Queen Alira, a wise and powerful monarch, received news that her three children—Princess Seria, Princess Kaelin, and Prince Rael—had returned from their training across the lands. Each of them, now 18, possessed exceptional talents. Seria, the eldest, was a master strategist in war games with a commanding presence. Kaelin, equally beautiful and fierce, had an unmatched brilliance in economic mastery. Rael, the youngest, held a deep understanding of politics, already being groomed for diplomatic finesse.
To celebrate their return and welcome an honored guest, Queen Alira organized a grand tea party within the palace gardens.
The guest was no ordinary figure—Grandmaster Renzan, a cultivator at Mid Nascent Soul Realm, known for his terrifying strength and eccentric wisdom. Though it was said he had agreed to train the royal children at the Queen's request, the truth was more mysterious.
Renzan hadn't come just for royal favors. Deep down, he was searching for someone—the successor of the Old Perverted Sage, a legendary yet chaotic figure who was once his greatest rival and partner-in-crime. The old man had vanished from the world, leaving behind only rumors and destruction… and possibly a successor.
Unaware of Renzan's hidden motive, the court prepared for festivities. The tea party was set with rare spirit teas, celestial cakes, and high-ranking nobles. Renzan sipped his tea while scanning every face, wondering if the key to his past might already be in the Kingdom.
Meanwhile on Mount Baka, now officially a Level 2 Development Zone—whatever that means to the system—stood proudly… with exactly one hut, one fan, some confused sheep, and a magical rice field that had more personality than Feng's entire middle school class.
Feng, the self-proclaimed Lord of Baka, stood with arms crossed at the edge of his domain, staring at the newly upgraded "Hut 2.0." It had two floors now. The top floor was his personal VIP suite, complete with a glowing nameplate that read "NO GIRLS ALLOWED – unless hot." The bottom floor? A fake guest lounge that doubled as his emergency bathroom.
The fields now stretched farther, enough to grow wheat, magical herbs, and Feng's ever-growing ego. Golems shaped like bodybuilders with flower aprons were plowing the land in slow motion, because, according to Feng, "aesthetic matters."
Just then, the System pinged:
[Ding! Baka Points remaining: 0. You've spent it all on upgrades. You're broke again.]
Feng facepalmed. "I spent all my spiritual currency to make a slightly taller hut and golems that twerk while working... Am I a genius or a lunatic?"
Loki yawned from a bean bag chair made of clouds. "Depends who's asking. Also, you still fight like a ballerina on fire. When are we getting pills to boost that testosterone?"
Just then—destiny struck again.
Feng, needing cultivation pills to break through, put on his best disguise—a fake beard, monocle, and a sign that read "Trustworthy Pill Merchant." He marched into the market with a basket of premium Baka Rice.
There, in a loud explosion of spice and sass, he met a mysterious girl causing a ruckus with alchemists. Turns out, she could control fire—Phoenix Flame Constitution or something ridiculous—and was roasting fake pill sellers alive.
Feng watched in awe as she deep-fried a man's eyebrows and muttered, "Marry me."
Thus began the next chaotic alliance in Lord Feng's path to becoming... the Cultivating Clown of Mount Baka.
Scene: Back Alley near the Market — Feng peeks from a barrel, watching the fire girl intimidate an alchemist into tears.
Feng: (whispering) "Loki... I want her."
Loki: "...You said the same thing about that street dog last week. You called him 'potential.'"
Feng: "That dog had ambition! This girl has fire—literally! She can control flames. You know what that means?"
Loki: "You want her to roast marshmallows for you?"
Feng: "No, idiot. She can make pills! Cultivation pills! Imagine it: Baka Pills! Slogans like 'Pop one and feel like a Nascent Daddy!'"
Loki: "I regret being your guide."
Feng: "Quick, what's the best way to recruit a fire girl without getting burned or slapped?"
Loki: "Get on your knees and beg. Or… offer food. Girls love food."
Feng: "Do I look like a beggar?"
Loki: "You look like a raccoon with a rice addiction."
Feng: "Fair. Okay, plan B: I walk up, flash the rice, say something mysterious like… 'This isn't just rice, it's destiny.'"
Loki: "If she doesn't set your eyebrows on fire, I'll be disappointed."
Feng: "Or maybe… I cry dramatically and say I'm dying and only her flames can ignite the cure."
Loki: "What are you? A telenovela protagonist?"
Feng: "Alright, final plan. I walk up, wink, and say—'You're hot. Wanna be hotter with me?'"
Loki: "...We're gonna die."
Loki: (inside Feng's head) "Okay, okay! That girl over there… she's the one. She has the perfect pill-making talent. I scanned her aura—it's bursting with fire affinity and spiritual sense."
Feng: "So what? She's getting ganged up. Should I do superhero landing now?"
Loki: "No need for theatrics, Batman. Just go help her, earn goodwill. She's homeless, desperate, and clearly hates people. She's perfect!"
Feng: "You make me sound like a villain collecting Pokémon. What am I supposed to say? 'Hey girl, nice fire control. Wanna come to my haunted mountain and make pills for a sarcastic brat with a talking voice in his head?'"
Loki: "Honestly, yes. That's your best pickup line yet."
Feng: "You're a menace."
Loki: "I'm your life coach."
(Feng steps in, kicking the thugs aside casually.)
Feng: "Oi, ever considered not being trash in public?"
Thug Leader: "Who the hell are you?!"
Feng: "Someone who gets free exp when beating idiots."
