Sera's Pov
I walked through the wreckage of the enemy camp, my legs moving on their own. My chest felt tight, my stomach twisted into knots so tight I thought I might collapse. The echoes of battle still lingered in the air—blood soaked the dirt, bodies lay motionless, and the scent of fire and death clung to everything. But I barely saw any of it.
All I could see were their faces.
Wide, terrified eyes. Tiny hands gripping each other. The way they flinched when I moved toward them. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to push the image away, but it was seared into my mind, haunting me even now.
I had left them.
Kael had stayed behind.
I didn't want to know what happened next, but I wasn't stupid enough to pretend. I knew.
I didn't turn back. I didn't let myself think about what was happening behind that tent flap. If I thought about it, I wouldn't be able to breathe. If I thought about it, I'd break.
"Sera!"
I forced my face into something neutral before I turned to see the rest of the group gathered in the clearing. Some of them were still breathing heavily from the fight, weapons clutched loosely in their hands. Most were injured, but luckily nothing immediately life-threatening.
"Where have you been?" one of the trainees asked. His voice was edged with suspicion. "We were just about to move out."
I lifted my chin, forcing my voice to stay even. "Just checking the camp," I said, hoping the lie sounded natural. "Making sure we didn't leave anything behind."
Another trainee narrowed her eyes slightly. "And Kael?"
My stomach clenched. I kept my face blank. "Didn't see him."
It wasn't exactly a lie. I hadn't seen him after I walked out of that tent.
The seconds stretched, and for a moment, I thought someone would press further. But then the sound of footsteps crunched against the dirt, and Kael emerged from the darkness.
My breath hitched, but I quickly looked away, pretending I didn't notice him. Pretending I didn't feel the weight of his presence like a ghost pressing against my back.
"We're moving out," one of the instructors barked, snapping everyone's attention forward. "Now."
No one hesitated. We left the remains of the camp behind and began the long journey back to the Lucian's fortress.
I didn't look back.
The walk back felt longer than the journey there. My limbs were heavy, exhaustion settling in like a second skin, but sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. I kept my head down, avoiding Kael at all costs. Not because I was angry.
I wasn't.
I just… didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to acknowledge the cold truth sitting in my chest, sinking deeper and deeper until I felt like I might drown in it.
Kael didn't say anything to me either. He walked in silence, just like me, just like the others.
When we finally arrived at the fortress, we were immediately dismissed. The instructors went to report to Lucian, dragging the two prisoners we had brought back. The rest of us scattered, too exhausted to do anything but find our beds.
I didn't wait for Kael. Didn't so much as glance in his direction as I slipped through the halls and shut the door to my room behind me.
I exhaled, leaning against the wood for a moment, pressing my forehead to it. My legs felt weak. My hands trembled slightly, and I clenched them into fists, willing the shaking to stop.
I wasn't angry at Kael. I couldn't be.
He had only done what was necessary.
And that haunted me.
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, but I didn't sleep. I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw them. The children. Their small, trembling bodies. The way they flinched away from me. The way their hands gripped each other in a silent plea.
I turned onto my side.
Turned onto my back.
Turned onto my stomach.
Nothing helped.
I buried my face into the pillow, trying to block out the thoughts, but they wouldn't go away. Guilt twisted inside me, coiling tighter and tighter until I thought I might be sick.
A quiet sigh echoed in the darkness.
I opened my eyes and found myself somewhere else entirely.
Lucian was waiting for me in the dreamscape. The scent of something warm and familiar filled the air—something distinctly him. My heart clenched as I lifted my gaze and saw him standing before me, looking at me with knowing eyes.
I swallowed hard.
Lucian tilted his head slightly, his sharp eyes sweeping over me. "You're troubled."
The lump in my throat grew.
For a moment, I couldn't speak. Couldn't form the words sitting heavy on my chest. But Lucian didn't push. He didn't demand. He simply waited.
And somehow, that made it harder.
"They were just children," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "They didn't deserve—" My throat closed. I forced myself to take a breath, blinking rapidly. "I left them. I left them knowing what would happen next."
Lucian exhaled softly, his expression unreadable. Then, without a word, he stepped closer and reached for me.
I didn't resist.
The moment his arms wrapped around me, I felt something inside me crack.
I buried my face into his chest, squeezing my eyes shut as his warmth surrounded me, solid and real. His fingers traced soothing circles against my back, his other hand cradling my head as if I were something fragile, something breakable.
"You did what you had to," he murmured. "You did what was necessary."
I shook my head against him. "I don't want to be the kind of person who can accept that."
Lucian sighed, pressing a kiss against my hair. "You are who you are, Sera. And that's why you're here. That's why you're mine."
I shuddered, gripping his shirt tightly.
Lucian held me closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "The world is cruel. But you are still standing. That means something."
I didn't know if that was supposed to make me feel better. But his arms were strong, his warmth steady,and as he gently rocked me, whispering words I barely heard, I finally let myself breathe.
Sleep came after that.