Ever felt like something fundamental was missing from your life? Like there is a part of you that you know it's there but you can't quite access it?
The funny thing with this weird ass feeling is the fact that you can't quite put into words how you're feeling because even you have no idea how to explain yourself.
Well, that's the story of my life. By way of introduction, my name is Celeste Nightshade of the Blackmoon Pack and I'm the second daughter of my parents who are also the Alpha pair of our pack, and my elder sister is Seraphina, who is a model of what or how I should be but I can't quite seem to challenge her as the perfect daughter so I just stopped bothering with it.
Now that you know a bit about me, let's go back to the issue I mentioned when I introduced myself to you. The closer I get to my 20th birthday, the more excited I get about finally finding my mate. I was supposed to have changed into my wolf when I turned 18 but for some reason it hasn't happened yet.
The fact that I haven't changed into my wolf yet has made my family treat me more or less like an outcast which then translated to everyone in the pack ignoring my existence basically.
I have just one friend in the pack, Lyra, who thankfully doesn't treat me as less because of my inability to change into my wolf.
My father has pointed out in snide comments how embarrassed he is by me having a latent wolf. My mum is more interested in being submissive to my dad than she is in standing up for me and my sister thrives from the attention my dad and everyone in the pack showers her with which worsens my case.
Thankfully, I can join the pack warriors in their training, though only Lyra seems content to train with me. It also helps that her dad, Jason, is the head enforcer of our pack which makes it easier for me to join them in training as none of the pack warriors want to risk Jason's wrath on them for excluding his daughter which thankfully extends to me, Lyra's best friend.
My life is not as bad as I'm making it seem, I promise. It's just that being ignored in the pack isn't my idea of a good time. I always wanted to join on the pack race where everyone shifted into their wolves and ran together as a pack. But instead, I'm stuck taking care of the children and the elderly while my age mates are having fun.
The thing I miss the most is the connection everyone seems to have with their wolf. I sometimes feel a nudge to do something but my wolf doesn't seem to say anything as my age mates have told me that theirs has done with them.
Also, the idea of having a friend that's always there has been my biggest dream as a child because my parents and my sister all got so busy pretending, I didn't exist which ended up with me being left alone and treated as an afterthought a lot as a child.
Thankfully, I at least have my debutante ball to look forward to. It is usually where the eligible young women in our packs are presented to visiting packs with their dignitaries in hopes that those who their mates are not in the pack can see if they meet their soul mate and also to foster inter-pack relations and as the alpha's daughter, whether or not my dad wants me there, it would raise too many questions if I was absent from the ceremony.
I have been working out more than usual because for some reason, I have a feeling that the fight of my life is coming up soon and I can't even explain why I feel the way I feel.
The intensity of my work-out regimen has started getting my mother worried but I just assured her that I'm okay and she seemed to let it go.
The loneliness I got used to when everyone in my family found out I couldn't change fully has been replaced by exhaustion from how hard I've been pushing myself during and after trainings.
However, I can only pretend for a while because the loneliness hangs constantly at the back of my mind and there's not much I can do about it.
It is worsened by the fact that everyone is following my father's lead as our alpha in ignoring my existence which makes it more or less obvious that even those who I went to high school with and consequently college, all treat me as insignificant or beneath them because I'm unable to change into my wolf for reasons beyond me.
I just want my own person in my corner, is that so hard to ask for?
The only bright spot I can feel is the fact that there is a heightened chance of me meeting my mate during the debutante ball.
I'm hoping that the moon goddess doesn't screw me over this time and give me an asshole as a mate. I just hope he loves me the way I am. I can't do much about not being able to change into my wolf fully, I can only try to be as strong as I can be with the limitations I already have.
Though, my sister, Seraphina has been avoiding me more than usual. I didn't notice it at first, till she started leaving a room anytime I enter a room and avoiding conversations with me.
Even trying to get her alone seemed to be a herculean task. I don't know what could be the problem but seeing as she basically ignored my existence after I couldn't change like others did, I'm not even surprised, that doesn't make it hurt any less though but it's not like I can do anything about it.