Her chest fluttered, constricting and expanding whenever her lungs filled with air that did nothing to help alleviate the feelings that coursed through her. Light chatter from the cafe came from behind her, facing Asmodeus who always took the seat facing the front door. There never seemed to be a reason to question why he wanted to. Savannah could guess why. She had two eyes and could read-romance that was. Because who didn't read what they lacked in life? Or wanted more from it?
Asmodeus's blue eyes shined, swirling from the light that hit them. The slight smile on his face seemed to ease the tense atmosphere, yet it didn't fully reach his eyes. Was it possible for someone to appear as nervous as she felt? Or was it wishful thinking that he was and her mind played tricks on her?
Dressed just casually as he always seemed in a light grey t-shirt and jeans. The jacket he wore the last two times was nowhere in sight. Not that the weather was cold enough for it. It was the first time she had seen him without it. "What did you want to know?"
Savannah didn't expect those to be the first words he would speak when she sat down. He either didn't care what he told her or what she would ask. He sat there calm and collected. One hand holding the cup of coffee she bought him, because as it seemed, Asmodeus hadn't forgotten what they talked about the last time they were here. He had paid for her coffee when he got there, but the barista didn't make it until she ordered and paid for his.
It shouldn't have made her heart leap inside her chest when she had asked him to come there with the intent-to what felt like an interrogation-to ask about his past discretions.
Her mouth opened then closed once the words she had wanted to throw out there for the last few days wouldn't come forth. They lodged in her throat, blocking her airway as she tried to force them through. It seemed making a fool of herself in front of him was becoming a normal routine.
How could she bring up his ex, or whoever she was, to him? He was everything a woman wanted, yet he wanted to get to know her. A woman with a failed relationship and no clue how to navigate the waters that had begun to flow around her. She had a feeling if she ever met the other woman who used to be in his life, she'd rethink ever seeing him again and high-tail it far from his presence. There was no doubt in her mind the kind of woman one would imagine standing at his side, and she could only thank God that she could-even if it were for a short time.
The tap of a finger on the table brought her back, along with Asmodeus's soft tone. "Darlin."
Savannah peered up into his cerulean eyes. She didn't turn away from his gaze, entranced by how they churned slowly like water-constantly moving, mixing, and clashing with everything, yet still and calm when it wanted to be.
"Who is she?" She winced, casting her eyes down. She hadn't meant to say it in such a few words.
Great job, Savannah. No doubt he thinks you're a moron more than ever.
Slowly raising her gaze, she gauged the face he would have. He was either very good at hiding it, or it had already simmered. They held a softness that came with fleeting memories that crossed one's mind. Though his eyes didn't hold the same sparkle they usually had. Like a storm that could brew within seconds, releasing everything it kept at bay. It was almost tempting to see what kind of gaze he would make if that happened. The way they'd darken as if clouds had rolled in overhead, causing waves that would crush those beneath it, including her.
Her body flushed, feeling the weight of her mind crash down on her as images flashed across her kind.
Her thighs clenched together, swallowing the saliva that pooled in her mouth. There was no way he knew what she had thought, yet the smirk on his face only enticed the feeling more, causing her stomach to clench with anticipation. A pit had formed in her gut, filling with each image that crossed her mind, and she resisted the urge to fan every part of her body that came alive.
The smirk barely left his face. "Was, darlin. There is no present tense."
Savannah took a sip of her coffee, needing to clear her throat, but not wanting to make it obvious. "Did she mean something to you, though? I can understand if you don't want to discuss it with me. I can't hold something against you before we met. You've met my... ex-fiancee, so I know how not wanting to talk about something previous feels."
Asmodeus shook his head with a grin. "You never cease to amaze me."
What did he mean by that? Had bringing up David somehow turned a tide? Or was it something she truly wouldn't understand? A connection he shared with the woman that went deeper than what she had with David.
It left a sour taste in her mouth. Her stomach knotted, waiting for the words that would feel like a punch to the gut.
"I can't call her an old flame. That would be lying to you. Though I have no intention of ever being in that kind of relationship with her again." Asmodeus tipped his cup around, watching the movement before those turning tides in his eyes met hers.
Dread settled in her limbs. A weight that his unspoken words hadn't confirmed nor denied. She silently kept asking him to continue, anything but the unknown end to whatever he had with that woman. Was she the side woman in this?
"You knew the night we danced the type of man I was. Lil-Lily was a woman I frequented because it was simple, and we both knew it meant nothing." She knew. God, did she know the type of man he was or used to be. He had to have known that was why she slowly opened to him in the beginning? Warming up as time passed, and how he had not once glanced at another woman? No subtle looks in their direction, never acknowledging the flirtatious tones whenever they went out, and his undivided attention. She'd heard many times when his phone buzzed, yet he would never answer it, even if she told him it was fine.
"And now?" Her heart pounded in her chest. The palms of her hands felt clammy as she kept them from curling. The last thing she wanted was to show what his answer meant to her. How much he began to mean to her.
That was a power she didn't want to hand over.
She hadn't expected him to say he never dated her. It was unexpected, considering how angry he got at Satan for barely saying her name unless he regretted it. Any time he spent with her, the feelings he had, and the words that were exchanged. There were many reasons someone didn't want another name spoken in their presence. She could only hope that there were no feelings left. She didn't want to back down, yet she would-begrudgingly-if that were the case.
"She meant nothing more than someone who warmed a bed. You, however, mean more than that. More than anyone I've met in my life, and that... it's something new and wonderful, and I won't let it end because of something in my past. You are in my present...and future. If you'd allow it."
