"Yu."
"Mmmggh."
"Yu. Ca- ... hea... me?"
Someone's speaking to me? It's been so long since I've heard anything but my own voice. Even the light of the surrounding world has been so dim, or perhaps it was just too bright for my lowly self to look at... Am I still in that cave now?
"Speak... m- ... Yu." It was quiet and disjointed, but I'm sure that I recognized that voice. Grandfather. First visions of my parents and now him. I suppose it wouldn't be anyone else that visited me. I should apologise, I disappointed him. Chose a useless element and died in the process of attunement.
Utterly worthless, that's what I was...
Urging my mouth to move, for words to appear. But my throat was sealed, it felt as if sand or gravel filled it. Speaking a single word felt like moving the largest boulder, moving the highest mountain. Attempting to raise the heavy eyelids that shut the world from me, I was greeted with a hazy image.
"Yu... Blink twice if you can understand me." It really was him... I could feel tears well up in my eyes, the moisture aiding the herculean task that was blinking in this moment.
"Thank goodness. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to you..." A sigh that seemed to have been restrained for an eternity was released by the old man.
I don't care if these are just visions, my last death throes. I'm glad to see him before I leave this place.
"I'll never let anything like this happen again... But first we need to get you back on your feet. I'll feed you, don't force yourself. Rely on your Grandfather, one spoonful at a time. Just like the old days." Gruel on a shoddy wooden spoon was fed into my open mouth, the slight crack pried open by the wooden instrument.
I don't understand... I don't want it to be true...
I could experience something enter my mouth, the troublesome swallowing movements to nourish this body. But... I couldn't taste anything. My senses were so deprived it was as if every single thing I experienced was the memory of what they should feel like.
I couldn't remember what eating felt like, how taste worked, my body moving, the formation of words.
I wanted to move. Deeply desired it with every fiber of my being, but I couldn't. I wanted to ask him about those visions, whether they were true, what my parents were like. So many questions had my mind racing, all of them but a single word away... I was reprieved of that ability. I couldn't ask questions, I couldn't move. That cave... I really must still be there. Like this, there's no difference whether I'm dead or alive...
The blurry visage of my Grandfather approached once again.
...It's just I couldn't help but be glad.
Even though the world is so distant...
Even though it's so unbelievably dim...
I'm not alone anymore.
My Grandfather, he didn't abandon me. He was here by my side. Caring for me as if it were any other normal day.
My eyes are so heavy...
I don't want to close them for even a second.
What once brought me levity and a certain sense of security, instead brought a deep-seeded dread. One that was threatening to devour my entire existence right now. The dark's scary. Every time that peerless night covers my vision, I imagine myself trapped in that cave once more. No Grandfather, no light, no life.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
Please... Don't!
I'm scared to close my eyes. It feels like I'll lose something.
The weight of my eyelids forced the world into blackness once more. How long would I remain shut out from the world? How long would light be deprived once again? Please... I don't want to experience that void anymore!
My ears would ring with the strength of each and every thought, the damp floor chilling my body. My only movements were involuntary shivers produced by the cold pervading my senses. All the while I wouldn't see anything. I would never have confirmation that I existed.
Perhaps, I was just a dream that the world had conjured up in a dull moment? An idle thought. One that asked the question; What was the fate of the weak, of those that lacked the courage and strength to face adversity head on?
...Is this the end?
For what felt like an eternity and a single moment. I lay on the brink of existence.
In that blink of an eye... Whilst the hazy light of the world around me had remained. My Grandfather... he was gone. Taken by the wind.
...
I knew it was too good to be true.
Just another vision that this place was going to show me.
The hand that would've reached towards his back couldn't move anymore, my lips won't part without assistance. I felt useless trapped in this body.
Dark thoughts swam around in my brain as I lay there. The biggest one...
Why? Why are you leaving me all alone like this? It's scary, Grandfather. I'm hurting. I'm lonely. Why would you just leave me after telling me to rely on you? Even if you were disappointed with me, it's just too cruel...
Why is this world so...?
Unimaginably cruel...
...And yet so beautiful at the same time.
Just looking at the brightness of it all scarred my vision. Memories were healing, therapeutic for me. But why did memories always come with the trade off of lost time? Did beauty and happiness only exist in the past because the current state of the world was terrible in comparison?
Why did this world think it was okay to to deprive me of the people I loved? Every single one of was taken from me, sooner or later. Did the world think that was an even trade? A momentary happiness I could look back on with fond eyes... I would never be able to stay in that time with them. Eventually, my weakness would catch up to me. And this world would take them too...
My best memories were things that might not be real. People that might not be real.
Was it my sin that caused this?
Was this the sin of weakness?
Is this the end result of cowardice?
My vision blurred and began to fade, gradually the dark reaps those small fragments of light until the world is a shadow once more.
Please... I promise I'll change! I just don't want to be alone anymore, I don't want the people I cherish to be taken from me!
...The world was not kind enough to listen.
As my senses plunged into that deep dreary abyss, the only thought taking residence in my mind...
I'm scared of the dark.