Chapter 26: The Fanboy and the Fufu Test
Two days after Auntie Akos's viral video blew up, strange things started happening.
First, my WhatsApp started buzzing like a bee in disco lights.
Unknown numbers messaging:
"Is Madam Akos doing online cooking classes?"
"Can she bless my oil for stew success?"
"I want to know how she chases soup demons."
I was still recovering from digital overload when — knock knock knock!
7:30am. Saturday.
I opened the gate wearing my SpongeBob boxer shorts and one oversized T-shirt that says "Just Vibes."
Before me stood a young man, early 20s, clean haircut, respectfully holding a bottle of Frytol like it was a sacred offering.
"Good morning, please. I saw the video. I'm Nana Kwame. I came all the way from Madina. I want Madam Akos to mentor me... in stew."
I blinked.
"Mentor you in what?"
"In stew."
"You crossed three tro tros... for stew mentorship??"
"Please. I brought Frytol as greeting."
Before I could respond, Auntie Akos appeared behind me, holding a wooden spoon like Thor's hammer.
"Samuel! Why is someone's son standing at our gate with oil? Are we a shrine?"
"Auntie, he saw your video and wants to learn from you."
"Learn what? Does he know how to pound fufu? That's the entry requirement!"
She eyed him up and down like a headmistress inspecting haircut on visiting day.
Then she stepped outside, took the Frytol, shook it like she was checking for poison, and said:
"You want mentorship? Come back tomorrow. 5:30am. No slippers. Bring cassava. If your cassava is too soft, you're disqualified."
"Yes, Madam!"
"And don't wear cologne. You're coming to sweat, not seduce!"
Nana Kwame bowed like he had met the Pope of Plantain and walked away smiling.
I stood there wondering whether my aunt had just founded a school of traditional culinary warfare.
Later that evening, I saw her writing something in a notebook.
"Auntie, what's that?"
"Syllabus. My students will learn how to shout at soup, detect salt demons, and rebuke lazy firewood. I'll call it 'Akos Institute of Kitchen Spirituality'."
"Oh wow. Accredited?"
"By the heavens. And maybe the Ghana National Gas Authority."
End of Chapter 26