There they were. The truthful word she knew he always gave, though it was more than she ever thought she'd receive. Her chest swelled with something more than the pit that swirled in her stomach or the ache between her legs. She knew what it was all too well, yet it scared her. She had only felt it once, and it ended with a damaged heart. She wasn't sure if she was ready to give it away, yet the thought of watching Asmodeus walk away when she ended it because of her fear was enough to quell those thoughts.
Would you regret it?
"What happens when you leave?" Her voice came out quieter than she meant. Once it was out in the open, there was no taking it back, and his answer would bear the weight of it. If what he had told her were true, what did he plan? She didn't even know where he lived outside of her town, let alone where he stayed. It left a swift hollow ache in her chest.
His reply was short yet held the same weight the night they danced. "That depends on you."
Was everything up to her? The feeling expanded in her chest. "Why?"
Do you not care?
Asmodeus's eyes scanned her face. She followed the movement as his Adam's apple bobbed. Even a small action by him had her fingers twitch, itching to reach and feel him under her touch.
"Because I could tell you how guarded you were the night I met you. Though I feel that has something to do with your ex, it doesn't change the fact that you feel that way. I may seem to like having any woman on my arm or in my bed, darlin, but they aren't you. We may have only met a few months ago, but none compare to you. You see me for who I am, and that means more than you realize. To know that you have that control over how fast this moves or how far we go is the least I can do to make you comfortable."
The back of her eyes burned. She would have thought his words were a sweet lie if she hadn't known him or how he acted. Simple words used to get her in bed with him, but she didn't feel like a hurdle he tried to cross or a goal he would boast about in the end. She always felt seen and heard by him. Never a sharp prick in her mind that made her question him or the way he looked at her. If anything, it surprised her how much restraint he seemed to have. There were times his eyes would darken ever so slightly, staring at her when she met his gaze. A slow intake of everything, yet nothing at the same time. Never made a move, or advance toward her that made her believe he was anything but the gentlemen she had met. Whatever control she had, she didn't want it half the time. It was excruciatingly exhausting, and she wanted nothing more than give it away. To hand it over to him, succumb to his will, and let him control her very body-yet she couldn't.
Heat rushed to her face. She blew a breath, glancing away from him as she did everything possible to control her body's reactions, from the need to let everything out to throwing everything out the window. She wasn't sure which she wanted to do more.
"You seem to be thinking of something very intriguing, darlin. If it's what I think it is, I don't think you're ready for that."
His words were a douse of ice over her body. A spark grew in its place, igniting further as she repeated his words. She knew he was right, but to hear those words made her want to shove them back down his throat. Who was he to tell her when she was ready for something or not? Hadn't he left that control to her, yet he had the gall to tell her what he thought she was ready for or not?
Lately, it was infuriating to hear every little rule and restraint shoved back in her face. To be told what to do. How to act. How to...live.
It didn't seem like sins had consequences if she confessed for them after...right?
Her eyes flared, piercing into blue ones that gleamed back at her. Had he known what his words would do? Or did he like enticing the reaction he got out of her? That was something she hadn't figured out yet. There were more ways than one to get back at someone, and she'd figure out what his weakness was to pay it back.
Rolling her shoulders, her hands gripped the mug of coffee tighter. "I thought you said that was up to me to decide? Are you rescinding that now?"
"No," Asmodeus stated. "Everything is up to you. Though, I doubt you're ready to take up the meanings of those words. How seriously do you take the words of the one you believe in?"
Savannah shifted in the chair slightly. Her lips pursed and eyebrows pinched together. His last question hadn't stumped her, per se, it was the tone he used; stern, yet held an edge that seemed forced as if the words were bitter on his tongue to ask.
The oath of chastity she had taken in His name hadn't crossed her mind. It was pushed down deep with everything else until he brought it back up. Did her oath still stand when it wouldn't matter what she did in the end? Karma had a way of coming back around, yet why should it take years when it was unknown how long someone had? Justice should have been swift when the crime was recent. Not months or years after. How would she know if the justice God would serve was enough?
It wasn't enough in her eyes, which left a pit in her gut that wanted to see the justice handed out with her own eyes. "Are you saying if I wanted to take this relationship a step further, I'd have to be sure about my decision and ask you?"
Asmodeus tilted his head, eyebrows squinting together slightly. "A step further?" His mouth curved into a smirk, eyes glistening as he leaned over the table slightly. "Do you intend on asking me out?"
"And what if I do?" She wasn't sure where the boldness to ask that question came from, yet it felt good-empowering, even.
Was this what it felt like to speak whatever she wanted? She never had the kind of confidence to express what she felt. It was one of the many things she admired about Arielle, always trying to instill that in herself. It never worked, no matter how much she tried. The words always fell short or got stuck, leaving the victory to those who stood before her, taking advantage of the fact that she was too kind to tell someone no.
Asmodeus's expression didn't change except for his eyes. She could always tell by the way his eyes brightened or seemed flat to what he wanted to be conveyed. The feelings he seemed to bury deep, where no one but him could find and exploit. She knew that feeling. To not want a weakness to be shown or feel something that felt like paradise. There were doubts that that place even existed. A place that had true peace, no war, crime, greed, death. If it hadn't sounded so... dull now, she would have kept striving for that.
Savannah hadn't thought about what she had wanted. There was no way to have both without it being a punishable crime in the other. The decision was easier than she thought it would be. She felt it deep within her chest, soaring and spreading throughout her.
Would you regret walking away?
Savannah wouldn't regret another day or moment, not when she knew the path it would potentially lead her to.