The room in the cavern had a coffin which had aged considerably. In it, there was a corpse that seemed centuries old, which crumbled to dust due to some mild exposure to open air.
Needlessly to say, Beatrice's hypothesis was reasonable.
"Still, it feels off. I feel like the Major would yell at me if I reported this."
"Truly. I find it troubling, too. Though, even if the conclusion isn't satisfying, there's no point in complaining. Let's take it for what it is."
"Agreed. Also, Claudia, I'm glad you're not hurt."
"Ah, thank you. Apologies for the trouble. Also, umm..."
Upon becoming the topic of the conversation, Claudia suddenly became somewhat bashful. She was staring at the gloomy-looking son of a bitch.
"Yes?"
"Oh, it's just that... I have something I wish to ask you. Mister Ludvig... May I call you 'Louie?'"
"Huh?"
Her words didn't make a lick of sense to me.
Sure, it wasn't unusual for people close to someone named "Ludvig" to shorten the name to "Louie" or "Lutz" but this just wasn't the time to say that.
As everyone present stared at her in confusion, Claudia waved her hands and began explaining herself.
"Wh-What I mean by this is that... You and I belong to the same group, so there's no need for us to be too formal. And if you will be with us for a while, I wouldn't want our relationship to be tense. We have to be a bit more... Easygoing, I think? Like Beatrice already said, there is no need to worry, but a little more peace of mind wouldn't hurt, so I..."
"Do I really look that gloomy?"
"W-With all due respect, yes. But of course, you have every reason to be like that."
I'm obviously not the type to preach this shit, but it was pretty insensitive of her to say that to a man who'd just lost all his comrades. She herself seemed to understand that, but she had no intention of taking her words back.
"We cannot become a replacement for those you've lost, but I would like for you to view our meeting positively. With that in mind, I want us to become friends... Oh, apologies. I'm asking for too much, aren't I?"
"...No."
After a strangely long pause, the man shook his head.
"Thank you for your consideration. You're a pure and gentle person, Claudia. Losing my comrades is painful indeed, but that, too, is His will. I would appreciate it if you prayed for them. The soothing words of a saint such as yourself are more than enough to dispel my unease."
"A-A saint!? Please, I'm not worthy!"
Seriously. At most, Claudia was just your basic idiot. I literally had no words for the fact that she'd call her that.
"Regardless, you will pray for them, yes?"
"Y-Yes. Definitely. Without a question. But, umm..."
"Oh, do call me whatever you please. Allow me to etch the bliss of this meeting onto my heart and join you in prayer."
"I'm thankful for this meeting, as well, Louie. Now, with hope that the many souls sleeping here in Katyn find a way to their sanctuary... Towards a better place."
The two of them cupped their hands together, radiating a dignified aura around them.
"Amen."
"..."
"...what?"
"Nothing. This scene just makes me realize how much of a scumbag a certain someone is. I warned you, didn't I? Look what happens when you're too complacent. There's not a single good thing about you, after all. Still, this brings me some peace of mind. Oh, what a great day this is."
"Keh, shut up, you idiot. I don't know what you're going on about."
Her nonsensical instigating pissed me off, so I turned around and started walking. We'd completed our mission, so I had no reason to stay in the filthy forest.
"Heh, look at the pathetic loser just walking away. Serves him right."
"Come now, don't overdo it. I can't say I don't understand you, though. Bey, once you calm down, return to where we first gathered. And don't get lost."
"Quit lecturing me! I'm not some brat, damn it!"
I roared and kicked a stone beneath my feet.
Suddenly...
An explosion sound rended the darkness, and my head was thrown backward. The impact brought me back a few feet.
It surprised me and I did feel a bit of pain, but that was the extent of it. I quickly understood what was going on.
"Now this is what I'm talking about..."
It was a gunshot. I spat one of the bullets I caught with my teeth and realized just how obvious this turn of events was.
We were in hostile territory — in a place with complicated special circumstances, no less. Even if we were deep in a dense forest, we made more than enough noise to be noticed.
