The air was still as if the sounds had been frozen between the ice crystals glinting against the moonlight. The only thing Harry could hear was their steps, arrhythmically breaking the frozen ground and snow. They had seen many tombstones already, the modest grave ahead was why he'd come. His breath was irregular, unable to hold the emotion that had built up since Ron's departure.
Her hand seemed so much smaller in his than before. He had heard her crying in the close quarters of the tent, every time he would feel some guilt. Then there were the sacrifices she made, willingly to his benefit. The past weeks he had doubted, despaired and raged at their predicament. But in front of her so unbending, he couldn't show it until now.
He knelt down and she did too. As he read the inscriptions he could feel her elevated heartbeat. Lily and James Potter had given their lives for him, and they weren't the only ones. He vowed, that he could do the same for at least the one person who stood by him ever since he had entered the world of magic. Being unable to return her kindness would be a cross too heavy to bear.
He heard her shuffle in her coat, but didn't have the courage to look back. If he saw her crying again it might be too much. As he saw the buds of green and red materialize before him he knew he could give anything if it meant her happiness.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Harry's thoughts were a maelstrom of nostalgia and regret. Every memory he put away would reveal another. There were the big moments like the final test for the Philosopher's Stone, the Triwizard tournament, the reunions at the Burrow and Grimmauld Place. Then there were smaller ones, the moments between moments when their mask of routine dropped on their hunt for Horcruxes, the evenings spent reading in the common room, her gaze of concern at the smallest things which invariably made him disappointed in himself.
It was over six years of memories he would never share with anyone again. He didn't know how long he had been standing in the slight breeze, but it hadn't been long enough for him to regain his composure when he heard Lily approach.
She took place beside him silently, leaning on the stone balustrade. She waited patiently and he tried to train his attention on her, giving an insincere smile.
Not sure to meet his eye, she brushed strand of hair from her face. "Did you… love her?"
The question was like a dagger between his ribs. "Yes." he shakily answered.
"You should tell me about her." she said looking out on the grounds.
"What?"
She tried affectionately placing a hand on his shoulder. "Someone you care for so deeply must be worth knowing about."
Harry frowned at the question. "It's not fair to you. To have to hear about that."
"Harry, I knew you had a past when you told me everything. It's a part of you I want to know as well."
He let out a deep breath. "It was just the two of us, roaming the countryside trying to escape capture. Used to be three, but he left. I don't know if it was the Horcrux we dragged around or that we were completely aimless. Maybe it was because he saw what she meant to me. Winter had started, we'd make wood fires to keep us warm while we kept watch in turns. We ate mostly spaghetti and canned goods, neither of us had much a mind to cook.
"She could've left at any moment, she could've never come with me. You remind me of her, you know. The way you stand by me even when I don't believe in myself."
She mimicked his slight smile.
"I wanted to go back where I was born, to see my parents. Quick as she was, she thought we might have found Godric's sword there, but that's not why I wanted to, I thought I might find something there. Answers maybe? She came with me without question, of course she would. She wasn't easy to befriend, people weren't attracted to her like they are to you. But once you knew her, she would risk life and limb. Not once did she desert me.
"We went to the cemetery using the cloak, took it off once we got to the plots. Seeing your name there convinced me of something, that I had to do everything I could to make things right. That's why I agreed to do what I did. That's why today–"
His breath caught in his throat. "Guess it's why I'm here feeling sorry for myself instead of being with you. Lily, I'm–"
"Don't apologize," she gently interrupted, "you don't have anything to be ashamed of. You didn't run away, you came here on your own to do what the world couldn't. You're here to save us too, so don't dare feel bad about that."
She ran her fingers through his hair. "Might not be much of a consolation, but you'll see her again. What's a decade between friends?"
He turned, putting his arms around her, realizing how real she was. "I don't want to make the same mistake. I want you to know I care about you. I want to thank you, for staying with me, for giving me courage. I'm grateful to you, more than you can know."
The compliment warmed her, prompting a quiet giggle. "What about me then? Knowing I could've never met the man you are, makes me feel like my heart pumps Liquid Luck."
He laughed pulling her closer, feeling her smile against his cheek. Slowly the memories that haunted him turned warm in colour, the pit in his stomach turned to a wellspring of happiness he wished to share.
"Harry, look." she said gleefully turning her head up.
Above the balcony hung a single wreath of mistletoe.
"Seems like the room is telling us something." she grinned at him.
"Seems like it."
As he fully directed his attention to her, he wondered how many students from different Houses through the ages had stood exactly where they did, and how unlikely it was for them to be standing here right now. As they kissed he felt his fondness only grow.
Downstairs Remus had brought out a bottle of Ogden's as a surprise, despite the no gifts agreement. They drank together late into the night, telling stories. Harry lingered on the staircase to the dorms as they went to go to sleep, bidding Lily good night.
-sSsSsSsSs-
It's with excitement that Harry woke up to the twilight of a new day. He had hoped to get up early to meet Lily, who he knew was an early riser. After a minute of digging in the bottomless bag, he found it. It had been since the night of the duel that he thought about gifting it to her, and he had already prepared the enchantments to keep its contents hidden to onlookers. By a strange coincidence the gift would be incredibly fitting.
It didn't take long for her to slink down the staircase, he could see her holding something behind her back, eyes still sleepy.
"Who first?" she asked standing proudly before him.
"Merry Christmas, Lily." he said handing her the worn tome. She took it, placing her package on the nearby table.
"Intermediate Potions for N.E.W.T. Level Practice?"
Harry's grin spread wider. "Open it."
She gave him a dubious look but turned the cover. "A comprehensive history of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by Bathilda Bagshot, publication year..."
Her eyes went wide. "Harry this is..."
