ELI
It had been days since that awful moment in the kitchen. Days since Damir snapped at me like I was nothing more than a thing to be hidden. Days since I slapped him, ran to my room, and locked him out of my world. But the echo of his words still bounced around inside me like cruel reminders scratched into my skin.
I couldn't stop crying.
Every time I tried to breathe, my chest would tighten like a fist was clenched inside. I hated mirrors now. I avoided them completely. I'd walk past one and feel my stomach drop, my heart racing as if I'd seen something terrifying. It wasn't because I was scared of what was there…but because I was ashamed.
I stayed in my room.
Wrapped in my duvet like armor.
Shielding myself from the very air around me.
I barely ate. I refused to open the door unless it was the maids, and even then, I made sure I was completely wrapped from neck to toes. I didn't want anyone to see my thighs or my waistline or the curve of my hips…especially not Damir.
Especially not the man who once made me feel so beautiful… and now made me feel like a disgrace.
Any time I heard him in the hall, my legs would shake involuntarily. If I was walking to the kitchen and I caught even a glimpse of his figure at the other end of the hallway, I'd turn around immediately. I'd take the longer route through the garden hallway just to avoid him.
I couldn't take seeing his eyes.
Not after what they looked like that day.
Full of disgust.
Even if he swore it was anger toward Regio…he still aimed those words at me. He still said I should've changed clothes. Like I was making things worse. That my body….the body he once cradled and kissed and whispered sweet names to was now the source of embarrassment.
So I hid.
From him.
From myself.
It was a Thursday night. I remember because the rain had started around midnight and the thunder kept shaking the windows. I was curled under my blanket like a burrito, my face wet with quiet tears. Not loud sobs. Not anymore. Just the kind that leak out slowly, silently. The kind you're too tired to stop.
A soft knock came at the door.
I froze.
Then I heard his voice.
"Eli, it's me. Please… open the door."
I didn't move. I didn't say a word. I just stayed there, blinking at the wall, praying he'd go away.
He didn't.
I heard the lock click open from the outside. My heart flipped. Of course he had the spare key. I should've thought of that. Panic flared in my chest as I scrambled up, tripping on my own blanket and nearly crashing into the wall. I ran for the bed and dragged the duvet over myself just as the door opened.
Damir walked in.
He looked tired. Pale. A little unshaven. There were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept much either. But I didn't care. I curled tighter into myself and hid my face beneath the covers.
"Eli," he breathed, voice trembling. "Please. Don't hide from me, baby."
I didn't respond.
I felt the bed dip as he sat beside me. He didn't yank the blanket away. He didn't force me to look at him. He just placed a hand gently on the lump of covers that was my shoulder.
"I've been thinking about what I said," he whispered. "About how I said it. And I hate myself for it. I was angry at Regio. Furious. The way he looked at you, the way he touched you…i saw nothing but rage. And instead of protecting you, I hurt you."
I turned my head a little, just enough so I could breathe without suffocating under the covers.
"I wasn't ashamed of you," he said more firmly. "Not ever. Not for a second. I was ashamed of myself. For letting anyone else see the treasure that belongs to me. I lashed out. And I said things I can never take back."
His voice cracked then, and I felt his fingers trembling through the duvet.
"Baby… please," he said, choking a little. "Let me in. I miss your smile. I miss your voice. I haven't heard you say a single word in days. Not even when I called you kotenok…"
That broke me.
I sobbed into the blanket, the sound muffled but heavy. My chest heaved with each breath, like I'd been holding back a hurricane.
"I'm not comfortable in my body anymore!" I cried finally. "You made me feel disgusting! Like I should be covered up all the time! Like I'm something to be hidden….like I'm wrong!"
The bed shifted, and suddenly the blanket was being gently lifted.
"Don't hide from me," he said again, voice raw. "Not you. Not like this."
I resisted at first. But he was gentle. Not demanding. His hands trembled as he slowly peeled the duvet back just enough to see my face.
Tears were already running down his cheeks.
"Oh God, look at you," he whispered, cupping my cheek like I was made of glass. "You've been in pain this whole time, and I did that to you…"
His lips touched my forehead, soft and apologetic.
Then my cheeks.
Then my jaw.
"Forgive me," he whispered in between each kiss. "Please, forgive me."
He kissed my nose, then the corners of my lips, then the tears right under my eyes.
"I love you," he murmured. "I love all of you. Your hips. Your curves. Your thighs. Your delicate little waist. The way you pout when you're sleepy. The way you giggle when you tease me. Everything. There is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving what you are."
I started crying harder.
"But you said…"
"I was scared," he cut in. "And I… lost control. But not because of you, Eli. Never because of you."
I sat up slowly, my hoodie slipping slightly off one shoulder. I went to pull it up quickly, but he stopped me.
"Don't," he said softly. "You don't need to hide from me."
His fingers trailed over the visible skin with reverence, like he was touching something sacred. And for the first time in days, I didn't flinch. I didn't pull away.
I missed him so much!.