Rule number one of surviving in a weird pirate world: Don't smell like wet dog.
Which is why, the second we dragged ourselves out of the ocean and onto the docks, we used chakra to heat our bodies and dry our clothes. Instant human hairdryers. Sure, it made us smell a little like burnt socks for a few minutes, but at least we weren't dripping saltwater like a bunch of sad sea monsters.
After our little alleyway meeting-slash-crisis, we had a plan. Sort of.
Step one: Find someone who knew about teleportation or anything remotely related to "getting home without creating a black hole and turning into spaghetti."
Step two: Naruto and Tenten would keep working on fixing the black hole kunai... preferably somewhere they couldn't destroy a city block by accident.
Step three: Steal a map from the local Marines.
Step four: Steal a ship.
Step five: Steal some cash, because our money was as useless here as a chocolate teapot.
We were basically pirates now. Ninja pirates. Ninja pirates with questionable morals and excellent hair.
Kurenai and Ino volunteered for Step Three: charming (read: brain-hacking) some poor Marine into handing over a map. Between Kurenai's genjutsu and Ino's mind-reading, it wasn't even a fair fight. The Marines wouldn't even know they'd been robbed. Probably just think they had a weird dream about pink-haired tax collectors.
The rest of us divided up into two groups.
Group Rob the Rich: Naruto, Kiba, Neji, Shikamaru, Choji, and Sakura.
Group Steal the Ship: Kakashi, Asuma, Gaara, Kankuro, Shino, Lee, Tenten, Gai, and Hinata.
(It says something about us that nobody even blinked at those group names.)
Thankfully, unlike poor stranded travelers in movies, we didn't need to beg for clothes. Every ninja worth their salt carries a spare wardrobe—because you never know when you'll be set on fire, drowned, exploded, or all three at once. Between that and Tenten's walking-armory-of-doom backpack, we were more than set for basic supplies.
Food, though? That was another matter.
Choji was already looking at street vendors like they were slow-moving, deep-fried cows.
And unless we wanted to pay in Monopoly money, we needed local currency.
"Okay," Naruto said, cracking his knuckles. "Let's rob some rich jerks."
Kiba howled quietly in agreement. Sakura sighed like she already regretted her life choices.
"Let's be smart about it," Neji said, activating his Byakugan with a lazy flick of chakra. His eyes turned that pale, glowing white that basically screamed I can see through walls and also your soul.
Shikamaru shrugged. "Find someone loaded, raid their safe, easy peasy."
"Why am I here again?" Sakura muttered.
"You're the muscle," Naruto said cheerfully. "And the sensible one. If Kiba and I try to do this alone, we'll end up burning down a bakery or something."
Kiba gave a completely unconvincing offended noise. "We would not!"
Sakura just sighed again.
Meanwhile, across town, the Ship Theft Task Force™️ was already casing the docks.
"We need something fast," Gai said, sparkling heroically in the sunlight. "Something worthy of the Flames of Youth!"
Lee fist-pumped so hard he nearly dislocated a shoulder.
Tenten rolled her eyes. "We need something small and inconspicuous, not a battleship with fireworks shooting out the sides."
"Preferably something that can sail with a small crew," Kakashi added lazily, flipping open his Make-Out Paradise book. (How did he even find a version in this world's language so fast? It was better not to ask.)
Gaara said nothing, but honestly, with his sand powers, he could probably be the ship if we needed one.
Shino just silently pointed out a sleek-looking schooner docked a little further down, half-hidden behind some larger cargo vessels. Low profile, fast, nothing fancy.
In other words: perfect.
"We can take it at night," Asuma said, rubbing his chin. "Minimal guards. We'll have Kankuro distract them with his puppets, then we board, and Gaara gets us out of the harbor before anyone notices."
"Hinata, can you keep a lookout with your Byakugan?" Kakashi asked.
Hinata nodded, blushing slightly. "Yes, sensei."
Gai sparkled again. "Teamwork! Determination! Grand theft maritime!"
Everyone else: awkward silence.
"Please never say that again," Kankuro said, deadpan.
Meanwhile, back with Group Rob the Rich, we'd found our target: a sprawling mansion at the edge of town with walls higher than most prisons and a fountain shaped like a man punching a giant fish. (Pirates are weird, okay?)
Byakugan check: no chakra traps, no seals, just a few bored-looking guards and one very fat, very rich dude napping inside.
"Bingo," Naruto whispered, grinning.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "We're going to regret this."
"Probably," Sakura agreed. "But let's make it quick."
Neji disabled the guards with exactly two pressure point taps each. They collapsed like deflated beach balls.
Naruto slipped through the window like a sneaky orange shadow, with Kiba and Akamaru following. Choji accidentally knocked over a suit of armor but somehow nobody woke up. I was starting to think our luck stat was broken.
Five minutes later, we were sprinting back through the alleys with bags of gold, jewelry, and what looked like a golden fish statue.
(I had no idea what we'd do with it, but hey, it looked expensive.)
