i light up another cigarette and head to his apartment. i get to his building and the black car was already waiting for me there, with the door open, driver in front of the back door, in the same position, making me sign to get in. Again bowed so i couldn't see his face. i don't look at the car, just pass by it and get in the building. i go up to the third floor and look at each door to see if i remember where he lives. Fuck. Lately he spent a lot of time at Andreea, and i visited only there…
i think is the door…i don't know, i'll just get my head through each door and see if i recognize the interiors. So i go to the door number 1, the first one that i saw as i climbed the stairs, and put my head through. i see a long hallway that leads from the door up to the bathroom. And the bathroom door opens, and a Spanish lady comes out, wearing nothing else than her beautiful olive skin. She's completely naked. Left foot makes a step forward and i pass through the door. What am i doing here? It's not Matt's apartment. The right foot responds with another step forward. The girl stops right before going in her room, and turns her head towards me. She winks. And that wink she threw on me landed like a 2 tone TNT deposit, and it blew my world in pieces. She wants me to follow her. And my body does it. Each foot taking the task itself, without my approval, to get me to that room. i should search for Matt's apartment but…after 6 more steps i find myself right at her room's open door, with my eyes on her body. She was sitting as naked as before, on the edge of her bed, so lightly as if her body had no weight, and she was looking straight at me. She wants me to come near her, on the bed. But… She sees me! She knows i'm here. How?!
"I'm so glad I finally got your attention. Now what do you say, do you want to take me out on a play?"
It's…His voice, coming out of her mouth. A creature so beautiful, Aphrodite, a goddess of beauty more beautiful than all the other goddesses at once. Her body, her face, of an impossible perfection and symmetry. Her, with His voice…
"Are you finished with the epithets and love confessions? If you want, I'll give you this body for a ride to enjoy it, and I promise I'll get out of her beforehand, so it's not awkward."
And i really think at this proposition. i can't do something like this. And again, i'm now weighting in what to do, charmed, hypnotized, attracted by this incredible creature. i try to not want it, but i can't. The girl gets up from the bed, her face turned to me, and in all her bareness, she starts dressing.
"But not now, we can't now, we must go to that play I told you about, we'll miss the act that I really want you to see if we don't hurry up."
"No."
"Not even with a girl so beautiful, you don't want to see the play? I told you, after the show, she's all yours. To do what you will with her."
"No…i…don't want to…"
i turn my back, but out of reflex my head still turns to her. She's so perfect. But i head to the door, without stopping. Without turning back. With my neck muscle tensed to the limit, to hold the head from turning after the…
"What the fuck!? C'mon! How do you kick away such an opportunity?"
And i go straight through the door.
"you virgin fuck!"
i move away from the door and look at the others. 5 more… i pass by the door right near the first checked and go to the middle of the hallway, at the one near the elevator. And i put my head through. The apartment looks similar to the previous one. At the end of the hallway, the bathroom door opens, and an Asian lady comes out, naked. Again… She had a pair of tits so huge and like…
"No!"
i pull my head out and move away from the door. i won't let the legs get the best of me again. FUCK! Which one is Matt's apartment?! i go to the apartments 3 and 4 and put my head through each. Same apartment, same long hallway, same bathroom, other utterly beautiful lady. i never get to pull out my head before the girl comes out, actually i wait for it especially, just to see what other girl comes out. i can't…no…i don't want to miss, such a beautiful scene, each time i just wait for a second, to see the surprise.
i check the other apartment that i went by, wait to see the girl, and then i'm left with only one. It's the last one. This series of wonderful ladies is about to end, reluctantly i put my head through the door, wishing a little to find not George there, and i'm greeted by the same apartment. The same hallway. Same bathroom…and the door opens… Matt this time, is getting out of the bathroom, of course, naked. i pull my head out immediately and try to blink, but each time i close my eyes, there it is, his naked body. All those ladies, those heavenly images that i feasted my eyes on, just to get them dirty again with that trash.
i found the apartment, and Matt. But i'll wait for a second, for him to get some clothes on. i hear a noise, a loud bang, something fell, then again another bang, and another. i get in the apartment and see Matt's head on the floor, the rest of the body is in his room, fortunately. i get closer and see he's still naked. With my eyes looking away, i get over him, into his room, and get a towel to throw over what i don't want to see. Matt is not moving at all. He's unconscious, i turn back to his room to see the very reason for that.