The enemy wouldn't ignore all this just because they were afraid of some zombies. If ordered, soldiers would even jump in a fire.
And so, we were forced to face a bunch of normal people. It was a good way for me to unwind, and I prepared to go all out on them, but...
"..."
For some reason, I remembered something I shouldn't have. Specifically, the bullshit Beatrice told me.
You know, the stuff about the lack of a sense of danger, that I mistreat Claudia and all that. It completely killed my vibe.
As a result, I took a few moments longer to make my first move. I was in a half-assed state that any soldier worth his salt could take advantage of.
I didn't do anything about the bullet storm that followed. Of course, it wasn't like they did anything to me. I would've been completely unharmed even if they turned me into Swiss cheese. The problem was someone else.
"Claudia!"
I couldn't do anything about the stray bullets heading for her. She was the only one of us who could be harmed by them, and though I had to prevent that from happening, I failed.
Yeah, this was a real failure on my part.
"Are you hurt, Claudia?"
"Ah, no... Thank you..."
The one to jump to her protection first was that Ludvig son of a bitch. He took that stupid woman in his hands and fled the bullets.
Then, affectionately, as if handling a treasure, the fuckhead let her go right next to a tree.
"You hide here. No need to worry about me. I'll be fine. Don't do anything unnecessary and close your eyes. It will be over in a moment."
Without waiting for a response, Ludvig ran out toward the attackers. Apparently, he planned on taking care of them on his own.
"You little shit...!"
His show of bravado pissed me off something fierce. I spat to my side and prepared to join him, but then felt something on my shoulder.
"Wait, Bey. Let him do it."
"The fuck?"
I had no fucking clue why he said that and tried to go regardless, but she just added more strength to her grip.
Then, as if chiding me, she continued.
"Let's see what he's made of. You understand the importance of that, don't you? We'll have to treat him differently depending on how he does. And the fact that he went in there himself implies that he doesn't expect our assistance. Even if he dies, it's of no consequence to us. That would just mean he's unworthy to stand before Lord Heydrich."
"..."
She was being completely logical, and I had no counter-argument. Hell, I was honestly interested in the extent of his abilities, myself.
Sure, I wanted to ignore her and go wild, but I knew I couldn't allow that to take precedence. Having a contest of who was the cooler one here was nothing but unsightly.
I clenched my teeth and did as Babylon ordered. Beatrice seemed unsatisfied, too, but she didn't show any resistance to her idea.
"Excellent. Now, let's watch. This is a chance to see the Vatican's shadow corps at work."
And so, we began observing Ludvig van Rosenkrantz and gauged just how of a man he really was.
The battle had already begun.
First, he skillfully downed one of the soldiers by throwing a pebble he'd picked off the ground. A rather primitive method, but no small feat.
It couldn't be done without precise arm control, shoulder strength, and guts. Normally, that was a desperate measure that only succeeded by accident, but he did it on purpose and without a single misstep.
The movements that followed were smooth and never seemed wasted. Not having a weapon on him, he used the trees as barriers in a dash to close the distance between him and the enemies.
They were a squad of only about ten or so men, and they didn't seem particularly skilled. As proof, Ludvig downed them one by one, making their morale crumble so badly you could almost hear it.
Obviously, they were a sad, pathetic bunch. Even so, by normal standards, Ludvig was remarkable, since not everyone could take on ten armed people all by themselves.
However, I didn't enjoy the sight one bit. Sure, I didn't expect the man to just get shot and die, but something didn't sit right with me.
"He's impressive. Truly. You can tell he's had lots of training. Regardless of whether he's what he says he is, there's no doubt of him being an elite."
"At the very least, he does seem quite used to it, yes."
That was exactly what I found suspicious about him, however. Ludvig's movements were way too clean and ordinary.
It basically made me feel like he was just perfectly copying the idea of what he believed to be a capable soldier. Beatrice had said he looked like he'd had lots of training, but really, she didn't seem to have moved past that framework.
