Haestrom
Dholen system
Commander John K. Shepard
"Hello? Hello, is anyone there? Please, someone answer me!" called a forlorn voice from the ancient communicator. I recognised it at once. It sounded just the same as I remembered it from a couple of years ago, but I knew the person whom it belonged to had changed immensely since then, as we all had.
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya had become a prominent figure among the quarians, and had been entrusted with this top secret mission in the heart of geth territory. No one else in the galaxy was as skilled at taking down geth than the members of my old team, but Tali was doing more than just blowing them up.
According to the Illusive Man's dossier, the quarians were gathering data on why Haestrom's sun was collapsing prematurely, along with a lot of other scientific and technical details. I didn't really care, I just wanted to see Tali again.
Tali was a great friend and ally, and because of her young age I always thought of her as the little sister I never had. It was a great pleasure for me to help her complete her Pilgrimage by giving her valuable data on the geth, something I was sure few other quarians would have managed to find unassisted.
Little did I know that I had set momentous events in motion. Tali's success had gotten quarian society talking about a possible effort to retake their home planet of Rannoch. That was still some years off, but it no longer seemed the impossibility it once was.
I walked over to the communicator and punched the button. A holographic image of Tali formed in mid-air. She looked just like how I remembered, although that was mostly due to the suit she wore. It had a few new patterns that spiralled and looped over the surface, but it was still in the familiar shade of indigo that she liked.
"Hey Tali, Commander Shepard here. Everyone here is dead. Any survivors must have fallen back."
"Jack?" she asked, sounding as though she didn't quite believe me. "What are you doing here?"
"I was on a supply run for milk and cookies, wandered into this neighbourhood and thought you might need a hand," I said flippantly.
"Thanks for coming," she said, heartfelt. "It means a lot to hear your voice."
"Tali, listen. I'm sorry about your team. I would have saved them if I could."
"Waste of bloody time, the useless bastards," muttered Zaeed behind me. I hoped Tali didn't hear that.
"We knew this mission was dangerous when we were briefed," she sighed. "Let's hope no one else has to die. Kal'Reegar and the rest of the marines got me into the observatory. I've got the data I need, but there's a lot of geth outside."
"Is anyone with you, or are you alone out there?" I said urgently.
"Kal had a team of marines covering me when I first came in. There was a firefight for a while, but now I can't hear any shots being fired. I don't want to think about what that means."
"It means they're dead," said Jack harshly.
I shot her a burning look that clearly meant Shut up. Furious, Jack started to say something, but she backed down after looking into my eyes. I let the team make all the sarcastic comments they wanted most of the time, but I wasn't about to let Tali get hurt.
"I'm coming to get you," I continued. "Just help me get this door open, it seems to be jammed shut. Can you do it from your end?" Kasumi had been trying to hack the door open for some time now, with no success.
"Let me see...there, that should do it." The door slid open, letting some of that deadly Haestrom sunlight into the room.
"Thanks Tali. We'll be there asap."
"Please, if any of them are still alive, do what you can to help. Especially Kal'Reegar," she said, before terminating the communication.
"Move out," I ordered the team. Despite myself, I started to speculate on her words. It sounded like she was a bit sweet on this Kal'Reegar, whom I had talked to over the radio. I resolved to save him if I could.
The windows opened, and I found myself staring at the hulking form of a geth colossus in the distance. It was facing away from us, but even as I watched it turned and began to target us.
"Oh god, a colossus!" yelled Kasumi in sheer terror. I couldn't blame her. They were the strongest, toughest weapons a geth army could bring to bear. I had blown up a couple in my time, but only with vehicle mounted heavy weapons. Never on foot.
"Get down!" I roared, and everyone did so. Just in time to avoid the flaming blue ball of plasma that the colossus hurled in our general direction, sending everything that wasn't nailed down flying.
"Move move move! Now!"
We scampered out of the room and down a ramp, taking cover behind a low barricade. A large quarian in bright orange armor was already there, taking potshots at the geth with a handheld missile launcher. He fired off a couple, and turned to talk to me.
"Squad leader Kal'Reegar, of the Migrant Fleet Marines! We talked on the radio before the geth arrived."
"Commander Shepard. Good to meet you."
More shots were fired overhead and we hunkered down as best we could. Kal motioned to a door on the far end of the field.
"Tali's in there, but the geth killed the rest of my squad. Best I could do in the meantime was to draw their attention. They're trying to get to her, and I can't let that happen! Without Tali this whole mission would be pointless!"
"Don't worry, I'll do all I can. How many geth are out there?"