Everywhere i look, only bottles. Beer bottles, wine, whiskey, vodka, and many other brands and types of alcohol. Near his foot i see an empty bottle of beer, probably the one that caused the fall. This dumbass drank all these days enough to kill a fucking elephant. The floor is full of bottles, and where there isn't a bottle, is a puddle of puke. The bed is soaked, the floor is all soaked too from the open bottles that overflowed. If i could smell this room, i think i'd get drunk just by that. But from the image alone, i can easily imagine how it smells, and it makes me sick.
All his clothes are thrown and crumpled in a combination of hardened textile and dried vomit. Everything looks terrible, Matt, i don't even think he ate something these days. i make a step over him to get out and head to the kitchen. Everywhere in here is garbage, old, rotten food. The fridge was open and inside i find even more rotten food, mould, flies and bugs and other unnameable insects that you only see in your worst nightmares. There are fucking mushrooms growing in this fridge! The whole kitchen is beyond salvation and should just be nuked instead.
i get out of the kitchen and look at him. He's so pale, skinny, so still from the bottle knockout… i could go to another apartment and take from there some food. i get out of the apartment and look at the other doors on the floor. Not going to try them again, so i go downstairs and go in the first apartment i see. i don't hear anybody inside, only the TV running somewhere in a room.
i get inside the kitchen and grab a loaf, open the fridge and take whatever i find there useful to make a sandwich, bacon, cheese, tomatoes and cucumber. But i'm not going now to do shopping for… i grab whatever i can and turn to the table to lay it down. i look around the kitchen for a bag and when i turn i see an old man.
He freaked the hell out of me. He was just staying at the door, still, scared too. He takes down his glasses, wipes them with his shirt and puts them back on. i stood still all this time, just looking at him, which in turn was looking at me. After putting the glasses back he looks at the table, goes to it, gathers all that i laid on it and puts them back in the fridge. Then the old man takes another look around the kitchen and gets out like nothing happened. Maybe he saw just them being on the table and the door of the fridge open, and he just thought he forgot them there, or… It doesn't matter.
i look around the kitchen until i find a bag, then go again to the fridge, this time without opening it, i shove my head inside and take whatever i see and put it in the bag. Now if he comes in, he should see nothing. i throw the loaf in the bag and get out of the apartment, up the stairs and back in Matt's apartment.
He…isn't laying on the floor anymore. i don't see him, but i have to make a sandwich, quick. i get in the kitchen, take a knife from the floor, wipe it on a rag and start making a sandwich. i'm sitting at the table, facing the door. i'm not afraid of Matt, of him catching me. i just sit here to see his reaction if he does come in. i don't care too much if he goes crazy, or whatever happens to him, he deserves either way much worse than that.
The sandwich is ready. i take it and then hear Matt's footsteps coming closer. i throw the sandwich randomly on the table and wait. Matt comes in the kitchen, with a bottle of vodka in his hand and sits at the table, right next to me. He's still fucking naked!
i move on the other side of the table and sit down. The chair i sit on moves a little, and Matt notices but he doesn't care about it, he's more focused on the miraculous sandwich. He raises the vodka bottle to his moth and takes a mouthful of it, lets his hand down without dropping the bottle and grabs the sandwich with the other hand. He finishes the sandwich in just a few bites. He wipes his mouth and then covers it again with the bottle.
"Stupid drunk, you think if you are in this state it's going to be easier for me to forgive you? i'm not going to forgive you, never! i just simply can't."
"Then what's with the sandwich!?"
i hear Him yelling, His voice coming from somewhere outside. He's probably down at the car.
"Because i want him to suffer! i want him to liv…!"
Oh fuck it! Why do i have to yell to talk to Him? i get up from the chair and go to the balcony. Couldn't He just get up here? i light up a cigarette and look down the window. i see Him in the middle of the sidewalk, in full sunlight, emanating darkness from His body. And near Him i see the five girls that i just met in those very fortunately circumstances. The five goddesses of beauty, clothed in some elegant gala dresses.