All his moves looked highly "textbook," making it seem like an act. I thought of telling that to them, but I had nothing to support my claim. I knew they'd just say I was overthinking things.
Despite not using anything remotely magical, the man was far from normal. You could just call him "skilled," but I couldn't help but feel like there was more to him. I mean, really, how could a man that effortlessly dodged one of my attacks not be supernatural in some manner?
Sadly, just like I said, his enemies were far too weak. Even if Ludvig was just hiding his true self, I didn't expect a situation where he'd have to reveal it.
As my observations irritated me, the smooth battle continued until...
"You're amazing, Louie. You won so quickly."
"Thank you for your praise. I'm honored. Though, the enemies were quite weak. Nevertheless, I'm glad you are unharmed."
He'd taken care of them all in less than ten minutes. That earned him praise from all the women in our group.
"Well done. That was an excellent display of skills. We didn't even have to lift a finger."
"Umm, Riza. You're making it far too obvious."
"I don't mind it. You wanted to see the extent of my abilities, didn't you? It's the obvious thing to do in your situation. Your actions haven't upset me whatsoever. With that in mind, how was I? Is it fair to assume that I passed?"
Babylon smirked and nodded.
"Yes. You're clearly not going just a braggart, Ludvig. I'm glad to have met such a reliable man. We'll give our thanks and make it up to you later. For now, let's move. Remaining here any longer isn't the best idea."
"Truly. If we waste too much time here, more enemies may come. It's best for us to retreat at once."
"Understood. Let us go, then. Is that all right with you, Claudia?"
"Yes. And thank you again. You're quite the gentleman. I'm actually a little moved and—"
"Hold on."
Unable to bear their dumb banter any longer, I cut her words short.
The reason why Claudia called him a gentleman was pretty damn obvious.
And at the same time — really fucking stupid.
"Why the fuck are you letting these shits live?"
Ludvig didn't kill a single one of the soldiers. They were all tied up and littered over the ground around us.
Seriously, what kind of idiot left enemies alive when fighting them in their turf?
"More of them will come if we fuck around, right? All the more reason to take care of these fuckers for good. They saw our faces and heard us talk. Let them live and we'll only get more of them on our asses."
"Bey..."
Babylon tugged on my sleeve. I shook her off, since I was totally right.
Of course, even a thousand of those weaklings wouldn't have done shit to me, but that wasn't the case with Claudia. Considering all the stupid comments these women gave me about the "sense of danger" or whatever, getting rid of the assholes was the only real option.
With that in mind, I walked up to and looked down on one of them before casually crushing his heads beneath my boot.
It sounded like I just smashed a ripe fruit. Blood and brains gushed out, and I felt a pleasantly refreshing sensation under my feet.
"..."
"...You cur."
"What? Got a problem, you dumbass?"
One of the Vatican's executioners had no business putting on these stupid airs. I glared at him as I unhesitatingly crushed another head.
"Bey! Stop that right now!"
*Shut up, bitch."
I wasn't doing anything wrong. There wasn't a single fucking reason for them to get on my case.
As I stepped on another head, I began to feel a certain kind of affinity toward the weaklings.
They were panicking, crying, struggling to escape, and wailing that they didn't want to die, making it obvious with every single part of their bodies.
There was honesty in that. It was proper, human-like behavior — a normal reaction to impending death, and it gave me peace exactly because I could understand it so easily.
At the very least, they were definitely a whole lot more lovable than the idiots standing before me.
"So just die."
As I finished then off, one after another, I eventually began laughing out loud. I could hear some of the dumbasses spout some shit, but I wasn't listening at all.
Then came the last. He pissed himself and wailed like a hound, but that made him more charming than any whore, and I was sure he'd even prettier with his skull crushed.
I raised my leg, ready to make it happen.
"I told you to stop!"
But before I could bring my foot down, Beatrice punched me from the side.
"The fuck are you doing!?"
I didn't collapse, but since I was on one leg, the hit made me stagger and miss the weakling's heaad. He was still alive, but the fear made him foam at the mouth and faint.
