She stuffed the bottle into Qin Xiangnuan's arms, "It's too hot. Take this with you. It's filled with water—a big bottle like this, don't be reluctant to drink it."
Qin Xiangnuan lowered her head, forcing the sour tears welling up in her eyes back down. When she raised her face again, her not-so-pretty features were strained with an uncomfortably pained smile.
"Auntie, thank you."
It was just a bottle of water, nothing to thank for. Aunt Hua waved her hand dismissively, aware of Qin Xiangnuan's temperament—a child who had always been somewhat insecure yet fiercely proud. Otherwise, she wouldn't be so eager to leave. At the very least, she could have had a meal, waited for the sun to set a little before setting off. Traveling in this scorching heat was sheer torment.
Qin Xiangnuan put the bottle in her bag. After thanking Aunt Hua, she finally turned and walked towards the cemetery at the entrance of the village.
The people from the village were all buried there, still practicing earth burials to this day. Her elder brother was also buried there—over twenty years ago. Too long ago, it had truly been too long. She had forgotten what her brother looked like. It was a pity that at the time, her brother didn't even leave behind a single photograph, dying of sickness before reaching the age of nine. In reality, it wasn't a serious illness, just a fever and a cold which today would pass with a few days of injections.
Back then, her brother, not yet ten years old, was already doing all the farm work, his health compromised from the labor. The illness struck fiercely, but even so, had he been taken to the hospital, he wouldn't have died. Their father, listening to their stepmother, and how could the stepmother possibly spend such an amount of money to treat her brother? At that time, the treatment cost only a trifling sum, 30 yuan. Yes, 30 yuan—that was all a human life was worth.
Despite nearly a year since she last returned, she still knew where her brother was buried. There were quite a few new graves here now; twenty or so. She didn't know how many people laid in eternal slumber here.
She squatted down in front of a solitary grave.
Gently, she wiped off the dirt on the tombstone with her sleeve. A few years back when she visited, she secretly arranged for someone to erect this tombstone. Her elder brother hadn't reached adulthood and technically didn't need a stone marker, yet she couldn't bear the thought that he, who had suffered so much in life, would die and even his name be forgotten.
Every Qingming Festival, the Hungry Ghost Festival, and on the first day of the tenth month of the lunar calendar, she never forgot to burn paper money for her brother. From the moment she earned her first yuan, she knew all this didn't really make any difference. No matter how much paper money she burned, she still wouldn't have her brother.
But year after year, she never forgot.
For only by doing so could she feel that she indeed had relatives once—a mother and an elder brother.
There were a few words written beneath the tombstone, somber and chilly.
The tomb of Qin Xiangyang, her elder brother.
"Big brother, I've come back to see you."
She squatted down, her hands pulling out the weeds that edged the grave.
"Another year has passed," she said as she cast the weeds aside and opened her bag. "I actually can't remember what big brother looked like anymore. Not just once, I've tried to find traces of big brother in dad and Qin Xiangmei."
"But in the end, I realized they aren't big brother. There's not a single bit on them that resembles big brother."
Both she and her brother resembled their mother, whereas Qin Xiangmei looked like Hu Li. As for Qin Xianglin, born to Hu Li's former husband, there was no blood relation to them.
"So, brother, I'm sorry, I don't remember."
As she spoke, she took out the paper money from her bag and tore it up, getting ready to burn a bit.
"Brother, don't worry, I'm doing quite alright," she said as she reached out to touch the tombstone, an overly aged face following suit with a smile, "I'm already forty years old. Maybe before long, I'll come to find you, but don't worry, I haven't had a hard life these past few years, I really haven't."
Line by line, she uttered lies that she did not believe herself. If things were truly good, she wouldn't have ended up in such a state. If times were kind, the years wouldn't have left such deep marks upon her. If life were gracious, how could she not own even one decent piece of clothing? If everything was well, she certainly wouldn't be hungry at this very moment.
The paper money was lit, turning to ash one by one.
A gust of wind came by, sending the ashes of the paper money into the air, yet in the end, they settled before this single tombstone. Some say, this is a relative collecting the money.
The cemetery was perennially shaded, and even if the sun hung high in the sky, Qin Xiangnuan still felt a cold breeze on her face, not sure if it was psychological, or because of the not-so-small tree above, providing a place to cool off.
After burning all the paper money, she gathered the dry grass on the ground and moved it aside, tidying up the grave. The sun remained high, and she stood up. She still had to rush to the bus station or she really might end up sleeping on the streets tonight.
She straightened her back, having walked such a long way, her throat painfully dry.
In her bag, she still carried the bottle of water that Aunt Hua had given her, but she couldn't bear to drink it.
She'd drink it after getting on the bus. Wasn't the station still far away?
She stood up and patted the clothes on her body. The same way she came was the same way she would return.
The distant mountains had stood for more than a thousand years, but within that millennium, the people living at their base had changed through countless generations. She looked back, already far removed from the familiar yet strange village. She wondered when she would return—if at all, maybe it would be better not to come back.
There truly were no relatives here for her.
The sun past five o'clock, still scorching enough to make one's skin sting. With the sun this fierce, no one in the fields dared come out to work, and occasionally the sound of cicadas could be heard, "Cicada... Cicada..."
She wondered if anyone would find it irritating.
She didn't know how long she walked, an hour or two, until a cool breeze brushed her face, and only then did she feel considerably more refreshed. After being in the sun for so long, aside from feeling hot, she wasn't uncomfortable.
She had been exposed to the sun far too much; for decades she endured weathering rain and sun. Under nearly forty-degree heat, this wasn't her first or second time enduring it.
The bus hadn't arrived yet, and many people were already waiting for the city-bound bus by the roadside.
Not far from the bus stop, there was a small restaurant selling buns, noodles, and other snacks, with the aroma of food occasionally wafting outwards.
Qin Xiangnuan couldn't help but swallow saliva, her lips cracked and devoid of moisture.