Yuuya (narrating):I've been in fake relationships before.Like when my cousin made me pretend to be her boyfriend to avoid a blind date.Or when my dog follows me into the bath and I call it "bonding time."But this… this is a new level of weird.
Scene: Morning homeroom. Yuuya yawns, Nanami quietly places another perfect bento on his desk.
Nanami (whispering):I packed extra today. You skipped breakfast again, didn't you?
Yuuya:How do you know these things?!
Nanami:I'm observant. And your stomach growled during the pledge of allegiance.
Teacher walks by and sees the lunchbox.
Homeroom Teacher:Aw~ Kanzaki-kun, Arisaka-san… You two really are like a little married couple.
Yuuya & Nanami (simultaneously):WHAT?!
Yuuya:W-we're not—! I mean—we're in high school! There's no ring! There's no legal contract!
Nanami (calmly):I wouldn't say married... Maybe common-law?
Yuuya (head in hands):STOP ENABLING THIS.
Word spreads faster than school gossip should legally be allowed to.
Scene: Hallway. Two first-years whispering.
First-Year 1:Did you hear? Kanzaki-senpai and Arisaka-senpai are married.
First-Year 2:Seriously?! I thought they were just dating. Now I feel single and behind in life.
Scene: Cafeteria. Yuuya walks in and the room goes quiet. People bow politely.
Student Council Rep (whispering):Show respect. The husband of Arisaka-san must not be trifled with.
Yuuya (whispers):What kind of feudal society did I wake up in?!
Back in class. Riku and Kai are loving this.
Riku:So, Mr. Husband. How's married life?
Kai:Do we get invited to the honeymoon? Or is that a you-two-only package?
Yuuya (dead inside):I will launch both of you into the sun.
Nanami leans over from her seat.
Nanami:I can make matching lunches next time. Like… his and hers?
Yuuya:If you put "Mrs. Kanzaki" on a rice ball I will spontaneously combust.
Cue new character! A loud, dramatic girl from another class bursts in:
Reika (dramatic):EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE MARRIED COUPLE!!
Yuuya:We are NOT—
Reika (pointing):How did you land a girl like her?! Nanami Arisaka, the bento goddess?! The silent beauty?! The culinary queen?! This makes NO sense!!
Nanami (quietly):He's cute when he panics.
Yuuya:THAT DOESN'T HELP, NANAMI.
Reika:This is an injustice! A cosmic imbalance! A crime against romance itself!
Kai (chewing melon bread):You just sound single and bitter, bro.
Reika (gasps):I AM SINGLE. AND I'M VERY BITTER.
That afternoon. Yuuya sits alone on the roof again, staring at the sky, questioning everything.
Yuuya (narrating):I wanted to break up.Then I wanted to not be humiliated.Now… I just want to not be a meme.
Nanami walks up with two drinks.
Nanami:I told the teacher we're not married. She said "yet."So I gave up.
Yuuya (groaning):We're going to be the couple in the yearbook that everyone ships, aren't we?
Nanami (sips):I'd be okay with that.
Yuuya:Please stop being so emotionally stable and perfect. It's ruining my panic spiral.
Nanami:Next time, I'll put "Future Wife Candidate" on the lunchbox instead.
Yuuya (face red):I WILL EAT IN THE STORAGE CLOSET FOREVER.
Yuuya (narrating):This was supposed to be temporary.Now I'm being fake-married against my will.…And part of me is starting to not hate it.
I need therapy.And maybe rice.