"Shit, shit, shit…"
I had no choice, I told myself again and again. I whispered it like a prayer, like a desperate man clutching at the hem of a supposedly graceful saint's robe. But even as the thought formed, a laughter rose within me. Choice? What is choice, really, when one's nerves are twisted taut like a violin string, trembling with the terror of action?
Escape was the only way, and I took it with shaking hands, a clenched jaw. Like a real coward i was.
Tears threatened. I could feel them press up behind my eyes, not out of sadness, but some strange mixture of dread and self-loathing. Danrovenallius… his face, that damned expression. that look of startled betrayal.
How was I to face what I had done? Not to mention the part where i had to murder him to continue with the game.
And then it struck. The headache. The headache truly made me believe my skull was no longer of bones but out of speckled dust. Then my thoughts flashed on the recent message notice, about the technical issues and all. Fuck, fuck, fuck... It hurts... Fuck...
Then came the stares which i felt before I saw.
"No way…"
"Isn't she the…?"
"... That transfer student--"
The part i played with me being the calm and fully collected individual, a graceful lady that got the smarts and looks was doomed. I wasn't even aware of what expression twisted across my face in that moment. But I, truly, couldn't be the one to blame the merciless murmurs, because I, in fact, would be startled and grossed out by a person in this kind of state like i was in.
What was I supposed to do? How does one react to that many eyes, that many verdicts?
And then just as I was sinking into that slow, suffocating descent, he appeared. Danrovenallius. His gloved hand, firm and familiar, closed around my arm and brought me away. He didn't speak right away, only dragged me forcibly until the chatter, the halls, and the world faded behind us.
"You..." he finally mustered the courage to utter at least a word out.
He looked at me. I couldn't name the expression in his eyes. Anger? Sadness? Pity? God forbid, understanding?
"Stop causing so much… trouble…"
And with that, the words fled him. We stood now in the school's backyard garden, a patch of reluctant green in a world too gray to care. There was wind, and it smelled faintly of the adorned roses and flowers daily taken care of by the schools students. Only if i was a rose, would my parents bother to take care of me?
"Naomi…"
He leaned in. And then without warning rested his head against my shoulder.
I froze.
No one's ever hugged me like that. Not with exhaustion, not with trust. Not like they were trying to give up, not like they were hoping I'd hold together for the both of us.
I didn't know how to respond. My body knew only stillness. My mind, only noise.
"…Naomi, don't run away from me like that. Please. Never again. I really thought…"
The words hung there. At the moment, he felt so fragilr he couldn't bear to finish the thought. And I was standing there with his head still resting on my shoulder.
Everything about this was absurd. Danrovenallius... this strange, brooding figure who first appeared to me as a sinister and mysterious threat was now trembling against me like a frightened boy. Surely, I thought, surely he couldn't be this insane… or this human?
He fell silent.
And yet, in that silence, I found my arms unsurely rising like ghosts from my sides. Then, I embraced him. It wasn't graceful. It wasn't even voluntary. It was as if my body, not my mind, chose to respond.
And that's when I saw it.
The thought escaped before I could catch it. "... Is that a bruise on your neck?"
He recoiled at once. His body stiffened, and he pulled away with the startled shame. Wordlessly, he tugged at the stiff collar of his uniform and shielded the bruise from my eye as though that small gesture could help. Though he tried, it was no use. Those bruises on his neck were... too raw and fresh and big to be hidden like that. The attempt only made the truth more visible and undeniable.
"Were you in a fight?" I feared this question might bruise him more.
I stepped closer closer than I should have, perhaps. It was strange. Unexpected, even to myself.
"Your face… it's…" My voice trailed off."Completely bruised."
I reached up and cupped his cheeks in my hands, careful, almost reverent in the touch. There was a tenderness in my fingertips that startled me. Gentleness I didn't know I still possessed.
His skin was cold.
Danrovenallius didn't flinch, didn't move away. But his expression twisted.
Not bitterness toward me, no… it was bitterness turned inward. The kind that festers when someone grows used to being struck by fists, by words, by fate and no longer believes they deserve anything else.
In that moment, I saw something in his eyes. Not defiance. Not anger. Resignation. And I didn't know what scared me more. That he was hurt, or that he had accepted it as normal.
My hands jolted away. The sudden realization of what I was doing struck me. This seemed to intimate and emotional...
"I'm sorry… for touchin--"
Before I could finish, he seized my hands with a firm, desperate resolve like someone clinging to a ledge, and I was the last thing holding him from the fall. He brought them back to his face and held them there.
The contact burned now.
He looked into me with a questionable gaze. Awfully submissive, i could assume.
'What is he doing? No, more importantly, what am I doing?'
As much as I wanted to rip my hands away, I just simply couldn't do it. My chest ached from a maddening confusion. He rested into my palms like he belonged there. And I… I was flustered beyond reason. A flush rose to my face like a guilty caught in the act.
This was the man I was supposed to kill.
The man in front of me now.
And yet here he was, pressing my hands to his face as though they could cleanse him. Save him. Forgive him; A madman. A fool.
[ To continue with main quest, you must complete the side quest
[Estimated penalty;
[ side quest
[ Estimated penalty;