Date: 07-02-1916
Location: The Western Front
In World War I, an estimated 15 to 22 million people died, including both military personnel and civilians, making it one of the deadliest conflicts in human history. That takes us to 20th century France for our next story.
Reinhardt is a greedy German deserter during the war. After a battle, he would rummage through the bodies of dying or dead soldiers for valuables: money, bullets, jewelry, and even gold teeth. If he saw any weak soldiers that were still alive, he would show no mercy. While searching, he sees a man blown in half, pleading for help. Reinhardt says he will help the man, extending his arm. The soldier reaches up and gets shot point blank by Reinhardt. Reinhardt snickers as he puts his gun away and loots the man.
During World War I, Reinhardt was one of many individuals, including soldiers, who would scavenge for valuables and equipment from the dead on battlefields. Often taking items from both the enemy and their own fallen comrades.
One night, Reinhardt stops to rob a British soldier's dead body, inadvertently activating a jam tin grenade rigged on the corpse, which he was unaware of.
The jam tin was one of many grenades designed by ANZACs in the early part of the First World War in response to a lack of equipment suited to trench warfare. The grenade was an inner can of explosive with an outer can of metal fragments or bearing balls. The heavier pattern No. 9 grenade contained more high explosive and more metal fragments.
Upon realizing that he picked up the booby trap, Reinhardt curses and gives one last horrified scream.
"SCHEIßE!"
*BOOM!*
The explosion of the inner tin created a shock wave that caused external injuries, especially to his skin. His hands, eyes, nose, lips, and ears were instantly evaporated. The shrapnel from the grenade blew right threw is flesh, slicing his jugular and corroded artery. The force from the explosion blew the greedy bastard to kingdom come.
Reinhardt was a parasite who had no respect for the living... or the dead. But a corpse can still send a message. And the last one he scavenged had a good one.
"Go to Hell, Reinhardt."
Way To Die #184: WW1 and Done
Date: 12-21-2005
Location: Thom's Shipping Co. Office, Madison, WI
Carol was a part-time intern in an office and was trying to use her assets to get a full-time job. During the office Christmas party, she decides it is the perfect opportunity.
Having visited the punch bowl too many times and becoming extremely drunk, she made sure to put on a show worthy of Santa's little stripper. Carol was having a lot of fun being the Christmas party girl and being willing to do anything to get attention. She made sure to wear the shortest skirt she could find and the best part, no panties. The women were horrified while the men lapped it up. One of the employees proposed to the president of the company, Tim, that he hire Carol full-time. Tim scoffs, seeing how wild Carol was. She thrived on and expected the attention. She made sure all eyes were on her, a little something called HPD.
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive attention-seeking behaviors, usually beginning in adolescence or early adulthood, including inappropriate seduction and an excessive desire for approval. People diagnosed with the disorder are shown to be dramatic, vivacious, and flirtatious. They very often exhibit pervasive and persistent sexually provocative behavior, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and can be easily influenced by others.
Carol was ready to make a proposal to Tim, so she approached him. She tells him that if he hired her, she would show him something that she could always give him. He rolls his eyes again and goes back to talking with his employees. Carol, slightly annoyed from the lack of attention, decides that she could do better. She takes one more shot and heads for the employees' lounge.
Carol climbed her butt naked ass onto the photocopy machine and set out to take and print out pictures of her... Christmas cookie. Carol was sure that when Tim saw the photos, he would hire her. While Carol was having fun getting her dirty files printed, the glass to the photocopier breaks under her weight, and her lustful ass is glassed. Carol falls on the wires, ass first. This caused glass to stab into her buttocks and right into her anal canal. The wires caused an electrical shock to run through her body, and since she was extremely drunk, her reaction time was extremely slow. The electrical current caused her heart to go into ventricular fibrillation.
During ventricular fibrillation, the lower heart chambers contract in a very rapid and uncoordinated manner. As a result, the heart doesn't pump blood to the rest of the body.
Carol tried to use her assets to land a full-time job. But in the end, she was just another... smoking... hot... body.
Way To Die #349: X-Mess Carol
Date: 04-20-2007
Location: Hillcrest, Kansas City, MO
Dr. Siraki is a sleazy sports doctor who, along with his patients, frequently uses testosterone-boosting steroids.
He also hates cyclists, and when he sees them ride past him, he starts yelling at them and swearving close to them. His roided up body was raging to hit one of the cyclists.
'Roid rage' is an aggressive or violent behavior linked to the use of anabolic-androgenic steroids (AAS), synthetic substances that mimic testosterone. AAS can disrupt normal hormonal balance and affect brain regions involved in emotion regulation, such as the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. Users may experience heightened irritability, impulsivity, paranoia, and even manic-like symptoms.
One day, on a dirt trail, he is forced to slow down for two cyclists. He gets impatient and repeatedly honks the horn and yells at them until he runs them off of the road out of spite.
Siraki is so distracted in his rage and arrogance along with his wife yelling at him that he fails to notice a flatbed truck carrying rods of rebar in front of his S.U.V. By the time Siraki sees the truck up ahead, even he knows it's way too late. Before he could apply the brakes, he rear-ends the truck, causing a rod to go right through the windshield.
The rod impaled his skull, tearing out his brain stem, shutting down his heart and lungs; this resulted in his death with his now-widowed wife running away and screaming in horror.
Dr. Siraki thought he owned the road. To him, a cyclist was a menace to his steroid-driven, pumped-up lifestyle. But in the end, he went from road rage... to road... kill.