"Looks like a full platoon, Commander," observed Garrus. "Including that colossus."
"And we wouldn't want to forget about that," quipped Kasumi.
"The damn thing's got a repair protocol," explained Kal'Reegar. "Just sits down and huddles up and fixes itself if it takes any damage. I tried to get closer to finish it off, but one of the bastards punched a hole in my suit!"
Another massive boom as the colossus fired again, and we were showered in dust and bits of shrapnel. Jack was swearing fluently, with Zaeed doing the same.
"How bad is your suit damage?" I knew that quarians needed their suits to survive, and I hoped Kal'Reegar wasn't about to be put out of commission just yet.
"Combat seals clamped down and I'm swimming in antibiotics. I'm not gonna die in a firefight because of an infection, that's just insulting!"
"Good," I said levelly. "What about the battlefield, what can you tell me about it?"
Kal'Reegar took a moment to consider. "Right side's got a catwalk with a sniper perch. You could wreak some havoc from there, but none of my men made it past the geth."
"Sounds good to me," said Garrus, adjusting the sights on his sniper rifle.
"Not yet, I want the full picture," I said.
"The middle's got cover," went on Kal, "But the damn colossus has a clear shot at you the whole time, and you have geth coming at you from both sides!"
"What about the left?"
"Gives you some cover from the colossus, but your ass is hanging out for the geth. That's how I got shot."
"Any idea how we're going to take down that colossus?" asked Garrus, squeezing off a shot.
"Standard protocol when facing an armature class is to sabotage its shields, and wear it down little by little," I mused. "Death by a thousand cuts."
"But this bastard's got that repair protocol. Won't work this time," said Zaeed.
"Whatever we do has to scrap it completely, and fast," said Kal'Reegar. "Maximum firepower."
"I had a feeling this might come in handy," I said, holstering my assault rifle and reaching for the awesome, beautiful weapon that Mordin had put together with Jacob's help not too long ago.
"Oh wow," breathed Kasumi.
"Hell yeah! I want to see it go boom!" laughed Jack.
"Now you're talking, Commander," said Garrus with a smirk.
"Those poor sods won't stand a chance," said Zaeed.
The M290-Cain, dubbed the 'Nuke Launcher' by the Normandy's crew. Cutting edge, top of the line weaponry. As far as I knew, no one else in the verse had access to a baby like it. The Cain didn't actually fire off a Hiroshima class nuke, but rather explosive rounds applied to a 25g slug. When accelerated to a speed of 5km per second, 'devastating' was an understatement when describing its effects. I don't know how it was done, but the thing purportedly even generated the classic mushroom cloud upon impact. That crazy bastard Mordin always loved mixing art with science, and I wanted to experience it first hand.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please stand back," I said dramatically, slinging the Cain and taking aim. "Ol' Cain takes some time getting up to speed."
"What the hell is that thing?" asked Kal'Reegar. He had backed away some distance from me, apparently taking my warning to heart.
"Utter destruction in one sweet package." I scanned the area for the colossus. Kal'Reegar's missiles had apparently damaged its shields, and it was taking a while to repair itself. I grinned. This was going to be fun.
"Oi, assholes! Say hello to my little friend!" I yelled, and fired.
The Cain's high pitched whine grew louder and faster, red light spiralling around the barrel while it charged up. Then suddenly the shot was fired, arcing towards the colossus faster than the eye could track.
There was a moment of perfect silence, the stillness of anticipation. And then...
BOOM
The promised mushroom cloud of smoke billowed into the air. The entire field was bathed in an eerie orange glow. The explosion was far louder than anything I had ever heard before, and I had been in plenty of battles. Around me everyone exclaimed in shock and fright and excitement, Kal'Reegar the loudest of all.
We waited for a few moments for the fallout to do its work. The Cain's destructive effects included radiation, and I had warned everyone to ensure their shields were up and fully operational. I kept expecting the geth to start firing like all hell, but all was quiet. I poked my head over the barricade, hardly daring to believe.
"Son of a bitch," I swore. The Cain had well and truly done its job. While there was an entire platoon of geth plus one massive colossus armature scattered all over the field a moment ago, there wasn't a single synthetic left standing. Every last one of them had been blown to bits.
The guys whooped and cheered. I gave the Cain a kiss and carefully strapped it to my back once more. I felt much the same as when I was carrying around that nuke back on Pragia.
"Seems like you have quite the thing for huge guns, Shep," teased Kasumi. "Compensating for something?"
"Bite your tongue," I said easily, standing up and starting to walk. "I just love things that are both beautiful and dangerous."
