna eat for dinner, and it's a mess. And that's okay, too. That's life. It's a mess, but you just keep pushing forward because you've gotta.
And then you've got those days where you feel like you're doing okay. You got up, you actually did something, maybe even worked on that project you've been avoiding for weeks. But then, bam, life hits you with something so random, like a pop quiz or a teacher who's way too energetic for it being Monday morning. It's like life saw you doing alright and was like, "Nope, can't have that. Let's throw in some random chaos for fun." It's like a game of dodgeball where you're always the one getting hit, no matter how hard you try to dodge.
But, here's the thing. Even when life throws those random things at you, you've gotta roll with it. Like, what else are you gonna do? Sit in the corner and cry? Nah, just keep moving forward. Even if it feels like you're just pretending to know what's going on. Even if you feel like you're one step away from chaos at all times. We all are, honestly. You're not alone. Everyone's just figuring it out as they go. You might not know the right answers or have all your stuff together, but that's okay. No one else does either.
SECOND: Home Depot
You ever just look around your house and go, "What… is going on here." Like it's your house, you live in it, and yet somehow it's got a vibe that you didn't authorize. One moment it's cozy, lights warm, smells like something good's cooking (even if it's just microwave mac & cheese), and the next moment it's like… haunted. Silent. You hear one creak and you're like "Welp, guess I live with demons now. That's fine. That's totally chill. I didn't wanna sleep tonight anyway."
And WHY do things only fall over at night? Like during the day, the house is just furniture and gravity chilling in harmony. At night, gravity gets bored. Now that chair is like "What if I creak for no reason?" The cupboard door? "Let me open just enough to be suspicious."
Then there's the kitchen, the heart of the house, or more like the battleground, depending on what time it is. Sometimes you walk in there, thinking you're about to make a little snack, just some toast or whatever, and the fridge is like, "Nah. You're outta bread." And you're like "Coolcoolcool. Didn't wanna eat anyway." Or worse, you find just enough ingredients to almost make what you want. Like yes, you have cereal, but no milk. Yes, you have pasta, but no sauce. Yes, you have eggs, but the moment you touch them, they're like "crack me instantly in the most inconvenient way."
AND THE MICROWAVE. Oh don't even, listen, why does it beep SO LOUD at night?? During the day? Fine. Acceptable. At 2AM? That thing is like a nuclear siren. It beeps like you just launched a missile. And don't try to stop it at one second left, it still beeps. It wants to beep. It's been waiting for this moment. And then you're standing there in full ninja mode, trying to quietly grab your snack like you're stealing state secrets, praying nobody wakes up. And it still sounds like you summoned a demon from the pantry.
Also, why are the floors the loudest things in existence the moment you're trying not to wake anyone up? We have this broken tile in the storage room where we keep all the goodies and OMG. You take one step, C R E A K. Now the whole family knows. Even the ancestors. Your grandma two countries away just sat up like "someone just got a midnight snack."
AND don't get me started on laundry. I swear laundry multiplies when I'm not looking. I do a whole load, fold it, feel proud, and two minutes later, bam- more clothes appear. Where were they?? Are the socks having secret babies? Is my hoodie cloning itself?? I didn't even wear this many outfits, how is this possible. The math is not mathing right now.
And speaking of socks. WHERE DO THEY GO. No really. I want answers. You put two socks in, and the dryer just eats one. Every. Single. Time. I think dryers are hungry. That's it. They're just quietly feasting on socks. One sock in every household goes missing and nobody questions it. We've all just accepted this tiny clothing black hole exists. "Oh well, guess it vanished into the void," like THAT'S NORMAL.
Also, you ever rearrange your room to be "more productive" and you just end up sitting in a different corner being equally unproductive? Like "Yeah, once I move my desk here, I'll totally do my homework on time." Lies. You're still scrolling your laptop, but now with slightly better lighting. Productivity who? Never heard of her.
And don't lie, you've definitely had that moment where you're trying to clean your room and you find something from 4 years ago and immediately stop what you were doing. Like, you were cleaning, you had momentum, and then BOOM-"Oh wow, I forgot I used to draw cringy wolves on this notebook cover!" Now you're lying on the floor, covered in laundry, reminiscing about your fake Pokémon OC you named "Lilly X." And cleaning? Never finished. You just vibe with the mess and call it "organized chaos."