Naruto laughed as he vaulted over a barrel. "Man, we're good at this!"
Sakura glared. "Don't get cocky! We still have to find the others and get off this island before someone realizes we exist!"
But even she couldn't hide the tiny smile tugging at her lips.
-------------------
Look, we're ninja. We have a lot of skills. Assassination? Check. Espionage? Double check. Stealth? Triple check with a bonus sticker.
Organization?
Responsible handling of stolen treasure?
Filing things neatly without punching each other?
Yeah, not exactly in the top ten.
Which was why, after successfully robbing the local king of ugly fountain statues, we all stood around in a shady alley like a bunch of kids who'd just found a treasure chest and had no clue what to do with it.
"We can't carry all this around!" Sakura hissed, looking at the glittering pile of coins, jewels, and extremely cursed-looking artifacts we'd dumped onto a ratty blanket.
"Why not?" Naruto said, stuffing gold into his pockets like a squirrel hoarding acorns.
"Because we'll get caught, genius!" she snapped, slapping his hand away.
Kiba was too busy admiring a ruby the size of a meatball to contribute. Choji had found a gold box and was sniffing it suspiciously like it might contain snacks.
Neji, as usual, was pretending none of this chaos was happening and looking like he desperately wished he'd been born into a quieter team. Poor guy.
"Okay, okay," Shikamaru said, yawning. "Let's use a storage seal. Duh."
"Who's going to manage it, then?" Kiba said.
Everyone immediately turned and stared at Sakura.
"What?" she said, bristling.
"You're the responsible one," Naruto said cheerfully.
"Yeah," Choji added. "You're, like, mom material."
Sakura looked like she wasn't sure whether to be flattered or furious.
"Guys, I'm not your babysitter!"
Shikamaru shrugged. "Congratulations, you are now."
"Yeah!" Naruto chimed in. "We believe in you!"
"Democracy," Kiba added, grinning. "We voted. You lost."
"Without me even voting!" Sakura protested.
"Still lost," Shikamaru said, deadpan.
Sakura sighed the sigh of a girl who knew exactly how many brain cells she was surrounded by (hint: not enough) and held out her hand. "Fine. Give it."
Grumbling, Naruto, Kiba, Neji, and Choji all dumped their loot onto the blanket. Sakura grumbled under her breath but unrolled a scroll from her pouch and, with a few flicks of her chakra, sealed all the treasure inside with a puff of smoke.
When the smoke cleared, she tucked the scroll into her belt with the resigned air of someone who knew exactly how much she was going to regret this later.
"If you lose that scroll," Neji said calmly, "I will not be held responsible for what happens."
"Gee, thanks for the pressure," Sakura muttered.
"Don't worry," Naruto said, patting her shoulder way too enthusiastically. "We totally believe in you! 120%!"
Sakura gave him a glare so sharp it could've peeled paint off the walls.
"You're carrying your own share of the loot next time," she muttered. "I'm not your pack mule."
"Technically, you are now," Shikamaru said with a lazy smirk.
If looks could kill, Shikamaru would've been vaporized on the spot.
Still, nobody argued. Sakura was scary when she got serious, and besides — better her than us.
With our shiny loot safely tucked away and a much lighter conscience (emphasis on much lighter), we slipped back into the alleys to regroup with the others.
We had a ship to steal and a world to survive in. You know. Normal Tuesday.
-----------------------
Meanwhile, a few streets away from Operation "Let's Give Sakura All Our Problems," Ino and Kurenai were pulling off a different kind of heist — the informational kind.
The Marine base of Loguetown was an ugly building, the kind of place that screamed bureaucracy and bad coffee. It didn't even have good security. Seriously, two chunin-level genjutsu users could have walked right in without anyone noticing. Which, surprise, is exactly what happened.
"I'll handle it," Ino said confidently, adjusting her ponytail like she was preparing for a modeling shoot instead of potential international crime. "I'm great with men in uniform."
Kurenai gave her a look. "We're here to gather information. Not flirt."
"Why not both?" Ino winked.
(If you ever wondered what it was like to be stuck between a professional and a chaotic bestie — Kurenai lived that reality every day.)
They slid into the Marine Captain's office like ghosts. Poor guy — he never even looked up from his paperwork before Kurenai weaved a subtle genjutsu across the room. One minute, he was stamping forms, the next, he was blinking dazedly like he'd forgotten his own name.
Ino stepped forward, placing two fingers against her temple, then lightly tapping the captain's forehead.
"Memory Dive, baby," she whispered, her voice practically singing.
The Captain slumped in his chair, and a rush of memories flooded Ino's mind — confusing, colorful, and loud. Ino had to force herself not to reel back.
This world... was wild.
After a few seconds, she broke contact, swaying slightly, her eyes wide.
Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Well?"
Ino rubbed her temples. "Oh, we are so not in the Elemental Nations anymore."
She motioned to the captain, who was still sitting there drooling like he was waiting for someone to reboot his brain. Then she started explaining what she'd seen.
