"... Cousin Valentina."
Gasps.
Whispers.
Every head turned, and every eye zeroed in on the poised, dignified woman sitting near the front. Valentina had been the calm, composed host of the funeral up until this very moment. But now?
Now she looked like a deer caught in the headlights..
Her eyes widened slightly, her hands clenching the edge of her seat. It was the first time anyone had seen her less than composed all day.
Around her, the energy shifted again. Those who had been publicly shamed by Lulu today sat a little straighter, suddenly looking far less miserable.
After all, misery loves company.
If even Valentina—the golden cousin, the graceful one, the "only person Amelia liked"—was about to be exposed, it would be the perfect equalizer. Maybe they could even spin it so that Amelia took things out of context and only picked their worst moments so that they'd look bad.
Lulu raised the remote.
A photo appeared: a younger Valentina and Amelia on a beach, sunburned, grinning, squinting into the sun with wind-tangled hair and matching sunglasses with a lighthouse in the background.
Lulu cleared her throat, then spoke.
"To Valentina. You were my lighthouse. The one person who made me feel like I wasn't unworthy, lesser, or ugly. You saw me. You heard me. And during the darkest points in my life you didn't push—you stood with me. Quietly. Steadily guiding me to the light."
Valentina gasped, her eyes shining with the beginnings of tears.
The next slide: screenshots of long, heartfelt texts Amelia had sent Valentina—venting, crying, asking for advice. All met with gentle, kind responses. Encouragement. Check-ins. A cousin who truly cared.
"You never asked for credit," Lulu read. "You never bragged about what you did for me. But I want people to know. I want them to know how lucky I was to have you."
Valentina covered her mouth with her hand. A choked sob escaped her, then another. She trembled as the tears came in full.
Lulu clicked again. More photos.
Amelia and Valentina at her college graduation. Amelia sleeping on Valentina's couch with a cat curled up on her back. Amelia wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that clearly didn't belong to her.
"You made space for me when I didn't think I belonged anywhere. You gave me a home. And more than that, you gave me dignity when I was practically homeless at the lowest point in my life."
At that, Valentina fully broke. Loud, gasping sobs shook her frame. Her composure shattered, but no one laughed. No one whispered. Not even the snarky cousin with the flask.
Because everyone could see the truth in her tears.
Lulu swallowed hard, feeling her own emotions press at the edge of her voice.
"I didn't say it enough," she read. "So I'm saying it now. I love you, Val. Thank you for being the best part of my story."
The screen faded to black.
Silence.
After all the fire and fury, the reveals and roasts, this—this was Amelia's real final word.
Love.
And it landed exactly where it should.
Unfortunately, Lulu was about to break the atmosphere.
After giving them all, especially Valentina, a moment to sink into their emotions. Lulu began what was, in her opinion, the most important part of her speech today—the part that would prevent her from getting sued.
In rapid fire speech reminiscent of the disclosure of risks in a medication commercial:
"Everything presented here today was based on information, testimony, and digital materials provided by the deceased, Amelia Sofía de la Cruz Montserrat Fernández-López. All claims made are to be considered alleged unless otherwise substantiated by independent legal review. The presenter, Luciana Lukas, in her capacity as a conduit for the deceased, bears no legal responsibility for any emotional, financial, or spiritual damages incurred during or after this presentation.
"Spectral Solutions makes no guarantees regarding hauntings, hexes, or emotional closure.
"If you would like to request a similar post-mortem delivery of truth bombs, awkward confessions, or exposés from the other side, please contact Spectral Solutions at 1-800-IAM-DEAD. That's 1-800-IAM-DEAD. Please note: we only accept cash. No credit, no cheques, and definitely no digital transfers. No refunds are accepted.
"Spectral Solutions: 'Because some tea is too hot for the living.'"
Again…Silence.
But this time for a very different reason.