Training all day long was soothing. It was nice.
I had no time for stupid thoughts. No time to think about my old world. No time to show the emptiness hidden deep inside my heart.
That's why―
"I am fine with not resting."
I was healthy. I was not overworking myself. I slept well and ate well.
That's why―
"I am fine with working constantly."
I was bored, but with my fear of death, I pushed through that boredom with sheer terror.
That's why―
"I will keep working constantly."
Because I needed to get strong. Because this was a positive development. Because this was no time for emotions.
Because... I had to become strong to show weakness.
***
Wake up. Exercise. Eat. Study. Eat. Train. Eat. Meditate. Sleep.
It was a nice cycle. I liked it. I had gotten into the rhythm of things, and now every day was pretty much the same.
And as I had already said dozens of times, repetitiveness is good for my heart.
I could now metaphorically turn my brain off, and just watch myself grow stronger and more knowledgeable.
I was now at the part of learning partial Body-Strengthening. An art where you only enhance the important parts during battle.
It was easy at first.
"Enhance only your eyes for extreme eyesight. Enhance only your ears to not let any sound escape your notice. Enhace only your legs to run faster."
But... then it came time to fight, and that was where I hit a wall.
At first, I thought fighting would be the easiest. I mean, I already synchronized my muscles tensing with the timing of Body-Strengthening. Now, I just had to add 'where' to the 'when'.
But that was the problem.
When you punch, sure you might notice how your fist is going forwards, but do you notice your hips rotating? Your legs slightly shifting position? No, you don't. You do all of that instinctually. You might notice it if you pay attention to it, but you don't have the peace of mind to do that during a battle.
So... what the hell are you supposed to do? If you don't pay enough attention to your body, then you won't strengthen all the necessary parts, which might make you lose your balance and the fight. But if you pay too much attention to your body, you will end up neglecting your opponent, and I don't need to explain why that is bad.
So ― again ― what the hell are you supposed to do?
The answer? ....You just have to make your Body-Strengthening instictual too.
You have to punch so many times while Body-Strengthening all the necessary parts, that it becomes ingrained in your very soul.
You have to fight so many battles, that just by thinking about it, your body ― by itself ― will send mana in necessary amounts to proper places.
So basically, it was nothing more than a matter of experience.
The worst part? This was not even the best you could get.
You could enhance every individual muscle, every individual tendon and fiber to even further increase your effeciency. Jagon said that training Body-Strengthening to that extreme was unnecessary though, unless you plan on becoming a frontliner. Even Jagon himself didn't train Body-Strengthening to that degree, despite being a hulk of muscle that he was.
I was planning on being more of a mage than a frontliner. I needed a way to fight in close quarters combat, yes, that was why I was learning dagger-wielding in the first place, but it was more of a safety net than anything. I never planned to seriously consider fighting anyone ― or anything ― in close quarters.
And as a person who worries a lot, safety nets are important for peace of mind to me. So learning dagger wielding was killing two birds with one stone for me.
There was not much to say about anything else. Just more of the same-old stuff.
"But I guess it's time to finally address that issue..."
My brows furrowed.
"The issue of me getting weaker."
***
I was sitting on my bed. I had just eaten a pretty small dinner ― not big enough to fully fill my stomach ― but I was still feeling refreshed.
After a good yawn, I lazily stood up.
Then, with a practiced motion and all my might, I jumped. The house's ceiling was quite high ― probably to account for Jagon's massive height ― but I still managed to reach it with my hand.
"Yep. Just like always. I'm at the same strength as I was when I got here."
...And therein lay the problem.
With how much time I spent in this world and how much I had trained, my Natural Body-Strengthening should've gotten better, stronger. And yet, I couldn't jump any higher than when I first arrived here.
What did this mean? Well, my overall strength depends on two things: muscles and Body-Strengthening. Since my total strength didn't change and my Body-Strengthening became stronger, the only logical conclusion was that my muscles have grown weaker.
But how could this be? I specifically worked out, and I trained way harder than I ever did in my old world. How could my muscles become weaker?
There was only one reason... Body-Strengthening.
Yes, Body-Strengthening made your body stronger, but it was a crutch. It was an unnatural way of making your body stronger, one that the human's body was not built for.
So by using Body-Strengthening, no, by using Natural Body-Strengthening, you didn't allow your muscles to properly form.
Jagon might've been a hulk of muscle, but he said I was stronger than him. What did that mean? All the muscles he had were hollow, they were inefficient.
