**DARKNESS.**
Pure, suffocating darkness.
The stench—no, *the stench feels like death.*
I can't see.
I can't move.
**Somebody help.**
'..'
I… I can't speak.
I can't breathe.
**I CAN'T BREATHE.**
**I CAN'T BREATHE!**
My face… it's wet.
I can *feel* it.
Are these… tears?
A garbled sound—something like "w@## *p"—trails off.
Is someone… talking?
Please… please help me…
Then—
**A slap.**
So hard it rattles my skull.
And I wake up.
---
I blink, and suddenly I see a girl.
A… cute girl? Maybe?
Everything's still blurry.
I blink again.
Whoa.
Now I can see everything—*in detail.*
Her medium-length ponytail.
Her tracksuit.
"Go—"
Her eyes… kind of cool-looking yet edged with exhaustion and Dark circles under them, though.
Wait—*she's the one who slapped me?!*
Not-so-cute girl anymore. *Hahaha.*
"—Tarou."
Is she… saying something?
"Do you remember your name?"
She grabs my hand and starts running—pulling me toward some alley.
"What nonsense are you saying?! Of course I remember my name. It's… huh?"
I stop. Just for a second.
My name?
What *is* my name?
What am I doing here?
Why does everything feel so off?
Why do I suddenly feel taller—stronger?
What—*!**!+£+!"!#(!#(#(#!*!!*
My thoughts scatter like shattered glass as she snaps at me:
"Snap out of it!"
"Your name is Gojo Satoru."
What—?
That's *not* my na—
Wait…
Why does that name feel so *familiar?*
Before I can ask more, she hurries me along.
"We don't have time, Gojo-san!"
Don't call m—
"How did you even know my this is my na—wait, WHO ARE YOU?!"
"I am the one and only Suba—"
"Oi oi, what do we have here?"
Oh for fuck's sake, why does every conversation keep getting interrupted?
I turn my head toward the voice.
Some ugly-looking guy—thug, maybe? With two more goons trailing behind.
"Boss, the white-haired boy's wearing something weird... but it looks expensive."
The shortest one—like, *comically* short—eyes my outfit.
*White hair?* Me?
I glance down at my clothes.
What... what is this *emo-ass* outfit? Full black uniform, high collar, dark pants, dark shoes.
*Bruh*, this collar is suffocating me.
"Do I look poor?"*
The girl—Suba-trash—glances at her tracksuit, then at me, and grins.
She mimes tucking in a hat like some kind of anime character.
"Gojo-san, I choose you! Beat them up!"
"I'm not some Pokémon, girl!"
She backs off a little, scooping up a rock and motioning behind me.
I turn—and here comes the beefy thug, throwing a punch.
But it's weird… everything looks like it's in slow motion.
I catch his fist.
"Listen, I'm confused. I'm not here to fight. So could you just… back off a little?"
I may not remember my name—or my parents? Wait, no, definitely don't remember that.
But I *do* remember enough to know I can throw hands.
"Don't get cocky!"the thug growls, swinging with his other hand—faster this time.
"Back off!" I shove him.
But instead of just stumbling back… he *flies.*
*Like,* full-on Team Rocket *blast-off* into a wall.
*...*
Silence.
Just the soft groans of the guy I slammed.
I'm staring at my hands.
How the hell did I get this strong?
I glance at the girl. She's grinning.
"Ikemen used Push! It's super effective against normies!"
I open my mouth to snap back, but—
The other two guys charge me.
They're faster, but their punches looks like they will hit like damn pillows.
I dodge the first one—
"Ikemen use *Limitless*! Small guy has a knife!"
"What the hell are you even SAYING?!"
I turn.
And yep—there's Shortstack, dangerously close, grinning with a knife in hand.
His smile says "I win."
But just as I hear the word *Limitless*, something inside me clicks.
The knife stops mid-air.
Frozen.
The little guy panics, trying to force it forward, but it won't budge.
He looks up at me, his face pale.
