So…
I've got a kickass house now. And two… minions? Yeah, I'll go with minions, I suppose.
The question is: with my new house—which is stocked up with the latest appliances and food—and my two pets-slash-minions-slash-sparring partners… what should I do now? I mean, as far as the larder goes, Tao had kept himself stocked up pretty well. Enough to last a few months, even with my appetite. Quite the meticulous guy… if it weren't for the fact that he didn't even notice when I boldly swaggered into his house and killed him like a gnat.
Actually, should I feel bad about that? Because I don't. Tao was a piece of trash who murdered people for a living. I'm not gonna lose any sleep over him. The original might agonize over it, though—he was soft like that. Whatever. It doesn't matter.
Sitting on the roof of the dome mansion while Ichiji slept on the couch and Niji tried to repair the door, I stared up at the darkening sky and sighed.
"The hell should I do now?"
I'm fourteen years old, body-wise, with the pre-programmed knowledge of an alien warrior baby. Thirteen years of memories from a strange boy who grew up in the woods and then went on to save the world from a demon king. And the full adult memories of a man who actually finished school and held jobs. No matter how you look at it, my head is a weird mishmash of things that really don't fit together all that well.
And in a year, a midget with the power to blow up a planet is gonna come looking for seven mystical balls that jizz out a dragon when gathered together and grant any one wish.
What is my life right now?
I had to hold back the urge to blow something up with a ki blast or two. Piccolo would come grouch at me again, probably.
But honestly, I just don't know what to do. Training to get stronger is all well and good, but a whole year of nothing but that? Mind-numbing as hell. I'm not as simple as the original, who could literally lose track of years just training in the woods.
I need the internet. I need video games. I wanna check out girls. Most of all, I freaking want to live. I don't want to waste away my life like the original did. All things considered, he was pretty much a bum fighter. He literally spent maybe ten years, total, with his first son by the time Pan was born in canon. I don't wanna be like that. I don't even really want kids, but if I had them, I wouldn't want to end up like that—traipsing off to who knows where at the first sign of a new rising power level.
Honestly, I should go take care of some things in advance. Like Wheelo—he's got a base somewhere in the Antarctic or something. I could just go blow him the fuck up before he starts anything. Or hell, I could go find Gero right now and put him down before he ever activates an android.
Though… that would leave the world without Baeteen and the delicious Android 21.
"Aaah… am I really letting my dick influence the fate of the world?" I lamented with a sigh.
Because honestly… I kind of am.
I mean, yeah, the androids are needed to help the others get stronger. They need to face threats and level up. The big endgame with the Tournament of Power kind of relies on everyone being strong. I know a ton of ways to cheat to gain strength, but I'm not going to delude myself into thinking I could win that alone.
...I could, maybe—on a long shot—beat up to Buu by myself. With what I know, it's not totally out of the realm of possibility. Honestly, if my estimates are on point, I should be breaking fifty thousand in battle power by the time Vegeta shows up—and that's lowballing it. By then, more senzu beans should be ready, and I can abuse the Zenkai boost again.
I can't remember how many senzus Korin grows by the time Vegeta and Nappa arrive, but I think there were around five? I could just take them all myself and clean up those two Saiyan invaders solo. Fuck canon. Then I could abuse Zenkai boosts five times over.
But… Piccolo needs to die for the others to really want to go to Namek. So maybe I should hang back a bit and let the others fight first. If I time it right and take my pod to Bulma and her dad, maybe I can get a ship like the original had in canon. Then I could make the trip with Krillin… and more importantly, Gohan.
If Gohan's stronger than in canon by the time Vegeta arrives—which I expect, given what I told Piccolo, plus training under intense gravity—then gets his power unlocked by Guru and abuses a Zenkai boost at least once with Dende, he could easily hit a million in battle power before the bulk of the Frieza fight begins. And I should be even higher.
Regardless, whether it's me, the original, or even Gohan—one of us needs to become a Super Saiyan by the time the Namek saga ends. Otherwise, my meta-knowledge is worthless, and threats like Cooler, Hatchiyack, and others could pop up anytime and wreck us.
Damn Caulifla and her boobs and her tingly back. Why couldn't I become a Super Saiyan that freaking easy? That'd be easy street for the next five years if I could just flip the switch like she did.
"Sitting around here won't do me any good," I sighed, standing up and hopping off the top of the dome mansion, landing lightly on the ground.
"I should just take one idea and run with it."
There are really only two options I can roll with right now. I'll put the 'kill all future villains' plan on the back burner. That leaves me with:
Taking my pod to Bulma—not gonna lie, Bulma is hot and I'm a teenager. I wouldn't mind using her for some free fan service. Honestly, with how often she ends up losing her clothes, can anyone blame me?
Or…
I charged a red ki orb in my palm and fired it into the sky.
"If it falls right, I'll take my pod to Bulma," I said, watching the crimson streak rocket into the clouds. Damn, my eyesight is amazing. Saiyan bodies are so broken.
"If it falls to the left, I'll go steal Tien and make him my sparring buddy."
I figure I can beat Tien into stronger shape than canon. And if he learns Master Roshi's "Pump Up" form—that thing gives, like, a 1.5x multiplier—I bet he'd get a decent power boost.
...Wait. Can't I just learn that, too!?