" why dont you try keeping a journal?" her psychologist said with a calm composure though she felt pretty irritated by her responses now. she was not giving her any way out to help her and it was tiring now.
" i tried writing one, but then i got scared of my thoughts, so... i burned it" she said with a pout while fidgeting with her hands unconsciously.
"you tried writing..."
"ahh.... i see" psychologist said with a confused expression and then started writing on her notepad, while mumbling what she had just heard her patient say. Honestly she was just doodling on the pages and Jay knew it too well. She had seen the psychologist stretching random lines on the page just to give the impression that she was writing.
just then the alarm went off. " OH... Jay... it seems that's it for today's session, i will see you on next Monday now" ... saying this she shook hands with jay and waved her goodbye, letting out a sigh of relief as she saw jay gone behind the door.
it was jay's 3rd session overall. she was seeking psychological help from her university's counselor, well because these days she was feeling a little too overwhelmed than before. it took her time to decide to seek help. every day she would pass by the counselor's office only to return back. she was feeling that the counselor won't be able to help her in her crying issue. but she still wanted to try. finally, the day arrived when she came to the office and with closed eyes and wavering heart, she said to herself, " I don't want to think anymore! i am going in." finally she knocked the door.
nothing happened. she knocked again and put her ear on the door to hear, if someone is asking her to come in but still, she heard nothing.
she knocked again and as she did, someone opened the door. a beautiful woman in her late twenties with dyed hair opened the door, she looked pretty irritated.
"Who is it..." she shouts as she opens the door.
"Oh ... Jay is that you? dear i have been telling you to come in, you didn't hear?" she said.
"ah... sorry maam, i didn't hear anything..."
"okay no worries come in, take a seat, sit..."
Ms Fernandez motioned jay to a seat in front of her and sat down herself. As they both sat down, Ms fernandez started with a smile, while sipping her tea, " tell me jay how can i help you?"
" maam, hmm... i wanted consultation. i need counselling..." jay said with a reluctant expression.
" Oh... well for that you have to make an appointment with me earlier... have you send me any email?"
"email? no i haven't send any email..." jay said hopelessly
"well then you have to first send me an email and then i will let you know my available time and thats when we will have the session."
"okay maam, i will see you then," saying this Jay stood up immediately and was about to went out, when ms fernandez stopped her from back, " do you have my email?"
"ah... no maam"
"here take it" ms Fernandez wrote her email on a paper and handed it over to her.
that evening, as jay sat down with her laptop on her lap trying to rack her head on what to write in the email.
she started...
Hi Ms. Fernandez...
no no
dear Ms. Fernandez...
excuse me ms fernandez...
damn... its so hard...!!! she was free, she could have held a session then... whats with this email ... its such a hassle... she felt like crying again... no no no ... i need to talk to her... i am becoming weak... saying this tied her head in a bun...
Dear Ms. fernandez,
hope you are in best of health and spirit. I am Jay and i wanted to schedule an appointment for a counselling session with you. kindly let me know your available time slot.
Thank you in anticipation.
Regards
Jay Miller
finally the sessions started... the first day
psychologist asked her, "so introduce yourself and tell me how can help you...? ms fernandez said with a smile...
"i am jay miller i am in 2nd year of university. i am an athletic person and have great leadership qualities ... i really love myself but at time, you see i can't seem to control myself. i cry too much.. as soon as someone say anything to me, that i feel is bad, insulting or harsh i start crying... uncontrollably... especially when the one who says it is a man... be it my father or any other man..."
and as the session started, jay was asked every question, that made her feel uncomfortable from every way possible ... and these questions well were least bit felt relevant to her situation but she answered them awkwardly ...
when you had your first period?
what were you feeling when you got your period?
who helped you in your period?
can you describe your emotions more at that time?
when do you cry?
how do you cry?
since when do you remember you have been crying?
and after a day of counselling she remembered that she was given a diagnosis of Pre-menstrual syndrome. to which she totally disagreed.
and after this third session today she was sure, she dont want to come to this session ever again....