WINTER BREAK - November 29th
It's well into evening now, but it's been a slow, gray day. The Marblebrooks are both a little hungover, though only Kelyn is really willing to mention it. Elandria hasn't said more than a few words, but it's glaringly obvious. Kelyn called up to tell me a few minutes ago that the three of us will be going for dinner at The Old Wives' Pub later tonight on account of her feeling too crappy to cook.
I offered to help, not that I knew much about cooking, only for her to shut me down quickly with the whole you're our guest nonsense. I appreciate it, though I'll have to find some way to be useful around the house for the few weeks before the next term starts up.
The two of them came to collect me around noon. Elandria was overtired and silent. The long braid of her hair lacked its usual neatness, as though she'd slept in it and she had bags under her eyes. Kelyn didn't look much better, except for that she was smiling brightly and wrapped in an oversized sweater that looked like it could have started out as a blanket.
Their cottage is a little two-story home with a front garden on a charming block in town. It's a short walk from the Court and the town's main square. It isn't a place that's striving to be fashionable, but functional and comfortable. It's close quarters. I doubt they invite student mages to stay often, if ever.
During Kelyn's initial tour, she pointed me around the kitchen, the parlor where Elandria had thrown herself across the couch, past a small bathroom and a plant-filled sunroom, and up a flight of stairs where I'd be staying, a modest room across the narrow hall from their master suite. She didn't stay to talk long, already set to brew a pot of coffee and take a long nap, giving me time to "settle in." But she did throw in one mention: "Oh, and I know your boyfriend is probably not going home for the break either. Elandria didn't want me to say anything, but it's ridiculous not to. Aries is always welcome if you want to have him over, alright?"
What?
I stuttered out a quick, "Okay, thanks." Kelyn only smiled pleasantly and puttered back to the kitchen.
She was going out of her way to be kind. It didn't seem worth correcting her in the moment and even now, correcting her would mean defining whatever Aries and I were to each other and I really had no clue.
Because that was another thing I was still wading through - the Masquerade, the dancing, the flirting, Aries.
If it hadn't been for Marblebrook, I'd likely have treated the Masquerade like any other ball. Shown up late, danced a while, and looked for someone to leave with - not that I'd had much luck on that front since arriving here. I hadn't been trying exactly either. Between the hours of independent study and the whole werewolf thing, I'd been otherwise preoccupied. Not much time for wandering eyes.
But Marblebrook had requested that we be punctual, so for her, I would be. I put on the suit, the cloak, and the ridiculous stag mask. I became that same unrecognizable person again— no horns, no red eyes. Ordinary. But Vahln had been right about one thing, it was a pretty face, if a little forgettable. But still not my own.
I crossed paths with Marblebrook in her serpentine mask in the hall before the ballroom. She was bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet, muttering under her breath. She looked busy, but more than that, she looked nervous. I hadn't meant to stop her.
"Zephyr," she said. "And here I thought it was your mother who chose to dress you that way."
For a moment, I thought my mask must have slipped. I raised my hand to my face to find it still there, silk-lined and sturdy.
"It's the pin on your lapel mostly that gives you away," Marblebrook said. "Though, too, the whole get up is just so… you." She was trying very hard not to make it sound like an insult. I didn't assume it was, only that she was picking up on the thing that my tailor, Lyle, had also noticed. Aisling had said months ago that I looked like a vampire. My lapel pin was a cheap thing, a cameo set in tin. It was one of the few I'd had that I thought would match the jacket. There was nothing about it that felt overly vampire to me, but it's hard to say what exactly would or wouldn't give me away.
"I wasn't aiming to stand out," I said. Which was the truth. I'd been going for classic.
"You won't. I've just had more years at this than most - seeing the person through the disguise. And I happen to know you better than most new mages. I don't expect you to recognize just anyone. A couple of friends likely, at most. But you should go in."
Marblebrook gestured towards the door. I'd assumed she'd follow, but when she didn't, she added, "I'm meant to give a toast later. I told Lorin no one's even going to know who I am, what does it matter if I'm the one to give the toast? But Headmaster Vogel has his traditions."
I left her to her rehearsing. Inside, the ballroom was extravagantly decorated. It was a room at the Court I'd never been to before, so I couldn't say how it looked most days, but for the Masquerade, every feature had been enchanted. The room itself seemed to glow with golden candle light; its center chamber, glowing from more than just the elaborate crystal chandelier over the center floor.
No one was dancing yet, but in one corner a string quintet strummed a light tune. A few mages were hanging around the edges of the space. A few had found their way to tables and for the first time, I realized this wasn't going to be quite like any ball I'd been to previously if only for that there might actually be dinner. That fact alone left me a little tickled.
There were more mages here, some gathered in darkened alcoves, others watching the main floor from balconies. Beyond the main dance floor, there were dozens of other little spaces, corners with red velvet couches, dark recesses with plush benches, and narrow sitting areas that lent themselves to more intimate conversations. It was all very romantic.
