PARIS
I've always hated those times when my dad has to leave for work. Since my mom passed away when I was young, he's been my whole world—my dad, role model, best friend, and confidant. I can't go days without seeing or talking to him. I literally can't live without him.
So, every time he announced a business trip, I felt sad and frustrated. The thought of being apart was both frightening and stressful. But this time, it's different. While I'll miss him terribly, it's also a bit of a blessing in disguise. I'll get to spend five whole months alone with Luciano, my dad's best friend and my secret crush—or rather, obsession.
According to my dad, he and Luciano first met in college. Dad's car broke down while he was out with friends, and Luciano happened to drive by. Although dad was a junior and Luciano was a freshman, they hit it off right away. Dad was already dating mom and introduced her to Luciano. They all got along well and spent a lot of time together. A year later, dad and mom had me.
It was unexpected and sudden. He said I was a gift from God they didn't know they needed. I remember all the funny stories he'd tell me before bed. Like the time Luciano nearly dropped me at the hospital when mom asked him to be my godfather.
Dad said he'd never seen Luciano so emotional before, but that day, he cried his eyes out and held me like I was the most precious thing in the world, vowing to protect and love me with all his heart.
That's one of my favorite stories dad used to tell me, and I would ask him to repeat it every night. I was already close to Luciano as a child, but my mom's death brought us even closer. I was just five when she passed away, and Luciano did everything he could to shield me from the emotional impact. Even though I was young, I remember every moment we spent together and all the places we went.
I remember how he would always play the role of my knight and patient during our pretend games or be my guest at tea parties with my plushies. Luciano has always been a constant, caring presence in my life, filling the void left by my mom's passing.
For years, I thought of him as a second father… until that memorable summer day. We went biking together, and I fell off my bike, ending up with a scraped knee and a sprained ankle.
I couldn't walk or bike, so he gave me a piggyback ride. Rain caught us on our way home, and we stopped at a nearby gas station to stay dry. I was freezing, so he took off his hoodie and draped it over me to keep me warm. The oversized hoodie swallowed me whole, but it was warm and smelled just like him.
He bought us some food and kept me distracted from my thunderstorms anxiety by playing our favorite songs and singing along with a goofy smile. He even started a playful game of "I Spy" with items in the gas station, making up funny stories about them that kept me laughing and giggling despite the weather and my wounded leg.
I was used to him taking care of me, but that day, it felt different—like he was giving me a piece of his heart along with his warmth. It might've been natural for him, but it meant everything to me.
After that day, I started feeling nervous and excited whenever he was around. I noticed little things like his scent, the way he moved, and the sound of his voice. I found myself blushing countless times and feeling butterflies in my stomach whenever he was near.
I even started paying more attention to my appearance and trying out makeup just to catch his eye. I didn't understand why I felt this way at first, and honestly, I didn't want to figure it out. I just wanted to feel these emotions without overthinking them.
One day, when Luciano came home with a woman he introduced as his girlfriend, I felt really uncomfortable and anxious. I felt left out and betrayed, and I didn't like how much attention he was giving her.
I thought she didn't deserve it and hated seeing how affectionate he was with her. I started feeling insecure, wondering what she had that I didn't that caught his interest. Not knowing how to deal with these strong feelings, I ended up shutting him out.
Luciano noticed almost immediately and asked why I was avoiding him and not talking to him anymore, but I just lied to cover up my feelings. Eventually, all that pent-up jealousy reached its breaking point, and I broke down in tears, upset that he had chosen her over me.
I didn't know how to handle it—I was just a teenager, dealing with confusing emotions and my first real heartbreak. My dad noticed the change in me too and grew concerned. He even thought I was being bullied at school and was ready to throw hands. But I couldn't explain what I was feeling. Everything was so confusing, and I didn't know how to talk about it.
When I finally decided to open up to dad about my feelings, pretending they were about a boy in my class, he saw right through it and wasn't happy. He didn't like that a boy had caught my interest, but he was supportive and understanding.
He said that my jealousy meant I had strong feelings for this "boy." He explained that feeling this way while growing up is normal and suggested I try to understand my emotions and maybe talk to the boy
Realizing I loved Luciano was like a sharp slap in the face. It was disturbing and confusing because he was my dad's best friend and much older than me. I tried dating boys my age to get over it, but none of them were like Luciano.
The boys at my school were stupid, horny and superficial. They lacked his maturity, kindness, looks, and understanding. I felt this even more when I was disappointed or frustrated with them.
Then, one day, I heard from my dad that Luciano had broken up with his girlfriend. I don't think I've ever felt so happy and relieved. I started smiling more and feeling like my old, bubbly self again.