"Because i want him to suffer, to live long enough until i say, that is enough, he suffered enough. i can't let him die yet."
"Oh, how sweet!"
"There's nothing sweet, leave me alone, just go away!"
i pull two more times from the cigarette, throw it outside, low-key trying to aim him with it, to no avail, and get back in the kitchen.
"…why did you had to die? you were my only friend…"
"We're cousins, you fucked up imbecile."
"…the only one that i could talk to, about anything. The only one that could understand me right now. Why can't I be with Sarah? I don't want to hurt her, I just want to love her. I need someone in my life, now that Andreea left me, and you left me too. I'm so sorry, but I love her!"
He goes into a hysteric cry, lame for a mature man. By mistake, while he's crying, he drops the vodka bottle down. It didn't break, but it started pouring out on the floor. Matt jumps instantly off the chair, still crying, and grabs the bottle. It poured almost half of it on the floor, making a pretty big pool of vodka.
Matt puts the bottle on the table and dives head down into the pool, slurping like an animal dying of dehydration. The tears keep falling down into the vodka pool, mixing with the alcohol, and the dirt from the floor. He keeps slurping until he can't no more, then he starts licking until he finishes. Pathetic. i get out of his apartment and go downstairs. He makes me so sick, and he makes this sensation, this feeling that i have towards him, to transfer to her. i'm so sick of both. i don't want to forgive them. Not at all!
*
i get out of the building, through the front exit, too quick to remember that there's where the car is waiting for me. And the ladies. He wasn't outside anymore, between the ladies. Only them were waiting for me, and the driver that that was still stuck in the same position. That must be hard on his back. Inside the car i hear Him.
"C'mon, get in already. I sent word to put a pause on the play, especially for you, so hurry up and hop in."
"N…"
"Hey, after this, I'll leave you off at Sarah's, I promise, I know there's where you were heading anyway."
i…there is no point in running again, it would be useless. Anywhere i'd go, He'd be there already waiting for me. i just go towards the car.
"Wait!"
i stop.
"Pick two girls, don't leave them all here, they are so keen to get in with you, the star of the show. you're a celebrity. And they are so willing to have, sex with you, you wouldn't believe, i know what you're saying, but that's how it is."
i turn towards the five girls and point to the Spanish one and the redhead.
"You and you."
The two girls get in the car one by one, and then after taking a last look at the three other ladies, i too head to the car. Passing by the driver, i notice an emptiness between the glove and his suit, just air. i can see the asphalt below. i raise my eyes to his head, and i see the same emptiness. i see just the interior of the hat, no head, nothing to hold the hat. i get a sudden chill on my spine, to see just the clothes and hat floating in the air, forming a human body. i'm just staring into the empty space under the hat, trying to figure if he's looking at me or not.
"C'mon already, why did you stop so suddenly? I told you if you stay too long he'll disappear. A ha ha ha. Don't worry, that's just how he looks, what is your problem with the poor being, just get already in the car."
The driver didn't move all this time, didn't flinch or react. i turn my back to him, still ready that at any time he'd do something to me, and get in the car. Once the door is closed, the inside of the car is suddenly immersed in darkness. But it's not pitch-black, and the tinted windows were blocking successfully any ray of light that was trying to penetrate, but the two ladies, they were lighting up the interior.
Their eyes are lit as white LEDs, which don't emit the light at all, but their skin does, the entire skin is fluorescent, and it emits an obscure but enough light to see them perfectly, and the objects around them. The car is very spacious, with a luxury interior, comfortable chairs, two on each side face to face.
To my right, i see Him, just standing there and looking probably at the two girls, absorbed by the neon like, futuristic image they were giving. It leads a little to some avant-garde cyberpunk art. His shape, easy distinguishable from the darkness surrounding it, helps me figure out which way is His head turned to. That blackness could so clearly stand out even in an all-black painting.