(They scatter after a quick beatdown.)
Feng (to the girl): "Yo. I saw you cook those fireballs. Wanna turn those into actual pills instead of flaming street snacks?"
Girl: "What?"
Feng: "Long story short: I've got a mountain. It's haunted. It's weird. But it's mine. You get a furnace, food, roof, and annoying voice in my head—he comes free."
Loki: "Hey!"
Girl (blinks): "…Are you high?"
Feng: "Only on destiny, miss alchemy prodigy."
Girl (pauses, wary): "…I'm listening."
Girl (pauses, wary): "…I'm listening."
Feng (grinning): "See? Told you my charm works."
Loki: "That wasn't charm, that was dumb luck mixed with accidental heroism and a sprinkle of pitiful timing."
Feng: "Details, details. So, Miss Fireball, welcome to Mount Baka—land of confused beasts, sarcastic spirits, and now pill-making prodigies."
Loki: "Please sign this imaginary contract that says we're not responsible if you accidentally blow up the furnace, summon a demon, or turn Feng into a frog."
Girl: "What?"
Feng: "Ignore him. He watches too many imaginary legal dramas."
(Meanwhile, the thugs, bruised and dirty, are still lying there.)
Thug 1: "Uh... we're still here, you know?"
Thug 2: "Yeah, some respect? You just beat us up and then started recruiting like it's a job fair!"
Feng (turns, squints): "Oh right. You guys still exist?"
Loki: "Should we offer them jobs too? I hear punching bags are in high demand."
Feng: "Tempting, but I prefer sandbags. They complain less."
Girl (snorts trying not to laugh): "…Are you both like this all the time?"
Feng: "Unfortunately."
Loki: "You'll get used to it. Or lose your mind. Either way, welcome aboard!"
Girl (arms crossed, serious): "Fine. I'll come with you. But I'm not calling you 'Boss' unless you prove you're worth it."
Feng (grinning): "Deal! I'll prove it with... uh... premium rice and slightly above-average leadership."
Loki (floating by): "Slightly above-average? You're the reason I'm losing system dignity points."
Girl (chuckling faintly): "You two are the weirdest kidnappers I've ever met."
Suddenly, loud whistles and shouting echo from nearby.
Town Guard (off-screen): "What's going on here?! Someone reported a brawl! Secure the area!"
Feng (confused): "Wait, that fight? You beat up those thugs so hard it caused a mini-riot?!"
Girl: "I warned them. It's not my fault they caught these hands."
Loki: "Yep. Hands were caught. And now, if we stay, we'll catch jail time!"
Feng (suddenly serious): "Alright team, Operation Get-the-heck-out begins now! On my mark—"
Loki: "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MARKS, FENG, RUN!!"
(All three bolt—Feng dragging the girl by the wrist, Loki zipping along like a frantic drone. Guards yell, chickens fly, one poor vendor drops his cabbage in slow motion.)
Feng (gasping while running): "Okay, welcome to Team Mount Baka! Rule one: run now, explain later!"
Girl (laughing through gasps): "This is the weirdest job interview ever!"
Loki: "Congratulations! You're hired. Also, we might die."
The trio bursts through the unseen barrier, panting and coughing up city dust.
Girl (still catching her breath): "Where... the heck... did we just enter?"
Feng (grinning like a landlord with no mortgage): "Welcome to the sacred land of confused sheep and misused divine architecture—Mount Baka! Population: Me, rice, one upgraded house, and two wolves who are definitely ex-gangsters."
Loki (floating proudly): "Level 2 development, baby! Featuring one overachieving farmhouse, some magical herbs, slightly traumatized sheep, and wolves with a retirement plan."
The girl looks up—and stops cold.
Before her stands a two-story house, glowing faintly with enchanted mood-paint—currently flashing between 'cocky' and 'carbohydrate-deprived.' Below, the fields of rice and herbs sway in rhythm like they're listening to lo-fi beats. Two wolves in sunglasses stand beside the sheep, nodding like club bouncers.
Girl (blinking): "Are those wolves… guarding the sheep?"
Feng: "They signed a peace treaty. Took three loaves of bread and Loki's karaoke performance."
Suddenly, two golems appear—one twerking, the other clapping in perfect rhythm.
Loki (giggling): "Behold! The Entertainment Unit. I may or may not have accidentally installed a funk protocol."
Girl (wide-eyed): "This place is crazy…"
Feng (smugly): "And we're just getting started. For now, welcome to your temporary quarters—the guest room downstairs."
Girl: "Wait… What about upstairs?"
Loki (crossing arms dramatically): "That's the sacred chamber of Lord Fengye. No mortals allowed on the second floor. Not even me… but mostly because there's a 'No Gods Allowed' sign on the stairs."
Girl (snorting): "You're a weird god."
Loki (offended): "EXCUSE YOU, I'm an eccentric god. There's a difference."
Feng (waving): "Come on, sis—er, you can call me Big Bro now, we have rice, a self-cleaning toilet, and a dream."
Girl (smiling softly): "Alright, Big Bro. But I still want my own alchemy house someday."
Loki (raising an eyebrow): "Wait till we hit Level 3. Then you get a furnace, a lab, and maybe even indoor plumbing with attitude."
Feng (smirking): "Until then, enjoy the guest room. Golems will keep you safe… or at least distracted."
[Cue sparkles, sheep sneezing, and the golems attempting a backflip as the sun sets over Mount Baka.]