She walked to the roadside flowerbed and sat down to rest her heavy legs. She came back alone, and she left alone.
The Qin Family didn't welcome her, and the Qin Family didn't like her either, including her own father.
Indeed, what use did they have for her?
She was of no use to them, brought no benefits to the Qin Family, but was instead a burden. If she were them, she thought, she wouldn't like such a self either.
What was good about her, really, what was good?
A bitter laugh escaped her lips. How come she was increasingly unable to make sense of life?
She placed her bag on her lap, opened it, and found very little inside. No money, no belongings, only enough for her fare, not even spare change for a meal. There were also a few pastries she brought from home and two buns given by Aunt Hua–not many, just a few, something that not even she understood, let alone others.
She took out a bottle, also from Aunt Hua, a large bottle of water she had been reluctant to drink, fearing she'd have nothing to wash down the pastries with.
The pastries were days old, homemade, with some shortening mixed in during baking. Though now dry, they weren't as hard as stones. As for the buns, they were still soft. She was reluctant to eat them; after finishing the pastries, then she could eat the buns.
Biting into a pastry, she sipped some water along with it. Although not very flavorful, to someone starving, the pastry was delicious. With every bite of pastry and sip of water, she eventually finished one. At last, she felt some satiation in her stomach, the discomfort eased a bit, and she felt slightly reenergized.
But the bus kept not coming, and she didn't know if she'd even be able to buy a ticket once she reached the station.
The last train there was around nine-thirty, and it wasn't even seven yet. She should be able to make it.
She waited, along with others. Some people left, some grew impatient, some kept talking on their phones. Yet for some reason, the bus never arrived.
She became increasingly anxious and worried. If the bus didn't come, she'd have to stay here. She had no money and didn't want to stay in a hotel or anything. If it were a train station, she could have made do anywhere for a night, but here, she couldn't find a place to sleep.
In the vast streets, she was without kin.
What sort of life had she ended up living.
She stood up, her thin frame and worn face showing her poverty-stricken origins.
Only when it was completely dark did a bus finally arrive. When she got on the bus after queuing, she finally breathed a sigh of relief. With the bus's arrival, even if there were no train back, staying at the station for one night wasn't too bad.
The bus drove for about an hour, and by past nine, she arrived at the train station. However, there were no trains to her destination, not even one passing by. The earliest train the next day was at around seven in the morning.
Clutching her bag, she found a corner to sit down at the station. There were still many people waiting for trains, men and women, old and young. With her age, appearance, and pennilessness, no one would bother her.
The station was always lit and there was hot water to drink.
Apart from not having a bed of her own, it was a place she could rest.
She filled her bottle with water, ate a pastry, and drank some water. A few pastries were left to eat tomorrow, enough for the evening and the next morning, along with two buns from Aunt Hua.
At night, she did not really remember falling asleep, the lingering pain from a burn on her face still swollen. Although the station filled with more people, even with her unusual appearance, no one gave her a second glance. Clutching her bag to her chest, she leaned on a chair and slept.
Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion – she slept intermittently throughout the night, confused, and dreamt of her childhood and of being grown up until her eyes opened to see a withered, gaunt hand.
For a moment, she almost thought she had become young again. But it was just a dream, a dream beyond her years.
She slung her bag over her shoulder and washed her face at the station's tap. The thin woman's body had scarce flesh, the face dark and unattractive with fine lines around the eyes. Currently, one side of her face was swollen, comically so.
She splashed her face with cold water, the cool sensation easing the pain somewhat.
She then filled her cup with water and found an unpopulated corner to finish her pastry. Just in time, she caught the earliest train.
It was a passing train, and with many people on board, she couldn't buy a seated ticket. After boarding, she stood in a space she found. When hungry, she ate a pastry; when thirsty, the train provided water.
By the time she got off the train, she had finished the pastries and the two buns from Aunt Hua. Other than a water bottle, there was nothing left in her bag.
With a creak, she opened the door to her rented room. A flat with a dozen households, shared toilets, and less than 100 yuan in rent each month was very cheap in this era of expensive real estate, especially in such a big city and hard-to-find locations.
The room was small, with a tiny bed. She had partitioned a corner as a makeshift kitchen. Though cramped and simple, she kept her little home spotless, her bedding consistently washed. Perhaps this small space was the only place she wanted to return to – at least it was a place she could eat and sleep, half hers.
She filled a basin with water; it was summer, no need to heat it. She wiped away the grime of the journey with a towel before sleepily cooking some food for herself. She had returned late, and her leave was just enough, as she was due to return to work that afternoon.
Carefully, she took a short nap and woke up just on time.
She worked at a clothing factory, on the assembly line. She was capable of performing every process and could make a complete garment by herself. She knew how to use a sewing machine, an overlocking machine, and a button attaching machine. However, with her luck, she could only be a simple worker, tired as a beaten horse every day but earning very little. Colleagues who came after her and were less skilled had already become team leaders, while she remained an ordinary worker.