The lines of His outline move chaotic, probably because of the light coming from the ladies, or just because of those ladies. But the shadow's outline trembles and dances and waves like the flame of a troubled dark fire. And this fire leaves behind a mark on my retinas. Like when you look at the sun for a long time, and then looking elsewhere you still see the dot printed on your sight. So does His image stays engraved somehow in my brain.
"Sooo? What do you say? Are you anxious to see your own play?"
"What…?"
"Your own act, own sensational masterpiece. To see your life from the perspective of the spectator. That's what I mean."
"You mean, how You saw it until now?"
"And how you'll see it forever, after I take the control."
"It won't happen."
"Please, pay very very close attention to the play…because with that perspective you'll be left for the rest of your life, after you give Me control."
"It won't fucking happen…i will never give you control, never."
"Why? you've done it before, willingly and unwillingly. It won't be the first time, but I assure you that it will be the last."
Each second i look away, i then come back to them. Even if i'm checking these girls only from the corner of my eye, i do it, and these girls seem like they can't stop either from looking at me, staring, with their big white glaring eyes, at me. They look at me like i'm being some kid of god, or even this sensational actor that He presented me as. These girls are eating me with their eyes. These perfect goddesses. And i'm a bit embarrassed by this, but also a bit horny.
"What play?"
"It's the play of your life, as I keep telling you, for like a thousand times already, and in the lead role is the most famous and perfect actor. you. And the secondary role will be played by Sarah, an actress not so good but pretty beautiful, I'll give her that."
He comes close to my ear and whispers.
"She most definitely had to do some things unfitting for a lady to get this role, #poundMetooDaddy, but…"
He gets back on His seat talking normally again.
"…of course she's not as beautiful as you two ladies. Mmmm, you exude beauty even in the most obscure corners."
He turns His head back to them, following them closely while they giggle from the compliment.
"Eh? What do you say about them? What's your impression of them?"
"Mmm…"
i try to say something but i shut my mouth, i don't know what to say, i don't know what's going on, who are they, where i am, where i'm going, what the fuck is happening. And in no way do i want to fall into His trap, to do what He says, to be played by Him, as He wishes.
"There's no need to say anything. It is pretty obvious what's your opinion of them by the bulge of your pants. Talking about pants… Here, change into this suit, you can't come to the theatre dressed like that. C'mon, take it. It's exactly your size. And besides, I heard that black is the new black, how swell, I don't have to change at all."
i look at the suit that was hanging from the side of the car, then i look at my clothes, and then my eyes fall once again on the two ladies.
"Ohh! Don't tell Me that you're shy to get naked in front of these ladies. There is no reason to be shy, they are your creation, that's why they look so perfect to you, and you can barely resist them."
He does an odd voice, like trying to act, and raises His hand up and holding into a fist.
"They are created exactly by your desires. Born in your mind. you created their beauty and I gave it life."
After His small act, He takes a pause.
"Look, so it won't be too awkward, the girls will get undressed too, so you'd feel more relaxed."
It'll have the opposite effect, but that doesn't stop them from taking off their dresses instantly. And beside those dresses, they had nothing else under, but their bareness. Thing that wouldn't be too shocking in this darkness, if the skin wasn't glowing up the entire car. The breasts, the nipples, the pussy, all light up differently, in different colours and different intensities. Now that they're naked, the car's interior is much more lit, and He is much more visible and terrifying.
And His outline is dancing so much violently. i notice how pieces of His outline that are waving come closer to me, trying to rub on my, on my body, like the hair when is attracted by something static. Like some pervert tentacles in some fucked up hentai i once saw, by mistake… These shadow flames, in their chaotic dance, sometimes touch me, so sensually.
"Tell me, what would you do to these girls, of course, if you'd be all alone with them? Huh?"
i keep looking at them, i can't unstick my eyes from them, from their private parts. i feel inside me, so much pleasure, a fire so strong that it needs to be left burning to be consumed. i want so hard to jump on them, to feel them, to bite, to…
"Alright…you don't need to tell me now, I already know it, look…I'll let them know too what you want from them. Don't ever say that I'm not your best friend. That I don't want the best for you."