Way To Die #248: F.U.v'd
Date: 10-26-2015
Location: Daughtery Farm, Shepherdsville, KY
Elmer is a funny looking redneck who is trying to harvest pig sperm to sell on the black market. Elmer spots Brandon, a blue-ribbon prized pig whose sperm is like juicy gold. As he began jercking the pork, the pig's squeals wake up the farmer. The farmer comes out with a shotgun in hand as Elmer quickly hides. After a few seconds of looking, the farmer goes back inside. When Elmer goes back to trying to collect more sperm, he trips over the bucket and falls, accidentally slamming his head on a metal fence. This knocked him out cold. Brandon the Pig then decides to get revenge on all of those bacon eaters and starts to eat out Elmer's intestines. By the time Elmer finally comes to, it's too late. Brandon was snout first in his abdominal cavity.
Pigs are classified as omnivores. They eat anything. Their razor sharp lower canine teeth would slice you up pretty bad. Once the pig gets through the soft flesh and into the intestines, you would be dead. Pigs will continue eating all the way to the bone.
Elmer was a sperm stealer who thought he'd fill his bank account with a prize pig's deposit. Instead, he became the main course in a true... pig out. That'll do pig, that'll do.
Way To Die #351: Pulled Pork
Date: 07-16-2016
Location: Sergio's Magic Shop, Springfield, MA
Sergio is a failed magician who hopes he can find the one magic trick to make him go big. In his downtime, he runs a magic shop to pay the bills. One night, as he is closing, he is robbed by two drug addicts named Rocky and Dashawn. The two tie him up to a chair and gag him. They find money along with a vial of what appears to be cocaine.
"Mr. Magic man, I didn't know you were cool like that."
The two robbers excitingly snort it up their noses but soon collapse to the floor foaming from the mouth.
Unbeknownst to the two robbers, these jokers snorted up G4, AKA slush powder.
G4, also known as water gel powder or diaper polymer, is a super absorbent polymer that can absorb up to 800 times its weight. In water, it turns into a slushy, gel-like substance. The slush powder absorbed water in bith of the theifs noses and expanded to their trachea, suffocating them with a terrifying and confusing death. As the drug addicts lay dead, Sergio started freeing himself.
In the end, Sergio found his killer trick: He made two drug addicted crooks disappear.
Way To Die #336: Abracadaver
Date: 10-07-2010
Location: Watchung Plaza, Montclair, NJ
It's a cold and windy day in this Jersey town. Many are lined up around the corner, undeterred. Including a rather arrogant woman named Chantal. She deliberately cuts in line during a talent search for the next big pop music star in the musical reality show called American Idol. Chantal doesn't just think she could be a star. She knows she could be a star. Arrogance is just what you need to win a show like this.
Some people have a naturally high need for uniqueness while others tend to want to blend in; American Idol auditioners are an interesting lot because they are extreme in both drives: They strive for uniqueness just as intensely as they strive for acceptance by the larger group. Chantal sings while cutting in line to prove that she deserves to cut. She deserves to win. In her boasting and singing, death gives her the buzzer. All of a sudden, a freak wind gust blows her umbrella out of her hands. The umbrella flies up in the air, and another gust sends it barreling down, wedging right into her spinal cord like a spear and causing her to enter neurogenic shock.
In neurogenic shock, a disruption of the sympathetic nervous system, often caused by spinal cord injury, leads to a loss of vascular tone, resulting in hypotension, bradycardia, and temperature dysregulation. It disrupts the body's ability to regulate blood pressure and heart rate, leading to insufficient blood flow and oxygen delivery to vital organs, ultimately causing organ damage and death.
If you want to be a star, you need equal parts, ambition, and talent. In her quest for immortality, Chantal learned one final lesson: You also need... to be... alive.
Way To Die #897: American Died'ol
Date: 03-15-2009
Location: Moonlight Inn, Lamy, NM
Palmer Muncie is a greedy, perverted conman impersonating a state health inspector as part of a statewide scam. He goes to local hotels and motels on inspection days, and defrauds them with this tactic; He tells the gullible hotel owner that he works alone, before going into a room and masturbates in it to taint the area with his semen. Then, he shows the stains under a blacklight, threatening to shut their hotel down to extort money from them. At one local motel, Palmer manages to swindle the employees and get a free night.
That night, he goes to sleep with his blacklight still glowing.
Unfortunately for Palmer, however, it would soon be clear that the motel he scammed would've benefitted from a real health inspection. Little did he know, the room he managed to weasel his way into was infested with Arizona bark scorpions (which glow under UV light).
The Arizona bark scorpion is the most venomous scorpion in North America, and its sting can be very painful, often described as an electrical shock. Stings can cause intense pain, numbness, tingling, and, in some cases, temporary dysfunction in the affected area, such as a hand or arm.
The scorpions crawled onto Palmer's bed and began stinging him. The venom immediately began shutting down his autonomic nervous system, killing him within seconds.
Needless to say, Palmer was the first and only victim to be shut down by the very stains he made, thus saving the hotel from having their money extorted.
Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self-abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!
Way To Die #250: Checked Out
What did we learn today? Sometimes, history can be brutal, horniness and come with a shock, jercking off animals is HORRIBLE, magic is not dead, and when you masturbate you get be mastur-bit. Death comes at your own expense. Would you ever catch yourself in these situations?