Suna was deep in thought. She Ignored the gazes.
…
No response from Ei…
Suna didn't want to think about yesterday.
She really didn't want to.
She tried to distract herself.
But she couldn't.
There was a glaring fact.
She…
After all was said and done,
At the end of All This,
She…
Was going to Die.
Suna felt a bit stupid. Like, Of course people die. No one lives forever.
But… there was a difference between making that logical assumption,
And actually knowing it.
Oh… She saw it, didn't she?
Back when she was still new to this world… she remembered.
She saw.
Her Dead, Mangled Body. Her Knife, drenched in Blood. Her Blood.
She shivered. But she kept digging deeper. She couldn't avert her eyes.
What was the Point? If she was just going to Die anyway? Suna fought this Persistent Thought.
No. No. No. No!
She refused. She refused to Give Up, to say 'There was No Point'. She was going to fight. For her Future. For Herself. For her… Friends. She wouldn't let herself take these things away from her. It would have to claw them out of her cold, Dead hands.
She looked at her Friends.
…I'm a Monster…
She saw people's gazes.
Word had spread. Of Her.
They all knew.
That she was a Monster.
And Suna knew, too.
She was going to stop running from that Fact.
She wasn't going to let some Judgement, external or internal, cause her to lose her grip on her Friends. On her Life.
Suna struggled. She Grimaced. But she Persevered. She Persisted. And she resolved herself, to continue Resisting. Her Life… was going to be Hers. Hers. She wouldn't let that Seed have its way.
Heh.
That stupid, Fucking Voice.
Heh. Heh. You're so Silly, hehe.
Suna tried not to argue with it. Because… even she knew. That it was futile. That this voice was Her.
Oh? You think I'm You? That's funny, isn't it?
Smile. Smile. Smile.
Smile
Suna shivered. All she could see was its Smile. She knew what that Smile meant. It meant…
That if she let her guard down. For even a second.
It would Consume Her. It would Devour Her. She would never be the same, she could Never Go Back.
She was perturbed, disturbed, rattled. She was Terrified.
But she ground her teeth. She Resolved herself. As she had been doing, all her Life. She wasn't going to let this Enemy get away with anything, either.
She was beset. On all fronts. And no part of her wanted to give up. It seemed, only this stupid Voice, this Stupid Part of her, was silly enough to Want to Give Up.
Hehehe…
Their presence subsided.
It was another Night.
Suna had looked for Amy, throughout the day. But she never could find her. She figured she must be residing in one of the rooms on the giant Lizards. She was a bit down. She hoped she could talk to her, again, this Night. But before she could go around, looking for her…
"..."
She had something, she needed to tell her Friends.
They were all in their sleeping bags, Suna included. She tried, the whole Day, and the whole Evening, to find an opportunity to bring this up. But she just couldn't. She always second-guessed herself, she always Doubted. She was Afraid. That they'd Reject Her. That they'd Judge her. But… But a Part of Her Believed. That her Friends… they'd still tolerate her. They'd still be with her. She… Hoped.
"...um…" She tried to speak up. There was no response. Maybe they were already asleep? Oh, I should just wait 'til Tomorrow…
No! I have to say this now! I have to get this over with! If… If I'm going to call them Friends, then, I can't just stay quiet about this!
"Um… Um!!"
"What is it, Suna?" Her Friends weren't positioned far from her. Angie spoke up, flipping herself onto her elbows so that she could peek outside of her sleeping bag better.
"Um…" Suna wanted to back out. She was Scared. They're… they're going to think I'm Weird!
"It's okay, Suna. You can talk to me. You can talk to us." Angie comforted her, verbally.
"Um, um, um…" Suna mustered words, dragging them out of herself, forcefully. "I, um… I have something to say!"
Her small exclamation garnered the attention of the rest of the party members. They all sat up, out of their sleeping bags, displaying various levels of sleepiness. But they all listened, and paid attention.
"Um, um…" Do It! Say It, Suna!
"Um, I, I…! I'm, um…" Get It Over With!
"I'm, I'm! I'm Not Normal!!"
Pause.
Beryl crawled a short distance, over to Suna. "You think we DIDN'T KNOW THAT!?" She put her arm around Suna's head, and gave her a fierce noogie.
"Suna." Lilt spoke up, gaining everyone's attention. They politely sat on their folded up knees. They paused, in thought, for a bit. They spoke up.
"I can't speak for anyone else here, but I can speak for myself. Suna. I'm following you… because you're not Normal, Suna. I, I," They leaned forward, their outstretched hands stopping them from falling over. "I, I, I really Like That, about you, um…" They fidgeted, retreating to their knees. They looked down, at the ground. "Um, you know… you, Um! You… You Shine! Really Brightly!!" They spat out the words. It was hard for the others to see, but they were Blushing, they sort of regretted saying those words. I'm so Stupid, I'm So Awkward! They thought.
Beryl crawled over to Lilt. "Heheheh" She punched them in the arm, giving them a look, smiling.
"Oh, get over here!" Lilt got up and chased the retreating Beryl, who was regrettably faster and more agile than them. I have to Train, so I can catch this Gremlin and teach her a Lesson!