"Wait…what…no…"
The two girls turn to each other and start kissing. Fuck. First a little shyly, as if it were the first time kissing a girl for both, but then it gets more intense, taken over by the lust, my lust. Kissing with passion, with crave. They start biting their lips, squeezing their breasts, pulling each other's nipples and moving with their hands lower and lower… Even their heads go lower, and they start biting their nipples, and pull hard, and do…
There's lava flowing inside me, from my heart, and accumulating in my stomach. I'm melting from inside.
"Enough!"
"Already? Ahaha, I'm joking. C'mon…don't flounder right now, I know you want to join the girls. you want it so much, again, this information comes to me from your, two times bigger now, bulge."
The two girls already got into postures that you only see in porn. They got to do…
"Go, go there with them. If you want, I'll even make a film, for you to keep for the rainy days. Get on them already. What are you waiting? Don't be afraid, it's not true what the others say, first time…it doesn't hurt at all. Only if you want it to hurt. Any dream, any wish, any pervert thought, there are no limits. There are no rules. Here, no one judges. It's just you, alone, with your pleasures."
i get up from the chair…i want to go to them, i really really want it, but i'm afraid, i'm scared, i don't know what to do, literally, if i get to them, i don't know what to do then. i sit back down. i'm too scared. i'm shaking. One of them gets up, and with a glare that melts me completely, she comes to me. So slow, as if she knew what i'm feeling, what i want, as if she'd know me so perfectly and she'd know exactly what i need. As if there's kilometres between us. Won't she get here already?!
She's here. She sits down softly on my lap and starts caressing my head, and kissing my face, and licking… The heat coming from her body, the warmth of the piece of meat i'm holding in my arms, it suffocates me. my heart starts beating chaotic, my mind goes completely empty, i can't think anything, i can't take any decision. i don't know what to do, i know only what i want and i let myself taken care of. And she starts…patting on my body, lower, over the clothes that dissolve at her touch, without any pain she leaves behind only my bare skin. Those beautiful hands get even lower, until even my pants are gone, and my underpants.
He gets up from His chair and the other girl comes into His place. The fiery redhead. Fuck. He's still here, in the car somewhere, but it doesn't bother me at all, having His eyes on me. i can't even have my focus on Him cause it gets stolen back immediately by the two girls. The console from the middle retracts to the back turning the two chairs into a long bench. The girl that's on me, the olive skin one, turns me with the back to the other one and lays me on my back softly.
Then she climbs over my dick and starts swinging and biting my lips, my nipples, my whatever she catches in her path. i take away my sight from her, and let my head back to see…the firebush, the burning bush talking to me, telling me 10 things to make my dick even bigger and harder.
Oh my fuck. The scenery i have from here under…under her… i look at her, straight into her eyes, and right then she sits on me, she sits on my face. my mouth is on fire. So much red in front of my eyes. So much fire.
Everything happens so perfectly, without any words, any other sounds than the sounds of our sex. Without indications, or mistakes. Exactly like in a dream. No. So much better. Exactly like in a porn movie, and both know the screenplay by their hearts, following every indication wrote on the paper, in my mind, up to the greatest detail. It's perfect! More than perfect. Much more. It's too much. It's…
Stop! Enough! Nothing comes out, i have my mouth full with her…anything i'd say doesn't come out. Enough! ENOUGH! Nothing is happening, they just keep working the screenplay i keep writing in my head. i want this too much to be able to stop it. And even if i'd want to, no matter how much i move my mouth, no words come out, only pleasures that send her loud orgasms. i focus. i empty my mind, the paper becomes blank, and then out of a last wish, and also to stop all, i bite. i bite so softly, just enough to go over the pleasure level. The redhead gets up off my face, for just a moment, and then…
"Enough! Enough! Enough…"
"Enough! Easy, easy… Hey now…"
Everything is over, everything is as before. i'm on my chair, near Him, watching the two girls still kissing naked. Everything is the same before i…as if it didn't even happen.
"Enough ladies, that's it. Our boy said that's enough. Phoah, you held longer than I thought you'd do."
The two girls stop from their kissing session and look at me proud and satisfied, as if all did in fact happen. It was too real to not happen, but it doesn't seem to have happened, but…it did… The two dress back in their gala dresses.
