Patrolling
I hate patrolling.
Walking through the halls at midnight, doing nothing but walking. The only sound I could hear was my own footsteps… and the quiet steps of those following behind me.
The worst part? It wasn't even supposed to be my job. Patrolling is something that stupid Griza is supposed to handle!
I wanted to say no, to shout at the person who gave me this order. But sadly, I couldn't. The order came from Queen Lynda.
So I had no choice but to obey. Not like I had much of a choice anyway.
Normally, she wouldn't give me such tasks. But the way she told me—smiling, sweet words right after the meeting—I could feel the hidden anger and jealousy behind her polite voice.
It was obvious. This was just one of her ways to make my life harder. To exhaust me, to give me sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes.
What shocked me more was that she hadn't killed me yet. Both of us were in love with the same man. Two crazy women, both wanting him, both refusing to give him up.
The only reason I think she hasn't gotten rid of me yet is because she still needs me.
Not that I'm truly loyal to her either…
I would gladly kill her with my own two hands. But she's far too strong for me. Honestly, I'm nothing compared to her—just a bug she could crush without effort.
Even though it hurts to admit, it's the truth.
But that's not my biggest problem right now. What really worries me is something else.
I just hope Queen Lynda never finds out about the teleportation ring I secretly gave to Sitri. One part of the ring is with him… and the other part is hidden with me, deep inside my secret woman area where no one would dare to look.
Thinking about Sitri still feels strange. I never thought I could fall in love again. After all, I was completely heartbroken when my childhood crush, Henry, rejected me. He said I was the same age as him, and that he preferred someone older—someone about twenty years older, actually.
For a five-year-old like me back then, that was a cruel thing to hear. To know that the boy I adored would choose an old hag over me… it shattered my tiny heart.
Something inside me snapped that day.
I picked up a rock and hit him on the head. Again and again, until his head broke open… until his insides were out… until my face was covered in his blood.
After which I obviously throw him into the furnace, well not by myself, I told my butler to do it, and as for his family I also killed them myself using a knife made of Henry's bones.
Even though I'm pretty sure Sitri loves me, not Lynda, it's obvious from his flirting behavior towards me.
He and I could escape together, start a small family of our own.
But as long as this rebellion continues, he'll never be safe. They already tried to attack him in his prison cell. I'm sure they'll try again, and after that, the troubles will continue. Lynda, I believe, would go to any lengths to get Sitri for herself and have me killed.
"You all stop here. I need to talk with Captain Yeshi," I told my soldiers as we reached the armory. I needed to have a word with Yeshi about her thoughts on Sitri. They'd had a spar just a few moments ago during midnight training.
It pains me that my love had to train with another woman instead of me. But I have to maintain some distance. If Lynda notices me spending too much time with him for whatever reason, she might do something drastic.
"You all stop here. I need to talk with Captain Yeshi," I told my soldiers as we reached the armory. I needed a word with her—about Sitri, of course. They had just sparred not long ago during midnight training.
It stung, honestly. Watching my Sitri train with another woman. That role should've been mine. But I have to keep my distance. If Lynda sees me getting too close, too often, she'll catch on. And if she does… she won't hesitate to make a move. She never does.
"Yes, Captain!"
They nodded and scattered to their positions like good little soldiers. I stepped inside.
The room was dim, filled with the metallic scent of oil and steel. Yeshi was seated on a bench, slowly polishing her blade, calm as ever.
"Hey… so how was Sitri's mid-training?" I asked, trying to sound casual, but really wanting to hear about him. About his movements, his progress—anything.
"It was decent. I've seen worse," she replied, putting the blade aside.
Then she gave me a look. That kind of look that pokes under your skin. "Though… is that the only reason you came here?"
"Huh? What else were you expecting?"
"Nothing much…" she said, then paused before continuing. "Tell me—what is life to you?"
That caught me off guard.
What kind of question was that?
And why now?
"I don't have an answer for that... I've never really lived life, not in a way that lets me give a proper answer." I sat down beside her, letting the silence settle before I added, "You tell me. What is life?"
"Funny… not even I have an answer," Yeshi murmured, her eyes dropping to the floor.
"Then why ask?"
"It's just something I've been thinking about lately. What exactly is life? What does it even mean to exist, to wake up, to breathe… to kill?" Her voice softened, but something sharp lived beneath it. She turned and looked at me. "You, me, Rose, Griza… the four of us, we're just tools."
"Disposable tools," she continued. "To the Queen, we're nothing but useful objects. She's the puppet master, and we dance when she pulls the strings. We follow her orders, never speak back, always in fear."
Her voice trembled slightly. "I still hear the screams sometimes… the screams of innocent people I slaughtered for her. Their faces… they don't leave me."
She didn't cry. She didn't break. But the weight of it was there, pressing between every word. A quiet kind of pain—the kind that festers in silence and pretends it's not there.
"Have they become ghosts that haunt you? If so, you can always go to a priest to exorcise them," I said, half-joking. Though part of me meant it.
"It's not like ghosts… If it were, it might've been easier," Yeshi said, taking a deep breath. Her eyes looked distant, like she was staring at something far away—or something deep inside her.
"You know," I said after a pause, "out of the four of us, you're the only one who still has some kind of humanity left. Some kindness." I stood up, brushing imaginary dust from my uniform. "But there's nothing we can do about it. Life's unfair—that much, I do know."
"Unfair… yeah, unfair," Yeshi echoed quietly as she rose to her feet too.
There was a silence between us.
"Anyway," she said, voice steady again, "you should go. I'll head out too."
I gave her a small nod and turned away.
Leaving the armory, I stepped back into the cold hallway. My soldiers straightened at the sight of me and silently fell in behind.