Zagren the Goblin was not a normal goblin.
For one, he had memories of high school math tests, overpriced vending machines, and a very stupid death involving melon bread and a three-ton delivery truck.
For another, he had a system interface floating in his head like a second, sassier brain.
[ESS SYSTEM ONLINE]
User: Zagren (Kaito Moriyama)
Race: Goblin (Demi-Human, Subclass: Janitor)
Class Perk: +10 Cleaning Skill / -50 Dignity
Active Quest: [Survive Nazarick for 7 Days]
Time Left: 01:04:17:09
Reward: 50 SP, Goblin Guts Tonic, 1 Stat Point
Zagren grumbled as he mopped the shiny black floor of Nazarick's 9th floor hallway, just outside the place where the Pleiades maids lived. His mop was magic—of course—but the smell of blood, weird chemicals, and shame still filled his goblin nose.
He wiped his green forehead and sighed.
"Why the hell did I reincarnate here? Couldn't I have ended up in a village with catgirls or something?"
Ding!
[Minor Thought Detected: "Catgirls"]
Suggestion: Unlock "Feline Fetish Resistance Lv.1" in Store (Cost: 5 SP)
"Shut up, system."
He'd only been alive for five days in this world. Long enough to learn that everything in the Great Tomb of Nazarick could kill him.
He was also in love.
Hopelessly. Pathetically.
With Albedo.
And she had never looked at him. Not really.
But today, Zagren had a plan. He'd sneak into the Pleiades storage room, steal one of their enchanted perfumes, and offer it to Albedo.
A "token of admiration." A "small gesture." A "please-don't-kill-me" gift.
He snuck through a side hallway, using his janitor clearance (and a slightly fake floor pass rune) to get past the magic locks.
"Just get the perfume. Don't die. Easy."
He opened the wrong door.
The smell hit him first: iron, roses, and something really old.
He froze.
Inside was Shalltear Bloodfallen—an undead beauty chilling in a blood-red bath, her skin pale as snow, her silver hair flowing like moonlight.
His nose bled instantly.
She noticed.
"Well well," Shalltear purred. "A tiny visitor. How cute."
Zagren backed up, smacking the mop handle like it was a panic button. "I-I-I'm sorry! Wrong room! I'll just—"
"Stay."
She rose from the bath like a silk-wrapped monster. Her body shimmered with blood and scented oil. Her fangs peeked from a teasing smile.
"You're not like the others," she said, stepping closer. "You're shaking, but your eyes… you've got secrets."
He squeaked.
[ESS ALERT: HIGH STRESS DETECTED]
Micro-Quest Triggered:
[Q002: "Sponge Service"]
Goal: Scrub Shalltear's back without dying, running away, or passing out.
Reward: +10 SP, +1 Willpower, "Bloodproof Hands" (Temporary Buff)
Zagren's soul left his body and came back just to scream.
Still, he obeyed. He grabbed a sponge. He climbed a little stool by the bath. He tried not to faint as Shalltear leaned forward, showing her pale back.
The blood in the water swished around lazily.
He scrubbed gently.
The system gave him live updates:
Scrubbing Skill: +1
Lust Resistance: -3
Fear Response: +15%
Shalltear let out a soft moan. "Mmm. You're better at this than the maids. Maybe I'll keep you…"
"I-I'm flattered—but—"
BOOM.
The doors exploded open.
"SHALLTEAR!!"
Standing in the doorway, wings twitching, eyes full of murder—
Albedo.
Zagren turned pale.
He was in a bloodbath. With Shalltear. Holding a sponge.
He screamed.
[ESS EMERGENCY QUEST TRIGGERED]
[Q003: "Survive the Wrath of Jealousy"]
Goal: Don't die. Somehow.
Reward: ???
Penalty: Probably a very messy death.
Shalltear smirked. "Oh, Albedo. Don't look so shocked. I just borrowed your little pet for some… cleaning."
Albedo's eyes snapped to Zagren. "You dared to touch him… first?!"
"W-WAIT—WHAT—?!"
Albedo stepped forward, her armor glowing with magic.
"I was going to make him polish my armor next week," she growled. "You always steal my men!"
Zagren fainted.
Hard.