"I said it once and I'll say it again! Even if it's hypocritical, we should be mindful of our civilians. What do you think you're doing when we have Claudia with us!?"
"...Huh?"
I looked and saw Claudia, completely stiff and at a loss for words. It was almost like she'd lost her voice or something.
"What a contemptible woman. Not a hint of reason in her actions at all. You mad mutt. There are limits to idiocy."
"Bey, you have to consider the time and place. I know this is you we're talking about, but this really doesn't take all that much thought."
I was about to snap and go wild, but Babylon's whisper made me understand the situation here.
None of them planned on letting the weaklings live, but they wanted to do the "good soldier" act and keep Claudia from seeing something she didn't have to.
And now, because of me not seeing their games, all their plans had gone to waste.
Fucking hell. I tried to kill the mood and made it even worse than I wanted.
"Are you all right? Mentality, I mean."
"Ah, yes... Well, I'm certainly a bit surprised. But what Wilhelm said is absolutely correct. In the end, it's my fault. I am a burden to you all..."
"There's no need for you to mind it. I was too naïve. I failed to consider that there could be someone so thoughtless among us."
I wanted to sank my fist in his face right then and there, but Beatrice, pissed as all hell, was holding me back. Not like I couldn't break out and do what I wanted, but the situation wasn't serious enough for me to do that.
I realized that anything I tried at that point would just backfire. Since I'd messed up, I had no business acting on my pride.
"Fuck..."
I had Beatrice let me go. Once freed, I just looked at them, clicked my tongue, turned around, and fucked off.
"You fool... You went too far just now."
"Bey, like I said before, return to where we first gathered."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it."
I didn't regret killing those shits In front of Claudia, and I definitely didn't think it was an actual mistake.
However, I definitely found it pointless.
After all, scaring her didn't bring me any closer to my goal. By that point, I figured that it wouldn't have had any effect.
You'll know the reason for that soon enough. I'll tell you all about it, I swear.
You'll understand why I found her so incomprehensible and disgusting.
And so...
"There's no one here, damn it."
I'd walked around the forest until I I returned to the side of the pond. This was the place we first gathered at, yet I was the only one who came. I didn't think they left me, but at the same time, I could totally imagine Beatrice pulling something like that.
Not like I cared if she did, but still, the situation pissed me off. It actually revived the anger I'd just suppressed.
"Man, fuck this shit..."
This whole situation was absurd. I normally knew what made me irritated, but what I was feeling was still a bit too much for me.
Why? Fuck if I know. At the very least, I didn't think this was just jealousy or disgrace or whatever the fuck.
After all, those feelings faded as fast as they came. They were just a matter of damaged pride and anger at being looked down upon.
I had a concrete image of what I was and didn't like being underestimated. Whenever that happened, I'd just go and prove them wrong. Hell, I'd even have fun imagining myself doing it.
That was why my current rage was different. It didn't transform into any kind of pleasure as time passed. Instead, it simply gnawed deeper and deeper into me.
"Ta-da! The wait is over! Little Claudia is here!"
My irritation was much like the fear you'd direct at something you couldn't understand.
It was the most bothersome emotion in my eyes.
"E-Eh? Why the face? Did I say it wrong? Did I mess up? Just so you're aware, it took quite a lot to say something that embarrassing."
She'd walked out from behind a tree and began speaking nonsense that made me heave a long sigh.
Anyone with a normal mentality would never approach me after seeing what I'd done back there, yet she did exactly that. I honestly had no idea what went on in her head.
"I'm used to you messing up. If you have time to waste on such stupid shit, then..."
"Yes?"
Her puzzled expression always made me sigh again. This one, though, was of resignation.
"Nothing. Where's the others?"
"Oh. Well... Riza went to prepare a means of transport for us, and the others joined her."
"And you stayed behind? Surprised Beatrice allowed it."
"She did speak out against it, but I wanted some time alone with you."
I gave her a questioning look. Claudia smiled and softened her tone.