The next thing I noticed was that it was likely going to be very hard to tell who anyone was. I was used to seeing my own coven in masks. But there were significantly more people than I was used to seeing at any one place. This was not just an event for the student mages, but clearly the rest of the Court as well, this included the archivists, the post-grad researchers, librarians, and various other faculty and members that comprised the Midnight Court. I caught a few glimpses of masks I'd recognized, but even then, it was harder. There were a number of people with similar masks. Everyone was dressed much as I was, which here seemed to range from a simple suit to intricate gowns in full regalia. In addition, a few people had donned additional elements of costumery. There were women with faerie wings, men with horns like my own, people with various tails, odd animal ears, and so on.
There were of course some cliques I could guess at. A few winged Drakari mages had settled around a table, awaiting dinner. I might not have known who was who, but obviously there were still very much the same crowd. A cluster of elves too were edging nearer the dancefloor, two of the ladies there dressed in baroque gowns so wide they couldn't possibly reach a partner to dance.
I was helping myself to a glass of champagne when I felt someone rush me, hands wrapping up around my waist. Aries? No.
"I've been looking for you everywhere." It was a woman in a blue butterfly mask. Aisling.
I second guessed her identity when she stepped back. She was taller than Aisling, her voice an octave lower. She wore a deep teal gown, off-the-shoulder, low-cut. It was quite a bit more of her than I was used to seeing, twice as jarring since she didn't at all look like herself. "You'd think the horns would have been a dead giveaway but everyone's wearing them. It's a good thing I can still see you underneath all that."
I'd almost forgotten. She could see magic.
"So the disguise doesn't really work at all for you, does it?"
"It's very dashing, Zeph. But in all honesty, looking at you like that for too long is going to give me double vision," she said, and grabbed the champagne glass from my hand. "Noodle thinks drinking could help."
"I don't know that that-"
"I'm doing it anyway," she said, knocking back the rest of my champagne. She left a red lipstick smear on the rim of my glass. "It's the last night of term. I'm going to be gone for weeks. Just let me have this."
I was pretty sure I'd never seen her drink more than the odd pint the few times we'd visited the tavern in town. I didn't know what to make of this. I'd definitely never seen her drunk.
"You're worrying," she said. "Stop worrying. The room is going to be spinning whether or not I'm intoxicated. I just want to have some fun."
"You should dance with me," I said. It seemed like a good idea to steer her away from the bar.
"Noodle said you were a good dancer."
When it came to dancing, Aisling was about as talented as Noodle. She stepped on my feet often and unapologetically, but more than delighted as I wound her around the dance floor. She threw her head back with joy when I pulled her into a spin. I liked dancing, and even if she was bad at it, we were having fun.
All was fine until I spotted a guy in a gold wolf mask crossing through the crowd at the edge of the dance floor. The wolf within me stirred. I don't know what this was exactly. Fixation? Fascination? I found myself watching his eyes and willing him to set his gaze upon me.
He didn't.
I took a swig of wolfsbane solution from my flask, which Aisling immediately tried to snatch. "Gimme!"
"It's wolfsbane, not booze," I said and spun her again.
She crashed against my chest. Definitely dizzy from more than just the few drinks. "You're not going to get all wolfy here, right? Full moon just ended."
"No," I said. But I wasn't entirely confident. The wolf's notice was still caught on the man, the golden wolf mask. It didn't matter what he looked like, I tried to remember that. This was a disguise. Tonight, none of us were the person I could see on the surface. But he was blond. He wore his hair neatly slicked back. His broad shoulders cut through the crowd. Aries?
I couldn't help but wonder. But the mask. Would that have been him? I didn't know. I remembered his gold signet ring, the family crest, the wolf under a blazing sun.
It could have been Aries. He was helping himself to the buffet, skewered lamb.
"Looking for someone, Zeph?" Aisling asked. "You stopped dancing…"
The golden wolf had not looked up. But I didn't look like myself either. For some reason, my wolf had noticed him and I could only think of how much he'd looked like Aries.
Aisling pulled me by the hand. "Zeph?"
The music stopped. I tried to play it off as though I knew that was going to happen and led her off the dance floor. "You seen Aries tonight?" I was trying to keep my tone casual.
"Haven't seen him yet, but it's so crowded. Noodle said he's here though. Why?" She was prodding. "You wanna twirl him around the dance floor next?"
I said nothing. I didn't need to tell Aisling about the whole 'I don't dance' spat with Aries and there wasn't an answer that came to mind that didn't completely revolve around it. I was still watching the golden wolf chew hunks of lamb off of skewers. He was still acting as though he hadn't noticed my staring. I couldn't imagine he hadn't, but he was ignoring me anyway. Uninterested.