Suna was stunned. She sort of expected her Friends to support her, but actually receiving those kind, Kind words… was different. They held weight. They Meant something. She… felt it. Their Care, their Hope… She… it didn't matter to them. That she was Abnormal. Maybe it wouldn't matter to them, either… that she was a Monster…
Suna looked up. Angie placed herself, gingerly, in front of her. Her gaze flit back and forth, between Suna's eyes, and the ground. Her head was tilted downwards. Suna didn't know what she was going to say, or do. So she waited.
"...Um." Angie's tender, quiet voice, spoke.
"..."
"Um, Suna…"
"...?" Suna waited, with bated breath.
"Um… I…"
Suna felt Angie's Anxiety. Her Doubts. She felt, how she slowly, messily, stumbled through those Feelings. Before finding her Resolve.
"I, I…!"
Angie shook, she shivered. Suna wanted to ask her if she was doing okay, but the air just didn't allow for that. She continued waiting, in suspense.
"I, Suna! I, I Love You!"
"...wha…" Suna didn't know how to react. Clearly, this sentence meant a lot to Angie. She calculated, trying to put together all of her accumulated knowledge, of people, of the lexicon, trying to decipher what the true Meaning of this sentence was.
Her Friends seemed to have stopped their roughhousing. They both watched, staring at the two. As if waiting.
Waiting, both of them were waiting, Angie was waiting… for Me…?
Angie shivered. This was no time to Hesitate! She had to communicate Something! She didn't want to mess up again!
"A-... Angie…" Suna looked at Angie, who looked at her. Tenderly. Vulnerable. Hesitant, Apprehensive. Suna looked at this Delicate person…
"I… I'll be honest… I…" She gathered her words.
"...I don't know what that means."
Sounds, three collective sounds. Lilt's loud slap of a facepalm, Beryl's head falling face first into the ground, and Angie's breath, trapped in her throat, a look of utter confoundment and disbelief on her face.
They all stopped there. As if stopped in Time.
"...?" Suna tried her best to interpret this situation. She felt, like she did the right thing. She conveyed her honest thoughts and feelings, as best as she could. What wasn't she getting?
Suna tried to restore the flow of time to these statues.
"...ummm…?"
Angie got up. "Sorry. I, uh… I just need a second." She walked away.
Lilt and Beryl were motionless. Eventually…
Lilt walked up to Suna. "Suna. We have to talk."
"...?" Suna was a bit scared. Did I mess up? Oh no, I, I have to apologize!
"I'm Sorry! I, I don't, know-"
"It's okay, Suna. It's not your fault. You just don't know any better." Lilt sighed, and gave yet another facepalm, shaking their head slightly. "I, I really should've known… all this time…"
"...?"
Lilt explained to Suna, as Directly as they could. They asked her, if she had parents, when she was younger. She said she only had a Mom. Things seemed to make more sense to Lilt when she said that.
They told her, that everyone in the World, comes from a Mom and a Dad. That when two people Love each other, they have a Child. That Suna's Mom and Dad loved each other, and had Suna; that before her Dad died, her Parents Loved each other.
Lilt tried to explain what Love was, to the inquiring Suna. Beryl tried to help. But Suna wasn't really getting it. They told her, that it's a feeling, a feeling you get when you want to be with someone for the rest of your Life. But Suna wanted to be with her Friends for the rest of her life, if they were willing to stay with her. The two looked touched, but they tried to explain that that Feeling was different than Love. Was it? Suna thought to herself. They also tried to explain that part of Loving someone is Committing yourself to that person, and the other person responds in kind. That two people in Love Fight With each other, they Support each other, and they Love each other. That it's not always easy, but relying on your Feelings helps guide you through a Relationship.
This all was complete gobbledegook to Suna. So people… plan a relationship with someone they like? They follow certain guidelines, these Rules, and they have a Child? That makes no sense, what is That all about? Suna was confused. She felt… like it didn't concern her. She Loved her Friends. She wanted to be with Them. That's all she cared about. This Feeling, they're describing. Of Love… do I feel it? Or do I not? Suna found the task of trying to identify and label a completely intangible, subjective 'Feeling' in her to not just be difficult, but kind of meaningless. Who cares what people think? What I Feel is what I Feel. It's that simple.
Coming to certain conclusions, Suna seemed to understand what the two were talking about, a bit.
"So, you get it, Suna?"
"Nope."
The two sort of gave up, trying to convey these things further, to Suna. She sort of had a point. Just following your feelings, just doing what was natural for oneself, it was a pure outlook. Lilt felt like this unique outlook sort of contributed to her luster, her Shine. Lilt… resolved themselves. That they wouldn't blemish such a Bright Person. Maybe Suna would feel Love one day. Maybe she won't. There was no reason trying to push her down either of those roads. That should be left to Suna. Lilt concluded that was the most Natural course for Suna's unique way of living, one that they sort of envied, and admired. Lilt smiled. At Suna. Recognizing her Brilliance.
