DAMIR
I couldn't concentrate the entire day.
Every paper in front of me remained untouched, every call unanswered. My body was at the office, but my mind… my mind was still with him…in that room where I left him crying like I'd ripped his soul in two. His sobs were replaying in my head like a haunting lullaby, over and over. His voice pleading, whispering "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry, Damir…" and I ignored him.
I ignored him.
I closed my eyes and leaned back into my chair, squeezing the bridge of my nose until I felt a sting. What the fuck did I do? What the hell was I thinking, screaming at him like that?
He was just a boy… my boy. My soft-hearted, affectionate, mischievous Eli. He followed me into danger, yes. He made a stupid decision, yes. But I should've known better than to lash out like that. I should have wrapped him up in my arms and told him how terrified I was. I was terrified of what could've happened, not just angry.
He could've died in that trunk.
My stomach clenched at the thought again. I didn't even want to imagine what could've happened if we were late by just an hour.
And now, he was alone in that room, sobbing himself sick.
I finally stood, shoving my chair back with a screech that startled the guards outside the office door. I couldn't wait until morning. I couldn't give him even one more hour of believing that I didn't love him more than my own fucking life.
I went to the kitchen first and grabbed the one thing I knew could lighten his mood even when he was sulking like a child.
Hazelnut chocolate swirl ice cream. That boy could cry with it in his hand and still say, "It's so good, though." A soft, bittersweet smile twitched at the corner of my lips as I scooped it into a fancy glass bowl and made my way upstairs.
The entire corridor felt colder than usual. My heart pounded harder with every step I took toward his room. The hallway was too damn quiet. Not a single whisper, not a single laugh echoing from the walls that were once filled with his bright voice.
When I opened the door gently, I nearly dropped the bowl.
He was still crying.
Curled up like a little boy under the blankets, hiccuping and gasping between silent sobs. His shoulders trembled beneath the heavy duvet, and his entire frame looked… small, Fragile. As if my words had physically shrunk him into nothingness.
The sight ripped something deep in me. I'd never hated myself this much.
"Eli," I said softly, stepping in and shutting the door behind me.
He shot up immediately, rubbing his eyes and sitting on the bed like he hadn't just cried for the last twelve hours straight. His nose was red. His eyelids were puffed. But still, he tried to be strong for me.
"D..Damir…" he croaked out, voice raw and barely there. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…"
"Shh…" I crossed the room and placed the bowl on the nightstand, then knelt right in front of him, looking up at his swollen face. "No, baby. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Eli."
He sniffled hard, his eyes glistening with fresh tears. But he still looked down, embarrassed. "I don't…like you yelling…at me."
"I know," I whispered, brushing the strands of hair off his forehead. "I know I did, and I swear I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life."
"I ruined your deal…"
"You're more important than any damn deal."
He looked up then, finally locking eyes with me. And something inside me shattered when I saw how broken he looked. His lip trembled as he tried to form more words, but I couldn't let him apologize again.
I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. A nip. Another. Again. My lips kept moving over his pouty mouth, as if trying to kiss the sadness away, as if I could eat his guilt and replace it with warmth.
He melted under the touch. Still pouting, still sniffling, but he leaned closer, instinctively seeking comfort. I could feel his breath quicken as he gave into the kiss, hands gripping my shirt gently.
I pulled back just an inch and smiled at him, reaching for the bowl.
"Your favorite," I said, holding it up.
He blinked. "You remembered?"
"I remember everything about you, Eli. Everything." I handed him the spoon, and he scooped a small portion like he didn't deserve it.
But when it hit his tongue, his lips parted slightly and that familiar, innocent pleasure lit up his face.
I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me.
"Good?"
He nodded shyly, still licking the spoon. "Really good…"
"You look like a baby when you eat ice cream," I whispered, brushing the spoon against his lips. "A very spoiled baby."
He glared at me, pouting again. "You yelled at a baby. That's child abuse."
I couldn't stop the chuckle this time. "Forgive me, your majesty. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
"You better," he mumbled through the spoon, still half pouting, half blushing.
We stayed there like that, with me kneeling beside the bed and him curled up eating his ice cream between small sighs. I let my hand stroke his knee gently, massaging it, grounding him.
Eventually, his spoon clattered lightly into the empty bowl. He blinked slowly, his eyes already heavy from the tears and sugar.
"Come," I whispered, standing up and gently pulling the blankets back.
He crawled into my arms, and I climbed into bed with him, tucking him close into my chest. His breath warmed my skin as he nuzzled in deeper, like he'd been waiting for this embrace all day.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled again, almost sleepily now.
"Stop saying that," I kissed his temple. "I love you, Eli. Nothing is ever more important than you. Nothing."
"I won't sneak into your car again."
"You better not," I chuckled, then softened. "But if you ever feel scared of me being away… just say so, okay? I'd cancel the world for you."
"Mm…" He yawned into my neck. "I'll just hide in your suitcase next time."
I laughed and pulled the blanket over us.
"I love you," I whispered again, this time into his hair.
And finally, finally, his breathing slowed. His fingers curled into my hoodie like a little kitten, and before long, he was asleep in my arms….how I love you so much Eli.
My baby.