I glanced at Jack as I said it, smiling. To my surprise a look of shock and distaste touched her eyes and she moved ahead, lips set in a firm line. Disappointed, I carried on.
We entered the observatory and there Tali was, working on a console. She turned around when she heard us approach and rushed towards me.
"Shepard! I'm so glad you're alive. This whole mission has been a disaster!"
I wrapped Tali up in a brief hug, and let go.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. But a lot of people died here today. Some of them were my friends," Tali said.
"Was it really worth it?"
"The Admiralty Board believed this data was worth all our lives. I have to believe that they were right."
"I don't care what some admiral said, Tali. I want to know what you think," I said.
"That damn data better be worth it," she said, shaking her head. "The price was too high."
A feeling I know all too well, I said silently. "What did you find out anyway?"
"Haestrom's star is destabilizing. Back when this was a quarian colony, it was a normal star. It shouldn't be changing so fast."
"Any idea what's causing this?" asked Garrus.
"The effect is similar to when a sun blows off mass when it enters its red-giant phase. If I had to guess, I'd say it's dark energy affecting the star. But it's still weird, there's no possible way the sun could be going red so fast."
"Whatever it was, I'm glad we could help," I said. "Once you deliver that data, I could use you on the Normandy once more. The galaxy needs saving once more."
"I promised to see this mission through," said Tali. "I've done that, thanks to you guys. Once I get this data transmitted, I'll join you. And if the Admirals have a problem with that, they can go to hell. I just watched my team die."
Kal'Reegar staggered into the room, right on cue. "Maybe not your whole team, ma'am."
"Wasn't he right behind us?" wondered Zaeed.
"No idea."
"Reegar! You made it!" cried Tali joyfully.
"Your old captain's as good as you said," remarked Kal'Reegar. "Damn colossus never stood a chance."
"Reegar, I'm leaving with Commander Shepard," said Tali. "I've finished this mission and got the data the Board wanted."
Kal'Reegar nodded. "I'll pass the data to the Admirals, let them know what happened. She's all yours now, Commander. Take care of her."
"I will."
The Normandy
In orbit around Haestrom
"Cerberus saw footage of you in action against Sovereign, Tali'Zorah," said Jacob admiringly. We were gathered in the briefing room, as per protocol. "I'm looking forward to having you on the team. Your engineering expertise will really benefit the mission."
Tali looked at him. Her helmet didn't reveal facial emotions, but I knew her well and it was clear she was eyeing Jacob with some suspicion and distaste.
"I don't know who you are, but Cerberus threatened the security of the Migrant Fleet. Don't make nice."
Jacob looked discomfited. Tali tended to be a little more outspoken than most quarians.
"I wasn't part of what happened on board the Migrant Fleet," he said carefully. "But I understand your distrust. I hope we'll get past that as we work together."
Tali ignored him and turned to me. "I assumed you were working undercover, Jack. Maybe even planning to blow Cerberus up. If that's the case, I'll loan you a grenade. Otherwise, I'm here because of you. Not for them."
I smiled. Tali was loyal as always. "Check out the Normandywhile you're here. We've made a few upgrades."
"I'll give you full security clearance and access to the Normandy'sengines," said Jacob.
"Please do," said Tali, sounding mollified. "I can't be part of your team if I don't know how your ship works."
She prepared to leave the briefing room, but not before a few last words for me. "Remember, these people thought enslaving rachni and thorian creepers was a good idea. I'd trust them only as long as they're in shotgun range. I'll be in engineering."
Whoa. Guess I was wrong about her being appeased.
"Before you go, don't forget to introduce yourself to EDI, the ship's AI," called Jacob.
Tali looked back at him, not saying a word. I suppressed a smirk. Of all the people in the galaxy who had issues with synthetics, the quarians probably had it the worst.
"What did I say?" wondered Jacob.
"Don't sweat it, big man," I said. "Tali will be crucial to the mission, I guarantee."
A month had passed. In addition to picking up Tali, I'd also cleared her of some worrying charges levelled at her by the Migrant Fleet. There were disturbing news that Tali's father was conducting warlike experiments on geth, but I kept the secret out of respect for her wishes.
We also had acquired the services of an asari justicar named Samara. Justicars were living legends, warriors who had dedicated their lives to the pursuit of truth and justice. In addition to her fighting and survival skills, Samara was also a fearsome biotic. She would be a great asset in our fight against the Collectors.
