A flash of light. A weird noise. A loud thud.
That's how Akira Usagi, average student, manga enthusiast, and proud new owner of a limited-edition volume, became a king.
"Where… am I?" He opened his eyes.
There was… a ceiling. A tall, cracked one, covered in cobwebs, with a chandelier hanging above, swaying dangerously like it was about to fall out of sheer boredom.
He looked down. He was sitting. On a throne soaked with stagnant water.
"Is this… some kind of joke? I just bought these pants!"
Ding-dong~
A chime echoed from nowhere, and the phone in his pocket started vibrating—as if, miraculously, it had signal in this absurd world.
He pulled out his phone with curiosity… and his face instantly twisted into pure rage.
"That damn trap-god scammer!"
On the screen, a message from the "deity" of ambiguously divine elegance who had summoned him…
[Uzaki: Good morning, Otaku-kun. This is your welcome message to your new kingdom and the SPN System.]
[Uzaki: I'm sure you have lots of questions, but the signal here is pretty bad. So… good luck and do your best, Otaku-kun! ♡]
"That wasn't our deal!" he shouted. But there was no way to reply. The message was one-sided. Divine. And cowardly.
So he did what any emotionally mature person would do in a crisis:
He opened his contacts list… and changed the name.
[Trap-God Uzaki]…Confirm.
He laughed. Laughed like a maniac. Like a comedy villain who just pulled off the most diabolical plan.
"Ahahahahahahaha… That's what you get for summoning me without warning and lying about it! Trap-sama!"
Just then, another notification interrupted his brief moment of villainous triumph.
SPN: Narrative Parody System ACTIVATED
"Congratulations! You've been summoned by mistake and crowned King of Faraluz. How awkward."
"Opening Event Unlocked: 'Unwanted Coronation.'"
Akira blinked.
Completion Requirements: Rise from the throne and give a convincing speech.
Penalty if failed: Uncontrollable hiccups for 24 hours. Narrative Level: Embarrassing.
"...What...?"
"Your Majesty!" cried a sparkling voice. "You're awake!"
A figure floated in front of him. Small, pink, and glowing. A fairy. Her wings sparkled excessively, and she wore a bow so big it looked heavier than her body.
"I'm Minu, your guide, your legally-unapproved assistant… and the only one who accepted this job. I'm unemployed, and my résumé doesn't help much."
The tiny creature handed him a crumpled, almost blank page.
—Name: Minu.
—Age: That's not something you ask a lady.
—Skills: Sleeping eight hours straight.
—Experience: None.
The rest of the document was just empty space. There was even a jelly stain on it.
Akira blinked. Twice.
"Is this serious?"
"As serious as this kingdom's budget," she replied, arms crossed with fake pride.
"Now get up. You've got a public appearance to ruin."
Another notification buzzed in the air.
"KING DETECTED! Initiating Welcome Protocol…"
A faded backdrop dropped from the ceiling with pixelated fireworks, followed by a puff of low-quality confetti.
An old recording played with metallic echo:
"Welcome, glorious monarch of Faraluz, chosen by divine will or administrative accident. From today on, this decrepit castle shall be your home—and legal prison!"
"What… is all this?"
"The kingdom's official welcome message," Minu said casually, floating in slow circles. "Didn't that Uzaki god explain anything? You were supposed to be the radiant hero who saves us from ruin."
"...This is a nightmare..."
"And what kingdom are we even talking about? There's no one here. What is this, the Kingdom of the Un-Dead? Phantom of the Opera Land? It's emptier than a theater showing Magical Deer and the Seven Little Pups."
"That really was a terrible movie!" Minu added. "Anyway, now that you're here, you should meet your first subordinate."
"Wait—there are people living in a place like this?"
The door burst open.
A tall, elegant figure stepped in with firm strides.
Her hair was white as snow, her eyes a clear icy blue. She wore a flawless maid uniform—though her gaze radiated a deadly blend of devotion… and chaos.
"Master Akira… you've finally arrived… Please, allow me… to serve you… for all eternity…"
Akira's heart stopped.
Not from love.
Not from nerves.
But from a dangerous combination of respect… and fear.
Around her neck hung a pendant with a small enchanted coin. It fell to the ground and rolled for a few seconds with a metallic clink…
It spun in the air one last time and landed showing the red rose side.
Cling!
In an instant, the maid's eyes turned pink. Her now-pink hair shifted shape, and her once-sweet expression became… intense.
"What are you staring at, you useless rabbit?! Get up! This castle is a disaster, you need to get to work, and someone has to bring order here! And obviously, that someone is me."
Akira wanted to scream.
But all he could do was raise his trembling hands.
"Why did you change so suddenly...? Who even are you?"
"Cecilia," she replied, crossing her arms with royal haughtiness. "Your maid. Your shadow. Your trauma in waifu form."
She stepped forward, her red eyes gleaming with delicious threat.
"You've got three seconds to stop looking at me like that… or I'll bite you."
She flashed her fangs with a smile as sharp as her attitude.
"Damn, ma'am… Where'd the moe girl from a second ago go?"
SPN: Entry updated — 'First Scare by Bipolar Maid – Achievement Unlocked.'
Minu clapped with her tiny, sparkly hands.
"Welcome to Faraluz, Your Majesty! The most forgotten, most absurd kingdom—brimming with both comedic potential… and imminent collapse. It's up to you!"
Akira stood up slowly.
He brushed the dust from his clothes.
He looked at the fairy.
He looked at the maid.
"…I feel scammed."