Marblebrook stepped out into the center floor, glass raised. This was the promised toast, I could tell. The dance floor cleared.
I used this opportunity to shuffle close to where he'd been standing but by the time Aisling and I reached the buffet, he was already gone.
"You sure you haven't seen him?" I asked again.
Aisling somehow had found another glass of champagne. "No. But you're starting to sound as obsessed as he is, Zeph." I took her champagne and knocked it back. Getting even for stealing mine. "Hey!"
"You didn't assume I was letting you drink alone, did you?" I said.
We found two more glasses in time to raise them in Marblebrook's toast and introduced the first event of the night, a dance inviting all the Court's newest mages to the floor. Aisling and I finished our drinks.
"Dance with me?" Someone else was asking now.
I could feel champagne bubbles in my sinuses. When I finished my drink, I realized Noodle had taken the moment to steal away my dance partner. Aisling gave me a wink and a wave before sauntering off. Utter betrayal.
Pairs were taking their places on the center floor. There were still more than a few hovering around, looking for a partner. I found one in a girl with long brown hair and amber wings. Maybe Yinuo and I really would have that dance afterall. She was a fair dancer. I could tell she had lessons somewhere in her past, but concentrated more on the footwork for some of the more complicated moves than trying to make conversation.
I didn't mind. I was watching to see if the golden wolf stepped out onto the floor.
No dice.
Between songs, Noodle, Aisling, and I grabbed another round of drinks.
"Have you seen Aries?" I asked Noodle.
"You going to ask him to dance?" Aisling teased. She was drunk enough that she'd stopped pretending she reserved those kinds of comments just for private conversations between the two of us.
Noodle, thankfully, ignored it. "He's around here somewhere."
"You'd think he'd want to drink with us," I said. I didn't care if he wasn't dancing, but it was weird not to see him at all. The feeling nagged.
We finished off another bottle of wine and I invited another partner to dance just as the Marblebrooks took to the center floor. I knew Elandria from her red snake mask and Kelyn had been easy enough to guess at a white feathered swan. She dressed in a white gossamer silk gown that rippled out around her like water. I was dancing with another woman, a starfish mask, a very good dancer, or maybe she only seemed like one because she was sober and more precise with her choreography than I was at this point. But what did it really matter? No one was going to bite my head off over dancing poorly tonight.
I didn't even take offense when she switched partners halfway through a song, because in the brush off, I'd glanced up and noticed the man in the golden wolf mask watching from an upstairs balcony. He hadn't been watching me before, but he was now. His dark eyes zeroed in on me, focused with intent.
I matched his gaze. Perhaps a little overconfident. It had been awhile since I'd been this drunk. And stalked through the crowd and up to the balcony to meet him.
Climbing the stairs, I untied my cravat, pulled open a few buttons on my shirt. I would have said I was overheating, but really, who am I kidding? I wanted to give the golden wolf something more to stare at.
He was still there, alone on the balcony, when I reached the top of the stairs.
"I almost thought you'd left for the night." I set my hand on the balcony railing just beside him.
"Would that have mattered to you?" the golden wolf asked. If he'd noticed my missing cravat and the undone buttons, he was doing a damned good job of hiding it.
"Want to get out of here?" I asked.
His eyes sharpened on me again. He took a step closer.
I felt my wolf stir again, pawing at my guts. It's not a full moon.
The man in the wolf mask leaned in and froze. His eyes trailed down the line of my body. We were close enough I could feel his breath.
Kiss me.
I grinned at him, a little smug, a little uneasy on my feet. Our noses brushed.
Kiss me.
And then I heard him sniff.
The golden wolf stepped back. "I think you're mistaken."
"I'm a little drunk, but I know what I want," I said. "Come on."
I set a hand on his elbow. I want you.
"Whoever you're looking for, buck, I ain't him."
He didn't tear himself away. Not immediately. He stepped back slowly and out of my reach. I still didn't believe him fully. This was Aries. It had to be Aries. Though my wolf was scratching away at me from the inside.
I choked down another swig of wolfsbane solution. The reach for it, automatic. I recapped my flask.
"I think it's time you went home. Maybe sleep some of this off," he suggested. The tone was all wrong. He was suddenly doubly strange. A stranger in a disguise.
He wasn't Aries.
I returned to the party downstairs— the dancing was in full swing. The Marblebrooks twirled. Noodle and Aisling swayed in slow circles in one corner of the floor. It just hit me then that I had no idea where Aries was. I thought I knew. But that wasn't him.
Fuck.
I scanned the crowd again. Everyone was looser now, a little drunk. The golden light had dimmed into dusk. Around me, a sea of strangers in loud carnival masks.
Of course he'd never been the guy prowling coolly around the edge of the dance floor. Could never have been him. This is Aries we're talking about. I'd just been too distracted by the mask.
And well, if I'm being honest, his shoulders too.