She wasn't the biotic I was worried about, however. Jack had become increasingly withdrawn and moody, even more so than usual. It had begun ever since Tali stepped on board, and grown even worse after I helped Miranda settle some personal business on Ilium. She wouldn't talk to me and even our meals were eaten in strained silence. Even Kelly was drawing a blank.
I was on my way to talk to Dr Chakwas when Joker's voice came piping over the intercom system.
"Uh Commander? Jack just went into Miranda's office. I don't think she's in there to drink Earl Grey and eat muffins. Could you separate them before they tear out a bulkhead?"
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'll deal with it."
"Take pictures!"
I hurried over to Miranda's office. It was a tidy little place, minimalist but with the tasteful (and expensive) decoration here and there. All of it was currently being torn apart by Jack.
"Touch me and I will smear the walls with you, bitch!" she screamed, hurling a chair at Miranda with her biotics. The Cerberus operative ducked just in time.
"Stand down!" I yelled, coming into the room. "Both of you!" Privately, some small part of me was enjoying the fantasy come to life of a catfight between Miranda and Jack. The only thing this little scene was missing was some hot chocolate and less clothing.
But if I could get past my libido, I knew that if I did nothing, the tension between the two might boil over into outright violence, and any hope we had of succeeding in our mission was gone. I needed Miranda, and I needed...Jack. Both of them were crucially important to the mission. Yeah, the mission.
"The cheerleader won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong," snarled Jack, advancing on Miranda. Credit to her, she stood her ground.
"It wasn't Cerberus. Not really," she said, her voice icy. "But clearly you were a mistake."
"Fuck you!" screamed Jack. "You smug self-righteous bitch! You have no idea what they put me through. Maybe it's time I showed you!"
"Think of the mission!" I said firmly, putting myself between the pair of them. Funny, I had a dream exactly like this once. "Millions of lives are at stake. It's too important to let personal feelings get in the way!"
Jack gave me a derisive glance. "Fuck your feelings," she said coldly. "I just want her dead."
She'd never know how much it hurt me to hear that. After all I'd done, I thought I was making some progress. Showed what I knew.
"Goddamnit Jack, take a step back and realise what we're up against. I'm going to have to take down the creepiest bug-eyed bastards in the galaxy, and I can't do that if the two of you are at each other's throats. And Miranda, I thought you were more professional than this. What could you possibly hope to gain by needlessly antagonising Jack?"
"Hey -"
"I never -"
"I don't give a damn!" I yelled again. Mama had always told me an officer needed a good loud voice, and I was using mine now. "The two of you keep a deck apart at all times from now on, and that's an order!"
"I can put aside my differences...until the mission is over," said Miranda, in a tone that was meant to be threatening. But Jack had been threatened by the best. She had been threatened by armies twenty times the number with fifty times the firepower and lived to tell the tale. She had been threatened by three YMIR mechs. Miranda wasn't going to win this. I prepared myself to take direct action if necessary.
But Jack didn't explode in a burst of furious blue rage, surprisingly enough. She merely drew her lips back over her teeth in a sneer.
"Sure," she said, jerking her head in my direction. "I'll do my part. I'll even keep this bitch alive. I'd sure hate to see her die before I get the chance to tear her apart myself," she said, in sweetly poisoned tones. Then she stormed out of the office.
I let out the breath I had been holding in a rush. "Jesus. Are you two going to be okay?"
Miranda went back to her desk and sat down. "It's a good thing you came by when you did. As long as she does her job, we'll be fine. Thanks, John."
"You know, just – just doing my job," I said. Miranda had gotten comfortable enough to be on first-name terms with me after I helped her rescue her sister, although she preferred not to use my nickname. Likely due to the associations with a certain furious biotic.
She gave me a quick smile. "I never got the chance to say thank you."
"For helping with Oriana?"
"Yes, that."
"You don't have to," I said, sitting down on the opposite side of the desk. "Just doing a favour."
Miranda reached out her hand and patted mine. "That's the funny thing. I never had someone just do me a favour before. Without any hope or expectation of a reward in return. The only one I trusted was Niket, and you saw how well that turned out. But you John, you helped me simply because I asked for it. I'm grateful."
I matched her smile, and laid my other hand on top of hers. "You're welcome. It's what any friend would have done."
Miranda seemed to hesitate. She breathed in deep, and looked right into my eyes.
"Just a...friend?"
I looked back, not comprehending. Then suddenly realisation hit me like a meteor shower. Of all the burning hells...how could I have been so blind?
"Not – you know, something...more?" she said, with just a hint of tremor in her voice.
My mind was a whirlwind. I'd never even considered the possibly, never even dreamed...I hadn't the slightest, faintest idea that Miranda felt anything other than a sense of mild contempt about me. Everything she said and done certainly seemed to point to that conclusion, despite my half-hearted attempts at flirting.