"Because you seemed lonely. You're quite upset, aren't you? I felt that it might be my fault."
"Huh, and why?"
"Hmm... That question is somewhat hard because I have far too many answers."
She began naming them while counting them on her fingers.
"Because you see me as useless?"
"Cause you are."
"Because I do nothing but make life more bothersome for you?"
"Ain't that obvious?"
"Because you don't like people of faith?"
Affirming that would've been a waste of my breath.
"Is that why you don't like Louie?"
I felt my eyebrows twitch. She noticed and made a strange expression.
It looked flustered, troubled, and frightened at the same time.
And yet, there was also a hint of elation.
"O-Oh my... I see. I see how it is now. I didn't believe it when Beatrice told me, but if it's true... What a predicament."
"What is?"
"I mean, seeing us get along made you feel this and that... You know... B-Basically, that's how you see me, no? No, that can't be. That could never happen. What a nonsense! It's forbidden! Oh dear, what a sinful you are!"
"Woman..."
I did tons of things that could be considered "sins," so yeah, I was pretty damn sinful and fully deserving of a scolding.
But none of what I did had anything to do with whatever she was thinking... I've probably already made that clear, but honestly, I'm not too sure now.
Regardless, I did call her stupid for thinking that.
"Don't get uppity with me, you dumbass. Yeah, you and that shithead pissed me off, but the reason isn't that stupid."
"Oh come now... 'Stupid?' That's just mean."
"I don't have any feelings like that."
I went and made myself as clear as possible.
"You know how you call yourself 'half a person?' In terms of that, I'm basically the same. There's not a inch of love or romance in me."
"Wilhelm..."
"So yeah, quit making stupid assumptions, got it?"
I had no idea why, but I went on to look away from her, and had to stifle a surge of feelings I didn't like one bit.
Claudia watched me intently and must have gotten some dumb Ideas in her head, because what she said next was really weird, even for her.
"Then I shall be the one to give you those feelings."
"Huh?"
Unable to process what she just said, I looked up and saw her aim a faint smile at me.
Claudia looked as though she finally found whatever she'd been searching for.
Her silver hair glistened in the moonlight as her bright white skin became a bit flushed.
At that moment, she looked like a rose to me.
"You and I are both Noah's children. We're two half-persons... That means that if we share what we have, we should be able to become whole and evolve as people. You will teach me of light, while I teach you of love. We shall thoroughly show each other how dear and splendid such things are. That would be such a beautiful balance. Don't you agree?"
"Wait, so..."
She was actually saying that she'd make me fall for her. It was definitely something to chuckle at, and that was exactly what I did.
"Is it that funny? Am I not good enough?"
"Hold on, didn't you say that it's sinful or some shit?"
"I did, but I just realized that being loved is perfectly acceptable. I just have to avoid reciprocating."
"You little..."
Her playful manner of speaking combined with the conceit in her words actually left me somewhat baffled.
"Becoming your first love sounds simply wonderful. It seems like an excellent way to make it up to you. I would be your first, correct?"
"..."
"Wilhelm?"
I scratched my head, thought "Ah, fuck it," and just said it.
"Shut up, damn it. But yeah, I can't deny that."
At that moment, I grew aware of the fact that I was lacking and that what she was talking about was perfect to fix that flaw.
I'd robbed hundreds and killed thousands, but could any of that really be called something I truly made mine?
For example, pushing Claudia down and raping her right then and there would have been child's play to me.
But there wouldn't be a bit of love in that. It would be an unauthentic destruction — completely unlike that of Lord Heydrich's.
Despite claiming to be one of His Claws and Fangs, all I did was break whatever came in sight.
It was clumsy. There was no emotion to it. Hell, you could even compare it to a cow eating its feed and shitting it out.
Because of that, I figured that I would never really have anything until I understood my own kind of love.
Upon thinking that, I felt as though Helga started to giggle. Over the course of my life, she was the only one I'd sworn to kill and actually followed through on.
And honestly, she was also the only one I felt I had to kill.