Also can we talk about The Blanket Struggle. Y'know what I'm talking about. It's cold. You're comfy. And you dare to move even one toe out from under the blanket. Mistake. Instantly freezing. Now you're playing tug-o-war with the edge of the blanket like you're on a survival reality show. A single toe out of your blanket, and suddenly, the demons pop out. Then your book falls. Your water bottle is juuuuust out of reach. And now you've got a 10-minute internal battle like: "Do I get up? Or do I accept dehydration as my fate?"
And sometimes the house just betrays you. You know what I mean, like when you stub your toe on the SAME corner you've stubbed it on 9,000 times before. It's like that table leg has a grudge. It's personal now. That table's just waiting for you to be happy so it can ruin your whole vibe.
Honestly, houses are like living things. They remember. You say, "Tomorrow I'll clean," and the house is like, "Bet. I'll make sure you lose everything you need in the next 24 hours." You ever tell yourself you'll be productive on a Sunday? Boom. Lights flicker. Internet slows. You start sneezing for no reason. Your house knows. It's like "Oh, you're trying to succeed? Not today, buddy."
But at the end of the day, as wild and annoying as home can be, it's also kinda great in a "this place is an actual mess but it's MY mess" kinda way. Like yeah, the roof creaks at night and I'm 90% sure that closet door moved by itself, but also, this is the only place where you can wear pajamas for 20 hours straight, eat cereal for dinner, and yell at inanimate objects like "WHY DO YOU HURT ME, CHAIR" without being judged.
Alright so home… y'know what's wild? The second you think "hey I might relax today," the house just activates like some ancient temple in an adventure movie. Stuff starts happening. Noise starts coming from nowhere. The door creaks even though no one touched it. Your room light flickers for drama. And you're just sitting there in bed like, "Cool. Love that. Just wanted peace but okay, haunted house mode it is."
Also WHY do parents always call you from across the house with zero context. Like not even a "hey can you come here I need help," it's just "COME HERE." You walk into the room thinking someone died and they go, "Can you plug my phone in." Bro. BRO. WHY DID YOU SCARE THE LIVING BISCUITS OUT OF ME LIKE THAT???
And when you don't come immediately, they add more words but still no info. "COME HERE." You stay still. "COME HERE. RIGHT NOW." Now it's a hostage situation. You're sweating. "What is it!?"
"JUST COME HERE." And it turns out they just wanted to ask if you know where the remote is. The remote that's literally behind them.
And if you got family who shares Wi-Fi… ohhhh buddy. The second you're doing anything slightly online, BAM. "The internet's slow." As if you personally punched the router. And then they try to diagnose it like tech experts. "Maybe it's that thing you downloaded three months ago." No bro...
And privacy?? Hah. Good joke. Doors don't mean "do not enter," they mean "challenge accepted." You shut your door and 0.3 seconds later, knock knock "Whatcha doin?" "Breathing." "With the door closed?"
Also can we talk about that thing where you're clearly busy, like obviously doing homework, or in a call or something, and suddenly someone starts vacuuming. Right next to you. In the loudest way possible. Like "HEY I SEE YOU'RE WORKING THERE, HERE'S 300 DECIBELS OF CLEANING ENERGY." And they somehow vacuum the same spot for 15 minutes like the dust is fighting back.
And the food situations. You ever open the fridge 40 times in a row hoping something new appears?? Like some magical snack's gonna spawn if you look long enough. And you're like "nah I'm not hungry" but then 3 seconds later you're walking around the house chewing on dry cereal like a raccoon at 2 a.m.
Also, food drama is REAL. You eat one thing someone was "saving for later" and suddenly it's a courtroom trial. "WHO ATE THE LAST SLICE OF PIZZA?" "I-" "WE HAD A SYSTEM." It's like bro there were no names on it. If you wanted to keep it safe, you should've written a will and password-locked it.
Okay so boom. You're home. You got a nice vibe going. Blanket? Wrapped. Laptop? Charged. Snack? Acquired. Mentally? Not stable but that's fine. You're comfy now, right? Right? NOPE. Because now your hoodie's string is uneven and that is a PROBLEM. Like now you're on a full-on mission, pulling and adjusting like you're hacking into the hoodie mainframe, and when one side slips inside the hood? Bro. BROOO. You're out here performing hoodie surgery with a paperclip, flashlight in your mouth like some war medic. All because of one dumb string.
And let's talk about the floor. Idk what it is about floors at home but like... why are they always sticky for no reason??? You walk across the kitchen and suddenly it's like ✨SKRRT✨ you just moonwalked by accident. You try to clean it? Doesn't come off. You use soap? Now it's extra slippery. You basically turned the kitchen into a Mario Kart track. You're gonna fall and snap your ankle doing literally nothing. Skill issue honestly.