Luciano and I began talking and spending time together again, and although we weren't as close as I wanted us to be, I was over the moon. As time went on, my feelings"
for him only deepened. The more I tried to fight them, the stronger they grew.
I reached a point where I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was craving his attention obsessively, stopped hanging out with my friends and gave up dating boys my age. I spent hours obsessing over his pictures and stalking his social media accounts.
I even had a whole album of photos of him taken with my mom's camera. My whole world revolved around him, and I was emotionally dependent on him. No matter how unhealthy it was, I couldn't help myself. My feelings were too strong, and I didn't want to fight them.
At 17, Luciano started pulling away from me. We talked and hung out less, and he came by our house less frequently. His sudden change in behavior threw me off, and made me anxious that he might be seeing someone else, but thankfully, that wasn't the case.
I tried to learn more from my dad without raising suspicion, and he said it was just work keeping Luciano busy. I was skeptical but didn't push it. Now, almost a year has passed since we last connected, and his absence has left me feeling moody and frustrated all year.
I thought about telling Luciano how I feel many times before, but I was too scared. I was afraid I might lose him, that he might reject me, or that I wouldn't be able to move on if that happened.
Now, having five months alone with him feels surreal and nerve-wracking, but I'm extremely thankful for this chance my dad's unintentionally giving me with his business trip. I've missed Luciano so much and can't wait to spend time with him.
I stand by the door of my dad's room, watching as he tries to stuff his shirts and ties into the suitcase. He's always been terrible at packing. With a little smile, I step closer and start folding the shirts he's haphazardly tossed in.
"You sure you've got everything, dad?" I ask, glancing at the half-zipped suitcase. "You always forget something."
He chuckles, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
"That's why I've got you—my best little helper," he says, leaning down to kiss the side of my head and I grin. "I can't believe that little fucker Luciano didn't even bother to say goodbye. Always too busy for his old pal. What a total asshole." Dad mutters, squinting at his phone as he briefly scrolls through it.
My face warms at the mention of Luciano, and I quickly look down to hide my blush.
"Daddy, watch your language," I gently chide, folding one last shirt. "And I'm sure he wanted to, but, you know, work.
"Yeah, yeah. Work. Just like me, I suppose." He replies, tucking his phone into his pocket.
"When will Luciano be home?" I ask, trying not to sound too eager.
"Probably late tonight, honey. He's got a lot going on right now."
I nod, trying to keep my expression neutral, but inside, my heart is racing. Luciano will be back tonight.
"Make sure you don't forget your charger this time," I remind him.
"Ah, fuck. You're right." He mutters, rummaging through the drawer to find it.
"Language, daddy." I tease, smiling.
"Sorry, kiddo. My mind's all over the place." He says with a sheepish grin and I just shake my head.
I hand him the neatly folded shirts and pants, and he places them in the suitcase with extra care. After zipping it up, dad heads to the front door, and I follow him. We load his suitcases into the trunk together, and as he closes it, he turns to me with a serious look.
"Remember the house rules while I'm gone," he says, his tone serious. "No loud parties, no staying out late, no sneaking out and definitely no boys in the house. I mean it, Paris Collins. No boys!"
I stifle a giggle, saluting him.
"Roger that, captain. No boys. I promise."
"Luciano will be around to help, and he knows the rules too. So, if you need anything, you can count on him," he adds and I nod. "I'll miss you, jellybean. You'll be okay while I'm gone, right?
"Of course, dad," I say, forcing a cheerful smile. "I'll be just fine."
He studies my face for a moment, then nods.
"Good. You know you can call me anytime, day or night," he says, and I nod again. "Alright, honey, you know the drill."
I smile and step forward. We dap each other up like men do—his idea of bonding. Then, as always, we share a quick but meaningful hug. That's been our little ritual for years. It's our way of saying goodbye.
"Take care of yourself while I'm gone," dad says, pulling back just enough to ruffle my hair. "And if Luciano's being a pain in the ass—just call me. I'll come back and kick his ass."
He winks and I laugh, shaking my head.
"And for the love of God, no random dudes sneaking in. Or I swear, I'll fly back, scare the shit out of those little punks and ground you for life. Got it?" He adds and I laugh again.
"Got it, daddy. No boys, no trouble. You don't have to go full protective dad mode on me." I pout and he smirks as he climbs into the car.
"I'm always in protective dad mode, kiddo. That's my job. Don't you forget it," he says and I playfully roll my eyes. "I'll call you as soon as I get there, okay?"
"Definitely," I reply. "Have a safe trip, and try not to miss me too much!"
He smiles and waves as he drives away. I take a deep breath, trying to calm the fluttering in my chest. This is it. Five months with Luciano. Five months of trying to keep my feelings hidden. I just hope I can handle it.