That made me wonder whether that meant I loved her, and in order to get the answer, I knew I had to kill Claudia.
Since the night I'd killed my mother, she was the only person who had a soul and death that seemed valuable to me.
If Helga was the one who'd brought about my rebirth, Claudia was the first one I wanted to sink my vampiric fangs — my love — into.
Thus, I would get her to bloom, make her wither, and then take her for myself. The meaning and necessity of that act was clearer to me than ever before.
And that was exactly why...
"What about you? Ever been in love?"
...She disgusted and pissed me off to no end. Just like with Mercurius, there was something about him that I just couldn't understand.
The documents given to me by Samiel had made it even more obvious.
"Sadly, no. It's sinful, after all."
"Because you'll die?"
She was at a lost for words, and her shoulders shook — a brief, yet obvious display of surprise and panic.
However, there wasn't a single hint of fear in any of her mannerisms.
"All of us die someday."
A bright smile adorned her face as she said that. Not a single tear rolled down her cheeks.
"But you'll die a whole lot earlier than most of us."
I looked straight into her eyes.
Claudia Jerusalem had less than a month of life left in her.
The documents were her clinical records, complete with a final conclusion.
"...Oh dear. What a predicament. How nosy of you. I didn't expect you to know."
And yet, she was acting like a child caught red-handed in an act of mischief.
Despite being on the verge of death, she didn't express a hint of negativity. It made her seem somewhat... Transparent.
"Indeed, I do not have much time left. But consider this, Wilhelm. Do those souls you gather and use really get 'consumed?' Do they merely vanish and stop existing? I do not believe so."
"What're you getting at?"
"Basically..."
Claudia paused and looked up at the moon. She acted like she was looking at something precious — as if that was the land she was seeking.
"...I believe souls that have been loved use bliss as guidance to take them to a better place."
And if that was true, the loved souls wouldn't vanish even if they were used as magic fuel.
"But if I start loving you, I might become unable to depart this life. Leftover regrets and wishes would keep me tied to this plane. And I might become something unlike myself... Or perhaps something inhuman."
Like Helga.
Claudia had no way of knowing this, but she was basically saying that she didn't want to become a being within me that lived for my love while constantly bathing in blood.
"That would be very sinful. It would become a curse that would make you suffer. And that's why I will not allow it to happen."
She would make me fall for her and just be satisfied from the joy of having done that.
She believed that saving me would bring salvation to herself.
"Therefore, I'd prefer it if you didn't try resisting this. It would be silly of you to do that, really. I will be satisfied with just giving you what you lack. I won't be around for long, after all... So, before my life fades away, I would like you to tell me it was worth something."
There wasn't a hint of hesitation in her words.
However, I could neither understand, nor tolerate someone who spoke as if death was given.
She wasn't struggling overcome it, didn't even seem to want to. That really bothered me.
After all, that's what I was — and still am — doing. My intention was to become a creature unknown to death.
I would be a true ancestor — the indestructible rose of Lord Heydrich's Valhalla.
"I must say, though, this has been quite a bland conversation. I know that I propagated it myself, but you lose points for this. Wouldn't this moment be far better if the 'gentleman' noticed a subtle change in the lady?"
"Shut up."
From that moment, I had a clear vision of what I had to do.
I had to make her say just one thing — that she didn't want to die. And there was only one surefire way to do that.
My goal wouldn't be complete until I achieved that objective.
***
"...Cancer?"
Dinah wanted to know more about Claudia's state at the time. Wilhelm, still seated across from her, nodded with a wry smile on his face.
"Yeah. And when you think about it, I should've known. Sunlight was like fucking poison for her, yet she'd walked around outside every day since she was a brat. Can't say I know much about medical stuff, but it was pretty damn weird that she was even alive, really. 'Metastasis' is the word for it, right? It started with the skin, but then it passed into her muscles, bones, organs... It spread so much that no one could do shit to save her. Her fate was basically sealed. It was a fucking miracle that she was even able to walk, talk, and eat."
