This chapter has a great mix of mystery, action, and world-building, but the pacing and grammar could be refined to make it flow better. I'll correct the sentence structure, dialogue formatting, and descriptions while keeping your
(Underworld – Nighttime)
Owen slowly opened his eyes. He found himself in the middle of a dark forest, the thick canopy above blocking most of the moonlight.
Confused, he checked himself for any wounds. As he patted his pockets, something fell to the ground; a bracelet.
The one the orphanage children had given him.
As he picked it up, memories of their smiling faces flooded his mind. His chest tightened, and before he realized it, tears streamed down his face.
But this wasn't the time to grieve. He wiped his eyes, took a deep breath, and continued walking.
(Deep in the Forest)
After walking for what felt like hours, exhaustion weighed him down. His legs burned, his vision blurred, and his stomach ached from hunger.
He reached a clearing in the middle of the forest, where the moon shone brightly over the grass. His body gave up.
He collapsed.
(The Next Morning)
A warm breeze brushed against his face, waking him up.
He blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, then slowly sat up.
That's when he felt a presence behind him.
A cold shiver ran down his spine.
Slowly, he turned around
A towering figure stood before him—8 feet tall, with long, twisted arms like tree branches. Its head was a carved pumpkin, its grin stretched too wide to be natural.
It moved.
Owen's breath caught in his throat as it reached out toward him.
Run.
Without thinking, he bolted.
Branches whipped against his face as he sprinted deeper into the forest. His lungs burned, his heart pounded, but he didn't dare stop.
Finally, he stumbled into a large green grassland that stretched endlessly in all directions. He gasped for air, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something—a head peeking from behind a tree.
Relief flooded him.
"Hey!" he called out, panting. "I don't know where I am… I need to reach Melidyia Kingdom. Can you help me?"
He stepped closer.
The figure turned slightly, revealing blood dripping from its mouth.
Owen's stomach dropped.
The man was devouring a corpse.
The man froze mid-bite, then slowly lifted his head. His hollow eyes locked onto Owen.
Then he lunged.
Before Owen could reac
THWIP!
An arrow struck the man in the head.
Owen turned to see a girl approaching from a distance.
She had long black hair and deep blue eyes, sharp like a predator's. She rode a strange creature—a cross between an ostrich and a dinosaur.
She narrowed her eyes at the fallen man.
"Hmph. Improper guidance."
Then, she turned her gaze to Owen.
"Who are you?" she asked. "Are you lost?"
Owen hesitated. "What if she's dangerous too?" He said to himself.
He took a deep breath and replied cautiously, "Yes."
"Where are you heading?"
"Melidyia Kingdom." He replied
There was a short pause. Then, she nodded. "Alright. I'll take you there."
They walked in silence for most of the journey.
As the sky darkened, the girl suddenly stopped.
"We should camp here for the night," she said, reaching into her quiver. At the bottom, she pressed a small circular button and tossed it to the ground.
POP!
A sand-colored tent instantly appeared before them.
"Let's go inside," she said, stepping toward the entrance.
Owen hesitated. "H-huh? Me?"
"Yes."
"No, I mean… I'll sleep outside," he said quickly.
She asked "Are you sure?"
Owen nodded.
She sighed. "Your choice." Then, without another word, she went inside the tent.
Owen walked a few steps away and found a rock to lean against. As he lay down, he gazed up at the star-filled sky, remembering the happy moments he had once shared with the orphanage children.
His grip tightened around the bracelet in his pocket.
"I won't forget you guys".
(The Next Morning – A Sudden Encounter)
The sun had barely risen when the girl suddenly stopped in her tracks.
"Wait," she whispered.
Her eyes sharpened.
"Quickly—hide."
Owen didn't hesitate. He ducked behind a tree, watching as she pulled an arrow from her quiver and aimed it at the shadows.
"Who's there?" she demanded. "Come out."
A deep voice chuckled.
"Well, I got caught," the voice said. "I have to admit… I didn't expect to be found so easily."
A figure stepped out from behind a tree.
A man dressed in dark robes, his eyes glowing crimson.
"Now that I've been caught," he said, a twisted grin spreading across his face, "it's time for you to become my meal."
The girl tsked. "Tch. Devil worshippers."
She drew her bowstring back.
The air around them grew heavier—something was very, very wrong.