"you have on the side, near the suit, also a fresh pair of pants."
i rub my legs close a little, i can feel it, i need a new pair of pants. i look again at them. And they look at me so beautifully, as if i'm everything for them, as if they only live for me, and my happiness is the only reason for the existence of these goddesses. It's not enough, each second that i lay my eyes on them, i wish to repeat the previous experience, much harder, much wilder, much more perverted. Again and again and…until the…forever. But i can't, i'm scared, i'm afraid it will happen again, everything. i can't do something like this, no…
"C'mon already, get dressed, we're going to arrive at the theatre."
i look at Him, then at the suit, and in the end, back to those two, then i get stuck looking into emptiness. i can't believe i cheated on Sarah.
"It's not true. She cheated on you, and now you two aren't together anymore. And…it wasn't practically cheating, it happened but it didn't happen… you know what I mean?"
She was laying in her bed, listening to the message that i sent to her, drunk…
"Exactly. Message in which you broke up with her. you didn't want to hurt her with your death."
"What? What do Y…"
"All I'm saying is that you're a good boy, you deserve much more, forget Sarah. She brings only the worst out of you."
The car stops suddenly. Thing that reminds me that all this time we were in motion, in a motion so soft that i didn't even felt.
"We arrived! Ha ha!"
The door opens on His side, and through the opening, the light comes inside. A light so bright, so blinding, that being used to the darkness made me completely blind for the outside world. i can't see what's waiting for me outside. He gets out first, the two girls follow Him, and then i'm next, and i'm still still on my seat, waiting. Don't know what for…
"C'mon, there are many more cars behind waiting for us to get out."
i move onto His seat and get a glimpse of the outside world, i can see though only the driver, or better said, the clothes that are floating in the shape of a human. i pull out my first leg, i put it on the curve, i prop on it and get out of the car, as far as i can comfortably be from the driver, but not too much to make him uncomfortable.
i'm on a red carpet, to my left and to my right i see dozens of people with cameras that flash out constantly. Everything is so bright and flashing that i think i might develop epilepsy. i can't even see anything behind the flashes, i can't distinguish any human or face, just shapes. Dozens of human shapes without faces.
Girls arrive on the carpet constantly, beautiful, dressed in gala dresses, ladies. And i look down, at my clothes. And i'm dressed in the black suit from the car, with a bow tie and, it feels a little different between my legs…i have a fresh pair of pants too. He turns to me, He too had a bow tie, a white one on His neck.
"Don't worry, I took care of you."
He steps on the red carpet walking towards the theatre, the two girls stay behind, waiting for me, to grab onto my arms. i couldn't unstick my eyes from them still, from their legs, their breasts, their faces. If i wouldn't be here, i'd…i don't get to finish my thought that a wave of flashes hit me and with them the cries.
"he's here, the lead actor."
"Look here!"
"Turn for photo!"
"Here, here!"
The cries start quickly to turn up louder and mix into an uproar from which you can't understand not even a word.
"Is this after a t…?!"
"How is it to be ra…?!"
"Who is…?!"
Can't understand them at all. All is just black noise. As i advance on the red carpet, the photographers start focusing their attention on someone else important that just stepped on the carpet. But everywhere, front or behind, i see just girls, girls so beautiful and perfect, that they couldn't be born elsewhere but in my mind. At the end of the red carpet, He was waiting for me at the door.
"Through here, let's hurry, the act we came here for is coming next."
i go inside the theatre to be greeted by a huge hall and a fucking ocean of the girls of my dreams, they all love me. They all turn instantly to me, and lay their eyes on me, in such a perverted way. Oh these beautiful eyes want to eat me alive, and so do i. In this sea of sirens i can only hold dearly to my safety net, Him, my anchor, and i wait, for a life vest, a buoyant ring, a boat, an anything else than Him, but until then…
"C'mon, keep my pace, if you don't pay attention you might get lost into this troubled sea, and after that, in these kinds of rough waters, lost you'll be."
i keep close to Him until we get to a huge entrance, with wooden doors, and on the other side, the theatre stage. Even more huge. All the seats are empty, two in the middle have black covers to be differentiated from the red ones. We go down until we get to our row, and we sit down on the two black chairs. Him to my right, the girls to my left, ahead of me i see not a thing else than the bright red of the chairs, the floor, the curtain. And this fucking curtain is huge. Four floors building tall, four floors building wide. So big that it makes me think, what would happen if it'd fall on me. Would i be crushed? Or would i just be trapped, and die running out of air before i'd get to the end of it?