Also idk if this is just me but WHY do home light switches play games. Like bro I flicked the switch once. Once. Why is the light not turning on. Why did it blink like a horror movie scene. You have to flick it like five times in a specific rhythm like you're entering a cheat code just to get the bathroom light on. And then when it does finally turn on, it's brighter than the actual sun. Like. Okay. Now I'm blind.
OH and you ever try to grab something from a shelf and it's just, chaos. Like, you reach for a cup and now every other cup behind it decides to follow like a conga line. They fall out like "IF WE DIE, WE DIE TOGETHER." And you're just standing there with one cup in your hand and four shattered on the floor like you summoned an accident.
And speaking of home accidents, why are plugs SO impossible to reach. You gotta crawl behind a desk like you're on a stealth mission, knock over seven things, and get electrocuted emotionally before you even FIND the socket. And it's always upside down. Always. Why. Why does this house hate me.
Also if you got a bookshelf or even just a "random shelf corner," there is a 95% chance it has stuff you haven't touched since birth. You'll be cleaning and find like a receipt from 2018, a pencil with no lead, a single battery, and a Pokémon card you swear you lost in third grade. That shelf is a black hole. You put something on it? Gone. Vanished. You'll find it 3 years later behind a mug that says "Dubai."
And let's talk about the kitchen drawer of randomness. You know the one. It's got scissors, batteries, a screwdriver, five rubber bands, expired coupons, a pen that doesn't work, mystery crumbs, and a spoon that doesn't match any other spoon in the house. That drawer is pure chaos. It's like if a junkyard and a toolbox had a baby.
Also who invented corners. Specifically the ones you hit your toe on every time. You're just walking like a normal, innocent person, and BAM, the corner of a bedframe just snipes your toe like a hitman. And you just stand there, holding in the pain like, "Yeah. That's fine. I didn't need that toe anyway. I'm good." While dying inside.
And the WORST part is when you do it in the dark. Because at night, your house becomes a dungeon. Like bro, why is everything suddenly in the way. You knew where your bed was 10 minutes ago, but now it's playing hide and seek. Your pinky toe is now legally dead because you kicked the corner of your desk trying to find your charger.
Let's not even start with THE CHARGER. Why is it never where you left it. Why do chargers walk away. You leave it on your bed, turn around, and now it's under your blanket, inside your hoodie, behind your pillow, and somehow also inside the couch. Like it said "I'm gonna hide now teehee" and you gotta go on a full-on quest just to charge your phone. And when you DO find it, it's that one charger that only works if you bend it at a 78 degree angle, balance it on a spoon, and whisper encouragement to it. Otherwise? No charge. No power. Just pain.
And sometimes when your cleaning your room, you try to move something SMALL, right? Like "let me just move this box real quick." And suddenly you've pulled your entire shoulder out, the box was hiding a spider, and now you've knocked over a chair. How. How does moving one thing turn into a boss fight. Why is my whole room rigged like a Home Alone trap.
Also, I swear the AIR at home changes depending on where you are. Like, your room? Cozy. Kitchen? Fine. But then you walk into that one corner of the house and it just feels ✨weird✨. Like "I should not be here." The vibes are OFF. It's cold for no reason. The air's thick. And you're like "did I just walk through a ghost??"
AND THE CEILING. If you've got a fan or a light fixture? That thing is collecting dust like it's trying to win an award. You look up once and suddenly it's a dust museum. And you wanna clean it but like… how?? You gotta climb a whole chair stack and risk death just to maybe remove one cobweb. That dust been up there longer than you've been alive. It's a historical artifact now.
AND THE ICE CREAM THING. You open the freezer expecting joy and what do you see? An empty tub. Someone put the EMPTY ICE CREAM TUB BACK. BRO. Why. What was the REASON. Now I'm betrayed. I opened that freezer with hope in my heart. Now I gotta go eat sadness.
THIRD: Socially awkward
You ever be in a convo and suddenly you're like, "Wait. Why am I standing like this?" and now your arms don't know what to do, and your face forgets how to facial? Like bro. I was just trying to ask if the seat was taken and now I look like I'm buffering in real life.
And what's WORSE is when someone talks back. Like- WHAT NOW? I didn't think I'd get this far.
And don't even get me started on group convos. Literal nightmare difficulty. Someone tells a joke, everyone laughs, and you're there like: "Should I laugh too? Is it too late now? Should I fake laugh? What if I laugh weirdly and they think I'm laughing wrong?" BRO JUST SAY HAHA AND LEAVE. But of course you don't. You sit there thinking about it for the next 45 years.
