ELI
I couldn't take it anymore. The walls of our house felt like they were closing in on me smothering me with every breath I took. For two weeks straight, I'd endured the stinging silence from my father, Juseon. No more yelling. No more cursing. Just pure, bitter coldness. But sometimes, the silence screamed louder than his insults.
At first, he used words like "disgrace" and "embarrassment." Said I had ruined his life. Called me names I wouldn't dare whisper again. But as the days passed and the shock wore off, he just stopped talking to me altogether. He acted like I didn't exist. Like I was some ghost wandering around our home. I tried to talk to him once. He looked through me like I was air. Like I wasn't his son. Like he didn't raise me.
And Damir? I hadn't heard from him. Not a text. Not a call. Nothing. The silence from him hurt more than anything. He had vanished like smoke after a fire. I didn't blame him. Not really. My confession ruined everything. I should have kept quiet at the hospital. I should have taken the blame on myself. Maybe then, things wouldn't have gone so far.
I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Damir's face. The confusion. The hurt. The way he looked at me when I tried to stop my dad from embarrassing him . I hated that I missed him so much. I hated myself for still loving him.
My appetite had left with him. Every meal felt like a punishment. I nibbled on toast once and threw it up five minutes later. My body was just as empty as my heart. I was wasting away, and no one seemed to care. My father didn't notice the untouched plates. He didn't ask if I was okay. I was invisible.
One night, I snapped.
I grabbed the old backpack from my closet, shoved in two shirts, a pair of jeans, my charger, and a sweater Damir had once given me. It still smelled like his cologne. Musky, woodsy, and safe. I buried my face in it for a moment before zipping the bag closed.
I left without a note. Without a plan. The cold air hit me like a slap when I stepped outside. I didn't care where I was going. I just needed to get away from that house. From the suffocating pain. From the man who used to be my father.
I found a small motel two towns over. Paid cash. The room was dusty and smelled like bleach, but it was mine. No one yelling. No eyes full of disappointment. Just silence. A silence I could finally breathe in.
That night, I did something reckless. I reached for my phone and typed out the number I knew by heart.
Damir.
My fingers hovered over the send button. My chest ached. What if he hated me? What if he'd blocked me? What if he picked up and told me to go to hell?
I pressed it anyway.
One ring.
Two.
Three.
"Eli?"
His voice.
God, I missed that voice.
I broke. The tears came hard and fast, and I couldn't hold them back anymore. I sobbed into the receiver, my voice barely coherent.
"I'm sorry," I gasped. "I'm so sorry, Damir. I didn't mean to ruin everything. I just….I miss you. I miss you so much."
He was quiet for a long moment. Then he sighed.
"Where are you?"
I gave him the address and room number . My hands were shaking as I did.
"I just want to see you once," I whispered. "Just once. Then you'll never have to look at me again."
"I'm on my way."
I didn't know how long I waited. Time seemed frozen. I kept pacing the room, my heart thudding against my ribcage. When the knock came, I almost didn't believe it.
I opened the door.
There he was.
Damir.
His eyes were tired,but he still remained gracefully, he was still the same man who made my heart beat faster. I stared at him, and he stared back at me.
"Hi," I whispered.
He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
"Eli…" he breathed. His voice cracked. "You look…"
"Awful?" I tried to smile. It didn't quite work.
He didn't laugh. His jaw clenched.
"You haven't been eating."
"I couldn't."
We stood there in silence. Two broken hearts in a cheap motel room.
"I ruined everything," I finally said.
"No," he said. "I did."
"Don't."
"I should have said no. I should have stopped things before they went that far. I should have…."
"You didn't want to," I cut in. "I begged you to. And I wanted it. I chose you. I still choose you."
He ran a hand down his face, and for a second, he looked like he might lose it .
"I lost your father. He hates me now."
"He hates me too," I said softly.
Damir looked at me then, really looked. And I saw the same pain mirrored in his eyes. The same longing. The same grief.
"I miss you," I whispered.
He stepped closer.
"I'm not going to touch you, Eli. Not like that. Not again."
"I know," I said. "I just want you to hold me."
That, he did.
He pulled me into his arms, and I collapsed into his chest. His scent wrapped around me like a blanket, and for the first time in weeks, I felt safe.
We didn't speak for a long time. Just stayed like that. Breathing. Existing.
"I'll protect you," he murmured into my hair. "No matter what. Even if I can't be with you… I'll protect you."
"I don't want protection," I mumbled. "I want you."
He didn't respond. But he didn't let go either.
That night, we didn't kiss. We didn't touch. But we healed…just a little. Two people, broken and bruised, finding comfort in each other.
But deep down, I knew this peace wouldn't last.
It never did.