"Weren't there any visual cues that tipped you off?"
"None. Sure, it would've been easy to tell if her nose had fallen off or some shit, but there was nothing that obvious. Though, for all I know, she might've been hiding it. She never wore clothes that showed much skin, and most of her body was covered in bandages. I did help her change them every now and then, but she probably tried to hide the worse off parts from my eyes. She was a woman. And a nun to boot. Wasn't strange for her to act bashful, so I didn't think much of it. Well, not like I can deny that I was dense."
Spread out on the sofa, he laughed at his past self. But even if he'd been more perceptive back then and noticed it earlier, not much would have changed. After all, Wilhelm didn't care if there was something he could do to help her — he wouldn't have done it regardless.
Dinah already knew her well enough to understand that. With that in mind, she continued the interview.
"Cancer, huh? Didn't you people have any sort of secret art that could've helped her? Isn't magic capable of dealing with incurable diseases?"
"It is. But look at it this way... Consider your recorder. Can you build it from scratch? All on your own, I mean. Using any sort of technology and granting it are completely different things. The only member of the Longinus Dreizehn Orden who actually had power was Mercurius. Without him, we wouldn't have the slightest bit of magic. And there's the fact we didn't have a single member that could heal others. Soothing pain and all that shit was just impossible for us."
"Because you didn't have such a craving?"
"Yeah. None of us were right for the job."
The Longinus Dreizehn Orden's Obsidian Round Table was a group of wartime soldiers and madmen who sought power. It was only natural for their souls to lean strongly toward destruction.
"But didn't Rusalka Anna Schwägelin learn magic on her own? Wasn't she capable of saving Claudia? Or did the witch not possess anything capable of subduing terminal cancer?"
"Hah. Try asking that to her face. I'd love to see her screech about it. See, she can be a seriously low caliber person sometimes. Even if she agreed to do it, it sure as shit wouldn't have been free."
"I assume she would have demanded the rights to Claudia?"
"Yeah. And then she'd have been her new toy."
"So you didn't want to rely on her, nor bow before Mercurius..."
"And I just didn't give a shit about saving her, really."
That was the jist of it. The vampire wanted to make her crave life and kill her the moment she screamed she didn't want to die.
"The time limit was a double-edged blade for you, then. It had a powerful effect on Claudia, but also limited your chances and left you with no room to make mistakes. Calling it a 'gamble' might be a bit much, but assuming we did... Did you believe you had a chance?"
"A chance? Heh, well now..."
"I can already tell you aren't the type to think things through, but still..."
From what he'd told her, Dinah assumed that bringing Claudia to fights and exposing her to violence wasn't nearly enough to instill a fear of death in her, and so she figured Wilhelm had reconsidered his course of action. Claudia had been dancing with death since the earliest of her days. As such, no normal means had a chance of fazing her.
"Allow me to analyze her. Claudia was very free-spirited and a glutton for happiness. Despite being born an albino, she wasn't satisfied with just the moonlight. She saw warmth, brightness, and fun in life under the sun, so she reached out for it. She sought a sanctuary in the light. The sun burned, hurt, and scared her, but the joy she experienced was far greater, so she didn't mind at all. Claudia most likely called herself a 'half a person' because of that."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Though it hit me a while after the fact, that's more or less what I thought."
She'd subdued her pain with pleasure and numbed her fear with joy. There were differences in extent and situation, but that mentality wasn't all that unusual. However, Claudia had taken it to the absolute extreme. She was such a glutton for happiness that her bliss outweighed the excruciating pain and fear of death.
"Despite that, she was no idiot, nor was she insane. She knew exactly what she was doing. That was probably why she considered herself strange. After all, who in their right mind would do something so dangerous, yet not feel at all afraid? And so, she concluded that being a child of Noah meant she was half a person — someone who lacked much. Claudia definitely wasn't normal, but in her case, it wasn't a lack, but an excess. She had badly misjudged her situation."