Well now with the benefit of hindsight, there were certain things that she'd said and done that I missed. The gradual way she softened her tone towards me, the willingness to follow my command instead of pushing for her own way all the time.
I needed more time! I couldn't make up my mind now. Even though things with Ashley were probably dead and buried, there still was something that didn't feel quite right about starting on this path with Miranda. I tried to figure out what was it.
And then the answer came to me. I wouldn't have been so certain a few years or even months ago. But I had seen things. Done things. Literally been to hell and back. I knew every aspect of myself and my mind, and I knew why I was going to make my next decision.
Miranda, as self-proclaimed, was perfect. She was engineered, created, manipulated, born and bred to be perfect. This, as you might have guessed, gave her a complex and several esteem issues. Her accomplishments meant little to her because they were a natural expectation of being perfect. Her failures were magnified by comparison because she demanded nothing but perfection from herself. Kind of like me in a way.
And of course, she had an amazingly beautiful face and a body women across the verse would murder for. She was also brilliant and resourceful and pragmatic, much like I was.
However, that was why we couldn't be together. Miranda was attracted to me because I challenged her on every level in a way no one else had done before. She was too attached to my legend, the myth of the man I was and the things I'd done. She thought she'd found someone in whom perfection was achieved.
But I wasn't perfect. Despite the gene mods and the training and the tech, deep down I was still human. I had flaws, deep ones. I carried guilt, suffered from regrets, was afflicted by weaknesses. If I ever got around to finding love, it would have to be someone who could understand this.
Being with Miranda meant having to live up to my legend every second of every day. I couldn't do that. I didn't want to be Commander John Shepard, saviour of the galaxy all the time. There had to be times where I could just be myself, plain old Jack, the spacer kid. I had a feeling Miranda would never understand this. She would try, but her failure to do so would eventually drive us apart.
And I had absolutely no interest in enduring another failed relationship.
All this passed through my mind in a blink of an eye. Then I made my choice.
"I'm sorry, Miranda," I said.
She jerked her hand away and lowered her eyes. "I see," she said quietly.
Not knowing what else to do, I got up and prepared to leave.
"Just tell me...please tell me it's not because of her," Miranda asked.
I stood at the doorway for what felt like a very long time. Then I left without saying a word.
"Hey Jack," I said, coming down the stairs.
"Hey," she replied curtly.
"Talk to me," I said.
"Why?"
"Because you haven't been talking to me. Because you just picked a fight with Miranda. Because I thought I was getting somewhere with you and now I'm being stonewalled," I replied.
"I warned you, Soldier Boy. There's nothing to me but ink and a whole lot of pent up rage. Maybe now you'll leave me the fuck alone."
"Don't do this to me, Jack," I said. "I don't believe you. I believe there's a person under all that hostility you present to the world."
"Why the hell would you care?" she demanded.
"Because I do. I care about you."
There. I had said it. I never thought I would, but I had said it. Now everything hinged on what she was going to say.
Jack laughed mockingly and blasted a Cerberus file off her bunk with her biotics.
"Bullshit."
"No. You're wrong," I said.
"Bullshit."
"No!"
"Look, I know what you're up to, alright? I know your game! I've got you all figured out," she yelled, getting in my face.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, confused.
"All that shit about doing stuff for me because I'm one of your crew...it's all because of the mission. Because a mission can't function without crew members. I thought you helped me out at Pragia because you actually gave a fuck about me. Me as a person, not the weapon Cerberus wanted me to be," Jack began, looking at me now.
"Then I see you helping that cheerleader bitch with her own personal shit," she continued. "That quarian too. I get it now, alright? You do this for anyone who signs up, because that makes them effective team members. Not because of any other reason."
"Jack, that's not true," I said urgently, running my hands over my shaved scalp.
"Don't lie to me," she hissed.
"Listen to me. I am not lying."
"I'll get you through your mission. I'll kill the Collectors for you. I'll help you save the colonies. Because that's what you want me for, right? You want the weapon. Not the girl," she said.
"Jack, I care about you. I want to help you. I think I have -"
"Shut UP!" she raged suddenly. "And I don't need your help, from you or anyone else! Get the fuck out of my space before I kill you!"
There was nothing to do but turn around and leave.
"And don't bother coming down here unless you need me to kill something. That's all I am to you. Nothing more," she said to my retreating back.
I tore up the steps two at a time, wondering if the disaster I had just made of my personal life could ever be surpassed.