"Okay, so first of all, there's this thing called the World Government — huge organization, runs pretty much everything. They have armies, fleets, and something called the 'Cipher Pol' that basically makes Anbu look like mall cops."
"Charming," Kurenai muttered.
"Then there's the Yonkō — four pirate emperors who rule huge chunks of the ocean. Each one is basically strong enough to level a country if they feel like it."
"Four?" Kurenai asked, sharp. "Not one overlord, but four."
"Yup. Big names: Whitebeard, Big Mom, Kaido, Shanks..." Ino ticked them off like they were entries on a grocery list. "Think of them like... uh, Madara, Hashirama, and Naruto if they all decided to become pirate kings."
Kurenai gave her a flat look. "That's horrifying."
"Oh, it gets better," Ino said brightly. "There's also the Heavenly Dragons — basically noble jerks who live in floating cities, think they're immortals, and can literally buy and sell people."
Kurenai's fists clenched. "Disgusting."
"Yup." Ino grinned grimly. "And then there's something called Devil Fruits." She paused for dramatic effect. "Magical fruits that give you insane powers. Like, one guy turned into smoke. Another can control gravity. But, you lose the ability to swim — forever."
Both of them glanced toward the window, where the ocean sparkled in the distance.
Considering their entire team had survived multiple ocean battles by running on water, that was... concerning.
"Bottom line," Ino said, straightening up. "There are people here with powers that rival tailed beasts. Maybe even stronger. But if there are fruits that can change you so drastically, maybe there's something here that can open portals between worlds."
Kurenai nodded thoughtfully. "Good. That means we have a way home. We just have to find it — before something finds us first."
Before they could leave, Ino leaned in toward the captain and, with the finesse of someone who'd definitely done this before, whispered a final suggestion into his ear through chakra.
"You took a long nap. Everything was boring. No ninja girls broke into your office. You definitely didn't drool."
With a sleepy grunt, the Marine Captain slumped over his desk again, this time genuinely asleep. Paperwork fluttered around him like very boring snow.
"Mission complete," Ino said smugly.
Kurenai sighed. "Come on. Let's find the others before they burn down the city."
Knowing Naruto was involved, that was actually a pretty reasonable concern.
--------------------
Naruto was outraged.
Not just a little grumpy, not just mildly annoyed — full, howling-at-the-moon level offended.
"This ship sucks!" Naruto yelled, pointing dramatically at the sad little vessel bobbing in the harbor. "It's tiny! It's ugly! It looks like someone tried to build a boat out of leftovers from a junkyard!"
Kiba, standing next to him with Akamaru perched on his shoulder like an angry parrot, nodded furiously. "I wouldn't even take my grandmother fishing in that thing!"
"You don't even have a grandmother," Shikamaru pointed out lazily.
"Exactly!" Kiba barked. "That's how bad it is!"
The ship, bless its ugly little heart, was painfully average. No majestic figurehead, no cool flags, no fancy rigging. Just wood, ropes, and sadness.
Lee, ever the optimist, tried to rally. "A small ship builds character! It will strengthen our youthful souls!"
Naruto just gave him a look. "Bro, I already have character. I need a bed."
Before the mutiny could escalate, Ino, Kurenai, and the rest of the scouting team showed up.
Ino took one glance at the ship, wrinkled her nose like someone had offered her a week-old tuna sandwich, and declared, "Yeah, no. I'm not spending even one night on that... that raft."
Kurenai, normally the voice of reason, actually agreed. Which was shocking enough that half the group blinked in confusion.
"You're all forgetting," Kurenai said, crossing her arms. "We're not here for a one-day camping trip. We don't know how long we'll be stuck in this world. We need a ship with real rooms, space for supplies, proper sleeping arrangements — not sleeping out on the deck like hobos."
Hinata, who was too polite to say anything, still looked quietly relieved.
Even Gaara — Gaara! — tilted his head in mild disapproval, which in Gaara-speak was the equivalent of screaming "NOPE."
Tenten, pragmatic as always, chimed in. "Plus, we need storage space for weapons. And if we get attacked by pirates — and let's be honest, we're absolutely getting attacked by pirates — we'll need a ship sturdy enough to fight back."
That finally clicked with the ship-stealers (yes, that was their unofficial team name now — thanks, Choji), and everyone grudgingly agreed.
"So..." Sakura said, tapping her foot, "we need to steal a better ship."
Naruto grinned like a fox that had just spotted the henhouse door swinging open.
"I saw a sweet-looking one on the other dock," he said. "Big, fast, way cooler. It even had a dragon painted on the side."
"Wait," Shikamaru said, squinting. "Wasn't that one surrounded by guards?"
Naruto's grin widened. "Yup."
There was a collective sigh. A few forehead slaps. Maybe a prayer or two.
"Why," Shikamaru muttered, "is everything with you people so much more troublesome than it needs to be?"
But it was too late. The decision had been made. They were going after the cool ship.
Because if they were stuck in a world of pirates, crazy powers, and giant sea monsters...
At least they'd do it with some style.