But now I was looking for him. I didn't see him in the masks around the room, but I also knew too, there were fewer I needed to check. Aries didn't have other friends at the Court. There wasn't a world where he would have been the guy in the jester mask with company on either arm. The golden wolf stood out because he was alone. And that would be Aries too.
He ended up not being all that hard to find.
Aries was sitting on a stone bench on a terrace just outside the ballroom. He wasn't even wearing a mask. He had a mark around one eye, tender skin, the kind of thing that would be a nasty looking bruise by tomorrow. Someone had hit him.
Not me.
Which made it worse.
"Hey."
I spoke first.
He saw me coming - light of recognition in his eyes. I'd figured already if he'd seen Noodle and Aisling, my disguise wasn't all that hard to guess. Noodle, even under his mask, was one of the only dogfolk in attendance. The rest was not hard guesswork.
I glanced at his mask. I'd seen it earlier. I don't remember when. But I was drunk and what was worse, I hadn't recognized him. The disguise didn't feel like an excuse. I'd guessed and guessed wrong. His mask wasn't a golden wolf. It was black and silver, a crescent moon wrapped around one eye.
I ran my hand over its leather face only to feel it seer, shockingly hot to the touch. I wrenched my hand away. Felt the wolf lurch forward once again, but this was only a hiccup.
"Sorry. Should have warned you. It's silver," he said and set the mask on the other side of the bench, making space for me to sit.
Aries cleared his throat. "You left."
"Who hit you, Aries?" I asked.
He ignored my question. "That wolf guy was hot. You know, I didn't even know for sure that you were into men."
"I was never hiding it," I said. He didn't get up, but he wouldn't look at me either. That bruise was going to look terrible in the morning. I wished then I actually knew how to cast that sigil to heal it. Actually fix something that had gone wrong tonight.
"You can stop looking at me like that," he said. "It was an accident… Noodle- It doesn't matter." He couldn't blame it on Noodle. It sounded like a lie, but he wasn't going to tell me what happened either. I got the feeling if I pushed him, he'd leave. So, I didn't push.
"I hate these kinds of parties. And you're drunk," Aries said. "How much champagne did you drink? I can smell it."
"You want a taste?"
It was a bad line. Terrible actually.
But even mad, he was still considering the offer. I smiled, going for charming. The alcohol had made me confident and then, there was the way Aries was looking at me. His brown eyes softened.
I was so tired of hurting him.
He wasn't wearing a tie. I imagined he probably had a jacket, but he didn't have it with him now, down to his vest and shirt. The vest though was snug - more than snug. On closer look, it had boning. It couldn't have been comfortable– it was essentially a corset. He'd sweated through his shirt.
I shifted on the bench to sit a little closer. My knee knocked against his thigh. I reached out to comb my fingers through his hair. He was so warm and his fine blond hair, a little damp. He didn't resist, eyes following me.
"Take off the mask, Zeph," he said.
I'd almost forgotten I was wearing it. I took it off and set it down on the bench beside me.
My hand in his hair, found his spine, and followed it over his shirt and down. When I reached the small of his back, I took a chance and pulled him in.
It was a kiss but I wondered, at first, if he knew that. He was burning up in my arms. I half expected him to swat me away. But he caught on quick enough, his lips searching to sync with mine, tongues clashing, teethe knocking.
I was too drunk to be graceful but Aries didn't seem to care. His breath stuttered and he wriggled in my grip to close the gap between us. He reached for me, catching one of my horns with his hand to pull my lips back to his own, while I did what I could to shuffle him onto my lap.
It was a sloppy makeout session and I can say with absolute certainty that that was all it was. Because even drunk, I still remember when both Marblebrooks suddenly emerged from the shadows in an archway next to us. The rapid patter of heels on the stone raised my alarm. Just in time for me to draw back from Aries and watch Kelyn pull back Elandria's braid as she vomited over the side of the terrace.
Kelyn noticed us first. Made no mention of what we'd just been doing. "Public speaking always gets Elandria," she said pleasantly, stroking her wife's back.
Elandria laughed, head still hung. "Kel, I think this was the absinthe, actually!"
Kelyn giggled. "But it's great timing running into you, Zephyr. Aries too, but I'd been hoping to talk to Zephyr about tomorrow." As she was saying this, I couldn't imagine worse timing. Aries was slowly climbing out of my lap and Elandria was retching again. It wasn't a long chat, but there we were, like this, talking logistics for my stay over the break. She was definitely a little drunk– and maybe a little blind– to think this was a good moment for this. But now, a day later, I'm in their house, comfortable, or trying to be and I like them too much to complain.
Aries waited until the Marblebrooks left to say anything. I tried to kiss him again, but he pulled his face away. He was beaming at me, so it couldn't have been all bad.
"You're drunk, Zeph," he said.
"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked.
But I knew.