That was exactly why Wilhelm had realized that Claudia's soul had a powerful shine to it. It was mostly his intuition at the time, but he didn't miss the mark. She'd had an excessive craving for the light, but assumed that she wasn't a full person. Thus, if the conditions were right, she could ascend even higher.
"Intriguing. I would have loved to meet her. My analysis isn't over yet. May I?"
Wilhelm shrugged and signaled for her to continue. Dinah thanked him and downed the last of her Kiss in the Dark. Her parched throat now quenched, she continued.
"I believe that, before you met Claudia and for a while after that, she was in a relatively negative state of mind. She probably involved herself with the war and — if you don't mind me saying this — people like you because she wanted to experience an 'average' level of fear. She panicked because she realized her life was fading. Her time was short, so she wanted something 'full,' rather than 'half,' even if it was despair. 'if I can get something ordinary from this life, then I don't mind even if it comes at my final moment,' was it? The way she was at this time was very convenient for you. However, that wasn't what she really was. The girl known as Claudia Jerusalem was a seeker of life, after all."
She wanted to give, rather than take. Rise, rather than fall... And laugh, rather than cry.
"And that was why she decided to teach you, a fellow 'half a person' and child of Noah, love. It's a lovely decision, and I felt it suited her far better. You are strong, intense, and dreadful, so she might've seen you as an ideal, of sorts. You had what she thought she didn't, and that probably led her to believe that she could find what she sought if she became yours. But she wondered if that would really be enough — if there was anything she could for you with her meager power. She doubted she could go to her 'sanctuary' if she just took and didn't give anything in return. Then came the revelation."
She found her light when Wilhelm revealed that he, too, was 'half a person.' Dinah formed a smile.
"Do you regret saying that?"
"Not one bit. Sure, it just slipped out, but I wasn't lying or anything. Things played out like they were supposed to, if you asked me."
Claudia would become Wilhelm's first love, and by making up for what he lacked, she, too, would be fulfilled. The satisfaction would make the child of Noah ascend and allow her to enter her final rest peacefully.
"Though it kinda pisses me off, her plan was actually good. It wasn't something I could just work around, and hell, I can't say I actually felt like trying. As one of Lord Heydrich's Claws and Fangs, I wanted to embody the love of destruction. I knew that I needed it, but it was just too... Raw and base."
"Love isn't something you put effort into, after all."
"Exactly. Whatever the case, I had to arrange and interpret it in my own way. And like I said, it really pissed me off. I'm just not enough of a philosopher to accept that everyone had their own unique take on joy. Take Machina, for example. The man seeks death itself, so you won't see me telling him off. Sure, I see him as an idiot, but it's just a matter of a difference in direction. I don't even mind hoping that he gets what he wants. Now, Claudia... She didn't actually want to die. Sure, her attention was focused on other things, so survival wasn't that high on her list, but if it was possible, she'd have liked to keep on living."
Exactly, if it was possible. Wilhelm just couldn't tolerate that lack of commitment.
"There's a clear order of precedence set up. You're barely an actual animal if you don't put your survival above all. Yeah, you have tons of idiots who say they wouldn't mind dying if their dreams came true, but those who could actually do that just don't exist. And they shouldn't. That's what I think, anyway. And it's why I swore to not let Claudia die when she got all fat and happy."
He'd intended to kill her after making her beg and cry for life.
"I figured that if she were to bloom like that, I could actually come to love her. Now, back to my chances... I knew the odds were against me, but I was sure I could do it."
"How?"
Wilhelm cracked a self-degrading grin.
"Like I said, don't rush me. I'm only now getting to the meat of the story. After the thing at Katyn, our relationship started to change. That came with a bunch of shit that just didn't make sense, like the dream."
"Dreams? What do you mean...?"
"Look, let me just keep talking. Before that, though... Sure you don't want some more to drink?"
"Now that you mention it, I'm up for one more, thank you... Actually, let me make it this time."
"Oh? Well that's nice. Sure, go ahead."
As Dinah stood up and headed for the counter, Wilhelm whistled a cherry tune.