"Bro… if you had told me you had Divine Protection, I wouldn't've even tried. That's not fair!"
The tall lanky guy freezes too, quietly scooping up their KO'd boss.
At least they've got *some* loyalty.albiet misguided
"Good job, Gojo-san. You've defeated the beginner NPCs."
Suba-trash claps, strolling over.
But then—
**My head throbs.**
Blurry vision.
**It hurts.**
Suba-trash is already beside me, steadying me with one hand.
"Shuu shuuu. Your work here is done, NPC's."
"You bast—!"*
The muscle guy starts to wake up, yelling.
But Subaru doesn't even flinch—just lobs the rock she picked up earlier right at his head.
*Thwack!*
Down he goes again.
Great shot.
**My head still hurts.**
And the rest of the thugs take the hint and run Away.
"Sit down, Gojo-san."
As my legs give out, I collapse right there on the dusty alley floor.
"Suba-trash, at least let me sit somewhere a *little* less dust-covered."
"So many requirements..." she mutters, staring at me like I just offended the entire alleyway population.
"You could at least thank me, you know. If I wasn't here, you'd be knife-fodder by now."
Suba-trash looks *way* too smug about that.
"YOU'RE the one who *put* me in this alleyway!" I huff in protest.
"And if *I* wasn't here, *you* would've been the one getting gutted!"
...Well, Maybe not—she's not exactly the picture of pristine wealth, after all except her phone maybe....
"Fine, You're right. Here."She points to her side with a shrug.
"That's where I would've been stabbed."
She says it with a weird grimace and mutters something I can't make out.
'....'
*...awkward silence.*
I clear my throat.
"By the way, what *is* your name, Suba-trash? And how do you know mine?"
"*Ahem!* Let me do a proper redo. I am the one and only—Subaru Natsumi. Not Suba-chan. Not Suba-trash."
She pouts at the end. It's kind of… cute?
"Don't pout at me. You're not cute."
"Ahaaa, *critical hit!*" She clutches her chest like I just shattered her pride. Or her nonexistent boobs. Who knows?
*Wait… Subaru Natsumi?*
My eyes widen.
"You don't have mann-"
She starts saying something else, but I sprint away toward the nearest water puddle, mirror—*anything reflective.*
I look.
And instead of me... I see *teen Gojo Satoru.*
*Hahahahaha.* Limitless. That girl knew my name. Return by Death. Subaru Natsumi.
I scan the street—other people with weird hair colors and animal ears.
*This is… Re:Zero.*
Witch cults.
Sexy witches.
Sexy witches (important things need to be said twice)
Sexy girls.
Powerful warriors.
Reinhard.
Conspiracies.
And I'm in the body of *the* strongest modern sorcerer.
The blessed child
The "Honored One."
Gojo Satoru.
I am transmigrated in The world of re zero as teen gojo satrou.
I've been transmigrated into the world of *Re:Zero*...
as teen Gojo freakin' Satoru.
I glance over at the genderbent Subaru—Natsumi.
A Re:Zero AU, perhaps?
But I'm not afraid, I tell myself
I'm in the body of the strongest jujutsu sorcerer.
No one has defeated Gojo.
…Well, maybe Sukuna.
Or Toji.
But hey—those are technicalities.
But in this World I am The Stro-....
Reinhard.
Pandora.
Stella.
*...F***.*
Maybe it's worse than I thought.
But! I have one cheat—**Subaru.**
As long as I stay on Suba-tra—*I mean,* Suba-chan's good side…
I *can't* die. _Permanently atleast_
I turn back to her, channeling the full power of Gojo's handsome smirk.
I kneel, one foot down, like a knight.
**"Suba-chan, because you saved me… I will never forget your favor. I vow to help you from now on."**
I lift my head, meeting her eyes.
Her face?
**Utter disgust.**
**"Ikemen must die."**
*Ahh… I lost already my precious Suba-chan points.
Maybe this world's bleaker than I expected.*