ORION.
The sun hung low in the sky, a fiery orb that bathed the property in warm golden hues. Harro and I had been walking towards the small bar unit after spending almost the whole day in our unit, when he realized he wasn't with his cell phone. He told me to go on while he went back for his phone. I was completely at ease because Harro seems to be back to his normal self today. I was really beginning to worry about him because of the way he acted yesterday.
We'd spent most of today catching up with Athena and Azalea while also spending time together and now, we're going to check out the bar before going to the sauna. I'm especially looking forward to that, (If you get what I mean). I'm so excited; we had planned everything about tonight, from checking out the bar, going to the sauna together to eating a romantic dinner under the moonlight, and finally watching that movie Harro had been raving about for weeks.
It feels like my heart is going to burst with Joy because of how excited I am. But the moment I took my seat in front of the bartender and asked for a drink, (something non-alcoholic of course) my happy thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice, but I was completely caught off guard with how much malice accompanied his words.
"Well, well, well! We meet again! Orion, was it?" Kai said, leaning against the marble counter inside the small cozy bar, arms crossed, a smug smirk etched on his face. "Akeno told me about it but I just couldn't believe it, I had to see you again just to be sure." he spat.
"I beg your pardon?" I asked as something in me shifted. I really did not like the tone he used.
Kai scoffed dismissively looking at me from head to toes, "He had so many options and he chose you?" he spoke again in a disdainful tone.
I hesitated in my reply because I was completely lost. What was going on? Why did he sound like he and I were mortal enemies? The Kai I met yesterday was all smiles and friendly. I don't understand what is going on but it's obvious that I'm at a disadvantage and vulnerable to his words, and my confusion must have told him that I wasn't prepared to face him.
"Hello again, Kai." I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, masking the turbulence of emotions bubbling inside. "I'm not sure what's going on right now but I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me using that tone."
"Oh, come on, man!" Kai laughed, stepping closer to me, his swagger evident in his stride. "You're not in a position to ask anything of me. As a matter of fact; you shouldn't ask me for anything else," He said leaning in closer, a glint of mischief dancing in his eyes. "especially after stealing what's mine." he whispered.
"What are you talking about?" I asked narrowing my eyes. I stole something of his? For some reason my pulse quickened. An uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, I have a sinking feeling that I know exactly what Kai was talking about.
"From your expression I can tell that you don't know much about Harro's past lovers." Kai said confirming my suspicion and he smirked when my eyes widened slightly.
It's not that I wasn't aware that he had lovers in the past, I had a rough idea of the kind of lifestyle he'd led before we met; especially the thing with Azalea. My history with my past partners might not be one for the books like his but I was not exactly a saint in that area. It's just that we'd never talked about his past lovers, so I don't know just how many they'd been for sure. I thought he would talk about it at some point but he hasn't.
"Oh, dear! If he didn't tell you anything about that part of him then I guess he didn't tell you about me either" Kai said mockingly as he casually blew invincible dust off his nails and my instinct told me to leave and just before I could, Kai spoke again.
"Harro and I had this little arrangement, you see? We slept together regardless of whoever we were seeing at the moment…of course, that was before you came along. I'm sure you know how he is."
"Stop it," I said through gritted teeth, trying to retain some semblance of composure. But inside, I'm feeling heat rising in my chest, the uncomfortable kind, "Whatever you two had, that was in the past. What he and I have now is very different." I spoke calmly. Hell! I'm even impressed by how calm my voice sounded.
"Is it though?" Kai raised an eyebrow, his tone deliberately mocking. "Harro may seem like he's all yours right now, but you'll always be the 'next guy,' to him. I mean, doesn't it bother you when you make love to him not knowing if he'll slip up and mention someone else's name, or...even mine?" He paused making me glare at him and he laughed raising his hands in mock surrender as he spoke again.
"I'm not saying it will happen but if it does, would you be able to handle the fact that he wants me still? Do you really think he's over us?"
I know what Kai was trying to do, I know it shouldn't bother me but his words cut like glass. I screamed at myself to get it together when my eyes flicked downwards, my mind conjuring images of them—thoughts of Harro's familiar laughter but with him, his touch, his kisses.
Kai was right about something though; I've had thoughts about Harro's past lovers, I'd wonderd just how many they'd been or how I'd feel when confronted with any of them. But I told myself that It wouldn't matter because I loved him and most importantly I would be prepared. Well, none of that seems to matter right now.