"You said you wanted to get to know her, this is Hermione's favorite book. Guess it would do me no good anyway, heard it recited a million times and I still can't remember half of it. Oh don't worry I charmed the pages, should look like a potions textbook to anyone but you or me."
"Ugh, my gift will look so bad in comparison."
She rubbed her nose against his, sending a jolt of flutters to his stomach. "I'll take good care of it."
"Your turn." she said handing him the soft package. Opening it he could see green, black and silver wool. He unfolded it to reveal an elegant scarf, fully emblazoned with the House serpent.
"Regulus will love seeing this one." he said laughing.
"There's more to it," she said grabbing her wand and tapping it once, "Iunctus."
The green cloth twisted and turned to reveal red and gold on half its breadth, joining the snake with a roaring lion side by side. "What do you think?"
He put the scarf around his neck, running his fingers over the crest at its ends. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"
She sat beside him and they shared conjured tea as they waited for the others.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Christmas day was filled with firsts. At breakfast he called over Melissa to sit with them, this time at the Slytherin table. At first she was surprised to see the Gryffindor students share the meal, but quickly got lost talking charms and potions with Lily and Severus, a conversation which he had to strain to keep up with.
Owls flew in to deliver the highly anticipated packages, and Harry had three dropped for himself. From Regulus he got a silver sigil embroidered seeker's glove, from Nathan a 12 year old bottle of Ogden's Finest, and from Luci a box of Lissander's Titillating Citrus Pastilles, of which he had no doubt of their intention. Attached was a simple note saying 'have fun'.
He saw Lily unpack a stylish muggle sweater she told him she wanted. Severus unfurled an enchanted glass dropper and a few jars and books. As they shared their discoveries they chatted about what to do for the day. Harry suggested taking a trip to the Slytherin team storehouse and have a go flying about on the grounds. Melissa groaned as he did but Remus managed to coax her with promise of a snowball fight.
Harry's heart thumped in his chest at the thought of having his first flight with Lily. She didn't disappoint, being as graceful on a broom as she was on her feet. They took a tour around the grounds as Remus encouraged the panicking Slytherin girl.
"You think there's something there?" Lily asked watching their small forms down below.
"If there is, shows how wrong we were."
"Well if people knew, I doubt they'd peg us as lovers."
"Lovers? Are you trying to make me fall to my death?"
She let out a squeaking laugh. "I'm just saying love blooms in unlikely places. Besides, I'd catch you."
The ensuing snowball fight ended up having him and Lily as a team against the three others. Melissa's aim not being the best, caught Severus right in the head, resulting in all laughing like idiots for the remainder of their winter fun, Severus included.
They busied themselves sharing candy they got during their trip to Hogsmeade, moved to the library, then the inner courtyard. Not able to bring in Melissa on the secret, they stuck to the known castle grounds, with no regrets.
Later they lounged at the feast. By the end Harry felt his stomach was about to burst. Round and happy he felt Lily's breath whispering into his ear. "Harry."
"I was thinking we could make tomorrow night extra special."
He swallowed and nodded at her meaning, his head was spinning.
"Let's meet at our usual place at nine. We'll make an evening out of it."
She turned back to the table with a grinning blush, he took her hand and she entwined her fingers with his. Tomorrow he would feel more than the softness of her fingers. His body reacted enthusiastically in anticipation.
No surprise, he couldn't sleep. If he was honest with himself, he had imagined a Christmas eve or New Year's miracle. Stars, moon and planets aligning for what he thought was somewhere near the most important night of his life. But he had also imagined a broom closet, the quidditch pitch, the bed he was currently in, the Hogwarts showers and a dozen other illicit places.
He wanted this, badly, and she had been dropping not-so-subtle hints that she did as well. The way she lingered around corners stealing kisses out of sight of their friends, the way she giggled at some of his dumbest remarks, the way her hand lingered on his belt, and that look in her eye as she did.
Turning into his pillow, he groaned. She was driving him mad, tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.
-sSsSsSsSs-
That morning Harry had spent extra time in the bathroom. He wanted things to go as smoothly as possible, even though he had absolutely no experience. With this he realized that she'd never said, never had she talked of past boyfriends or experiences. Was it because she didn't want to talk about it? Was it that bad? Suddenly he felt less than confident in his abilities to please her.
Over dinner as the clock ticked slowly forwards he was completely inattentive. "You all right in there?" Remus had called.
He vaguely remembered responding affirmatively. Lily on the other hand, was acting completely normal, joking and talking without end. He didn't know whether to be impressed or worried.
As he retreated to the Slytherin common room, he sat there impatiently bouncing his leg. Thankfully it was empty, Severus and Meslissa having gone upstairs to probably do some reading. He startled as the clock struck eight.
His heart pounding in his chest he looked over the three items before him, Nathan's bottle of Ogden's, Lissander's Titillating Citrus Pastilles and a half full bottle of after-shave. His hand lingered over the after-shave. What if she was allergic? But he had worn it for their date and she hadn't said anything. Gently dabbing some on his hand he applied it around his neck. His eyes turned to the box of pastilles. Would this really be a good way to start things off? Then to the bottle of Ogden's. He pocketed both.
Fifteen minutes in advance, he put on his cloak and made his way to the 7thfloor, his heart pounding in his chest with a mixture of panic and joy. Panic got the upper hand when he didn't see her already there. A sigh escaped him as he stood in front of the wall.
Immediately he was surprised by a giggle and Lily standing in front of him, her wand above her head.
"Disillusionment charm." she whispered.
He opened the cloak for her to join him, she put her arm around his waist.
"Remus went to sleep already, what about Severus?" she asked.
"Same."
"Should be empty then."
Clumsily they made their way to the Unity Room. He couldn't think of a more wonderful setting. Maybe he was making it up, but he thought he felt her heart race as her body pressed against his.