Suna tried to ignore Lilt's strange looks they were giving her. She also tried to ignore Beryl, who seemed to find every opportunity to tease Suna for her Ignorance. She retaliated sometimes, poking her, and the two would engage in a Poking War. Which then devolved into a Tickling War. Suna was losing.
Angie came back, to a rambunctious pair of girls, and a passive Lilt.
It. Was So, Awkward. Angie rebuked herself. She was sad. She was disappointed in herself. She was a lot of things. She looked at this pure, Bright person… and she compared herself to them. Especially after what I did… I'm So Stupid!!
"Hey." Angie didn't notice Lilt get up, and approach her.
"Oh, Um…" Angie looked downcast.
"Hey, I understand. I get it." Lilt tried to be Genuine. "I, uh… Suna's certainly a Unique person, isn't she?" Lilt tried to bridge the Gap.
"...hehe. Yeah, she is." Angie looked with great fondness towards Suna.
"I, um…" Lilt fidgeted. "I… I respect you! For, for having the courage, to say that."
"Haha, it's okay, you don't need to pity me-"
"No! I don't pity you!" Lilt took a little out of Suna's playbook. They didn't want Angie to feel bad for herself. "I, I respect you! I respect that! But she's, um, haha…"
Angie… appreciated Lilt's sympathy.
"We actually talked to her. Just now. About Love."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. It didn't go that well. Haha… But." Lilt looked at Suna, with Angie. "I think… that's okay. Maybe she finds Love. Maybe she doesn't. I think… that's okay." Angie looked at Lilt. "I think… if Suna feels those things… then she'll pursue it. That would be best for Suna."
Angie deliberated over Lilt's words, watching Suna roughhouse with Beryl. Their words were sensible, they made her feel better. She felt less bad, about herself.
"...Yeah. Yeah, Suna should just… be Suna. That would be best. You're right."
Angie looked at Lilt, catching their attention. "Thanks. Lilt."
"Oh, um, it's nothing, haha." Lilt fidgeted, looking at the ground around them.
Angie seemed about to retreat to her sleeping bag, but Lilt felt the urge. To talk with her. To try and connect with her. They were previously too scared to try doing such things, but… but Angie… seemed like a nice person. "Um, Angie?"
"Hm?" Angie turned around.
"Um, I, I know there's, um, not much time left to sleep, haha, but um… I, uh… It's, haha, it's nothing."
"No, what's up, Lilt?" Her voice was gentle. It was understanding. It was patient.
"Um, well… how… long have you known Suna?" Angie and Lilt sat on the ground.
"Well… it's been, wow, it hasn't even been half a year, huh?" Angie thought about Suna, and so did Lilt. And they talked, about Her, sharing stories, and moments. It was clear, to the both of them. That this other person really Cared about Suna. And that… was a nice feeling. That they both shared in a deep, genuine care for something. They hadn't really talked much with each other, other than just small talk and logistics. So engaging in a talk like this… was nice. They didn't mind losing a little sleep that night.
–
The Caravan rushed, at its max speed. People ran, camels dashed, and the lizards hastily shambled, through the rocky sand.
"Go! Go! Go!" The Hunters did their best to defend the defenseless, almost all of them engaged in combat with some sort of insectile arthropod.
It was chaos. Suna and every single other hunter did their best, to prevent harm coming to anyone. But, as if trying to fight a deluge of water, there were always some that came through the gaps. They didn't try and focus on how much was bleeding through. They simply fought their hardest, their fastest, their best.
But people's stamina had limits.
"Go! There's only a little more! Come On!" Someone was shouting. None of the Hunters could really pay attention to who was, but the promise of Hope helped a little bit to keep their heavy limbs in motion.
The bugs were endless. They came in varying sizes, with varying levels of Lethality. Some flew, some crawled. Suna periodically checked on her own Teammates, who seemed to be doing okay, for now. She wouldn't lose any of them, especially not to some stupid bugs. But their numbers truly were jaw-dropping. It was all she could do to sense the strong ones and focus on eliminating those ones.
These stupid merchants. They'd be dead without us. If there's so many damn bugs, how hard is it to just wait a month or two, or take a detour? But she kept these thoughts to herself, it's not as if she even had the opportunity to convey them.
Suna rolled her eyes, ending the life of yet another strong-looking bug. But of course, it just never could be easy for her. She sensed one. A Strong One.
She smirked. This is a good opportunity. To Test myself, to Push my Limits. She turned her body towards the strong enemy. It seemed… that it could sense Her, too. How Fun.
So in a sea, of bug and Man,
The two calmly walked towards each other.
Their swagger unconcealed.
Both bug and Man seemed to take notice.
Let the Strong settle things. That was the Unwritten Rule, and it seemed to apply even to these stupid bugs.
Suna smirked.
The Ant Brigadier buzzed. It's mouth's protrusions rubbed against each other, as if in anticipation. As if in Delight.
Heh. How silly. Of all the people and things I come across, the one I relate to the most… is a Fucking Ant? I really Am a Monster…
But Suna didn't let that thought dull her Killing Intent. She simply laughed at the irony, at the Cruel Fact, and she thought.
About what it'd be like.
To Cut This One Down, Too.