I had always wondered why I was the strongest in the whole village. Hell, why Jagon considered me to be the second strongest person in the world.
The answer was easy, it was because I had lived my entire life without the crutch that was Natural Body-Strengthening, while everyone else did.
In my old world, I had to fight gravity with my body and my muscles, nothing more. But in this world? People had the wonderful thing called Natural Body-Strengthening, so they had no need to fight gravity all by themselves.
This actually brought to a new perspective a conversation I had with Jagon a couple of days back.
***flashback start***
"Say, Jagon. What happens when you ran out of mana?"
Without missing a beat, Jagon answered―
"You die."
I blinked in surprise. Not only was it a fast response, but it was a pretty gruesome one too.
"May I ask why?"
Jagon nodded.
"You see, when you run out of mana, your body can't use Natural Body-Strengthening anymore. And without Natural Body-Strengthening, your heart doesn't have the strength to pump blood through your body, your muscles don't have the power to fight against gravity, and your lungs won't have the ability to properly breathe anymore."
He paused for a second, making his next words all the more heavy.
"That's why Faun, you must never run out of mana, no matter what. Remember that."
I nodded, but my thoughts started running wild.
***flashback end***
That conversation practically confirmed my suspicions. Natural Body-Strengthening was a blight, one that weakened every person in this world. Body-Strengthening was good, but Natural Body-Strengthening felt more like a curse than anything.
'But it's not like I can convince people to change their behavior. More accurately, they would physically be unable to.'
People used Natural Body-Strengthening since birth, and that was probably the time when their bodies adapted to it. So anyone beyond their infant stage was already reliant on Natural Body-Strengthening to live.
'But... it's not all bad things is it?'
By using Natural Body-Strengthening instead of actual muscles, the people of this world used less energy in their activities, so they had to eat less too. I had noticed during my stay at Jagon's house that my meals either didn't satiate me fully, or I was given much more food than Jagon and Angelica.
So it was not like Natural Body-Strengthening was all bad. In fact, for the average person it was a good development. Less food equals having more money to spend on other things, after all.
But for fighters, someone like me, Natural Body-Strengthening was a blight.
'But dismissing Natural Body-Strengthening is not something so easy.'
By using Natural Body-Strengthening I was making my muscles weaker, yes, but I was also making my Body-Strengthening stronger.
From what I had learned from Jagon, in this world... things didn't necessarily make sense.
By just repeatedly using Body-Strengthening, I was getting better at it. It didn't matter what I was doing, by just using it ― in any context ― I was spending less mana every subsequent use. And that included Natural Body-Strengthening.
'So I have a dilemma on my hands. Do I prioritize my muscles or my Body-Strengthening?'
Well, there wasn't any need to think about it, I had already made up my decision long ago.
I started sensing my mana. I could feel it flowing through my body, constantly being replenished, constantly leaking and constantly being used.
I focused on that last part, on the 'being used' aspect of it... and stopped it.
Immediately I could feel my body becoming heavier, almost unbearably so. But I have not been training to sense my mana in any situation for nothing. I kept my focus and didn't allow for the Natural Body-Strengthening to return.
Then, I walked. It was hard, it was tiring, it was painful.
A drug I had gotten used to was taken away from me, and I was getting withdrawal symptoms.
But I pushed through. I would get my body back in shape ― and even then some. I would train without the crutch that was Natural Body-Strengthening, and I would become stronger.
***
I opened my eyes as I woke up. The first thing I did was focus on sensing my mana, and then I stopped my Natural Body-Strengthening.
At night, when I was sleeping, my body used Natural Body-Strengthening and I could do nothing about that. This was problematic, considering my objective, but I didn't allow that to deter me.
I stood up ― with difficulty ― and started dressing. It was exhausting, hell, everything was, even breathing, but I wasn't going to rely on Natural Body-Strengthening.
It was a decision I was planning to follow through.
'It's also a decision I'm regretting every single second... but it's not like it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.'
I had thought long and hard on this, ever since I first started to suspect that something was wrong, and this answer was something I came up with after multiple (almost) sleepless nights. There were multiple reasons why this was the better decision.
First ― if I ever found myself drained of mana, I wouldn't die. I wasn't sure if something that could drain mana existed, but it never hurt to be safe.
Second ― my advantage in having better muscles was not something I could afford to give up. I will still use Body-Strengthening, so I will still get better at it, and as such, I will end up as the strongest. ―That was something I truly wanted and needed.