"You could have gone about your day without bringing this to my attention." I said, my voice dropping low and serious as I pushed my frustration and vulnerability aside. "Did you think it'll make you feel better about Harro not wanting you anymore if you taunted me with your past with him?"
"Honestly?" Kai replied, leaning back against the counter again, an air of nonchalance surrounding him. "Yeah! It feels pretty great to see you squirm with the knowledge that he's been with so many people. But—" He paused, his tone shifting slightly, "it's not just about that. I'm just saying, why invest so much into a relationship that might be built on quicksand? You're setting yourself up for heartbreak. He doesn't do the whole relationship thing." that's the same thing Azalea said the night Harro told me he was in love with me.
"I trust Harro," I asserted, my defiance surfacing. "more than anything. I know we have something real, something good. What we have is not built on quicksand." I said boldly because I believe every word.
Kai's smirk faded momentarily, revealing a hint of hurt. "Real? Or a mirage? Trust is a funny thing, you know. So easily broken. You better hold onto it tightly, because the last thing you want is to be standing there, feeling foolish when it all comes crashing down around you." he tried to keep his voice steady but I could hear the uncertainty in his voice like he wasn't so sure about what he was saying anymore.
"You don't know anything about what we have, and I can tell that you don't care about his happiness." I spoke keeping my tone even, I've had just about enough of this conversation.
"You don't know anything about what I feel for him" he shot back and I nodded.
"Maybe I don't, but the first thing you thought about doing after finding out that Harro was in a relationship with me was to sabotage it without even trying to understand any of it, who does that to someone they care about?" I asked and Kai's smirk disappeared momentarily before it appeared again.
"Ah, but you see, I'm not the one sabotaging things right now" Kai replied, feigning innocence. "It's your boyfriend who's doing it. It started the moment he decided to bring you to a place that clearly had one of his many conquests without prepping you. It's him you should direct your anger to, tell him how you really feel about it. This is not on me, big guy." he said before sipping his drink smugly.
I opened my mouth to retort but closed it instead, feeling the weight of Kai's words sinking deeper into my consciousness. I know that Harro brought me here because he really wanted us to have a wonderful time together. He wouldn't intentionally put me in this kind of situation, I know that. I now understand why he was acting strange yesterday and I'm even more upset because of it.
Above Harro's decision to bring me here, I was upset with myself. I really thought I had a grip on the line between trust and doubt. I thought I was above feeling like I was Harro's last option. What is this feeling?
Kai's eyes sparkled with triumph, like he could sense the confusion and uncertainty swirling within me. "Just think about it, man. All I'm saying is you deserve someone who won't leave you the moment someone new and shiny comes along." he said in mock consolation and that touched something within me.
"Enough!" I snapped my frustration erupting, and I felt a surge of anger mixed with hurt. "I never should've entertained this whole conversation to begin with, so I'll admit that this is partially my fault." I said standing up before fixing him a stern look.
"Erase whatever illusion you have about me, because it's not up to you to dictate what I deserve or who I should be with. I'm going to say this once so listen very carefully, I love Harro and I'm happy with him." I declared.
"Sure you do. But you can't escape the truth forever." Kai smirked. "Just don't say I didn't warn you when it all comes crumbling down."
I didn't wait for him to say anything else as i turned on my heel and walked out of the small bar closing the door behind me. The moment I made it outside Harro was standing right outside the door with a horrified look on his face meaning he heard everything. Well, we weren't exactly whispering in there.
"Room, now!" I spoke in a calm voice before walking past him as I headed for our unit. I didn't have to look back to know he was following me because I heard his footsteps behind me. I was fucking pissed! Why didn't he tell me about Kai? He left me unprepared and opened to his attacks. Does he not trust me enough to tell me something like this even after everything we've been through?
I held the door for him to walk in when we made it to the unit before closing it behind him as I went to the couch. I need a minute! I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I fought against the tidal wave of emotions threatening to drag me under. I already know that It would take more than Kai's cruel words to tear apart what I share with Harro, I know that. That's why this isn't about Kai. It's about the fact that Harro didn't trust me enough to tell me about Kai. I thought we'd built trust that was stronger than his past?
This encounter has triggered something deep within me, and I'm not sure yet how to mend the cracks it had left behind. But one thing was for certain: I need to confront the root of the issue and that's by talking to Harro. I just...need a moment!