Fifty light years away from the thriving city of Aethonix, deep in the folds of cosmic time and questionable decision-making, the story of the universe itself unfolded in the grandest soap opera of all time: *"As the Galaxies Turn."*
Long before Aurorians existed, before even humans crawled upright out of caves and argued about whether fire was magic or just really angry wood, there were the Celestials — giant space gods with glowing helmets, serious superiority complexes, and a habit of dropping DNA bombs on planets like they were Oprah handing out cars.
"You get mutations! And you get sentience! And YOU get a tail!"
Thus, Earth was born as a weird science project.
Humanity was like, the group assignment nobody wanted to carry, but eventually, it started to walk upright and think about taxes and memes. But let's rewind a bit.
### Before Man (a.k.a. Monkey Business)
About 2.5 million years ago, in Africa, something dramatic happened.
The last Australopithecus sediba — basically an upright monkey with ambition — popped out two very special babies.
A nearby crowd of grunting ape-men were arguing over what to do with the newborns (probably arguing whether to name them "Ugh" or "Ugha") when BAM — enter the *Evolutionaries*, intergalactic party crashers who believed "natural selection" meant "you all get vaporized."
Fast forward.
Shuma-Gorath, a tentacle-faced cosmic nightmare with a taste for early humans, ruled Earth for a hot minute until *Sise-Neg*, a time-traveling demigod with way too much free time, kicked him off the planet and offered some surviving ape-people a "paradise garden." (No word on whether that included Wi-Fi.)
Then came **Homo erectus** — the original upright gang.
One group of them was smarter than the rest. While everyone else was grunting and throwing rocks at fruit, these nerds were inventing fire, telling ghost stories, and becoming the first Ghost Riders and Wendigos. Honestly, they were probably the first to invent sarcasm too.
### The Avengers: Stone Age Edition
About 1,000,000 BC — yes, a *million* years ago — Earth had its first team of overpowered drama magnets.
Imagine the Avengers, but with loincloths and bad tempers.
- **Odin**, king of Asgard, beard at full power.
- **Firehair**, the first mutant and Phoenix Force avatar, aka "She Who Sets Planets on Fire When Upset."
- **Agamotto**, the original Sorcerer Supreme who wore robes and judged everyone.
- **Black Panther**, OG version, way before Wakanda had vibranium.
- **Ghost Rider**, who literally rode a flaming mammoth.
- **Iron Fist**, the Shaolin monk with serious vibes.
- **Starbrand**, Earth's tattooed defense mechanism and part-time rage machine.
They once fought a Celestial named Zgreb the Aspirant, who got infected with the cosmic lice (a.k.a. the Horde), went mad, and crash-landed on Earth.
Instead of doing the sensible thing like phoning galactic pest control, Odin wanted to *nail him to the moon* as a warning.
Everyone else said, "chill," and buried him in what would later become South Africa. (South Africa: home of lions, diamonds, and buried space giants.)
Later, the Celestials came back to check in, saw Odin and the gang, and went, "You know what? Keep them. Might need them for the final boss fight."
### Odin: Simping in the Stone Age
But let's talk about Odin. Ah yes, the All-Father, mighty warrior, protector of the Nine Realms...and also, a desperate simp.
You see, Odin had a huge, flaming crush on Firehair.
And by flaming, I mean literally — she was the Phoenix avatar. But did Odin ask her out respectfully?
No. He waited until after a battle, gathered all the other cosmic heroes, and said:
**"SURPRISE WEDDING!"**
Yes. Odin tried to wed Firehair without her consent. No ring, no speech, not even a bouquet. Just BAM — wedding feast, cosmic priest, and a really awkward goat sacrifice.
"Surprise! We're getting married!"
"Surprise! No, we're not," said Firehair, who immediately dipped, leaving Odin holding the bouquet and eternal rejection.
Phoenix was *livid*. She left Earth, swearing off Odin, gods, and probably goat-based wedding rituals forever. And as she traveled the galaxy in full emo-flame mode, flipping off constellations and muttering about "men," she came upon something strange…
### Meanwhile, in Proxima V2…
Firehair sensed… life.
She looked around and—wait—there was life. Not primitive cave dudes banging sticks together, but actual humanoids with glowing eyes, building cities, hunting monsters, and casually shouting "BROOO" while launching ice spears at lake dinosaurs
A beautiful world, filled with aura-rich skies, powerful energy lines, and — get this —
*a child building a glowing city with psychic ice walls and vibranium shields*.
Yes.
She had stumbled across Aethonix's world.
Firehair stood there, in all her flaming, cosmic glory, watching a group of Iron Fang Warriors (Soldiers) try to wrestle an Arsu. One Arsu sneezed. One Aurorian slipped in the mud. Another yelled, "BROOOO WHY IS IT SO SLIPPERY!?"
She blinked.
"…What in the flaming bird god of chaos is this place?"
She was intrigued.
And confused.
She watched a 5-foot-tall silver-haired child (aka our boy Aethonix) hold up a glowing rock and yell, "I FOUND SPACE METAL!" then immediately got smacked in the face by a falling squirrel.
Firehair: "...I've never felt so emotionally conflicted."
"Interesting," she muttered. "And here I thought Earth was the craziest reality TV show."
As Firehair descended slowly onto the surface of Proxima V2, a flaming bird aura trailing behind her, a group of confused Aurorian scouts ran screaming:
"BROOOOOO! A GIANT FLAMING WOMAN IN THE SKY!!"
Back in the city of Aethonix, the now 10-year-old ice-and-metal-wielding future god was finishing his third training session, chewing on meat, and casually wondering if his system would ever give him a Wi-Fi upgrade.
Little did he know…
The original Phoenix had just arrived.
And she was watching. Curious. Judging.
And probably still really mad at Odin.