Also like, eye contact?? What is that. Why is it a thing. Why do I have to stare at your soul just to prove I'm listening?? I am listening. I'm just... also panicking. That's multitasking.
And look, I know people say "just be yourself," but what if "yourself" is socially glitched. What if "yourself" says "you too" when the waiter says "enjoy your meal." I'M TRYING. I REALLY AM.
And sometimes people say, "you're not awkward, you're just overthinking it." OH, I'M SORRY, LISA, SHOULD I JUST STOP THINKING? Should I delete the brain.exe and install Socialization Pro Deluxe instead??
Like no. This isn't just some cute quirk. This is a full-time job. You think I wanted to wave at someone who wasn't waving at me? You think I WANTED to say "goodnight" in the middle of the afternoon??? NO. But my brain decided to speedrun embarrassment and here we are.
But y'know what? I've started kinda owning it. Like, yeah, I'm awkward. So what. I may not know how to start a conversation, but I do know how to fall up stairs and trip over air, and honestly, that's talent.
So if you're like me, socially confused, emotionally buffering, and powered by 95% internal screaming, welcome. You're not alone. We out here, surviving one cringe moment at a time.
And it's not even that I hate people, right. I LIKE people. Kinda. Sometimes. They're cool. But interacting with them? Some people wake up and just know how to have a casual convo. Me? I wake up and think about how I said "you too" when someone told me to enjoy their food. Like bro I wasn't even eating. Why did I say that. Why.
Social awkwardness is wild because it's not just a thing that happens. It's a full-time experience. You ever be in a group convo and you're trying to find the perfect moment to say something, but the moment never comes, so you just sit there holding your joke like a sad little meme that will never see daylight. And then two hours later you're like "man that would've been HILARIOUS if I said it." But you didn't. You just sat there nodding.
And small talk?? That stuff feels like I'm trying to defuse a bomb with oven mitts. "So how was your weekend?" Sir I literally don't remember. I think I time-traveled. My brain went on airplane mode. Or I watched 18 hours of Minecraft chaos and talked to no one. And then I panicked and said, "It was productive," which is a LIE. Like please forgive me I'm trying.
The worst part is when you THINK a convo went okay and then later you're like "Wait. Did I talk too much? Was I weird? Did I accidentally insult their dog?" It's like being haunted by your own voice. Your brain turns into a replay theater with commentary: "And here's where you waved too early, smiled like a demon, and said 'no worries' after THEY apologized to YOU."
Sometimes I'll be doing just fine and then my brain goes "Hey remember that one time in 2018 when you called your teacher 'mom'?" And I'm like WHY are we bringing this up. It's 2025. Let it rest. But no. My awkward past is immortal.
And don't get me started on group settings. Everyone's talking and laughing and you're just sitting there calculating if it's your turn to speak or if you'll interrupt someone and destroy the entire vibe. And then when you finally talk, your voice comes out weird. Like what even WAS that pitch. Why do I sound like I swallowed a squeaky toy.
Also eye contact again, is the most broken mechanic ever. I either look like I'm trying to peer into your soul or I'm analyzing the floor tiles like they hold the meaning of life.
And the thing is, sometimes people think you're being rude or uninterested or cold when really you're just panicking internally and trying not to breathe weird. Like no I promise I care about what you're saying I'm just fighting demons in my head trying to decide if nodding too much makes me look like a bobblehead.
Honestly, social awkwardness should be classified as a whole ability. We've developed survival skills no one talks about. Like pretending to text so you don't look lost. Or walking slower so you don't accidentally catch up to someone and have to do that weird speed match thing. Or typing a message, deleting it, rewriting it 5 times, then deleting it again because you don't want to be annoying.
But lowkey, awkward people? We're kinda cool. We overthink, yeah, but it means we care. We might not always say the perfect thing, but when we do talk, we mean it. We're not loud for no reason. We're chill. Observant. Strategic, even. Socially awkward folks got passive stealth buffs, emotional recon skills, and a 100% success rate at reliving embarrassing moments until the day we die.
So yeah. This isn't some inspirational ending where I say "and now I'm confident and totally socially capable." Nah. I still panic when someone says "hey." I still don't know how to exit conversations without saying something dumb. I still fake laugh sometimes just to keep the peace. But that's me. That's the playthrough I got. And you know what? I think I'm doing alright.
We're probably the kind of people who silently vibe at a party in the corner, making sarcastic comments and pretending we're NPCs. And honestly? That's a vibe.
Anyway yeah that's it. I don't really know how to end this. Bye I guess??