Third ― not having to worry about running out of mana while casting spells and the like. I don't really need to explain why I don't want to worry, right?
But the most important reason? ...It was nasty.
Think about it. You defeat an enemy by drawing out the battle, by exhausting their mana. You walk up to their corspe... and get your legs cut off.
Is it not nasty for your opponent, who's supposed to be dead, to rise once again?
So, yeah. I was definitely going to prioritize my muscles.
After dressing up, I decided to head straight to the kitchen. I felt way too burdened for anything else.
The moment I opened my door though, a very funny scene welcomed me.
"Pffft!"
Jagon, who was just drinking water, suddenly spit it out all over Angelica.
Angelica, obviously, got angry.
"Jagon..."
I could feel the fury hidden behind that voice, but Jagon just completely ignored it and looked at me with wide eyes.
"Faun..."
He looked me up and down, clearly concerned for some reason.
"Faun, what the hell are you doing? No, scratch that, how the hell are doing that? No, scratch that, how the hell are you still alive?!"
I blinked at him in silence for a bit. After Jagon said that, even Angelica started staring at me with wide eyes.
"I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary though... wait, can you tell that I turned off Natural Body-Strengthening?"
An awkward silence descended upon the room.
Angelica and Jagon stared at me with popped-out eyes, while I stared back with an impassive expression.
'I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they are so shocked. After all, turning off your Natural Body-Strengthening is basically suicide in this world.'
In an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, I started shadow boxing. To show them that I could still move (relatively) fine.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to die. Did you already forget I have strong muscles? I can live even without Natural Body-Strengthening."
"B-but... you heart..."
I smiled.
"My heart is fine. My lungs too. Listen, the only reason I have such strong muscles in the first place is because I lived the last 15 years of my life without Natural Body-Strengthening. My body adapted to not having it, and now I can survive even without it."
Jagon frowned.
"But why would you turn it off? Isn't that just unnecessary risk?"
I clicked my tongue while wiggling my finger.
"It's not unnecessary. You see, the more I use Natural Body-Strengthening, the weaker my muscles get. I am degrading to a state where I'm depended on it, and I don't want that. So I decided to turn off my Natural Body-Strengthening, to keep my powerful muscles."
The both stared at me like I was crazy.
Jagon rubbed his temples.
"Alright, let's say I accept your explanation... do you plan to not use Body-Strengthening at all, then?"
"I'm still going to use Body-Strengthening, of course. I'm just not going to use the Natural version."
Jagon narrowed his eyes and then just sighed.
"Alright. I'll accept your... idea, I guess. Not using Natural Body-Strengthening is borderline insanity, but so is forcing your way through trauma, so I'd say it fits with your character."
Seeing how his wife was still soaked in water he spit out, Jagon quickly manipulated the water to come out of her clothes and then sent it outside through a window.
Angelica just stared at me with a grim expression.
"What? Do you still not like it? Are you against it, Angelica?"
She shook her head and just focused on the food again.
'Weird.'
I was curious why Angelica reacted like that, but I wasn't going to pry. Considering her reaction, it wasn't anything good. And talking about things like that required care, which I didn't have at the moment.
'Maybe after I can show weakness...'
I shook my head and focused on the present. Right now, thinking about either the future or the past could get me into a bad state. I couldn't alow that to happen. I had to continue moving forward. I had to continue getting stronger.
So, finally acting upon my rumbling stomach, I sat down and started eating.
***
Bulding up muscle again was painful. Really painful.
I would get exhausted beyond easily and the progress was slow.
But I was going to get through it. I promised to myself that I would not rely on Natural Body-Strengthening, and I never break promises.
So, the next month went by very painfully. But at the same time, it went beautifullly.
I was now a bit stronger muscle-wise than when I first arrived. I had not gotten reflexive enough with my Body-Strengthening, but I was getting better. I had even joined a hunt once, and managed to defeat some wolves with carefully laid traps, along with help from some other hunters.
I was getting better, I was getting stronger... but impatience still clawed at me.
I was not fast enough. Progress was too slow. At this rate, I wasn't going to see my world any time soon.
I knew I shouldn't rush it. I knew I couldn't rush it.
But my emotions were not something I could fully control. I could numb them or guide them, but I could not forget them or control them.
So I was getting very impatient. When I took even the smallest of breaks, I would think about my parents, about the world I missed, and I would become even more impatient.
But... this was fine. I just had to work without breaks. I just had to control my impatience better.
It was fine. I could do this. I could go on like this.
No Breaks. That's the name of the game.