"Uuu, it's starting, it's starting. Look closely, he's My favourite actor, and this scene, this act, oh My. This act is the reason I'm still living."
The lights turn off, and the spotlights turn on and fall on the curtain, and with a noise and a shake as if the mountains are moving, the curtain opens, so slowly, so heavily. Now i know what would happen if it'd fall on me. Behind the curtain, i see a room made of three walls, it's Sarah's. A perfect replica of her room, each object, lingerie, piece of clothing thrown on the chair, spot on the wall, everything is exact the same as in her room, minus the fourth wall. As if someone ripped it from her building and placed it here, in the middle of the stage.
The closed door slams to the wall, and through it comes, me, with Sarah. Hugging, kissing, we just couldn't come off one another, and we didn't. i remember this moment, it happened not so long ago, it was our second…
The door slams close itself even harder, sending an air explosion throughout the grand hall and banging my ears. The two of them just keep kissing and going towards the bed. The spotlights dim down until the room gets into some semi-obscurity in which just the two bodies could be seen anymore. Just the shapes. And these two shapes slam each other in the bed, almost brutally. And all starts to intensify.
my heart starts beating faster. i don't see what's going on exactly, or who even is above or below, but all is turning so suddenly so violently. The two bodies, once in harmony, now look like their fighting for life, one trying to escape, the other one holding it in place, forcing it to stay, to go on…
With each attempt of the shape above to escape, the shape below pulls it even harder back. The spotlights all go hurtfully bright and light up only the two of them, the light is so bright that they start instantly sweating.
"Uh, uh, uh, it's the best part. Wait, let's get a closer look."
i look at Him, the spotlights' bright light affects Him too. The outline flames of the shadow dance alarmed, as if they know they're about to die. i turn back to the stage, it's huge, not the stage, it was already. Everything else became huge. The room, the objects, the bed, the two actors. They are at least 10 times bigger, much more, they are giants. Everything is so clear now, so much closer, each detail, each drop of sweat that falls off makes a sound as if a big balloon full of water just fell. Now i notice, that the one trying to run away, to escape, was me, and her, Sarah, is forcing me to stay there, is forcing me to…
She starts grabbing my clothes and ripping them off, she grabs my shoulders and turns me instantly on my back, under her. She thrusts, her hand into my neck, and with the other she's pulling down my pants. i start to scream, to struggle, to fight it, to try and get out, but her force it's much stronger than mine. i can't even budge her. But it's not possible, i have more weight, more strength. Why can't i get out of her grasp?
She gets up a little, positions herself, and then suddenly goes down, without softness, without care, without mercy, without love. Gets up again and down again, and she repeats this movement without stopping, in spite of my agitation and my cries. She just keeps going. It hurts. It makes me sick. i want to puke. i turn my head, to look away…
He, enjoys it, He really enjoys the show. He likes it. But for me, this show is hurting, i hate it. It's not a show, it's a rape. i remember, not everything, mostly was foggy, but what i see now fits perfectly, like a piece of puzzle, with what i remember. It seems to be the very missing piece of the memory from that night. But why have i forgot this part? Why did this happen? Why did Sarah…?
He turns his head just a little towards me, as if He's looking at me from the corner of His eye, and He points at the stage, laughing.
"Ah, ha, ha, this is it, this is the climax."
i turn my sight back on the stage. While she's…me faster and faster and more brutal than…then, from under me, from my body's shadow, slender tentacles stretch around me. Tentacles that get thicker and turn into hands, dozens of black hands, shadows like Him, grab my body and try to pull me lower, in a puddle of darkness, a puddle the size of my body, where initially my shadow was. And i'm submerged.
Slowly, pulled by those hands, i'm submerged into the black puddle, i get covered by darkness, and disappear. Drowned in that sea of darkness, i start to feel that i can't breathe anymore, me, the real me, i pull, and nothing comes into my lungs, into my nose, into my mouth. my place is taken by, Him.
