—Where bureaucrats are scarier than demon beasts, and paperwork is mightier than the sword.
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Part 1: The Letter from Heaven
The group had barely taken two steps outside the Forgotten Library when a scroll fell from the sky like divine junk mail.
It hovered, radiating annoying sanctity, and read:
> "To Wei Yun of the Rejected Sect (Formerly Trash Tier, Currently Mild Nuisance Tier):
You have violated Reincarnation Clause 13-B, Subsection 7—'Tampering with Forbidden Legacies without License'.
Fines pending:
– 12,000 Heaven Credits
– One cosmic chicken
– Three karmic demerits
Please report to the Heavenly Bureau of Reincarnation Misconduct (South Heaven Branch, Floor 66) within 6 heavenly hours or risk eternal backlog delay.
Sincerely,
Celestial Clerk 404"
Wei Yun stared blankly. "Did I just get sued by Heaven?"
Mu Yao: "You've achieved something scholars only theorized."
Tang Zhi: "What's a cosmic chicken?"
Pan-Pan: "...It's delicious."
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Part 2: Ascending to South Heaven Branch
With no other choice (because ignoring heavenly fines leads to spontaneous baldness, apparently), the crew used the Bureau Token Elder Shush gave them.
The world spun.
They appeared in a line.
A divine line.
Thousands of beings waited in a glowing hallway—immortals, talking frogs, paper spirits, even a sentient teapot muttering about unjust taxes.
Wei Yun's eye twitched. "This… is worse than dying."
A glowing orb floated by, deadpan voice echoing:
"Take a number. Wait for your judgment. No cutting. No bribing. No soul-stealing."
Tang Zhi whispered, "So… we're at the DMV of the Heavens."
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Part 3: Heaven's Most Annoying Clerk
After eight hours, ten naps, and seventeen attempts by Pan-Pan to cook the chairs (they were self-repairing), their number was called.
A door opened to a glowing white office.
Behind the desk sat… a Celestial Goat.
With glasses.
And a tie.
"Name?" the goat asked.
Wei Yun: "Wei Yun. Cultivation rank: Bold but Inconsistent. Affiliation: Dao-Defying Sect."
The goat tapped his scroll. "Ah, yes. The one who farted his way through the Library Trial."
Mu Yao: facepalm
"Right then," said the goat. "You've incurred three charges:
1. Absurd Cultivation Methods.
2. Interdimensional Technique Acquisition Without Divine Permit.
3. General Vibe Disruption."
Tang Zhi: "That's not a real law."
The goat pulled down a scroll. "Subsection 31-D: 'Any behavior deemed to affect divine aesthetics shall be fined.'"
Pan-Pan: "Do they fine ugly people too?"
"Yes. But we have waivers for 'unfixable cases.'"
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Part 4: Trial by Bureaucracy
Wei Yun had a plan. A stupid one.
He pulled out the Manual of Unorthodox Shamelessness, opened to Chapter 44: "How to Argue with Divine Bureaucrats Using Reverse Logic and Tears."
"Listen here, oh wise goat," he began, voice trembling with performative passion, "I didn't break the laws. The laws were waiting to be broken. I merely… fulfilled destiny."
Goat: "...You used destiny as a legal defense?"
Wei Yun wiped a fake tear. "And love."
The goat raised a brow. "You're cleared of two charges. But the fine remains… unless you pass the Trial of Bureaucratic Combat."
Mu Yao: "That's a thing?"
Goat: "Everything's a trial in Heaven."
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Part 5: The Bureaucratic Combat Trial
They were transported to a heavenly courtroom.
Their opponent?
Clerk Supreme 77, an ancient paperwork elemental in a robe of legal scrolls.
He raised his mighty pen. "Prepare to be out-filed!"
Combat Begins.
Clerk 77: Paperwork Barrage! Scrolls fire like shurikens.
Wei Yun: Counter with Filing Technique #6 – "Lose the Documents Accidentally on Purpose!"
Tang Zhi: Rolls dice – Luck hits max! He "accidentally" staples the enemy's scroll to his own face.
Mu Yao: Uses Cry Slash, emotionally damaging the Clerk's memories of being rejected from Law School (Heaven Branch).
Pan-Pan: Summons Soup of Confusion. Clerk 77 drinks by accident, forgets case.
Final move:
Wei Yun unleashes Quack Blade of Nonsense, slicing the divine bureaucracy itself.
Trial ends.
Court collapses.
Goat Judge reappears.
"You win. All charges dropped. And we'll pay you 100 Heaven Credits for mental anguish."
Wei Yun bows. "Justice is served. Probably with noodles."
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Part 6: Before They Leave… A Plot Twist
As the team prepares to teleport out, the goat clerk calls them back.
"One last thing," he says, adjusting his tie.
"You've been… flagged."
Wei Yun: "Flagged?"
"Yes. A heavenly omen trailed you through the astral threads. Someone high above is watching your karmic trajectory."
A scroll appears, sealed with ten heavenly locks and marked:
> CONFIDENTIAL: SUBJECT ZERO-VOID
"In case of anomaly… prepare the Divine Reject Protocol."
Pan-Pan gasped. "That's not good."
Tang Zhi: "Or it's very good, depending on how dumb our enemies are."
Wei Yun cracked his neck. "Well… now I'm curious."
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End of Chapter 31