He grabs Sarah suddenly by her shoulders and slams her on the floor. Brutally. Building's roof. How i smashed her into the wall… Begone thought! He threw her like she was weighting nothing, making me look…frail, comparing to Him. He gets up from the bed, gets close to her, and looks even closely at her, bending down, and trying to reach her with His hands, hands that seem to be getting a human shape, but i run before He gets to touch her. Leaving the room, and leaving Sarah there, laying on the floor, motionless. She twitches from time to time but…
The spotlights turn off, the lights turn on, and the curtain closes almost instantly, causing an earthquake bigger than the one at the beginning of the play. He and the two girls start clapping. The two are very pleased with the show, they're delirious, it shows on their faces, but Him…i see nothing. He's just clapping, intensely, frenetically, and passionately, like Citizen Kane.
The curtain opens, heavily like the first time, and in the middle, at their normal sizes, i see the two actors, me and Sarah, they start bowing. One of the girls starts whistling. Roses are thrown from the public, even though there's no one here besides us four. And then the curtain closes again. Such an ovation for such an act…
The three stop from clapping, the hall is suddenly enveloped in silence, only the echoes of the claps can be heard, but they die too. i feel a drop dripping down my cheek. A tear. i wipe my face, my eyes, and pull my nose, He offers me a handkerchief. White. i grab it, blow my nose, and try to throw it somewhere randomly, but stop and put it in the breast pocket of the suit.
"So? How did you like the act? They played well didn't they?"
"What, happened in…?"
"In short, if we have to take your memory literally, Sarah raped you. Simply put."
"It's not… it can't be. It's impossible. i would've remembered. It can't be. NO! Please tell me… You promised me, You promised me that You'll only tell the truth, You promised me that i could trust You. Please, tell me, is it true…?"
He turns to me, hesitates, and turns back to the stage.
"It's a play. It's drama. It's a dramatic interpretation, that it's then again interpreted by the spectator, how he wishes to. I can't tell you, I can't give you details. It's not enough. you have to remember, what happened, what you felt, and then take it as you want it. Otherwise, what I'll say will only be empty words, with no weight."
"Why don't i remember? Why can't i? Why don't i remember everything You show to me? Why?!"
"Maybe, I am a little to be blamed for all these memory gaps. But…"
"How does it end?"
"The act?"
"The play."
"Well, the final act has on the stage the two protagonists, lifelong friends and mortal enemies."
"Protagonists?"
"Us, you dummy. you, fallen on your knees, broken, tired, exhausted, defeated, destroyed and devoid of any will to live, in front of Me, holding out your hands, reaching to Me, and offering Me, control."
"It can't be."
"It is how is written in the screenplay of fate, and we can't deviate from it. It's already decided, fated, it's written, Black on White."
"i won't do this, never!"
"Yet! you won't do this, yet. Patience, just wait until you reach the final act and you won't wish for any other option. But it's still a long way until then."
He gets up from the chair, and the two girls get up too, and they walk along the row between the chairs, and then towards the exit.
"C'mon, the spectacle is over, for now."
i too get up from my chair and follow them, the four of us go up the long stairs and out to the huge hall. There, i was greeted again by the sea of sexy sirens that start clapping as soon as they see me. All smiling, winking, congratulating. Some throw roses at me, others offer me huge bouquets, others want autographs, on paper, on poster, on hand, on body, on tits. It's too much. Everybody is flashing their tits at me asking for an autograph.
"Yeah, I know how you're feeling, it's not quite an act to be proud of, to give a reason to celebrate, but you have to settle for what you have and accept what is given to you."
Following Him, we get through the crowd of topless goddesses and we arrive at a more open space of the hall.
"It was nice, we should do this again, but until then, there's your exit."
He points towards a red door, the paint is a little faded, the metal a little rusty, the door itself seems to have been neglected by everyone except time, but it looks like an apartment door. Hardly matching the surroundings. As if it was copied from a different painting and pasted here. i get to the door. It looks exactly like Sarah's. From her apartment.